


Berry Paint

by mandaree1



Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Canon-typical violence here and there, Death, Gay Cats, It's about dang time I put this on AO3, Nonbinary Cats, Slice of Life, lesbian cats, trans cats
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-22 10:30:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 53
Words: 109,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14306766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mandaree1/pseuds/mandaree1
Summary: Sandkit wants to look pretty for his apprentice ceremony, so he wears berry paint; Lightkit feels alone in RiverClan for her messy pelt and gruff demeanor, save for two elders, and strives to outdo Rosepaw; Hoptail's known who they are all along, but they're hesitant to tell their mate, Mintpelt; and Smallkit of ShadowClan is scared to face who he really is- is it a tom at all?





	1. Sandkit (ThunderClan)

_ Leader _ _: Barkstar- brown tom with bright brown eyes._

_ Deputy _ _: Skyfur- white tom with blue eyes_

_ Medicine Cat _ _: Crowear- gray she-cat with a black ear._

__

_ Warriors _ _-_

_Clawpelt- brown tom with a scar across his muzzle._

 

_Rocknose- mottled gray and white she-cat._

_Smokewhisker- tri-colored brown and red she-cat._

_Grayscreech- gray and brown tom._

**_Apprentice:Silverpaw_ **

_ Queens _ _-_

_Whitesong- white she-cat with blue eyes. Mother to Sandkit (sandy yellow tom with blue eyes)._

_Yelloweye- blue she-cat with yellow eyes. Mother to Nutkit (brown striped she-cat with distended lower jaw) and Brownkit (thin brown she-cat with blue eyes)._

 

_Mousetail- black she-cat with blue eyes. Mother to Crykit (gray-ish brown tom) and Rowankit (brown tom with black stripes.)_

_ Apprentices _ _-_

_Silverpaw- silver she-cat with blue eyes._

_ Elders _ _-_

_Blackeye- long-haired black tom._

_Milkpelt- yellow tom with green eyes._

_Tallclaw- black and white she-cat._

* * *

Silverpaw ducked into the camp carrying a branch of berries that just barely dangled above the ground. The silver she-cat held them out as far away from her as possible, fearful of getting some of the juices in her fur.

 

"Collecting herbs?" Tallclaw called. The black and white she-cat was sunning herself in the middle of the clearing, her denmate Milkpelt by her side.

 

"That's no herb I've ever seen," Milkpelt mused, tasting the air. "Did Crowear find a new one?"

 

Silverpaw shook her head, veering towards the nursery. "They're not for Crowear."

 

"You found some!" Brownkit cried, bursting out of the nursery. The familiar yellow pelt of Sandkit flashed by her side. "Just in time, too!"

 

The apprentice gently set the branch down. "Here you go. Crowear says they're safe, so long as you don't try and eat a bunch of them."

 

Sandkit gave them a hesitant sniff. "Can they kill you?"

 

"Give you a bellyache, maybe," she snorted. "What do you two want with these, anyway?"

 

Brownkit puffed out her small chest. "I'm gonna help Sandkit look pretty for our apprentice ceremony!"

 

Silverpaw turned to him with curious eyes. Sandkit shuffled his paws.

 

" _If_ we even have our apprentice ceremony," he stated sensibly. "Nutkit might not be better yet."

 

Confined to the medicine den after hurting her jaw on some stones- she'd climbed part of the way of the quarry, then fallen face first- the two kits had sworn they would wait for her to become 'paws. It'd already been the better part of a moon since their expected day, and Nutkit was getting better, save for her bottom teeth, which now protruded from her muzzle.

 

She shook her head stubbornly. "Crowear says Nutkit can be an apprentice now. It _has_ to be today!"

 

"Silverpaw!" Her mentor, Grayscreech, called. "We're going hunting."

 

"Coming," she called back. "See you two later."

 

Sandkit watched her pad away. "Are you sure this is a good idea, Brownkit?"

 

Brownkit frowned at him. "Don't you want to look pretty?"

 

He winced. "Yeah. But what if everyone laughs?"

 

"Let them laugh," she sniffed, crushing the berries into a paste. Her paw turned purple from the mess. "They don't know the first thing about beauty. Now, duck your head."

 

Sandkit obediently bent his head and closed his eyes, feeling a paw trail over his right eyelid. "Does it look good on me?"

 

"It makes you smell good. Turn around. I wanna give you some stripes."

 

Sandkit presented his back. His ears pricked at the sounds of Rowankit and Crykit tumbling out of the nursery.

 

"What are you doing?" Rowankit wrinkled his nose.

 

"We're making ourselves look good," Brownkit meowed distractedly, focused on her work. "It's not _every_ day you become a 'paw, you know."

 

"Whatever." He rolled his eyes, but was unable to keep the longing out of his voice. Rowankit and Crykit, only three moons old, had time to spare yet. "Hey, Sandkit. Come play with us?"

 

Sandkit hesitated. "Maybe later." He gave his chest a few licks, attempting to be nonchalant. "This stuff has to dry."

 

"Fine," he snapped, impatient to get away from the reminder of his young age. "Come on, Crykit. Let's leave the _she-cats_ to the nursery." Rowankit stuck his tail in the air and marched away. Crykit hesitantly examined his pelt, giving an experimental sniff.

 

"It smells weird," he told him. "But not in a bad way."

 

"Thanks," he purred. Crykit scurried away at Rowankit's call.

 

"Hey, look." Brownkit pointed a messy paw at Whitesong and Yelloweye; the two she-cats were sharing a piece of prey. "Let's go show them how good we look!"

 

Sandkit nodded and stood up, admiring his striped pelt. Brownkit, covered in irregular splotches of juice, was purring as they raced across the clearing. "Look at us!"

 

"Sandkit, what happened to your fur?" Yelloweye blinked at them, mouth full of vole. She swallowed. "And Brownkit! Not you, too."

 

"Don't we look good?" She stuck out her chest. "I did it myself!"

 

"It _does_ look very good," Whitesong purred, although there was a gleam of anxiety in her eyes. "But you don't want to keep that on all day, do you? What about your ceremony?"

 

"That's why we put it on! We wanna look extra special for our ceremony," Brownkit meowed.

 

Mousetail padded over, giving the kit a swift lick between the ears before grabbing a squirrel. "Face it, you two. These kits have never done things normally."

 

"They look good," Rocknose hummed, sharing tongues with Blackeye. Everyone was hovering near the camp, unwilling to miss such an important day.

 

"Thanks!" Brownkit pushed him away from the group. "Let's go show Nutkit."

 

Together they stumbled over to Crowear's den. Nutkit poked her head out of the entrance, sharp little teeth glittering in the light.

 

"Wow," she breathed. "Can I try some?"

 

"Of course!" Brownkit purred at her sister. "There's plenty for everyone."

 

Sandkit felt more confident in himself as they helped sleek Nutkit's fur with juice. The sensation of berry clinging to his fur was new, but not particularly bad.

 

He liked this. He liked being pretty.

 

"Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey meet me at the Highledge for a Clan meeting!"

 

Brownkit squealed. "It's time!"

 

Sandkit felt the weight of everyone's stares on his pelt as he stood before Barkstar. The brown tom lifted his chin, eyes glowing with pride.

 

"ThunderClan, this is the strongest we've been in many moons. What we've lacked in apprentices, we've made up for in queens and kits. I'm honored to be your leader, to hunt and fight alongside every one of you, and even prouder to present the newest apprentices to the Clan."

 

"Nutkit," Nutkit jumped. "You feared you would be last, so you will go first. From this day forward, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Nutpaw. Clawpelt-" The brown tom lifted his head- "You are strong and brave. Pass these traits onto Nutpaw."

 

Nutpaw skittered across the clearing to touch noses with him. Clawpelt silently shifted so she could sit next to him.

 

"Sandkit, from this day forward, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Sandpaw. Rocknose, you are compassionate and kind. You'll be a good match for Sandpaw."

 

 _I got Rocknose!_ His heart soared as he pelted over to the brown and gray she-cat. _She likes my fur; she likes me!_

 

"Brownkit, from this day forward, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Brownpaw. Smokewhisker, you have a lot to teach her. Mentor her well."

 

Sandpaw watched Brownpaw touch noses with her mentor with pride. _We're going to train together!_

 

"Nutpaw! Sandpaw! Brownpaw!"

 

Rocknose prodded him with her nose. "Ready for a tour of the territory?"

 

Sandpaw's paws tingled with excitement. Once he knew his way around, he could hunt and gather berries whenever he pleased. "More than ready."

 

"We did it!" Brownpaw tackled him, battering his side playfully with her paws. "We're apprentices! Did you see Barkstar's face when we came out? He was _so_ impressed!"

 

Smokewhisker rolled her eyes. "I've got a long apprenticing ahead of me, don't I?"

 

Brownpaw was unfazed by her new mentor's words. "Can we go with? _Please_!"

 

"Of course. It'd be silly to go separate ways now." Smokewhisker lifted her chin and called out to Clawpelt. "Want to come with us?"

 

Nutpaw looked at Clawpelt pleadingly. He heaved a sigh. "Alright. Might as well."

 

"We've got quite a group," Rocknose purred, leading the way through the tunnel. The three apprentices walked side by side, staring at the world around them.

 

"They look like they fell in a berry bush," Clawpelt groused.

 

Brownpaw's ears pricked. "Are we gonna see the different borders?"

 

"It'd be mouse-brained of us not to. Wouldn't want you streaking after a squirrel into a different territory." Smokewhisker gave them a severe look. "Never cross into another Clan's territory, you hear me?"

 

Brownpaw screwed up her nose. "Everybody knows that!"

 

"Good. The more you know, the fewer mistakes you'll make."

 

Sandpaw bristled at the warrior's tone. Rocknose ran her tail across his spine comfortingly. "Mistakes are an important part of learning," she murmured in his ear. "Don't worry about it."

 

Clawpelt froze. "I hear cats," he warned.

 

"We're on our side of the border," Rocknose meowed coolly. "And they're on theirs. We have nothing to fear."

 

"Hello, Brackentuft," Smokewhisker called to the head of the ShadowClan patrol as they neared. A brown she-cat dipped her head.

 

"Showing new apprentices the border?" Brackentuft meowed, eyeing them dubiously.

 

"You bet."

 

"You should get them cleaned up. It's embarrassing, having them walk around like that."

 

Sandpaw felt his body deflate. Who was he kidding? He didn't look pretty; he looked mouse-brained.

 

"Hey, we like looking like this!" Brownpaw defended. "It helps us blend in." Nutpaw nodded and lifted her chin, inadvertently baring her bottom fangs more.

 

Brackentuft slowly blinked at them before shaking her head. "ThunderClan. Always coming up with something new." Baffled, she dipped her head to the apprentices. "It was nice meeting you, little ones. Stay on your side of the border, and we won't have any problems."

 

"See you next Gathering!" Smokewhisker called as the patrol disappeared into the underbrush. "Annoying furball."

 

Rocknose touched the tip of Sandpaw's ear with her nose. "Don't worry about what they think."

 

Sandpaw jerked away. "No. She had a point. I look silly." He shook himself, pelt burning with shame. "I wanna wash it off."

 

"But-" Brownpaw started to say.

 

"We'll wash with you." Nutpaw broke in, casting her sister a glance. "Sorry, Sandpaw."

* * *

Sandpaw curled closer into himself in the apprentice den. His fur felt oddly empty without the berry paint to make it shine, but he'd have felt bad if he'd stained Silverpaw's careful work.

 

_I shouldn't have bothered._

 

"Hey, Sandpaw?" Nutpaw tapped his side with a paw. "Listen. Cats from other Clans might not get it, but ThunderClan gets it. _We_ get it." She paused. "You really do look pretty."

 

He slowly stretched out. "Really?"

 

"Definitely. We love you. _ThunderClan_ loves you. Don't listen to them, okay?"

 

"...Okay," he said, blinking. The idea of it seemed impossible to pull off, but he'd try. "I love you, too."


	2. Lightkit (RiverClan)

_ RiverClan: _

_ Leader _ _: Applestar- brown and white she-cat._

_ Deputy _ _: Swampwind- black and gray tom._

_ Medicine Cat:  _ _Deadnose- black she-cat with blue eyes, no sense of smell._

_**Apprentice: Brightwater** \- white she-cat with long fur._

_ Warriors _ _;_

 

_Fishtooth- sandy brown tom, Lightkit's father._

_Berryleg- speckled white and brown she-cat._

_Murkytail- black and brown tom._

_Huskwater- black she-cat with blue eyes._

 

_Brookstream- gray-blue tom_

**_Apprentice; Fallowpaw_ **

_Notail- Blue striped tom with bobbed tail and scars criss-crossing muzzle._

_ Apprentices _ _;_

 

_Fallowpaw- gray-brown she-cat._

_ Queens _ _;_

_Silverear- silvery-gray she-cat with blue eyes. Mother to Fallowpaw and Rosekit. (ginger she-cat with green eyes)_

_Darkstream- black she-cat with a white underbelly. Mother to Lightkit (sandy brown she-cat with messy fur) and Bluekit. (brown and black tom with blue eyes.)_

_ Elders _ _;_

_Pikecloud- mottled brown and white she-cat._

_Hookfang- white tom with blue eyes._

* * *

"Come _on_ , Lightkit! Do it, for me?"

 

Lightkit wriggled out from under Rosekit's paws. "Who cares if my pelt is dirty? I like it how it is."

 

Rosekit pouted. "But I'm going to be made an apprentice. I want you to look your best-"

 

"So _you_ can walk up to Applestar looking all fancy?" she scoffed. "Forget it."

 

"Lightkit, listen to Rosekit," Darkstream called, busy cleaning Bluekit. "She knows best."

 

 _Rosekit_ always _knows best_ , she thought bitterly, turning away. Darkstream was always taking her side, even though she was _Silverear's_ kit!

_That's because no one likes you_ , a voice whispered in her ear. _Not like they like Rosekit and Bluekit._

 

She knew, deep down, that it was her fault. RiverClan was a Clan of beauty, and having a clean pelt showed other cats just how important you are. She just didn't care; couldn't find it _in_ her to care, even.

 

The silver-gray she-cat purred. "I haven't been this excited since Fallowpaw's ceremony."

 

_Except you're even more excited, because it's Rosekit._

 

Bluekit let out a wail. "I wanna be an apprentice too!"

 

"Only one more moon, dear. Then you'll _both_ be apprentices," Darkstream purred. Lightkit wished she looked at her like that.

 

"She-cats," she heard Hookfang grumble as he selected a carp from the fresh-kill pile. "Always fussing over everything."

 

Lightkit felt her heart soar. _Somebody gets it!_ "I know, right?"

 

The white tom eyed her a long moment. "Looking to get away, huh? Come eat with me and Pikecloud."

 

"But she needs to get clean-" Rosekit meowed, but she dashed after him before she could finish.

 

"Don't worry about Lightkit." Silverear gave her a fond lick. "She'll learn someday."

 

"For me?" Pikecloud purred at Hookfang, tail twitching. "And I see you've brought a kit for desert."

 

"I don't know, Pikecloud," Hookfang mused, eyeing her critically. "This one may be too sour."

 

Lightkit slumped, giving her sandy chest fur a couple of licks. It was naturally short and curled, holding onto grit and mud, and she didn't see the point of trying to keep it clean all day long. One or two washes was plenty. "Better sour than sickeningly sweet."

 

Pikecloud's whiskers twitched. "What's on your mind, Lightkit?" Her voice was soft and understanding.

 

"Everybody won't shut up about Rosekit's ceremony." She glanced up, expecting scorn, but the two elders didn't reply. "I know it's an important day, and I _am_ happy for her, but they're acting like StarClan came down and put a star on her pelt."

 

Hookfang eyed the fussing queens. "Rosekit has the potential to be a great warrior," he rumbled. "But she also has the potential to be very vain."

 

"All RiverClan cats are vain," Pikecloud hummed. "It wasn't until I started slowing down that I realized just how silly it all is."

 

Lightkit perked up. "You understand?"

 

"Of course we do. We can't even handle our own ticks, anymore. A little dirt won't kill us," the elder growled. "But we also understand tradition."

 

"One day, Rosekit will be just like the rest of us," Pikecloud assured her, bumping their noses together. "For now, you'll just have to deal."

 

Lightkit glanced at Darkstream, purring at Rosekit and Bluekit, eyes glowing with pride. "I wish she would look at me like that."

 

The old she-cat pressed their pelts together. "They say she-cats love all their kits the same," she rasped. "But they lie."

 

"Did I... do something wrong?"

 

"Darkstream has raised more than her fair share of litters, but she's never had a kit like you." Hookfang sighed. "But that's no excuse. Maybe, one day, she'll understand what she's doing is wrong."

 

"RiverClan loves you, Lightkit. Never forget that." Pikecloud touched her tail to her cheek, then whisked it away.

 

 _No, they don't._ Lightkit thought glumly. _They love Rosekit, but not me._

 

"Let all cats old enough to swim gather to hear my words!"

 

"Come on." Hookfang picked her up by the scruff, effectively dismissing her concern over finding a place to sit. "Let's find someplace sunny."

 

Crouched between the two elders, she watched Rosekit pad forward, her head held high. Lightkit tried not to feel hurt by the fact Darkstream didn't so much as glance her away, tail wrapped around Bluekit protectively.

 

"She loves you," Pikecloud whispered. "She's just a real frog-brain in how she shows it, sometimes."

 

_Nobody loves me. Nobody but the elders, and they probably just pity me._

 

Applestar's tail was high. "This is a ceremony we've all been looking forward to. It's been hard, only having one apprentice in the den, but no longer. Rosekit, you have great exceptions on your shoulders, but never fear that you won't live up to them."

_The great and amazing Rosekit_ , she thought savagely. _Just because she's the only red she-cat doesn't make her all that special._

 

"From this day forward, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Rosepaw. I can think of no better mentor for you than Berryleg."

 

The white and brown she-cat purred as she bent down to touch noses with Rosepaw. _The prettiest she-cat in the Clan._ Lightkit sighed. _Of course._

 

"Rosepaw! Rosepaw! Rosepaw! Rosepaw!"

 

Lightkit turned her back on the ceremony.

 

Rosepaw padded over afterwards, looking hurt. "Aren't you proud of me?"

 

"Why should I be?" she snarled. "You've already got all of RiverClan padding after you."

 

"I don't-" But Lightkit stomped away. She didn't want to listen.

 

 _Just you wait, Rosepaw._ Her claws dug into the marshy ground. _I'll be a 'paw soon. They'll be cheering_ my name. _I'll be as good as you, even if it kills me._

* * *

"Get away from me!" Bluekit shoved her out of the nest. "You hurt Rosepaw."

 

I _hurt Rosepaw?_ Lightkit snorted. "Rosepaw doesn't give a fish tail about me." _No one does._

 

"Rosepaw is a better sister to me than you are!" Bluekit snapped. "Why couldn't I have been Silverear's kit instead?"

 

His words pierced her heart like a thorn. _I thought Bluekit liked me, but Rosepaw took him away too._ "Darkstream?"

 

"You should apologize, Lightkit," Darkstream advised wearily. "You know how she gets," she told him.

 

Lightkit turned away. "I'm too old to sleep in the nursery. I'll sleep outside."

 

She padded into the camp, pelt bristling against the breeze. _I'm like WindClan, this way. Nothing to protect me but StarClan_. She curled up in a corner and dozed off.

 

"Lightkit?" Pikecloud's voice drifted into her ears. The dawn patrol wasn't even up yet. "Why aren't you in the nursery?"

 

Lightkit curled away from the voices. "Don't wanna," she lied, muscles stiff with dew.

 

"She can share my nest," a soft, deep voice murmured. It wasn't a particularly familiar one; she'd only heard it a pawful of times.

 

She heard a sigh. "The warrior den is no place for a kit, I'm afraid. Thank you for the offer, Notail. Go back to sleep. She can stay with me and Hookfang."

 

 _Notail!_ She pictured the muscular blue tom with a grimace. He'd always been a foreboding figure to her; silently taking orders or putting prey on the fresh-kill pile. He'd only interacted with her once, gently pushing her out of the way with a stiff paw to grab a fish for the elders. _I'm glad I don't have to sleep next to him!_

 

"Come on, Lightkit." Pikecloud gently picked her up by the scruff. "We can share _my_ nest."


	3. Lightpaw and Sandpaw

Sandpaw gave a jerk as he felt the familiar weight of the berry juice sink into his fur, happy to wear it and yet not.

 

"Brownpaw, I'm not sure this is such a good idea-"

 

A paw pressed into his fur, silencing him, leaving a splotch on his right shoulder blade. "Why not?"

 

"It's one thing to wear it in ThunderClan territory. But a _Gathering_?"

 

"You're representing the Clan." Was her reply.

 

"Exactly-"

 

"And you're doing so by being _yourself,_ " Brownpaw finished sternly. "Just feel lucky that you and Nutpaw got to go."

 

"You got to go last time," Sandpaw pointed out. Nutpaw, a thorn wound deep in her pad, had been unable to go to their first Gathering. He'd stayed behind so she didn't feel lonely.

 

"Smokewhisker is so mean," she sniffed. "Making me stay behind, _just_ because I was telling some WindClan apprentices how we climb trees."

 

"You're not supposed to tell the other Clans _anything_." Nutpaw rolled her eyes, a mouse tail firmly clamped in her jaws. She dropped the prey and clacked her teeth together. "Hey, at least the other cats won't be making fun of you, like they will me."

 

"Lots of cats have broken jaws," Brownpaw reassured her, but the support fell flat.

 

"Well, I, for one, don't _care_ what they think." Nutpaw puffed out her chest. "Let them laugh; we'll get them back the next time we fight."

 

 _Next time? I don't want there to be a first time!_ Sandpaw shuffled his paws uneasily. The thought of wounding cats had never appealed to him. _Are medicine cats allowed to look extra pretty?_

 

He shook the thought away. _That's a selfish reason to become a medicine cat. Besides, I'm not good at memorizing things._

 

"Sandpaw?" Rocknose called, hanging towards the edge of the group. Smokewhisker hovered next to her, tail twitching impatiently. Clawpelt was near the front, behind Skyfur and Barkstar.

 

Sandpaw stood and shook himself. "See you soon."

 

"Don't forget to tell me everything when you get back!" Brownpaw called after them, crouching down to gnaw at the mouse.

 

"Excited?" his mentor asked, tail brushing Sandpaw's shoulder reassuringly. It came back spotted with paint. "You should've done that earlier," she chided.

 

Sandpaw's tail drooped. "Sorry, Rocknose. Brownpaw had a training session."

 

"Maybe you should learn how to put it on yourself?" she suggested, whiskers twitching.

 

"Maybe," he echoed, pelt hot with embarrassment. _At least she doesn't mind me wearing it._

 

Barkstar called from the front. They set off.

 

Sandpaw bushed out his fur to fight cold as they trekked across the moor. "WindClan cats must be part sheep," he complained. Brownpaw had told him all about the fluffy creatures, her eyes wide with awe, having been told stories by the apprentices she'd gotten too chatty with.

 

Rocknose gave him an amused look. "I think that might have to do with your wet pelt, Sandpaw. It's only a little chilly."

 

His ears fell. "Oh."

 

"I don't know how you do it, Rocknose," Smokewhisker sighed. "He's so fussy."

 

"He's careful," she hummed in his defense. "That's not a bad thing."

 

"At least he knows how to hush," she grumbled. "Brownpaw would talk about the river during a raid."

 

Sandpaw's pelt pricked with indignation _. She just likes to share her thoughts, is all!_ A fresh, fishy smell hit his nostrils, stopping him in his tracks.

 

"We're here," Rocknose told him. "RiverClan just got here, from the looks of it."

 

The last of the RiverClan cats were making their way across the tree-bridge. A red-pelted she-cat gracefully made her way over, a white and brown she-cat leading. After her came a brown and black tom. His mentor, a gray-blue tom, was set to hop up after him.

 

A curly yellow-furred she-cat, her pelt touched with tips of dirt, burst out of the group and raced to the log. A black and brown splotched tom called after her, but she merely hissed as him over her shoulder before leaping up and sprinting across. She didn't look back.

 

"Poor Murkytail," Rocknose breathed, eyes wide at the display. "That's a real terror, there."

 

"And to think I complained about Brownpaw," Smokewhisker murmured gruffly. She looked honestly ashamed of her behavior.

 

Sandpaw watched her disappear into the crowd with interest. Something about the way she held herself screamed a dark loneliness. _I'm all I have_ , she seemed to be thinking, _and I won't let you take that away from me._

 

Nutpaw yawned from the front. "Can we go?"

 

Barkstar straightened- the rogue apprentice had stunned them all into silence- and started forward once again.

 

Sandpaw dug his claws into the bark of the trunk as he crossed, Nutpaw close behind him. He jumped down, wobbling a bit on his paws.

 

"Can I go explore?" he asked Rocknose. He was desperate to know that she-cat's name. _Nobody should ever have to be in that much pain._

 

His mentor hesitated, then nodded curtly. "You can talk to cats from other Clans, but don't give anything away."

 

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Nutpaw roll her eyes. _Everyone knows that!_ "Okay." He dipped his head politely before scrambling away.

 

The scents of ShadowClan and RiverClan bathed his tongue, but he hardly noticed. A brief flash of dirty yellow fur had him sprinting to the far edge of the clearing; she was on her own, laying down, tail twitching.

 

Sandpaw almost made it over to her, but a flash of red forced him to a halt. A ginger she-cat ducked in front of him, her green eyes bright with excitement.

 

"Are you new? I didn't see you last Gathering. You're ThunderClan, right?" she gushed. "I'm Rosepaw."

 

He awkwardly dipped his head. "This is my second moon. I'm Sandpaw."

 

Rosepaw looked him over with a purr. "I like your fur. I'm three moons in, almost. You're not much older than Lightpaw." Rosepaw walked backwards until she was near the yellow she-cat and bumped her with a paw. "Hey, Lightpaw. This is Sandpaw. Isn't his fur pretty?"

 

Lightpaw stood and stretched. Her lip curled in disgust when she took notice of the marks on his pelt. "Why is every cat I meet so interested in something as fish-brained as their _looks_?"

 

Sandpaw deflated. Rosepaw's hackles rose. "Lightpaw!" The apprentice turned and slunk away, tail high, although it didn't look very proud.

 

 _I should've known she wouldn't like me_ , he thought. "Is she always like that?"

 

"Like she sat on a pile of brambles?" the RiverCan apprentice retorted with a sigh. "Yes. I don't know why she's like this. I'm sorry, Sandpaw. Don't take it personally."l                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       

 _I'd be cranky too, if everybody told me that my words were something to brush off_ , he realized. "It's okay. My fur does look kinda silly. It didn't get to dry properly, so it's all blurry and smudged."

 

"Still," she sniffed. "I'll tell Murkytail about it. He'll know what to do."

 

Sandpaw picked his way back across the clearing to crouch beside Nutpaw. She was rubbing a paw over her muzzle self-consciously.

 

"They need to stop staring at us," she meowed, voice muffled. "They don't stare at us at the camp."

 

 _They're_ used _to us in the camp_. It'd seemed like from the day he was born Whitesong was giving him tips on grooming his pelt smooth, and he and Silverpaw (Silverkit, back then) had play-raised an imaginary litter together. He'd been the mother; she, the father.

 

Sandpaw's heart sunk. "They don't know us here."

 

"They don't know _anybody_ here. They just like to think they do," a curt voice replied. Lightpaw crouched on his other side, tail swishing behind her. She refused to meet his eye. "Can I stay here? Murkytail is looking for me."

 

The warrior's head was swiveling around, but he didn't bother to move from his place next to another RiverClan cat. His ears were flat against his head.

 

"He doesn't look very happy," Nutpaw commented, eyes narrowed.

 

She snorted. "He never is. He didn't want me as his apprentice."

 

The bitterness in Lightpaw's voice made his heart ache. "How do you know?"

 

"I heard him talking to Applestar." She nodded towards the black and brown tom sitting next to Rosepaw, voice soft. "He begged her for my brother. I heard him. 'Give me Bluepaw, or don't give me an apprentice. Anyone but _Lightpaw,"_ she mimicked, then sighed, twitching an ear. "He doesn't want me. Nobody wants me."

 

Sandpaw pressed his pelt against hers. _At least I_ know _Rocknose likes me!_ "I want you. We can be Gathering-buddies, if that's okay with you."

 

Hope sparked in her blue eyes. "Really?"

 

"Of course. You're not very nice, but you're honest."

 

Lightpaw purred. It was a noise rusty from disuse. "Thanks. Uh, sorry about what I said earlier. Really."

 

"It's fine."

 

"No, it's not. Everyone in RiverClan is so obsessed with how they look. I thought it'd be different here. And it is, really. I judged too quickly. I do that." She shuffled her paws awkwardly, visibly unsure. "You look good."

 

Sandpaw touched the tip of her ear with his nose _. She thinks it looks good!_ "I like how you look. You don't mess with that stuff like the other RiverClan cats do."

 

Lightpaw dazedly glanced at her chest fur, giving it a self-conscious lick. "I could bathe all day and it'd still be dirty. Nobody understands that."

 

He hesitated. "Sorry."

 

"For what?" she snorted. "Me having a messy pelt?"

 

"No. I think the paint on my shoulder got into your fur."

 

Lightpaw flinched and looked herself over, surprised. Purple spots flecked her fur from where she'd leaned on him. Nutpaw gave a _mrrow_ of amusement.

 

"Oh, forget it." She shrugged, pressing their pelts together once again. "I'm RiverClan; it'll come off while I'm swimming."

 

"Shh," a brown ShadowClan warrior hissed. "The Gathering is about to start."

 

"Right. I almost forgot," he whispered, ears flattening sheepishly. "Lightpaw, this is Nutpaw. Nutpaw, Lightpaw."

 

"Fish-face," Nutpaw observed.

 

"Squirrel chaser," Lightpaw replied. There was a warm undertone to their words.

 

Wingstar and Smokestar had very little to report, as did Barkstar. Applestar patiently waited until the end to speak.

 

"RiverClan has two new apprentices," she announced. "Bluepaw is being mentored to Brookstream, while Lightpaw is training with Murkytail. They'll be joining Rosepaw in the apprentices' den."

 

Lightpaw bristled, her claws digging into the dirt. Her teeth stayed bared even as they called her name. "It's always about Rosepaw," she hissed quietly.

 

He blinked at her. "It is?" 

 

She gave a curt nod, eyes dark. "Applestar didn't have to say anything about the apprentices' den, but she just couldn't resist bringing up _Rosepaw_. She couldn't even let me have my moment." Her tail thrashed. "I don't care what Applestar and Murkytail say. I'll be as good as her one day. I'll do _anything_."

 

He edged away, suddenly grateful for the familiar comforts of ThunderClan. _Nutpaw and Brownpaw will never be my enemies. I'll always have them by my side. I'm really lucky._

 

"Anything," Lightpaw echoed. "Even if it kills me."


	4. Lightpaw (Murkytail)

"Lightpaw, Bluepaw, it's time to get up."

 

The sound of Brookstream's voice forced Lightpaw out of her dreams. She groaned and stretched, paying no heed to her messy pelt as she stumbled out of her nest. Bluepaw stopped to give himself a quick cleaning. "Has the dawn patrol left yet?"

 

"Of course they have," Brookstream meowed briskly. "Stop bellyaching. It's not _that_ late."

 

Bluepaw tottered into the clearing, blinking sluggishly. "Is Lightpaw training with us?"

 

 _Is that sleep or disdain in his voice?_ Lightpaw pondered. Her brother let out a loud yawn. Her paws felt limp with relief. _Just sleep._

 

"Murkytail asked me to wake her up," he assured his apprentice. "He said you were going hunting."

 

Anger pricked at his paws. _Murkytail never wakes me up!_ She shot to the fresh-kill pile, not even bothering to say thank you.

 

Lightpaw jealously watched Brookstream and Bluepaw pad over to Berryleg, chatting animatedly. She'd been an apprentice as long as her brother, and yet she'd never been invited to train with them. _Stupid Murkytail's idea, probably_. She took a vicious bite of her fish.

 

"You're going to choke if you don't slow down." Pikecloud's voice startled her. The elder ran her tail across her shoulders soothingly.

 

Lightpaw swallowed. "I can't slow down. If I don't hurry, Murkytail won't wait for me."

 

Pikecloud frowned. "He wouldn't do that," she protested. "He's your mentor."

 

"He's done it before," she sniffed. "He disappears and joins a patrol. I'm not trained well enough to go on patrol." Lightpaw shoved the remaining half of her breakfast over to the elder. "I'm taking too long already. See you."

 

Pikecloud watched her go. Lightpaw felt bad; the elder was always so nice, and she really _did_ want to share prey with her, but she had to work twice as hard if she was going to catch up with the other apprentices, especially with Murkytail as her mentor.

 

It felt like she left a patch of fire behind her with every pawstep. _Why does Murkytail always do this? Berryleg would never leave Rosepaw, just like Brookstream would never make another mentor wake Bluepaw up._ She knew the truth, deep down. Murkytail had never wanted her as an apprentice, and he was taking it out on her. Lightpaw bared her teeth. _That's not fair!_

 

Murkytail, staring intently at the river, gave Lightpaw a dismissive flick of the tail as she neared. "You're going to scare away land prey, thumping around like that."

 

She leapt at the chance to practice something new. "You should show me how to move quieter, then."

 

He twitched his ear. "We only eat land prey in Leaf-bare, anyway."

 

Shame burned in her pelt. _He doesn't even think enough of me to teach me things!_ Desperate, Lightpaw sprinted to his other side, crouching and baring her teeth. "Show me some battle moves!"

 

Murkytail didn't stir. "You need to learn how to hunt better. You only caught two fish yesterday."

 

 _That's two more than Rosepaw caught!_ She bristled with indignation. She was only a moon or so older than her; why did _she_ get to learn everything?

 

( _Because she's Rosepaw, and you're Lightpaw_.)

 

"Take me on a hunting patrol, then," she insisted, digging her claws in the muddy ground to prevent raking them across the water in her frustration. _I bet he'd look at me if I scared the fish away._

 

"You're not ready," he dismissed. "You'll only embarrass yourself."

 

"Rosepaw and Bluepaw got to go on a patrol their first day!" she yowled, praying to StarClan that she'd one day get the chance to prove that she _could_ handle herself. _Does all of RiverClan see me the way Murkytail does?_

 

"Rosepaw and Bluepaw aren't _my_ apprentices," he shot back.

 

 _No._ She thought bitterly. _But you wish they were._

 

"I'm sick of hunting," Lightpaw growled. "I want to learn battle moves."

 

 _That_ got Murkytail's attention. He rounded on her and puffed out his fur, gaze sharp with resentment. "Hunting is everything to a Clan. You could fight endless battles, but you won't win anything if your belly isn't full of prey."

 

She saw his point, but still. "You won't win a battle if you don't know how to fight, either."

 

He stiffened. Murkytail had obviously seen her point too, but was too proud to admit it. "Lightpaw, I'm your mentor, and I know what's best for you-" he started.

 

Lightpaw's tail thrashed. "Nobody knows what's best for me except Applestar and StarClan. You _think_ you know what's best, but it's not. Let me learn things. I'm not a kit anymore."

 

"You're _learning_ how to hunt," he rasped. Lightpaw wasn't willing to take that for an answer.

 

"Then let me go on the dawn patrol tomorrow."

 

Murkytail sighed, speaking as though she were still in the nursery. "Lightpaw, I told you. You're not-"

 

" _You're_ the one who's not ready. What are you so worried about? That I'll embarrass you?" she challenged.

 

Lightpaw was half-teasing, but the gleam in his eyes was like a thorn to the belly. _He_ does _think that!_

 

"I wouldn't be such an embarrassment," she murmured lowly. "If you would stop holding me back."

 

For a second, no one stirred. Then, Murkytail spun around and started away. "That's it. I'm done."

 

Lightpaw scrambled after him. "Done?"

 

"I've tried my hardest to be a decent mentor, but you obviously think otherwise." He stared straight ahead. "I'm done. I'm asking Applestar to give you a new mentor."

 

Joy and sadness shook Lightpaw to the core. On one hand, Murkytail had only made things more difficult. On the other, it hurt to know he was so quick to give up on her.

 

 _Nobody really likes me here_ , she found herself thinking. _Nobody but Sandpaw._

 

The memory of the berry-painted squirrel chaser gave her the courage to walk into camp with her head high. She'd always have her Gathering-buddy. Always. She'd make sure of it.

 

If anything, Applestar looked relieved when Murkytail and Lightpaw pushed into her den. Swampwind, her deputy and closest friend, sat up at they approached.

 

"I don't want to be a mentor anymore," he proclaimed, scanning their reactions. She wondered if he'd been looking forward to this. Probably.

 

"I assumed as much." Applestar calmly regarded him. There was no surprise in her eyes. "You may go, Murkytail."

 

Murkytail hesitated. No one had expected such a quick return to his words. "Just like that?"

 

"I've been waiting for you to do this. I'd hoped, given time, Lightpaw could have some of her adventurous spirit rub off on you. I was mistaken. Go join the hunting patrol," she dismissed him curtly.

 

The warrior dipped his head, looking mildly humiliated. "Yes, Applestar."

 

"What about me?" Lightpaw demanded, after the warrior had slunk away. "I'm not going back to the nursery, am I?"

 

Applestar's gaze softened. "Of course not. Swampwind, go get Notail. He'll make a good mentor for Lightpaw."

 

The tom nodded and ducked out of the den. Lightpaw opened her mouth to argue, but the Clan leader continued.

 

"Notail is a strong cat. He does not skimp his duties or hesitate running into battle. You'll make a good pair." Applestar's ears lowered, if only slightly. "I'm sorry, Lightpaw. This was my mistake. I thought you would be a good influence on Murkytail, but you're still a 'paw. You shouldn't have had to deal with that."

 

The leader's visible guilt took her aback a moment, only for the deputy to return with Notail. Applestar straightened. It was as though she'd never apologized.

 

Notail dipped his head hesitantly. "Swampwind told me. With all due respect, Applestar, I'm not sure I could be a good mentor. I'm a newer warrior; only seen enough battle to lose my tail and scratch up my face."

 

Rage pulsed through Lightpaw. _He just wants to get rid of me!_ The sincerity to his voice, however, made her wary. It sounded less about her and more about him, which was unusual. He didn't flinch away from her bared teeth and claws.

 

"That's more battles than some warriors will ever see," Applestar assured him, purring. "But I didn't want you as her mentor because you fight well. I've been watching Lightpaw, and she's more and more like you as the days go on. You would have benefited from having a mentor like you as a 'paw, and so will she."

 

Notail twitched his whiskers to show he'd heard and turned to her. "What about you? What do _you_ want?"

 

Lightpaw steeled herself. "I want to join patrols and fight."

 

"Of course. You're a Clan cat for a reason." He blinked at her. "I'm not good with being around others, but I'll give it a go."

 

"But, Murkytail-"

 

"Murkytail is everything that's wrong with RiverClan. I would know. He was  _my_  mentor, once." He glanced away. "He thinks that all battles are useless. Wouldn't fight a dog to save a kit. But he'd never become a medicine cat, either." His bob tail did something relatively like thrashing. "Fish-brain just wants to glide into the elders' den."

 

"Murkytail is your Clanmate, Notail," Swampwind snapped. He was a loyal cat by nature. "You shouldn't gossip about him."

 

"Of course." He dipped his head submissively, eyes glittering. "Then again, I don't gossip."

 

"You'll do it, then?" Applestar prompted.

 

"I'd be honored too," Notail purred. "Lightpaw?"

 

"Well, you're better than Murkytail," she grumbled, touching noses with him. Deep down, however, the prospect of joining patrols and fighting with her Clan made her want to jump around and like a kit.

 

Notail's whiskers twitched dismissively, scarred face wrinkling with humor. "A Twoleg kit is a better mentor than Murkytail. Even still, I'll take that as a compliment."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notail is a sweetie at heart, really. And I do believe I made Lightpaw slightly tsundere at the end there. =)
> 
> Applestar made a horrible error when she named Murkytail Lightpaw's mentor, and she knows it. Every day, she watched, hoping she would show him how a true warrior is in battle, and every day she would be disappointed. She was close to approaching him about his mentoring herself.


	5. Sandpaw (Silverpaw)

"Silverpaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and defend this Clan, even at the cost of your own life?"

 

"I do," she replied, tail high.

 

"Then, by the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior name. Silverpaw, from this moment on you will be known as Silverblaze. StarClan honors your helpful nature and kind disposition, and we welcome you as a full member of ThunderClan."

 

Sandpaw's heart swelled with emotion as he called her name. _To think, just yesterday we were denmates!_ "Silverblaze! Silverblaze! Silverblaze! Silverblaze!"

 

Barkstar bowed his head in respect of the new warrior. "The meeting is at an end. Silverblaze will hold vigil tonight."

 

Brownpaw was on her paws before he'd finished speaking, darting through the crowd to be the first cat to touch noses with Silverblaze. Nutpaw watched her go with a purr of exasperated amusement, well used to her sister's antics.

 

"That'll be us, soon," she commented.

 

"Yeah." He said, a trickle of emotion flowing through him. It wasn't warm, like he was expecting, but instead cold and hollow. "Soon."

* * *

"Barkstar gave Silverblaze a really mouse-brained name, don't you think?" one of the newest apprentices, Rowanpaw, whispered. It was late, and most of the Clan was sleeping soundly, certain their newest warrior wouldn't let them down.

 

Rowanpaw's brother, Crypaw, reached between their nests and cuffed him with a snarl. "Barkstar thought that name up special, just for her. We should honor it."

 

"Yeah, but _Silverblaze_?" he snorted. "Who's ever heard of a silver fire?"

 

"It's not always so literal, you know," Nutpaw called from her nest. "Barkstar named her for her fierceness, as well as her kindness."

 

"You say that it's not always literal, but we _all_ know what Nutpaw's name will be," Rowanpaw replied smugly. A brown paw from Brownpaw clawed his ear in silent revenge.

 

Nutpaw faltered, then lifted her chest, chest puffing out. "If Barkstar decides to name me for my broken jaw, then I'll accept that name with honor."

 

"It'll make you sound even more terrifying," Crypaw added helpfully. "Like you were named because you have a strong bite."

 

She clacked her teeth proudly. It'd become a habit for her to do so when she wanted to get a point across.

 

"I wonder what Barkstar will name me?" Brownpaw hummed, rolling onto her back. "Brownpelt? Brownfur?"

 

"Brownsong?" Rowanpaw suggested. "It'd be a pretty one, no matter what."

 

She wrinkled her nose. The compliment flew right over her head. "Then cats would confuse me with Whitesong."

 

Rowanpaw sagged slightly, the hope she'd notice him dashed. Crypaw glanced at him, then decided it'd be best to change the subject. "What about you, Sandpaw?"

 

"Me?" He looked at his paws, turning them over thoughtfully. Splotches of paint he'd forgotten to wash off were streaked across his dusty fur. "I dunno. I kinda feel like I'll be an apprentice forever, you know?"

 

Nutpaw and Brownpaw chimed agreement.

 

Rowanpaw snickered. "What if Barkstar gives you a super tough name, since you're so soft? Like... Sandtooth. Sandclaw? Sand _death_!"

 

"Death isn't a name and you know it." Nutpaw rolled her eyes. Sandpaw sunk down into a ball, squeezing his eyes shut. What if Barkstar _did_ give him a name like that? A name tied to violence, to battles. The mere idea made him ill.

 

A gray paw touched his shoulder. Crypaw stared at him worriedly. "Are you okay?" he whispered. It occurred to Sandpaw that he'd tip-toed out of his nest and all the way over to his just to ask. "Rowanpaw doesn't mean what he says, I promise."

 

"'M fine." he mumbled, curling in on himself. "Just tired."

 

 _I would take any name he'd give me with pride_ , he tried to tell himself. The ball in his belly only tightened.

* * *

Sandpaw snuck out of the apprentice den just before dawn, padding lightly to avoid waking anyone up. Silverblaze whipped her head around to look at him, then nodded with relief when she realized who it was. Sandpaw nodded back, then continued on his trek to Barkstar's den.

 

 _I'm being silly_ , he thought to himself. _He's just gonna think I'm fussy, like Smokewhisker does._

 

He didn't stop walking. _Lightpaw wouldn't take_ anything _lying down_. The thought filled him with courage.

 

"Barkstar?" Sandpaw called, poking his head inside the tom's den. "Can I come in?"

 

"Huh?" the ThunderClan leader grunted eloquently, waking up with a snort. "Sure, sure," he yawned, blinking the sleep from his eyes. "Is that you, Sandpaw?"

 

"It's me." He awkwardly padded over to sit next to his nest. "I'm sorry to bother you."

 

"It's never a bother," Barkstar assured him, giving his paw a lick. "Is it dawn yet?"

 

"Close to it. Skyfur was stirring."

 

"Skyfur is a good deputy," Barkstar purred. "Is something troubling you?"

 

He shuffled his paws, pelt hot with embarrassment. "I wanted to ask... about my naming?"

 

Barkstar waited for him to go on, but he stared at the floor. "What about it?"

 

"Well... we were talking in the apprentices' den- you know, about Silverblaze's ceremony?- and we started guessing names, and that kinda thing."

 

The tom was suddenly very awake. "Is it Nutpaw? I've been worried about what to name her."

 

"Huh?" He glanced up in surprise. "No, no. Nutpaw said she wouldn't mind being named for her jaw, if that's what you decided." Sandpaw gave his fur a few awkward licks, going around the berry stains without so much as a thought. "It's me."

 

"It's okay, Sandpaw," Barkstar murmured softly. "You can tell me. I won't get mad."

 

"I want a pretty name!" he blurted out, the backtracked. "I mean, I don't want a scary name. I don't like the thought of cats hearing my name somewhere and immediately assuming I'm tough and mean, I guess."

 

Barkstar, face perfectly blank, blinked at him. We live surrounded by enemies, Sandpaw could almost hear him thinking, and he wants a _pretty_ name?

 

He babbled on. "I mean, I'd be happy to have any name you'd give me, but I hope you wouldn't mind making it, I dunno, not super terrifying? If that's okay. If it's not, then..."

 

"Sandpaw," the tom broke in finally, crouching down so they were nose to nose. "I know this might sound rude, but have you ever considered being a medicine cat?"

 

"A _medicine cat_?" He reared back at the thought of re-asking this to Crowear. It was mortifying enough to do it once, but twice?

 

"I ask this because I want, most of all, for my Clanmates to be happy and comfortable," Barkstar said. "And I've known for a while now that you'll never be comfortable in battle, where a warrior usually thrives."

 

"I've thought about it, once or twice," Sandpaw admitted, slightly ashamed. He'd always seen the idea of it all as selfish, but what if sticking to the path he was on was the _actual_ selfishness here? "But I'd prefer being a warrior."

 

"I thought as much." He calmly nodded his head. "Would you feel more happy in the nursery, then?"

 

"I don't want to be a kit again!" he wailed as soon as the words left the leader's mouth, fur spiking.

 

"That's not what I meant," Barkstar meowed, eyes glittering with amusement.

 

Sandpaw slowly blinked at him. "But the nursery is for she-cats?" He glanced at his belly. "I'm pretty sure I can't have kits, at the very least."

 

"That's not what I meant, either," he purred patiently. "I _meant_ , how would you like to be a nursery warrior? You can live in the nursery and help the queens. The kits will have a warrior they can play with most of the day, and you'll be their protector in case something attacks."

 

Hope sparked in his chest. He'd never even considered asking to live in the old yet comforting den of his kit-days. "I can _do_ that?"

 

"Of course. Normally, it's a she-cat's job, and she has to volunteer, but everybody knows you'd rip your claws out before you'd hurt a kit." Barkstar pressed his muzzle to Sandpaw's head affectionately. "I'll consider your request, if you'll consider mine."

 

"Yes, Barkstar." Sandpaw jumped to his paws, eyes bright. "I'll definitely consider it!"

 

"Good. Now, go get some sleep. Rocknose will be calling for you soon." Barkstar stretched and curled up in his nest once again, seemingly at peace.

 

He skittered into the clearing, calling over his shoulder. "Thank you!"

 

Sandpaw raced into the den and crashed into his nest, on his back, legs swinging, purring like a loon. He hadn't felt this happy in moons.

 

"Sandpaw?" Nutpaw groggily lifted her head. "What happened?"

 

"Barkstar said I could go live in the nursery after I become a warrior!" he squealed, unable to keep it to himself. This was the kind of news that had to be shared.

 

Sandpaw heard sleepy laughter from Rowanpaw's nest. "Hey, Crypaw! Sandpaw's kitting!"

 

"We'll have to bring him lots of extra prey, then," Crypaw answered without missing a beat. "And make his nest."

 

"Well, I wouldn't go _that_ far..." he tittered uneasily.

 

"Sandpaw's kitting?" Brownpaw's head shot up from her paws. "Who's the lucky tom?"

 

"Brownpaw, you _know_ I can't have kits," Sandpaw snapped, rolling back onto his belly.

 

She glanced glanced at his bulky shoulders and plump frame. " _Right_. I... forget that, sometimes." she said sheepishly, whiskers twitching.

 

" _Brownpaw_!"

 

"You're a very pretty tom, is what she means," Nutpaw broke in, tail twitching impatiently. "Go back to sleep."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sandpaw is a squishy kitty by nature. =) (Rowanpaw's just jealous because he wanted Rowanblaze or Rowanflame but it's too late now lest he seem like a copy-cat). Crypaw got Whitesong for a mentor, whereas his brother has Skyfur.


	6. Rosepaw (Lightpaw)

Rosepaw sunk her teeth into a freshly caught fish with relish, chewing slowly to better enjoy the flavor. Her mentor, Berryleg, quietly washed herself nearby, her own fish already gulped down.

 

She knew, quite well, even, that she was lucky to have such a laid-back mentor. She could only imagine what it was like for Bluepaw, who had a stiff cat like Brookstream for a teacher. She could hear the tom ordering him around, chasing him to and fro across RiverClan territory.

 

 _He'll make a good warrior_ , she thought, _but he's gonna wish he wasn't for awhile yet._

 

"Sleep well?"

 

Rosepaw glanced up with surprise at the scratchy voice of Notail, who'd directed his question to Berryleg. The tom wasn't much of a speaker by nature, and it was strange to see him willingly pad up to another cat and start a conversation.

 

Berryleg was hesitant. "Very well, thank you. And you?"

 

Notail dipped his head and blinked at her expectantly.

 

"Is there something you need?"

 

"Need? No." His whiskers twitched dismissively. "I'm taking Lightpaw for some tree-climbing lessons. Would you like to join us?"

 

Rosepaw's pelt tingled with excitement. "We've never done that before. Can we?"

 

Berryleg considered it before nodding her head. "I don't see why not."

 

"Good," Notail replied briskly. "We'll wait by the entrance."

 

He padded away. Soon afterwards Rosepaw saw Lightpaw poke her head out of the elders' den. _Was she cleaning out the bedding, or just visiting?_ Rosepaw wondered. It was no secret how close the apprentice was to Pikecloud and Hookfang. Much closer than she was to her own mother, Darkstream. Rosepaw couldn't even remember the last time she saw them chatting, while just yesterday she'd shared a fish with Silverear and Darkstream, Bluepaw by her side.

 

Rosepaw felt a familiar yearning stir in her chest. Once, when she was Rosekit, and the other molly was still a tiny Lightkit, they'd been the closest of friends. She and Lightkit and Bluekit would play wrestle and fight ThunderClan warrior together. Whenever Lightkit had wanted to tell a secret or just talk, she'd gone to her.

 

But, as her apprentice ceremony started looming nearer, around her three moon mark, they had begun to grow apart. While the other cats gave her tips and proclaimed pride, her closest denmate had bitterly turned away. She still didn't understand why.

 

 _I miss her,_  she thought sadly. _But she doesn't seem to miss any of us._

 

Berryleg stood with the sigh of a cat who really didn't want to leave their nest. "They're waiting for us. Let's go."

 

Rosepaw gave her whiskers a quick cleaning and ran after her. Notail nodded to them both as they arrived, while Lightpaw worked her claws into the dirt.

 

"Do we have to?" she whined eventually. Notail's whiskers twitched in place of his tail.

 

"It's either this or Murkytail. Or, obviously, no training at all."

 

Rosepaw perked up at the mention of her ex-mentor. No one really knew for sure why Notail had suddenly replaced her old teacher, but she knew she was curious as to why. Lightpaw, muzzle blank, lashed her tail once and said no more.

 

Notail turned to Berryleg. "Would you mind leading? I always forget where the practice trees are."

 

She'd never seen him near them, she realized. Nor in the training hollow. Rosepaw had the thought that he might not even know where either was.

 

"Of course."

 

Notail kept beside the warrior pawstep for pawstep, head high. Berryleg was anxiously twitching her tail, eyes darting to the tom in odd intervals.

 

Rosepaw felt a sudden bout of excitement. _This is my chance to reconnect with Lightpaw!_ The yellow she-cat, in an eerie impersonation of her mentor, was staring straight ahead, ears twitching. She wondered what she was listening to.

 

"Notail must be a pretty weird mentor, huh?" she murmured so the warrior didn't hear, keeping pace next to her.

 

Lightpaw didn't so much as spare her a glance. "No more than Berryleg."

 

Rosepaw twitched a tufted ear dismissively. "Applestar let me off easy when she gave my Berryleg. At least she talks."

 

"Notail talks fine. He's just not good around new cats," Lightpaw spat irritably.

 

She blinked at her owlishly, surprised at her reaction to what she thought had been gentle teasing. "He's known Berryleg his whole life!"

 

"Yeah, well..." the younger she-cat trailed off. "He's better than Murkytail," she said finally.

 

Rosepaw waited to hear more, but Lightpaw was clearly unwilling to give anymore details. "Well... I never really liked Murkytail, anyway." She stuck her nose in the air. "He always used to get huffy with us."

 

Lightpaw made a noise with her throat. It was too quiet to properly discern. "Remember that time he got mad at us for 'attacking' the elders?"

 

"Yes!" She practically jumped with the force of her own outburst. "And we were just play-fighting a ShadowClan patrol! I thought you'd forgotten."

 

The noise got a bit louder, but was still somewhat muffled, like how a mouse naturally keeps quiet until startled or hurt; _then_ it squeaks. Lightpaw shook her head. "I remember. I batted at his tail while he lectured us."

 

Rosepaw felt her heart soar when she finally realized what the sound coming from her chest was. _I made Lightpaw purr!_ She couldn't remember the last time she heard that noise coming from her. _Maybe she purrs around Pikecloud and Hookfang?_

 

"I remember when I fell into a mud puddle," Lightpaw meowed, in a tone that was almost nostalgic. "You chased me around camp, trying to clean my pelt."

 

She ignored the urge to glance at the dirty curls of her fur. She _tries her best. She just has the kind of fur that gets really messy, really easily._ "Bluepaw held you down while I licked you clean. Then we all went and pounced on Applestar afterwards."

 

"We got so scared when she pretended to play dead," she hummed. "Thought we were kit killers."

 

"Weren't we going to try escaping into WindClan?" Rosepaw snorted. It all seemed so silly now.

 

"ShadowClan. More places to hide. Fallowfoot found us and brought us back."

 

She found herself laughing. "Pikecloud almost ripped your ears off!"

 

"So did Silverear," Lightpaw returned lukewarmly, but with no bitterness, which shocked her. "Somehow it was my fault we decided to flee for our lives."

 

Rosepaw found herself thinking about how they had, almost unknowingly, compared Silverear to the elder. _Maybe_ that's _why she's always in the elders' den? Maybe she see's Pikecloud as her mother, instead of Darkstream_.

 

She decided to test it out. "Hookfang wasn't very happy, either."

 

"Hookfang's _never_ happy." Lightpaw purred- purred!- once again. "He worries too much."

 

Those were her feelings about Silverear! _So, I'm not wrong, then. Pikecloud is her mother, and Hookfang is her father. Does she even realize?_ "It feels like just last moon were were doing all that stuff," she sighed wistfully.

 

Lightpaw gave her a curious look. "Really? It feels like forever ago, to me."

* * *

"You're doing great, Rosepaw!" Berryleg called up encouragingly. Notail, silent as ever, was perched next to her.

 

Rosepaw grit her teeth. Doing great, huh? The fact that she hadn't even made it to the first branch said otherwise. So did Lightpaw, calmly watching her struggle, tail idly swishing in the breeze.

 

"Do you need some help?" She looked so pleased to be better than her at something. Rosepaw dug her claws in.

 

"I've got it."

 

She crawled onto the first branch, panting. The fact that Lightpaw had grabbed her by the scruff to help her balance did _not_ go overlooked. "Why are we doing this?"

 

"Because everyone else can," Lightpaw replied dryly. "Don't tell Berryleg- Notail already knows- but Sandpaw gave me some tips before last moons Gathering." Her tone was apologetic, as though she needed a _reason_ for why she was besting her.

 

"Sandpaw?" Heat pricked her paws. Sandpaw always seemed to just _get_ Lightpaw, in ways she couldn't. Was always making her happy. She saw them at almost every Gathering, chatting and laughing.

 

The heat turned to ice. _What if Lightpaw falls in love with him?_ The warrior code had never stopped her from doing what she thought was right. _She won't try to hide it, either. Sandpaw would either join RiverClan, or Lightpaw would leave RiverClan to be his mate._

 

 _Leave_ me.

 

Rosepaw shook the thoughts away. They were much too young to be worrying about mates. "Tips? Show me!"

 

The second branch was _much_ easier. Lightpaw, her blue eyes glittering playfully, leapt over her to grab the bark mid-air, daringly climbing higher as she gasped.

 

"Think you can beat me to the top?" Her teeth were bared in a playful challenge.

 

"Of course I can!"

 

She was halfway to the trunk when a voice rang out.

 

"Good job, Rosepaw!"

 

It was Lightpaw's father, and Darkstream's ex-mate, Fishtooth. Everyone knew it was he who was the father, despite all of that Darkstream said otherwise; she was the spitting image of the tom, only with curly fur.

 

The yellow she-cat hopped down beside her, shaking the branch in her haste, jaws parted in a gleeful yowl that never quite found its way to the surface. The frailness with which she suddenly carried herself plucked at Rosepaw's heart.

 

_Say something! Compliment her! Lightpaw was doing so much better than me!_

 

Too late. Her pelt, a dazzling brand of fire, had stood out much more than Lightpaw's against the leaves in the trees. He'd thought she was the only one there. And now he was gone.

 

All at once, Lightpaw deflated. Her eyes flashed with rage as she picked her way to the ground, fur bristling.

 

"Can we practice some fighting moves now?" she asked through gritted teeth.

 

Notail relented without complaint. Something understanding flashed in his eyes. "Okay."

 

"Wait!" Rosepaw wobbly reached the ground to call after them. "What about our game?"

 

"I quit!" she hissed over her shoulder, then trudged away.

 

Rosepaw sat at the foot of the tree and looked up at the gently swaying branches, trying to conjure the bright feelings she'd had only moments before. She found they were out of her reach.


	7. Hoptail (WindClan)

_ WindClan: _

 

_ Leader _ _: Smokestar- black tom with blue eyes_

_ Deputy _ _: Yarrownose- yellow and brown tom_

_ Medicine Cat _ _: Longfeather- white and blue spotted she-cat._

_ Warriors _ _;_

 

_Hoptail- black and white-pelted cat._

_Mintpelt- white she-cat with a bushy tail and green eyes, speckled with brown._

_Aircloud- white she-cat with blue eyes. Missing half an ear._

**_Apprentice: Peatpaw_ **

_Crowsky- light gray tom._

_Robintail- brownish-red tom._

_ Apprentices _ _;_

 

_Peatpaw- dust brown she-cat_

_ Queens _ _;_

_Volefur- black and gray she-cat. Mother to Brightkit (brown and white she-cat) and Molekit (brown tom)._

_ Elders; _

_Rabbitwater- white she-cat with black paws._

_Poppyflame- yellow and brown she-cat._

* * *

They just barely stifled a purr as they nudged Yarrownose with a black paw, whiskers twitching. "Hey. Yarrownose."

 

Yarrownose woke with a soft snore. "Huh?"

 

"It's almost dawn," they whispered. "You need to get ready to sort patrols."

 

"Oh. Right." He stretched, baring his teeth in a yawn. "Thanks, Hoptail."

 

Hoptail nodded and crawled out of their nest. Situated in the direct center of the warriors' den, it was the hardest to quietly sneak out of, something that irritated them to the highest degree.

 

 _We're always up first. Who cares that we're old? We should sleep closer to the edge,_  they thought, and found no feelings to the contrary stirring up in their belly. _We're glad we agree._ They silently told their other half (halves?), before pushing out of the den, the familiar scents of WindClan rushing into their nose.

 

You see, Hoptail wasn't your ordinary warrior. They weren't just one cat; they were more than one, multiple spirits sharing the same physical form. They had always known they were different from the other cats, from a fairly young age. There had never been a 'he' or 'she' for Hoptail.

 

But that was old news, they thought, heading for the fresh-kill pile. Their sister, Longfeather, had explained it to them ages ago, before they were even made a warrior, back in the days of Goldenstar.

 

Speaking of, it warmed their heart to see her in the clearing, sorting and drying herbs. White sprinkled across her muzzle, just like it did theirs.

 

"Here you go." They set a rabbit by the piles of plants, eyes twinkling. "Shouldn't you be in the elders' den?"

 

"Shouldn't _you_ be, old badger?" she replied. "At least I'm not in any danger of getting in a fight."

 

True enough. There was hardly a scar on Longfeather's pelt; StarClan had spoken to her since before she was born, as far as they were concerned, so she'd never gotten into any real battles.

 

"Even still, you should probably be getting an apprentice soon. WindClan would never be the same without you; especially if we lost our medicine cat entirely."

 

"That will change in its own time." Longfeather glanced quite pointedly to the nursery, where Volefur was still resting.

 

"Oh?" They perked up. "Who's the lucky kit?"

 

"I hate to get ahead of myself, but Molekit was shown great promise," she purred. "Now, you've checked up on me. Go eat."

 

"I never said-"

 

"Hoptail. You've visited me every morning of your life. I _know_. Go eat."

 

Hoptail chuckled. "Alright, you've got. Talk to you later."

 

"And keep that last bit to yourself!" Longfeather called after them. "Let him come into it in his own time!"

 

"Alright, alright. Pushy."

 

"Hey, Hoptail!" Poppyflame called, perched next to Rabbitwater by elders' den, sunning in the early rays. "Bring us something to eat, will you?"

 

"Sure!" They grabbed a rabbit by the scruff, dragging it over to them without complaint. "You're up early."

 

"Never slept," Rabbitwater informed them. "You know how I get."

 

"Ah," Hoptail said, crouching beside them leisurely. "We _all_ know. You'd keep us up all night with your twitching. It's like StarClan cursed you to be a horrible sleeper."

 

"Speaking of old times; or, old timers," she meowed, eyes glittering shrewdly. "Shouldn't you be in here with us? Not every warrior is lucky enough to live to old age like you and I."

 

"Everyone's waiting for you to retire," Poppyflame agreed sheepishly. "I heard Robintail betting dawn patrols."

 

"Did he, now?" They're not surprised. "Well, how about this. I'll retire when I can't catch prey anymore."

 

"You may be able to catch the odd mouse, but what about rabbits? Can you catch those?"

 

"Nope," they replied, gulping down the last of their meal. "They seem to be getting faster every moon."

 

"Or he's just getting slower," they heard Rabbitwater whisper to Poppyflame as they padded away. They rolled their eyes, tail lashing.

 

The incoming scent of Peatpaw made their muzzle soften. "Good morning, Peatpaw. How did you sleep?"

 

She shuffled her paws. "Pretty good, thanks. Would you like me to clean your nest?"

 

"I can take care of my own nest, thank you very much," they returned briskly. They may be too old for rabbits, but they'd always be able to catch bedding. "Why don't you try the elders' den?"

 

"I did that yesterday," she admitted. "And Aircloud said it was only right that I ask."

 

They chuckled. "Alright, then." Hoptail bent down like a kit telling their leader a secret. "If you wouldn't mind- if you happen to have any extra pieces of sheep's wool, I mean? Mintpelt has a soft spot for sheep's wool. Tuck some in, will you please?"

 

Peatpaw's features calmed. She always enjoyed helping the warriors. "Yeah? I'll get right on that, Hoptail."

 

"Good." Their tail twitched. "Going hunting."

* * *

Hoptail was no longer able to keep up with the rabbits on the moor (oh, but they dreamed), so they'd taken to hunting closer to ShadowClan territory, where mice and voles sometimes scuttled across WindClan's border.

 

 _ShadowClan is filled with odd cats_ , they thought, staring into the wooded area. It looked terribly closed off to them. _And, perhaps, cats braver than me._

 

They wondered if their other spirits were from ShadowClan. In all their years, never once had they been able to differentiate where one started and the other ended.

 

 _And what of StarClan? Will we separate when we reach it? Will I be like everyone else?_ The thought made them shudder. They liked who they were _. Will I still be the same cat? Will Mintpelt still love us?_

 

A vole burst out of the underbrush. Weighed down by their thoughts, Hoptail acted more on instinct than actual thought as they shot out of their hiding place to latch their teeth into its spine.

 

"Hey! That was mine!"

 

Hoptail straightened as Darkflame and a small brown tom poked their heads out of the trees.

 

"New apprentice, I see," they said, calmly padding over to the border, but not crossing it.

 

"Oh. Hoptail. I didn't know it was you." Darkflame's ears lowered in something akin to respect. "How are things in WindClan?"

 

"Very well. Any she-cat's in the nursery?"

 

"Indeed. Smallkit and Spiderkit are soon to be apprentices, and we've only got more on the way." Darkflame puffed his chest out. "ShadowClan is strong."

 

"Glad to hear it," they purred. "A strong Clan is one that keeps to its own territory, or so they say."

 

"But that's a _ShadowClan_ vole!" the apprentice hissed, unwilling to let the idle chatter go on. "It came from _our_ territory!"

 

Hoptail hummed and pressed their paw protectively over the prey. "And what's _your_ name?"

 

"This is Mousepaw," Darkflame replied, with a chiding look to the 'paw. "Mousepaw, this is Hoptail. A cat to be respected, if I were you."

 

Mousepaw stared at him incredulously. "But that's _our_ vole! And he's a _WindClan_ cat!"

 

"A well-loved WindClan cat," his mentor replied.

 

"Well, tell you what," Hoptail said. "You try this on a younger warrior; well, they'd claw you to pieces. But me?" They pushed it gently across the border. "Give it to one of your queens. Tell them old Hoptail was proud to catch it for them."

 

Mousepaw hesitantly took it, eyes wide. "Uh... thanks?"

 

"No problem. Glad to see a Clan full of happy cats. One vole a frail old warrior caught won't make much of a difference, but it's worth it."

 

Deep down, they hoped they shared spirits with Tallstar. He was their hero, after all.

 

Hoptail padded out of the underbrush and into the moor, ears pricked. The smell of Mintpelt wafted into their nostrils.

 

"-tail! _There_ you are." Mintpelt, all pretty white fur and gleaming green eyes, raced up and brushed noses with him. Her white whiskers twitched. "You smell like you rolled in the ShadowClan markers."

 

"Was hunting near the border. You know how it is." They shrugged nonchalantly.

 

"Well, come on," she meowed, twining their tails together. "Peatpaw brought me some sheep's wool, and I wanna share."

 

Hoptail purred as they followed. _We really love her._

 

_But does she love us?_

 

They shook the thought away. If it meant dying with their secret, only to remain together, then it wasn't love at all.

 

_Some day._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meet our third cat, Hoptail! Unlike Sandpaw and Lightpaw, they've been around a while, and are pretty comfortable with themselves. They've also been mated to Mintpelt since they were first made warriors; the old couple of WindClan. They only decided to keep it to themselves because they don't really have a detailed explanation for who they are. (Longfeather says they share spirits, and that's why they're a they, but why can't they ever communicate with those spirits?)
> 
> Also, you've just been indirectly introduced to our fourth kitty. No, not Mousepaw. Not Darkflame either.
> 
> My biggest issue with the warriors series- I know all about the names, the mistake descriptions, etc etc- is that everybody sleeps so peacefully. They only ever wake up for a nightmare, and then poof! Wouldn't you know it, it's almost time for dawn patrol. And so I've deemed Rabbitwater an official Insomniac Kitty. She's always had issues sleeping properly.


	8. Smallkit (ShadowClan)

_ShadowClan :_

_Leader : Wingstar- white she-cat with blue eyes_

_Deputy : Rocktail- blue tom with white specks._

_Medicine Cat : Berrystripe- brown she-cat with black stripes._

_Warriors ;_

_Brackentuft- brown she-cat with long ear fur._

_Skycloud- blue tom with white underbelly._

_Boltgorse- black and brown she-cat with fluffy tail. Mousepaw's mother._

_Darkflame- black tom with blue eyes_

**_Apprentice: Mousepaw_ **

_Ivyclaw- solid gray she-cat._

_Apprentices ;_

_Mousepaw- brown tom with broad shoulders._

_Queens :_

_Watercry- yellow she-cat with white stripes, scarred legs, and torn ears. Mother to Spiderkit (white tom with black stripes) and Smallkit (white, brown, and gray tom with a thin build)_

_Elders ;_

_Mosswhisker- mottled red tom._

_Bronzewind- blue she-cat with extra long tail._

* * *

Smallkit was forced awake by the prick of Spiderkit's claws. He heard their mother, Watercry, give a husky laugh, brushing her tail across his tiny ears to help his brother's cause.

"Ugh." He buried his muzzle in his paws. "Let me sleep."

"Today's an important day, Smallkit," Watercry murmured. "The sooner you get up, the sooner you get to dive into the realm of warriors."

"That's not true!" He sat up, stubbornly meeting her amused gaze. "The ceremony's always at the same time!"

"I need you for something," Spiderkit said. "Mom, a little help?"

The warmth by his side disappeared abruptly. Teeth sunk into his scruff, and Smallkit found his paws dangling in the air. Spiderkit was nudged outside by a paw.

"Play while you can, my kits," Watercry rumbled, setting them both outside the nursery. "Soon you'll be too busy to even think of it."

Smallkit irritably got to his paws, unwilling to let Watercry down. It hadn't been easy on her, giving up her freedom to raise a litter; it was the least he could do. "What's up?"

Spiderkit shuffled his paws. "Can you help me talk to Berrystripe? I can't go alone."

He curiously sniffed at his brother's pelt. "Are you hurt?"

He flinched. "No!" Spiderkit shook his head. "I... I wanna be a medicine cat."

Smallkit blinked at him blankly. "And you waited until today- the day we get to be 'paws- to  _ask_?"

"Well..."

Frustrated, he batted an ear with his paw. "Frog-brain! There might not be enough time. Let's go!" He headbutted his side, leading him to the medicine den.

The smell of herbs as they pushed inside made Smallkit's nose wrinkle, but Spiderkit almost seemed to brighten, moving more confidently, walking on his own. How had he not realized this sooner? The knowledge seemed to be staring him in the face.

Berrystripe glanced up from her work, covering the stores of plants with a flick of the tail. "Oh, dear. Injured on the day of your ceremony?"

"No one's injured," Smallkit proclaimed, pushing Spiderkit forward. "But my brother has something he'd like to ask."

Berrystripe crouched, eyes bright with curiosity. She almost reminded him of an untrained kit; like his brother, whenever he was allowed to ask a bunch of questions. "What is it?"

Spiderkit stumbled over his own tongue for a moment, before blurting out. "Can I be your apprentice?"

Her eyes widened. If Smallkit thought they were bright before, they were on fire now. Berrystripe's excitement was palatable. "You want to be a medicine cat? Truly?"

He slowly nodded. "I really,  _really_  do."

Berrystripe jumped to her paws, purring. "I'm so glad; I always hoped I'd get an apprentice as intelligent as you. Oh, but this is so sudden! Are you sure? You've really thought this through?"

"I'm sure!" Spiderkit chirped, pulling himself closer. "I just got so scared you were gonna say no; I've wanted to ask you for moons!"

 _And you didn't tell me?_  Smallkit swallowed hurt and shame. His brother must not have deemed him worthy of knowing.

"In that case; I'll go tell Wingstar!" Berrystripe squealed like a kit, leaping over them both to scramble into the clearing.

"Did you hear?" Spiderkit pounced on him, playfully pining him to the floor of the den. "She said yes!"

"Of course she did; you two are so much alike, you ought to have been kitted together." He pushed him off, disgruntled. "You've wanted this for moons? Why didn't you  _tell_  me?"

"Oh." All at once, he was Smallkit's awkward sibling again. "I, just... you know."

"No, actually, I don't. Did you not trust me?"

"Of  _course_  I trust you! You're my brother!" He shuffled his paws and gave his chest fur a few licks. "Do you think Watercry will be mad?"

"Mad?" He tilted his head to the side. "Why would she be mad?"

"Because she's a warrior!" Spiderkit wailed, fears spilling over in a loud way. "She's so brave, and tough; and she's so proud of her  _warrior_  sons!"

It all clicked into place. His ears drooped. "You thought I'd tell her?"

"Well, yeah."

He bushed out his tail. "Well, I wouldn't have. That's your responsibility, not mine. You should've trusted me."

Spiderkit purred and buried his nose in her fur. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I shouldn't have taken it so personally," he said, only to make his brother feel better. The pain was like a thorn in his heart; but his brother was happy, and that's what mattered.

"Hey, why the gathering? Did somebody get hurt?"

Spiderkit puffed his chest out as the familiar brown head of Mousepaw poked into the den. "I'm gonna be a medicine cat!"

"Really?" He blinked at Spiderkit dubiously. "Some cat's got to do it, I guess. We'll miss you in the apprentice's den."

Smallkit broke in. "Were you looking for us?"

He twitched an ear dismissively. "Pretty much. Wanted to share prey you one last time, before we started sharing the same den again."

Spiderkit practically skipped into the clearing, while Smallkit did something more like sulk. Mousepaw padded over to the fresh-kill pile, returning with a frog and a vole. He plopped the vole in front of them and went to skinning his frog.

Spiderkit sunk his teeth in with relish. "It's my favorite."

"Eh. I like squirrel better." Smallkit took a tiny bite. "Remember that vole that stunk of WindClan?"

"It was kinda stringy, but I liked it," he answered.

Mousepaw twitched his whiskers, eyes distracted. "That was one weird tom."

Smallkit and Spiderkit exchanged a look. "Tell us again?" he prompted.

"He was skinny, and  _old._  He was probably alive in the days of Firestar. But he looked tough; lots of scars. His teeth were kinda yellow, and super sharp. I thought he was gonna eat me up, but I  _bravely_  stood my ground! Like a warrior would."

Darkflame, cleaning his pelt by Skycloud, turned to glare at his apprentice sharply. "You better not be bad-mouthing Hoptail."

"He's practically an elder!" Mousepaw spat back.

"Exactly, and you should respect him as such. He's too old for proper battles, but I don't think any cat was as strong as he was back in his youth. Notail would've had trouble beating him."

Smallkit rolled his eyes. "Who cares which warrior is stronger, so long as we win the fight?" He shook his head. "Toms. Always competing."

Mousepaw gave Spiderkit a deadpan look. "I don't suppose I could convince the two of you to switch places?"

"Nope!"

"Figures."

Wingstar's voice cut through the air. "Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey meet me in the clearing for a Clan meeting!"

Spiderkit jumped to his paws. "It's time!"

Berrystripe was practically vibrating as they took their places before Wingstar, watching with glee as the Clan gathered behind them.

"Two more apprentices will join Mousepaw today," Wingstar boomed. Her long fur made her look big and imposing. "They are strong, capable cats, with a wide-open future ahead of them. We have no real clue where they will end up. Whatever path they may take, however, ShadowClan will always be with you."

 _You?_  Smallkit wondered. As far as he was concerned, the future was set in stone. He would be a warrior, Spiderkit, a medicine cat; they would make the Clan proud. They would die. Rinse and repeat.

_No matter how much it hurts._

"Smallkit, from this day forward, until you recieve your warrior name, you will be known as Smallpaw. Ivyclaw, you are hardheaded, but wise; you will make a good mentor for Smallpaw."

He tip-toed over to touch noses with his new teacher, mind more focused on the figure of his brother standing before the Clan. He hardly noticed he'd sat down.

"Spiderkit, do you accept the post of apprentice to Berrystripe?"

"I do."

"Then I name you Spiderpaw. At the half-moon, you must travel to the Moonpool to be accepted by StarClan before the other medicine cats. The good wishes of all ShadowClan will go with you."

Spiderpaw quivered with relief as he brushed noses with Berrystripe. Smallpaw wondered how terrified he'd been of possibly becoming a warrior, and how the signs must've flown right over his head. More waves of guilt crashed down on his head.

"A medicine cat?"

Watercry's husky voice broke into the ceremony. Spiderpaw winced as their mother stood, eyes blazing.

Berrystripe nudged her new pupil behind her protectively. "Is there a problem, Watercry?"

"I have a problem with my son being forced into a life he doesn't want, yes." She turned a bland look on their leader. "I expected better of you, Wingstar!"

"I respect your trust in me, but you're wrong, Watercry," the white she-cat replied. "Spiderpaw  _asked_  to be a medicine cat."

The yellow she-cat turned on him, shocked. "You did?"

Spiderpaw hesitantly nodded.

"For StarClan's sake, why didn't you  _tell_  me?" She sighed with relief. "I just interrupted your ceremony for nothing."

"I didn't want you to be embarrassed," he admitted, eyes on the ground.

Watercry calmly made her way over to give the tom a lick between the ears, taking no notice of the whispers. "I  _am_  embarrassed. I just made a frog-brain of myself."

"I didn't want you to be embarrassed of  _me_."

"I will always be proud of you, Spiderpaw. It takes a great amount of bravery to become a medicine cat. Be brave, and I will always be proud of you.  _Both_  of you."

She slowly stood up and made her way back to the gathered group of cats. "I'm sorry, Wingstar. Carry on."

Wingstar looked unruffled as she threw her head back and yowled. "Smallpaw! Spiderpaw!"

"Smallpaw! Spiderpaw! Smallpaw! Spiderpaw!"

Smallpaw started down at his paws, moving them without any real thought.

_Why don't I feel brave, like Spiderpaw?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smallpaw is good at being what others want him to be. He's not so good at being what he wants to be. 
> 
> Watercry tends to get antsy when she doesn't get any battles for a long time, which makes her careless. It's why her legs- and especially her ears- are scratched up. (And, okay, she may absentmindedly chew on them once in a while, but you don't have any proof of that. No one ever catches her doing it; not even her kits, who've lived with her for moons.)


	9. Lightpaw (Rosepaw)

"Your turn," Rosepaw meowed, cleaning her jaws after giving the killing blow to her prey.

Lightpaw grunted her acknowledgement and smoothly leapt into the river. Grabbing a fish with her paws, she pushed off the muddy bottom to rise to the surface, throwing it to the bank for the other apprentice to nab.

"You're quick," she purred. Lightpaw pulled herself out and shook her fur free of clinging moisture.

"Practice."

She retook her place by the red she-cat's side, noticing her lack of dirt with some uneasiness. Rosepaw dived into the water much like she did, but Lightpaw was more willing to tip-toe through the mud to grab some extra fish. Her own yellow fur was sticky with grit, whereas the bright ginger of her companion was only marred by water.

She scratched at her side and shifted awkwardly. "Your turn."

Rosepaw examined her paw-shuffling before gracefully sliding into the water. Lightpaw watched, head tilted, as she sunk to the bottom. A glint of light told her Rosepaw had unsheathed her claws. A murky cloud began to rise.

_Is she... kicking up dirt from the bottom?_

Mystified, she brought her muzzle close to the water, whiskers twitching. Dirty water lapped at her nose. Berryleg and Notail, fishing a few fish-lengths away, didn't seem perturbed, so she probably wasn't drowning, but...

It was with that thought in mind that something cold and slimy struck her side. Lightpaw recognized the stench of mud before she'd even glanced at it, and found Rosepaw kicking to keep her head above the surface just outside the murky circle, whiskers twitching. Her red paws were covered in mud.

She bared her teeth in what she hoped was a playful manner. "Are you trying to start something?"

"Just proving to you that not all RiverClan cats are afraid of getting their pelts dirty," Rosepaw meowed nonchalantly. "Of course, with how you keep looking at yourself, I'm starting to think  _you_  might be the arrogant fluff-brain, not me."

"You  _are_  trying to start something," she answered grimly. Lightpaw crouched, sprinted towards the patch of floating dirt, then made a sudden sharp turn; surprising Rosepaw as she leapt directly at her.

Trust made Rosepaw go limp as they splashed into the river, and Lightpaw didn't know whether to feel proud or laughable that the oldest apprentice in RiverClan feared her so little that being dunked under didn't even make the fur on her spine raise. Pushing the she-cat away, Lightpaw dove further down while she idly rose, snatching a pawful of mud off the floor.

Rosepaw was waiting for her to rise, and splashed her accordingly. Lightpaw tossed the hunk of dirt in revenge, shrieking in triumph when it smacked into her muzzle.

This time, it was Rosepaw who dunked her, growling in frustration. Lightpaw felt her body relax in spite of herself.

 _This is so stupid. I'm acting like a kit,_  she thought contently.

They both rose to the surface, giddy and sheepish under Berryleg's glare. Notail's whiskers were silently twitching.

"Well, this place is empty now, thanks to _somebody_  and their friend scaring the prey away," Rosepaw's mentor spat tartly. "We'll have to try somewhere else."

"I think this is enough," Notail rumbled, picking up a discarded fish. "Applestar has enough evidence as is."

Lightpaw felt her heart sink as they climbed onto the bank, fur drenched and splattered with mud. In her own fun, she'd forgotten why she was  _really_  here.  _She was just playing nice so she could impress Applestar. Don't think too much into it._

"Do you think she'll give me my warrior name?" Rosepaw chirped, skipping next to Berryleg as they made their way back into camp.

"I think it's a good possibility," Berryleg purred, wrinkling her nose to give her ear a quick lick. "You should wash that off," she advised.

"Are you kidding? I feel great!"

Lightpaw tried not to feel bitter about the fact that the fish  _she_  had caught were bigger than her's. Notail, sensing her thoughts, rammed her shoulder accordingly.

"She's a moon older than you. Just wait; you'll be a warrior soon enough," he stated sensibly. "She has a lot she could teach you."

 _About fighting, you mean._  Notail, under Murkytail's eye, had been forced to learn how to fend for his Clan in battle rather than in practice. He was renowned for his brutal, rogue-like tactics, but all Lightpaw could see was the young warrior who's tail was nipped off in his fear, face gushing blood as he tried to get his paws under him.

She shook the thought away. She may not know any RiverClan moves, but she was too proud to ask for help. She'd just have to fend for herself.

Applestar eyed her half of the catch approvingly. "You caught these?"

Rosepaw nodded and pushed one of Lightpaw's forward. "Lightpaw helped me catch them," she admitted. "The bigger ones are hers."

 _What is she_  doing? Lightpaw had a sudden, terrible thought. What if she was the reason Rosepaw didn't get her warrior name? She'd never forgive herself, and neither would the Clan. "I didn't do anything!" she blurted, pelt hot with embarrassment. "I got in the way more than I helped. Really. I'm not as important."

Rosepaw shot her a hurt look.

The leader nodded. "I put the two of you together because you have the biggest trouble getting along. I wanted Rosepaw to understand that one can't always do what they enjoy first; they have to make sacrifices. I'm glad to see it's also helped improve your relationship."

Lightpaw felt anger prick at her paws.  _No,_  she told herself. _I can't get mad. I'm always blaming Rosepaw, when really_  I'm  _the one who's wrong. I'm the messed up one. I can't get in the way of her big day._

Applestar rose with a deep pride in her eyes. "It's time."

The call brought Pikecloud sprinting out of the elder's den at top speed, planting herself towards the rear of the crowd, at Lightpaw's side.

"Oh, I've been waiting for this day for moons," she sighed, panting. "To think, you'll be up there soon!"

"Yeah," she ground out. "Soon."

Notail and Berryleg sat remarkably near each other- as close as they could without disrupting the ceremony- she noticed. Lightpaw had half-expected them to have driven each other to opposite ends of RiverClan by now, but they seemed content in each other's presence. Like old friends.

Silverear and Darkstream were murmuring quietly to each other, eyeing Rosepaw's disheveled pelt. Bluepaw shoved his way to the front, eyes bright with admiration. Lightpaw watched him settle in.

A cold nose brushed her shoulder, and the bright white of Hookfang registered out of the corner of her eye. "Are you alright?" he prompted.

Lightpaw tore her gaze away from Bluepaw- so much happier without her- and turned to Rosepaw. Unlike last time, when she was so small and perfectly groomed, she was big and lean and (honestly?) beautiful, her fur sticking out in random places and covered in mud. And Lightpaw, too, had changed. She found none of the old bitterness towards her she once had lurking in her chest; merely jealousy. After all, what did she have to feel bitter about? At the end of the day, this was all her fault. Lightpaw was the monster, but Rosepaw.

"Yeah," she said, and found herself purring. "I'm fine."

Hookfang nodded and stretched, sitting down next to her. Lightpaw wondered if his joints hurt.

"You should go sit in the sun, both of you. You'll feel better."

"Nonsense," Pikecloud returned primly. "You're not there."

Applestar raised her tail for silence. "This has been a day we've been looking forward to since Rosepaw hit her sixth moon. There is no better feeling, earning your name and place in the Clan. Soon Lightpaw and Bluepaw will be experiencing that same feeling, and new apprentices will flood the den. We are RiverClan, and we are like the river; always on the move."

Lightpaw couldn't help but feel like she had just mentioned her to make her feel better.

"Rosepaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and defend this Clan, even at the cost of your own life?"

Her muddy tail was high. "I do."

"Then, by the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior name. Rosepaw, from this moment on you will be known as Rosetuft. StarClan honors your grace and intelligence, and we welcome you as a full member of RiverClan."

Rosetuft, with her fluffy red ears, bounced on her paws as she touched Applestar's shoulder.

Lightpaw, vividly aware of how horrible she'd acted for Rosetuft's apprentice ceremony, threw her head back and yowled her name as loud as she could, banishing those horrible memories. "Rosetuft! Rosetuft! Rosetuft! Rosetuft!"

The first thing Rosetuft did was pad over to her, just as she did as her first day as an apprentice, as though silently asking what she thought. An awkward air hung between them.

_She's pitying me!_

Lightpaw forced herself to nod her approval before turning and disappearing into the apprentices' den.

* * *

 

"Pssht. Hey. Wake up."

Lightpaw cracked open her eyes. She lifted her head, finding Rosetuft at the entrance of the den, crouched half in and half out with no small surprise.

"Hey," she whispered sheepishly. "I just wanted to see if you were mad at me?"

Lightpaw choked on air. She'd come into her den, broken the warrior code by speaking during her vigil, and woken her up, not because of an invasion, but because she was feeling  _self-conscious_?

"It's only for a moon or so," she meowed nervously, eyes darting around the camp. "Then we can be back on equal terms. We can have our nests next to each other, and hunt and play when we want. When it's cold, we can curl up and sleep as close as we like; we never got to do that before. We can even patrol together. I... I'm sorry you weren't with me, Lightpaw. Applestar was wrong; I like being with you. Are you still mad?"

She'd taken her silence for anger rather than shame, then. Rosetuft still had a lot to learn about her yet. "You should get back to your post," she hissed. "I don't want to see you in here ever again. This isn't what you deserve,  _warrior_."

Rosetuft's eyes lit up hopefully. She made to turn away. "Lightpaw?"

"Hmm."

" _Can_  we share nests?"

Lightpaw put her head in her paws, suddenly exhausted. "We'll see."

She listened to Rosetuft sneak away in silence, but found she couldn't get back to sleep. A single thought kept picking at her, unrelenting.

_I don't belong here._


	10. Sandpaw (Lightpaw)

Sandpaw shifted his nest to the side a bit to gently claw at the dirt beneath the edge, opening up a small hollow which was empty, save for some dried purple splotches. The apprentice's tail lashed in disappointment.

Rain had plagued ThunderClan in recent days, soaking everything and anything and generally lowering morale. Sandpaw's pelt had washed clean; first of paint, then of the stains, and finally of the dry dust. He looked at his bare yellow paws with a sniff of disdain.

"You look unhappy," Crypaw commented. The gray tom was curled up in a tight ball, eyes closed. Sandpaw doubted he'd so much as looked at him.

"How can you tell?"

"You're twitchy. Want me to go fetch you some prey?"

He watched Crypaw flick an ear as a drop of water landed on his forehead. He'd bet a moon of hunts he was only half-awake. "No, thanks. I'm fine."

"Okay."

Rowanpaw growled and stretched, pointedly kicked his littermate in the process. "Hush."

"Who died and made you Clan leader?" Nutpaw's tail flicked from her corner of the den.

"If he's Clan leader," Crypaw mused, "then I suppose it'd have to be Barkstar."

"Don't say that!" Brownpaw wailed, eyes flashing. "Barkstar's a strong tom. He'll outlive all of us, just you watch."

Sandpaw forced himself to stand, staring into the muddy clearing with no real excitement. "My berry stock is empty. I'll go collect more."

"Face it, Sandpaw," Rowanpaw meowed, rolling his eyes. "There aren't any left. It's too close to Leaf-bare."

At this point, it was less about finding any and more about being alone. "It doesn't hurt to check."

* * *

 

Despite the pouring water and general chill in the air, signaling sad times ahead, there was something freeing about Sandpaw pushing his way through the undergrowth that lifted his spirits.

 _I've already checked close to camp,_  Sandpaw thought without stopping.  _So I should have a look near the borders this time_.

Keeping close to the treeline, Sandpaw creeped along, watchful of patrols. Rain washed away markers and made cats testy, and Sandpaw didn't want to push his luck.

A rustling from above was his only warning before clumsy paws landed on his shoulders, squishing him to the ground. Sandpaw felt something familiar ooze into the fur on his back, saw a flash of tail, which he promptly clamped in his teeth, heard a yowl and tasted mud and fish on his tongue.

Sandpaw's attacker smushed a branch of berries- not very ripe, he noticed with a practiced eye, a small splash of it creasing the fur under said eye- and ripped the appendage free with a snarl. Sandpaw glanced at the offering, then looked at the cat cleaning blood from its tail, fur almost a translucent color in the gloom.

"I brought gifts," they said.

"Lightpaw?" Sandpaw buried his nose in her fur to affirm his theory. It  _was_  Lightpaw.

He'd never seen her completely clean before, although the steady downpour had made sure of that. Plastered to her skin, she almost looked like a cloud, she was such a bright blonde, and her blue eyes weren't as farfetched as he once thought.

Lightpaw flinched, and he drew back. With her pelt damp and uncurled, and his barren of any paint, they were both practically naked. "Thought it was you," she said. "But I had to make sure. Without any of your pretty stuff, it's hard to tell."

"So you  _pounced_  on me?"

Lightpaw rolled her eyes. "I fell. Duh."

"Fell my tail!"

"More like mine," she returned.

"That was a ThunderClan move. You tried to attack me with a  _ThunderClan_  move!"

Lightpaw bared her teeth. "What's the matter? Afraid a RiverClan cat can do it better?"

"I _know_  you can't. I'm lucky you didn't accidentally break my spine." Sandpaw cocked his head to the side. "Not that I'm not happy to see you, but what are you doing here, anyway?"

The yellow-white she-cat shrugged. "I like climbing trees. Most RiverClan cats don't, but I do."

He twitched his whiskers curiously, but Lightpaw trotted over and sunk her claws into the bark, testing it, before slowly pulling herself onto the first branch.

"You think leaders ever get dizzy?" she asked. "Since they're always hanging off the top of stuff."

"Maybe," he admitted, climbing up after her. Before them stretched the wide-open space that led to the ShadowClan territories. "But that just makes them braver for doing it."

Lightpaw's tail swished. "Rosepaw is a warrior now. Applestar named her Rosetuft."

The emptiness to her words made Sandpaw's belly twist. He hoped Rowanpaw and Crypaw wouldn't be too mad when he, Nutpaw, and Brownpaw got their names first. "Tell her congratulations for me."

"She wants to share nests."

"That's nice of her."

Lightpaw sighed, shoulders slumping. "I'm a coward," she told him, claws digging into the wood. "I thought, if I could just make it to warrior, I would be happy in RiverClan. All my problems would just go away. I just needed to be brave, and hold on."

Sandpaw's whiskers twitched. He was always a little uncertain as to what to say to Lightpaw when she was like this; he was truly blessed by StarClan, compared to her. "We're still 'paws for another moon," he pointed out uneasily.

"And nothing's changed. I'm  _tired_ , Sandpaw. I don't want to live where I'm not wanted anymore." She looked at him pleadingly, eyes bright with hope. "Do you think I could live here?"

He almost fell out of the tree. "In ThunderClan?"

"In ThunderClan," she agreed. "I know... they'll never trust me. Not really. And I'll have to start training all over again. But you'll be there, and that one other apprentice."

"Nutpaw?"

"Yeah, her. She didn't seem to mind me."

For a moment, the sun sinking in the distance, he honestly wanted to say yes. Sandpaw had never had any littermates, although Nutpaw and Brownpaw were close to it, and they looked so much alike when they weren't drenched and clinging to the limb of a tree.

Lightpaw would never laugh at them for needing space. She _always_  needed space.

"On one condition," he heard himself saying. "You spend one night with me inside ThunderClan territory."

Her eyes narrowed. "We'd be caught, and then cats would start spinning tales of cross-border mating."

Sandpaw was fairly sure that, if Lightpaw ever did find a mate, it wouldn't be a tom like him. It might not be a tom at all. "I'm willing to take that chance. Are you?"

"Alright, Sandpaw." She shook out her soggy pelt to no real avail, then leapt to the grass below. "I'll call your bluff. Lead on."

He found them a little hollow in the trees a few fox-lengths into the trees and instructed her to wait inside while he found them something to eat, returning with a water-logged sparrow.

Lightpaw systematically kneaded the ground with her claws, ears perked warily. "It's so loud here," she meowed finally. "But it's also quiet. Like it's missing something."

"What?"

"I don't know. A sound."

Sandpaw gently pushed the prey over. "The river, you think?"

"Yeah," she mumbled, in a sort of daze. "The river."

* * *

 

Sandpaw woke up the next morning to find himself alone. For a brief moment, he feared Lightpaw had snuck away to speak to Barkstar herself, but she didn't know how to reach the camp alone, and she wouldn't trust the dawn patrol.

He followed her faint scent (she'd probably waited until these conditions, he thought, simply so she could sneak out without fear of being tracked) and found her rolling in the open grass, trying to shake off claustrophobia.

"I thought this might happen," he sighed, feeling his hopes whither.

"It was only my first night," she argued, gnawing at an itchy spot along her back. "Give it time. You'll see."

"We don't  _have_  time," Sandpaw stated, prodding her with his paw to make sure she took heed. "Lightpaw, listen. Maybe you're right about RiverClan. I don't know your Clan like you do. But, even if you don't belong in RiverClan, you belong by the river. You'd never be comfortable here."

Lightpaw's features were a mask of hurt. "Don't you  _want_  me here?"

"Of course I do!" He nuzzled her throat with a hoarse purr. Sandpaw hoped he hadn't doomed them both to illness, sleeping outside the camp in the middle of a storm. "But I want you to be happy  _more_."

The she-cat faltered, then stopped, ears lowering with resignation. Mud was splattered against her back and legs, and he'd carefully splashed a stripe of purple across his side with the berries she'd given him; they looked like themselves again. She looked like his  _Gathering-buddy_  again. "Okay. If you're sure."

"I am." He nodded.

"Thanks, then, I guess. For trying." She awkwardly turned to look at the territories beyond as though they were strange and new. "I'll... go back to RiverClan. For now, at least."

"Rosetuft will be excited to see you," he tried, hoping to smooth things over between them.

She snorted derisively. "Rosetuft is excited when the sun rises. We'll see how long it lasts."

"We'll see," he echoed. Lightpaw quietly lumbered away, tail low, almost dragging the ground.


	11. Hoptail (Hopkit)

Hopkit felt tiny paws press in on them and struggled to push them off. Small claws extended, they batted at the weight, mumbling a mild sleepy complaint.

A bushy white tail made itself at home on Hopkit's head. Their mother, Whitefire, gently flicked their little nose with it. "What're you doing?"

They wrapped their little paws around it like it were a mouse. Hopkit felt it twitching. "Longkit's laying on me!" they whined.

"Look again, Hopkit," she told them patiently. "Longkit already left."

They forced their eyes open to find she was right. The nursery was empty, like the echo of a song. Hopkit remembered less than a moon ago when Poppypaw and Rabbitpaw were next to them, and felt a twinge of loneliness. Now it was only Whitefire and Runningfall in the nursery, with Mintkit nowhere to be seen.

"I felt paws," they retorted, remembering the ghostly way they had ruffled their fur. Hopkit gave it a good lick.

"Big paws, or little paws?"

Hopkit hesitated. They'd  _felt_  small, but they hadn't been awake enough to really think about it. "I dunno."

"You probably dreamed it, then. Well, no matter what the case, it's about time you were up anyway." Whitefire licked their ear affectionately. "Five moons old and sleeping past Sunhigh; what would Poppypaw and Rabbitpaw say?"

"'M up, 'm up," they growled, rolling onto the floor. Hopkit stood and shook their pelt out. "What about you? You're going to be a warrior again soon."

"Maybe," she hummed, setting her head on her paws. "Maybe not. I'm not sure yet."

"But you're not old enough to be an elder!" they protested, tail bushing out.

"That's true." Whitefire easily let the topic drop as she stretched, parting her sharp teeth in a yawn. "Why don't you go find Longkit? I'll be out in a little bit."

"Yes, Whitefire," they replied obediently, turning tail to race into the clearing. They were determined to beat Rabbitpaw in a race. She'd been bragging about her speed since she was made a 'paw.

Hopkit had only gone a few pawsteps, however, when a booming voice called out his name. "Good morning, Hopkit!"

Hopkit felt equal parts terrified and amazed at the familiar brown-red brand of Goldenstar's pelt in the sunlight as he confidently trotted over. Goldenstar was large for a WindClan cat, with wide shoulders and massive paws. Rumor had it he was Half-Clan, although no one was sure which one he may have belonged to. His body successfully blended the traits of all of the Clans- the shoulders of ShadowClan; the size of ThunderClan; the sleek pelt of RiverClan- along with the big chest and plush belly of a kittypet.

Half-Clan or not, he was said to be a jovial feline, albeit not a cat you would be wise to mess with. Even still, Hopkit couldn't see a vicious fighter in him at all as he waved his tail much like a dog's, yellow eyes bright with glee as he approached.

"Good morning, Goldenstar," Hopkit answered politely, imaging those big paws slamming down on their head with a shudder. The leader sat those bulky feet down beside him, tail neatly tucked. The thin-furred limb was too scrawny to fully hide the full mass of his paws. "Have you seen Longkit?"

He flicked his ear toward the slightly frozen prey-pile. The ground underneath them was starting to harden. Greenleaf was quickly coming to an end. "I thought I saw her playing with Mintkit near the fresh-kill pile."

"Thank you."

"Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, Goldenstar. You?"

"Well enough," he dismissed with a twitch of his long whiskers, peering into the nursery. "Is Whitefire open to visitors?"

Hopkit sunk their claws into the ground, wincing at the pain of forcing them through half-hard dirt. "She's sleeping!"

A ball of moss burst to scraps on his side. "I am not!" Whitefire laughed.

"But,  _Whitefire_!" they wailed unconvincingly. "You just told me yesterday that you were tired. You should rest."

Goldenstar blinked down at him. "If I upset you, Hopkit, I'll leave."

Hopkit stared into his honest gaze and immediately felt guilty. They knew they were being irrational. They knew Goldenstar was fiercely protective of his warriors, and would never personally lay a claw on them himself. If a WindClan cat slit his throat, he'd simply watch all his lives slip away with an anguished gurgle. It would be silly to assume he meant any harm.

Besides, their mother was a warrior, and much more capable than they were. Hopkit backed away.

"No, no. We'll go see how Mintkit and Longkit are doing."

Hopkit skittered away, hearing Whitefire pad to the front of the nursery to welcome Goldenstar inside.

"He worries," she purred reassuringly. "It's the mark of a cautious warrior."

 _We're not a he_ , they thought, mildly hurt by their mother's words. It wasn't like she knew, but it felt like she should just  _know_. Like all of WindClan should- as if by magic. _We're her kit. Doesn't that make it more obvious?_

Hopkit trampled dying grass under-paw as they circled the fresh-kill pile, finding the other two kits around the back. Mintkit was crouched perfectly still while Longkit sniffed and nudged her, eyes narrowed.

"Hello, Hopkit," Mintkit purred. Longkit repeated the greeting distractedly.

They tilted their head to the side. "What's going on?"

"I'm practicing," Longkit meowed with a flourish, tail high in the air with pride. "I just  _have_  to impress Cloudfern my first day as apprentice!"

"I'd hope you wouldn't have a patient so soon," Mintkit replied steadily. "It's not like Hopkit and I'll take on a ShadowClan our first day as 'paws!"

"That's different," she sniffed. "You'll be warriors. Warriors train different from medicine cats."

Hopkit nodded their head in agreement, then hesitated. "Goldenstar is visiting Whitefire again."

Longkit didn't pause in her work. "Did he bring prey this time?"

"No! He just kinda shuffled his paws and asked to talk." Hopkit felt their belly jump. "You think she'll be okay?"

"You worry too much, Hopkit," Mintkit chided, pressing a single white paw into their side to comfort them. "Most kits would be ecstatic if the leader of their Clan was showing interest. Goldenstar could be your adoptive father, if you want."

The thought did little to reassure them. "He's just so  _big_. Worried he'll get mad and squish her."

" _Hopkit_!" their littermate cried, finally backing off Mintkit to stare them down. "They've probably already talked about that."

The white she-cat cocked her head to the side. "About what?"

Hopkit shuffled their paws. "Whitefire falls in love with more than one cat, sometimes."

Longkit batted their ear with sheathed claws. "And that's nothing to be ashamed of. Your turn."

"You think he'll take it okay?" They dutifully rolled onto their back, baring their soft belly for Longkit to examine. "Others haven't. Some cats still whisper. I've heard them."

"They're just rabbit-brains. Who  _wouldn't_  love Whitefire?"

Mintkit hesitantly peered into their face, green eyes narrowed.  _How ironic,_  they thought,  _that she looks the most like our mother, and yet she's the only kit in the nursery who isn't her's!_ "Does that mean you might have different fathers? I know some kits are like that."

"No! Well, maybe." Hopkit shrugged. "Dunno."

"Probably," Longkit replied bluntly, nudging their back foot to test the joints. "Whitefire said she was with two toms around the time she found out she was kitting."

"Who?"

"Dunno. Don't care. It doesn't matter," she said firmly.

"Longkit," Hopkit interrupted, "could you  _please_  hurry? I told Rabbitpaw I'd race her today."

Her eyes lit up. "I could do a before and after test!"

"StarClan save us now."

"StarClan will save you when it sees fit. Not a moment sooner. " She playfully nudged their side. "Roll over."

* * *

 

Hopkit struggled to fall back asleep as the paws pressed down on them again. They felt real this time, with fur and pads.

Longkit let out a whine and kicked out, striking Hopkit in the side. "Whitefire, it's too early."

Whitefire's eyes glowed in the darkness. "I have a secret-place I want to show you."

Stumbling drowsily, Whitefire herded them gently into the cold clearing. Hopkit paused to make sure they didn't wake Mintkit, but the white she-cat urged them on.

"I know you won't really be apprentices until Sunhigh," she murmured, picking Longkit up by the scruff and placing her on her lean back, reaching back down to do the same for Hopkit. "But I want to show you WindClan."

"Are we going to see the whole territory?" Longkit squeaked, eyes wide.

"Yes. But from a distance. There's a ledge I know that overlooks it. Hold on, now."

Wriggling under the barrier, Whitefire set a brisk pace through the open fields, heading back around the side of the camp and up. Hopkit's eyes were wide. This was their first time outside the walls, and they didn't want to miss a single second of it.

"I'm selfish, I know," she said, pulling them up a small ridge. Whitefire seemed to have memorized the paw-holds, and reached the flat ledge allowed the moor to stretch out before it with a practiced ease. "But I have to share this with you."

Whitefire gently took them from her back and set them down. Hopkit and Longkit immediately crowded the ledge, letting their noses drown in the scents, ears pricked.

Hopkit felt the wind buffeting them, holding them and keeping them safe, and felt at home. They longed for the chance to race through the long grass, the taste of heather on their tongue, but they weren't an apprentice quite yet.

 _Soon_ , they thought.

"So many herbs out there," Longkit breathed. "And all the rabbits we'll eat in our lifetimes."

"It's humbling, isn't it?" Whitefire mused. "I come here when I want to be alone. Now it can be  _your_  secret-place."

Hopkit could remember the days their mother slunk off clearly. She always came back before night, and she always had prey. They'd never realized she had wanted to hide away, and felt slightly guilty for prodding her about it.

"I tried," she sighed, gently pulling them away so they wouldn't fall. "To be a good mother, I mean. I know it still wasn't enough, and I'm sorry for that."

"You act like you're gonna die." Longkit pressed her nose into their mother's fur. Hopkit wondered what it must be like, knowing she'll be the one to help prepare Whitefire's body.

"No, no," she purred, nudging her head with her nose. "But tomorrow you'll be apprentices, and then warrior and medicine cat. You'll always be my kits, but I'll never get to clean your fur or teach you things ever again. I'm going to miss that. I think..." Whitefire paused, staring into the slowly lightening sky, blue gaze fixated on the stars. "I think I'd like to stay in the nursery."

"Are you going to have another litter?"

"I don't know. Maybe someday."

" _Goldenstar's_  litter?"

"It's possible."

"Are _we_  Goldenstar's kits?" Hopkit blurted out. Whitefire's head snapped to him, the fur on her spine lifting with surprise.

"What?" She calmed herself. "No, no. The time is all wrong. You couldn't be."

"Who, then?"

"Does it matter?" she asked honestly. "You might not like the answer."

"No." Hopkit shook their head. "But I want to know his name."

Whitefire set her head on her paws thoughtfully. Hopkit was beginning to think she'd dozed off before she finally spoke. "There's only one tom in WindClan I knew personally that was descended from cats with pelts like yours, and that was Bitterbelly."

"Oh." He swallowed disappointment. Bitterbelly had never liked them. Forced to retire early from a busted spine, he'd joined StarClan almost four moons ago, only two moons after his injury. They could vaguely remember sitting his vigil.

"He was different before the tree fell," she said, as though that explained everything.

"What about me?" Longkit prompted. "Was Bitterbelly mine?"

Whitefire shook her head. "My bet is on Shrewdapple."

"The _deputy_?" She almost fell over herself.

"He was just a warrior, then. Made deputy late in his years."

 _She gets the Clan deputy, while all we got was Bitterbelly_ , they grumped silently. They knew, without a doubt, that it really didn't matter, that both toms had moved on- Bitterbelly to StarClan, Shrewdapple to another she-cat- and were no longer a part of their lives, save for the blood in their veins, but something about this didn't seem fair. Like they got cheated. Maybe it was because Bitterbelly had pushed her away, while Shrewdapple had quietly taken her aside and told her of his wish to move on, and had _talked_  about it.

 _We'll never be like Bitterbelly,_  they told themselves firmly.

Whitefire closed her eyes and mouthed some words to herself before opening them once again. "Does my approach to love bother you?"

"No." Longkit replied promptly. "It's not a secret. You're polite."

A single blue eye slid to them. "Hopkit?"

Hopkit swallowed. "I think it's okay. If that's what you want, and you talk to them about it."

"Thank StarClan." She breathed a sigh of relief. "If I had a second litter one day, would you love them?"

Longkit sniffed. "On one condition."

Her face lit up. "And that is?"

" _I_  get to be the one that delivers them." She puffed out her small chest. "I'll be WindClan's medicine cat, then."

"I don't doubt that," she purred, pressing her nose to Longkit's head. "Alright. You may."

" _I'm_ okay with it," Hopkit meowed hesitantly. "But only if he doesn't leave, like Bitterbelly did."

Whitefire stared at them, face soft. "Oh, Hopkit," she breathed, pulling them closer to press their heads together. "He never left me. And I know you won't, either. Don't worry. I love you both. Just, please, for this old she-cat's sake, be careful."


	12. Sandpaw (Name)

Sandpaw lightly set his paws down, fluffy belly just barely brushing the grass. His claws slid out. He waited, stiff and unmoving, until the mouse had begun to clean itself to pounce, snapping its neck.

 _I hope Rocknose saw that_ , he thought, clawing at the half-frozen ground with a grimace.  _Or Smokewhisker. Or Clawpelt. Anybody, really._

With a mouse and vole fallen under his claws, Sandpaw wondered if it was time to call it quits. He wanted to impress Barkstar, sure, but he also didn't want to seem like he was showing off to Rowanpaw and Crypaw, who wouldn't be warriors for another moon yet.

 _There's no such thing as 'showing off' for your warrior assessment. Stop worrying._  Sandpaw slithered through the dying grass, ears pricked.  _One more bird and then I'll head back to camp._

Crypaw liked birds. Sandpaw didn't want to admit he was hunting for him during  _his_  warrior assessment.

Thankfully, the few birds that were still around this late in the season had crowded the trees of ThunderClan for shelter and warmth, so he soon had a sparrow in his sights. Sandpaw crept closer, tail twitching exactly once before falling completely still.

Sandpaw let out an undignified yelp and tripped over his own paws when something sharp slapped his tail. The bird squawked and flew away.

"Rocknose?" For a brief moment, all Sandpaw could assume was that his mentor had come out of hiding to scold him on not holding still, but instead it was Brownpaw standing over him. Her eyes were worried.

Sandpaw sheepishly got to his paws, pelt burning with embarrassment. "Brownpaw, you  _know_  we aren't supposed to talk to each other until after the assessment!" A pang of terror struck his belly. "We could lose our chance!"

"There's no time!" she hissed, grabbing an ear with her teeth and pulling him away from his search. "This way!"

The sounds of fighting cats soon became apparent the closer they got the ShadowClan border. The odd and unfamiliar stench of RiverClan and ThunderClan warriors filled his nostrils as Brownpaw led him behind a bush. Nutpaw was crouched there waiting for them.

Sandpaw squatted beside her. "What happened?"

"Dung if I know. I can't read minds." Nutpaw's tail lashed. "I found them fighting like this. I just wanted to make sure none of us stumbled in by accident. I'm sorry if that means we can't become warriors."

Sandpaw peered over the bushes. It was almost as though they were play fighting; all ducking and dodging with the odd swipe. The hissing and screeching betrayed the illusion. He caught sight of Clawpelt's brown pelt and a flash of gray that could have been Rocknose or Grayscreech's.

He let out a growl of frustration. "Our mentors are in there! They didn't even get to see us hunt!"

"We'll dig up our prey later. Barkstar can judge that," Brownpaw said. "We need to get back to camp and warn the other warriors."

None of them moved. Sandpaw could only imagine the names Rowanpaw would be calling them right now.

"Ah, let's face it," Nutpaw sighed, shaking her head. "We can't leave them."

"It's a small patrol," Brownpaw argued. "They have it under control, for the most part."

"Today is the day we were going to become warriors," her sister grimly replied, claws sinking into the hard ground. "I say we act like it. One of us will go back to camp to tell Barkstar. The other two will stand and fight."

They both turned to him. Sandpaw took a second to admire their muscled bodies and clear, determined faces. They really were warriors.

"Brownpaw should go," he found himself saying. "She's the fastest."

"Are you sure?" Brownpaw touched a nose to his ear, frowning. "You don't have to fight."

Sandpaw swallowed. "I can't promise I'll be much help, but I want to try."

"That's all anyone can ask," Nutpaw meowed briskly. Sandpaw admired her ability to take charge so easily. It seemed like just yesterday she was the little kit who made them wait an extra moon when she broke her jaw. "Brownpaw, go. They must be getting tired."

Brownpaw nodded and darted into the undergrowth. Nutpaw and Sandpaw crouched next to each other, pelts brushing in search of nonexistent comfort.

"Ready?" she asked.

"Ready." His paws trembled.

Nutpaw threw her head back. "ThunderClan, attack!"

 _ThunderClan?_  He thought as they surged into the pile of writhing cats.  _Not even close to it!_ Still, Nutpaw fought like she had all of ThunderClan behind her, leaping into battle without any noticeable fear. Sandpaw, hovering at the edge, watched her disappear in a whirl of claws with admiration.

Notail charged, but Sandpaw had heard enough stories to know not to engage in battle with him. He ducked, landing a blow on Fallowfoot's muzzle before darting away. He felt claws sear through his side and yowled in pain.

 _StarClan help me_ , he thought desperately.  _I'm not made for this!_

A yellow head rammed his shoulder, sending Sandpaw flat on his back. Teeth dug in where his hind legs met his torso. His attacker jerked and retched.  _My paint! It must taste horrible!_

His heart lightened as they pulled back, then dropped when they met familiar blue eyes.

"Lightpaw?"

She stiffened. For a surreal moment they stared at each other, guilty and ashamed, before Lightpaw smacked him with her paw, claws sheathed. "Get out of here, squirrel chaser!" she hissed, but her heart obviously wasn't in it.

Sandpaw turned and ducked into the undergrowth, wailing like a lost kit. The shrieking behind him made bile rise in his throat.

_Never again._

* * *

 

"It's a clean scratch. It should heal nicely," Crowear assured him, gently examining the wound with her paws. "Did you see the warrior that did this?"

"No," he said miserably, pouting. Sandpaw stretched out his back leg to show the medicine cat his bite mark. He kept his head dismally on his paws.

"It'll be an awesome battle scar," Rowanpaw chipped in jealously. He and Crypaw had been assigned to watch over the camp while the battle patrol was away. Sandpaw had just missed them when he had pushed through the brambles, welcomed only by the silence of a half-empty clearing.

"This might scar too, but they won't be very noticeable." Crowear nodded to herself. "It's not like they tore off any chunks of fur."

"What're you going to do now?" Crypaw asked, eyes wide with concern. "Become a medicine cat?"

"Sandpaw isn't the medicine cat type," Crowear purred, running her tail across his shoulders. "No offense."

"That's okay," he said. "Maybe I'll take up Barkstar's offer after all."

A broad brown head pushed into the medicine den. Barkstar looked at him with a happy glow to his brown eyes. "I'm glad to hear that, Sandpaw."

Crowear sat up. "Is the patrol back?"

"Not yet. I sent Skyfur to lead them. It'll do him some good." He turned back to Sandpaw. "Are you sure you're going to be okay with this? I don't want to pressure you."

"More than okay. I never want to be on another battle patrol," he said firmly.

"Understood." He dipped his head. "Come on. We'll scrap together a nest for you while we wait."

Sandpaw forced himself to sit up. He was able to move just fine, but the scratches stung. "I'm still going to be made a warrior? Even though I ran?"

"A warrior chooses to run or he chooses to die," he answered simply. "Neither is wrong. It's a  _choice_ , after all. Now, come on."

Skyfur returned a short while later with the other warriors behind him, battered but not beaten. Nutpaw broke away to meet Sandpaw, her ear torn.

"You're okay!" She buried her nose in his fur. "We're all okay."

"Where's Brownpaw?"

"Digging up our prey. She wanted to fill the pile before our ceremony."

Sandpaw stayed by her side while Crowear examined injuries, joined by Brownpaw once she'd found as much as she could scavenge, and they used Lightpaw's branch of berries to paint their pelts. He felt a sense of nostalgia- the only difference between this and his apprentice ceremony was how big he was and that he had a teacher. They tried to make the splotches as close to how they were that day as possible, but with such low stocks they only managed a few faded stripes.

Barkstar called a meeting soon after. The three apprentices' mentors sat as close to them as possible, patiently waiting to be called.

"The story we received from the RiverClan warriors is that their medicine cat wandered too far away from their territory and the search party got into a scuffle with the warriors watching over the assessment," he said. "No matter what the case, it should be an interesting conversation at the next Gathering."

"And what makes their medicine cat so special that they can get away with marching through other territories?" Blackeye spat, long fur fluffed up.

"Deadnose has her name for a reason," Crowear replied calmly. "We mustn't forget that."

"Then why even let her out of camp? Don't they have _second_  cat to rely on?"

"Brightwater is a busy cat. Besides, Deadnose is very proud. If you think she would be willing to let others pick herbs for her, then you need to think again." Her tail twitched in irritation. Whether at the elder's prodding or her fellow medicine cat's pride, he couldn't tell.

"Either way, let's save it for the truce. I didn't call a meeting to gossip. Once we have evidence,  _then_  we'll talk," Barkstar concluded. "Today a group of cats, if not by their hunting skills, then by their quickness to jump into action, have gifted us a truth with which we cannot deny. Cats of ThunderClan, there are three new warriors amongst us. Step forward."

Sandpaw's heart gave a jerk as he stepped up, taking comfort in Rocknose's familiar presence and scent behind him. The she-cat sported a limp, but she'd refused to miss his ceremony. His heart gave a pang as he realized that he would always be close to this cat, this warrior, who had spent moons walking by his side and hunting and practice fighting with him much in the same way Whitesong had showed him how to open his eyes and greet the world, long into the days she was an elder and then gone. Nothing could ever break the connection they shared.

"Clawpelt, is Nutpaw ready to be a warrior?"

Clawpelt's tone was brisk. "Who do you think it was that led their little patrol? She's ready."

Barkstar accepted this with a nod. "Rocknose?"

Sandpaw heard a purring. "I can think of no better cat to protect the nursery. The kits he helps raise will fight for the chance to clean out his nest when he gets on in seasons."

"And Smokewhisker? What of Brownpaw?"

There was a pause. "I know I complain a lot, but I can think of no greater honor than to fight by her side," Smokewhisker stated. "Brownpaw is ready."

An even greater silence fell over the clearing as Barkstar raised his tail. "I, Barkstar, leader of ThunderClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on these apprentices. They have trained hard to understand the ways of your noble code, and I commend them to you in turn. Nutpaw, Sandpaw, Brownpaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend this Clan, even at the cost of your life?"

Nutpaw straightened. "I do."

Sandpaw felt his chest tighten like a dog had sat on it. Clearly emotional, he squeaked; "I do."

"Of  _course_  I do!" Brownpaw cried. A murmur of laughter rippled through the crowd, but it was like a bubble was around the apprentices and leader. Like they were in a completely different world.

"Then, by the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior names. Nutpaw, from this moment you will be known as Nutjaw. StarClan honors your sense of leadership and bravery, and we welcome you as a full warrior of ThunderClan."

Nutjaw, her chin raised proudly so the distended teeth glittered, strutted over to lick Barkstar's shoulder, returning to Sandpaw's side after.

Barkstar turned his eyes on him. "The day you were made an apprentice, I had decided to name you Sandfang. I realize now that name would have never suited you, and give you this instead. Sandpaw, from this moment you will be known as Sandpetal. StarClan honors your kindness and raw ability to love, and we welcome you as a full warrior of ThunderClan."

His paws shook as he bent down to lick Barkstar's shoulder, hardly daring to breathe when his muzzle rested on his head.  _I got a pretty name!_  His throat tightened with delirious happiness.

"Brownpaw, from this moment you will be known as Brownstep. StarClan honors your optimism and energy, and we welcome you as a full warrior of ThunderClan."

Brownstep was practically skipping as she pressed her muzzle to Barkstar's shoulder, and Sandpetal suddenly felt a deep sense of pride.

_I'm a warrior!_

ThunderClan threw back its head and yowled. "Nutjaw! Sandpetal! Brownstep!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let us all take a moment to congratulate these ThunderClan dorks for finally getting their names, huh?


	13. Lightpaw (Name)

Rosetuft peered into the newly-made nest in the nursery, disappointed to find it was clear of any scraps for her to take. "Huskwater did a really good job," she complimented, assuring herself that she had plenty as it was.

"I know, right?" Berryleg purred. Her former mentor lay sprawled out in the clearing next to the den, paws tucked under her. "I should've had kits sooner."

Situating herself by her side, Rosetuft shot a discreet look to her belly, only just barely rounded. "You could still go on patrols, you know."

Berryleg firmly shook her head. "My mother had a hard time kitting; lost three litters in her time. I'm not taking any chances."

She idly began to nibble at an itch on her arm. "Is Notail...?"

"Yes. But it's not a romantic thing." Berryleg's tail twitched dismissively. "Notail is a kind tom, but I'm just not interested in having a mate. He understands that. Still, he's more than happy to be a father with a friend." Berryleg stretched and shot her a sly look. "And what about you?"

Rosetuft blankly twitched her whiskers. "Me?"

"Yes, you. Do you want kits, someday?"

She set her head on her paws thoughtfully. The thought of having little bodies running over her paws and curling against her belly to feed, to watch them grow and become warriors or medicine cats or whatever suited their fancy allured her. But, she didn't want a tom. Not as a mate. "Maybe."

 _What would Lightpaw want?_ , she pondered. Lightpaw's disdain towards the nursery wasn't any reason to cut off her own dreams, she knew, but that didn't mean the she-cat's opinion didn't matter to her.

Berryleg gently set her tail across her back. "You've got plenty of moons yet," she meowed. "You've gotta be sure before you do something like this, after all."

Rosetuft purred gratefully and buried her muzzle into Berryleg's fur. "Thanks. I'll think about it."

"Plenty of time," she echoed.

A ruckus at the entrance of the camp broke into the moment, forcing them apart. Rosetuft watched with concern as her Clanmates shuffled into the camp, tired but not obviously defeated; Fallowfoot with a bleeding muzzle, Notail with claw marks across his sides, Fishtooth's tail tip was hanging crookedly, and...

And there was Lightpaw, blooding dripping down the left side of her neck, supporting a rather unhappy Deadnose. The she-cat looked rather proud of herself, despite the medicine cat's sour disposition; perhaps the black tail wrapped around her was what gave her the impression she had done well.

Rosetuft was on her paws before she'd even processed the thought, letting out a wail of shock as she crossed the clearing to her side. "Lightpaw! Are you okay?"

Lightpaw's blue eyes were bright. "I got to fight Skyfur!" she breathed.

Rosetuft took a sniff at the claw marks. It wasn't too deep, but there would assuredly be a scar. "Did he do this?"

"Well, yeah. He's not deputy for nothing." She couldn't remember the last time the 'paw had sounded so full of glee. "But I did it, Rosetuft! I fought a warrior!"

Deadnose rolled her eyes and marched painfully towards the medicine den, where Brightwater sat waiting.

"ShadowClan or WindClan, I could understand," she stated. "But  _ThunderClan_?"

"Oh, shut up." Deadnose flicked her tail dismissively. "I just went too far, is all."

"How did you not see-"

"I  _did_  see," Deadnose sniffed. Rosetuft wondered what it was like not to scent anything. "You know boundaries are meaningless to me. I was just going to see if there was any herb patches near the lake in ShadowClan that I could sneak, when..."

"You walked too far," Brightwater summarized with a disappointed shake of her head. "You'll be lucky if Applestar doesn't confine you to camp."

Deadnose pushed past her with a growl. "Oh, let her try."

Rosetuft took her place at Lightpaw's side, paws like weighted rocks, cold with worry. She knew, as a newer warrior, that she should feel jealous of her for fighting her first battle before she could, but the only thing she had in her chest was unease. "Let's go get those looked at."

"Huh? Oh, right." Lightpaw glanced at her, but didn't seem able to focus on anything, chest heaving with excitement and adrenaline. "Sure. I fought Skyfur, Rosetuft."

"I know. You said."

"It was awesome."

"I'm sure it was."

Together they stumbled over to the vibrant-smelling den. Warriors barred the way, chatting amongst themselves as they waited their turn. Rosetuft half-expected a tail twitch, but Lightpaw roughly flopped back on her haunches and waited.

Deadnose carried various scratches on her fur she hadn't noticed earlier as she examined the cuts on her neck. "It's not too deep. I'll get some cobwebs on it if we have any left." She turned to Rosetuft. "Stay by her and keep her warm. She's too out of it to be alone quite yet."

Rosetuft dipped her head and wound herself around the apprentice, intertwining their tails.

Lightpaw came back in increments, going from blank to seeking comfort to slowly inching away, giving her neck rough licks, making sure the dirt was gone to avoid infection.

"Let all cats old enough to swim gather to hear my words!"

"Lean on me," Rosetuft suggested, but Lightpaw kept a whisker-length between them as she padded into the clearing, head high. Rosetuft counted it a personal victory that she stayed next to her at all.

It was with an obviously peeved voice that Applestar informed them of Deadnose's misadventures. A waver of embarrassment struck the clearing; it was clear that RiverClan would be the laugh of the next Gathering.

Lightpaw snorted and rolled her eyes. Rosetuft felt weak with relief.

"But let's put that behind us. We've got much more important news," Applestar called, and the clearing fell quiet. "Swampwind and I have discussed this at length, and we both can agree that, as the only apprentice to join the search party, Lightpaw's bravery deserves rewarding. Notail?"

The tom jerked his head up in surprise. "Yes, Applestar?"

"Is Lightpaw ready to become a warrior?"

Lightpaw's eyes bulged out wider than any owl's.

Stunned into silence, it took him some time to find a proper reply. "She was a great apprentice, and she'll be an even better warrior. If you'll allow it, Applestar, I can think of no better cat to lead patrols one day."

Applestar nodded and lifted her chin. "Lightpaw, step forward."

Lightpaw, jaw hanging open, seemed to have fallen into a state of shock once again. Rosetuft nudged her to get a move on.

"I, Applestar, leader of RiverClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on this apprentice. She has trained hard to understand the ways of your noble code, and I commend her to you in turn. Lightpaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and defend this Clan, even at the cost of your life?"

Lightpaw hesitated. "I do?"

Applestar stared down her rather lackluster and uncertain answer a long moment before dipping her head in a nod. "Then, by the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior name. Lightpaw, from this moment you'll be known as Lightstripe. StarClan honors your ability to face hardships head-on and drive to protect, and we welcome you as a full warrior of RiverClan."

 _Finally!_  Rosetuft felt like she was screaming her excitement to the sky as she called her new name. "Lightstripe! Lightstripe! Lightstripe! Lightstripe!"

Applestar announced Lightstripe's vigil and declared the discussion over with. The new warrior looked incredibly awkward as Rosetuft nuzzled her.

"Oh, I've been waiting for today!" she cried. "You'll finally have a nest in the warriors den!"

Lightstripe gingerly nodded her head. Her ears seemed to be straining themselves to hear an agitated Bluepaw being comforted by Darkstream more than on her own words.

"It'll be your turn soon… she just got lucky, is all... you know I'll always love you no matter _how_  long it takes..."

The new warrior's form seemed to shrink in on itself. Rosetuft opened her mouth to comfort her, but Pikecloud and Hookfang pushed their way in to gift her their own congratulations.

She didn't get to speak to her again before she slunk out of camp for her vigil.

* * *

 

Rosetuft slept fitfully, finally rising just before dawn. She stretched, pressing her paws into Lightstripe's surprise.

A brand new nest, paw-made over the past half-moon. Rosetuft had carefully been crafting it since her ceremony, grabbing feathers and scraps of moss when and where she could. She didn't know exactly where Lightstripe would want to sleep, but it didn't matter so long as she was happy.

Rosetuft snuck out of the warriors' den and sprinted wholeheartedly to where she knew Lightstripe would be waiting. Her breath misted over and floated away in the chilly air. "Hey, Lightstripe! Light-"

She froze, ears falling.

Lightstripe was gone.


	14. Crypaw (Sandpetal)

Crypaw has known ever since he was a kit that he was outwardly calmer than his brother, but he can still admit to feeling the same level of frustration as he watched the tom pace, his own legs tucked underneath him.

He sighed wistfully. "Maybe they'll notice us when we're warriors."

"But that's  _forever_!" Rowanpaw slapped a paw against the ground, tail lashing. "She could have kits by then, let alone a mate!"

Crypaw resisted the urge to snort. "With who? If Brownstep wanted a mate, we'd know. Everybody would. She's not exactly shy."

"Stop talking all logical." He collapsed, playfully rolling until their sides were touching. "What does a tom do to attract a mate, anyway? Chase off a pack of dogs? Kill a badger?"

"You  _could_  try talking to her."

Rowanpaw sent him a dirty look. "This isn't the same as you and Sandpetal, Crypaw. She's not soft."

He scoffed. "Sandpetal isn't soft, for one. Besides, at least  _I'm_  not treating him like a prize."

"I wasn't-"

"You're so busy trying to 'win' her with some hare-brained stunt, you don't even seem to care about what Brownstep wants!"

Crypaw watched his brother shrink with a sense of guilt, but not enough so as to try and soothe the wound.

"I'm sorry," he muttered. "I didn't mean it that way."

"You need to be more careful, but I understand. We all step on our own tails from time to time." He gave his arm fur a few licks.

"But I can't just go up to her! It'd be weird, and Nutjaw always glares at me." Rowanpaw nudged his shoulder. "Let's go hunting. We can bring back some prey to give to them."

"You go."

"It doesn't have to be anything fancy."

"We've already been hunting."

"But this is for  _them_."

Crypaw sighed, pulling himself to his paws.  _At this rate, Rowanpaw'll start bringing me along every time he decides to roll in the grass, and I'll agree to it._

The gray tom sent the trio of new warriors a glance. Sandpetal, his belly fur a bright yellow, watched sheepishly as his Clanmates ate, stripped bare without his paint. Brownstep lay sprawled beside him, giggling loudly between bites. Across from Sandpetal sat Nutjaw, watching the display with a curious air.  _It's weird to think we were ever even in the nursery together. They're so much older than us._

But, still, the memories were there. He remembered Sandpetal before the paint- awkward and self-conscious- Brownstep before her legs grew in- gangly and easy to trip- Nutjaw before her accident- about the same, only without a broken jaw.

 _Yet here I am_ , he thought, trailing behind his brother,  _still Crypaw. I haven't changed, and neither has Rowanpaw. Maybe our warrior ceremony will do it_.

"Where do you two think you're going?"

Rowanpaw jolted and fell back. Crypaw ran into him. Out of the foliage came Silverblaze, her blue eyes gleaming with curiosity.

"Why?" Shaking off his embarrassment, Rowanpaw stood up, chest puffed out challengingly.

"It's getting late. I don't want Mousetail to get worried about you two," she said. "Not to mention your mentors."

"We're going hunting."

"Skyfur put you on a hunting patrol earlier," she answered.

Crypaw nudged Rowanpaw's shoulder and faced Silverblaze. It was better to get this over with now rather than late. "It's for Brownstep and Sandpetal."

Understanding lit up her face. "You should hurry," she meowed. "Leaf-bare's coming, so prey is scarce, especially now."

"We'll find something," Crypaw's brother promised solemnly. Silverblaze pushed between the two of then, long tail swishing.

"It'll be easier if you split up," Silverblaze purred. "Besides, I'm sure Sandpetal would prefer berries to food. Maybe you can find him something else to use, now that his bushes are empty."

Crypaw bowed his head respectfully. "I'll look, Silverblaze."

"Good. Happy hunting, both of you."

Rowanpaw watched her pad away with narrowed eyes. "Now the whole camp will know."

"They would've found out when we got back anyway." Crypaw shrugged. "I'll check the bushes by the river. I don't think anybody's hunted near the WindClan border recently."

His tail bristled. "But then the prey'll smell like sheep!"

"Brownstep likes sheep. She's always wanted to see one," he pointed out sensibly. "It'll really make her day if you find some wool for her nest."

Rowanpaw sighed. "Fine," he admitted. "You've got a point. Good luck finding smelly plants."

"Good luck finding smelly food," he returned, padding into the shrubs. Crypaw found himself at a path of hard, cold rock, and carefully made his way across.

 _I've never seen Leaf-bare before_ , he thought, shaking a rather unhappy paw pad, _but I doubt I'm gonna like it!_

Crypaw sniffed around, eventually coming up on some plants that left a distinct taste in his mouth. He tried to imagine Sandpetal rubbing them on his pelt, but they were leaves, not berries. He sliced open a leaf, and found it to ooze a clear liquid.

"I guess it'll do." Discontent, he bit through it with sharp teeth. "Better than coming back empty-pawed, anyway."

Crypaw attempted to imagine Sandpetal's excitement upon finding there was leaves that made him smell even slightly the way the berries did the other seasons. It wasn't hard. Sandpetal tried to keep a lid on himself around other cats and especially at Gatherings, keeping his paws tucked behind his tail and shoulders hunched, but even then he had a habit of purring as loud as a monster, or cleaning behind close friends' ears. He was a very open, loving tom.

 _Maybe he'll nuzzle me_ , he purred giddily. _But even a thank you would be nice._

Mindful of his brother's more taxing goal, Crypaw crouched and made his way forward stealthily. Rowanpaw would never forgive him if he scared off Brownstep's catch.

Rowanpaw was in deep concentration, stiff as stone, eyes narrowed. A decent-sized bird- for the season- hovered nearby, keeping an eye peeled as it cleaned its feathers. Doing what any good Clanmate would do, Crypaw went around, blocking off any chance of escape on the ground. He set the leaves down, licking his lips with a thoughtful expression. Not bad at all.

Rowanpaw leapt.

The bird squawked and attempted take-off, but Crypaw was ready, attaching his teeth into its ankle and pulling it down. Rowanpaw bit into its fleshy body. It shuddered and fell still.

His eyes were bright with triumph. "You smell like you rolled in something."

"Nice catch," Crypaw meowed dryly. "Smells like sheep."

"Thanks."

"Let's get back."

* * *

 

Rowanpaw stopped just outside the camp to give his fur a wash, but Crypaw pushed inside without preamble, his short fur a safeguard against knots and dirt.

Sandpetal was quietly eating a mouse outside of the nursery. Crypaw kept a few lengths away, waiting for him to notice and decide if he were in the mood for approach.

 _I wonder_ ,  _if he does end up with a mate one day, will they move into the nursery?_ Crypaw wasn't exactly fond of paws crawling all over his pelt for the rest of his life.  _In my case, maybe not, but there's plenty of cats who would be ecstatic to be mates with a tom like Sandpetal._

The thoughtful shuffling of his paws caught Sandpetal's eye. The sandy tom lifted his head to look at him, face bright with cheer.

"Crypaw! How long have you been standing there?"

"Not long," he promised, mumbling around the leaves. "I was wondering if you'd accept these as a gift."

The bulky tom got to his paws to move over to him and examine the leaves curiously. Even now, with Crypaw slowly closing in on his warrior name, Sandpetal was over a head taller, and twice his width from all the fur and a small bit of pudge.

"What are they?" he asked eventually.

"Leaves." Crypaw set them on the dirt before him, tail twitching anxiously. "I thought, since they smelled okay, you might like them."

Sandpetal pawed at them. "I'm fairly sure I've seen this in Crowear's den."

Crypaw's jaw dropped. "I found herbs?"

"No, no. Bit late in the season to just  _find_  herbs. I think she keeps them to help with the odor." Sandpetal glanced at him, and there was an honest happiness in his blue gaze. "Would you mind if I gifted these to her? It'll make her day."

"Uh, sure," he stammered, all pretense of coolness gone. "I mean, if they're useful- that's what matters, right?"

"Oh, thank you, Crypaw!" Sandpetal cried warmly, pressing his cheek to Crypaw's head, then drawing back to give it a grateful lick. "I'll go take this to her. You can have the last of my mouse, if you want."

The tom stooped down to grab the scented leaves, then raced to Crowear's den. Crypaw settled in bemusedly next to the prey, pelt fizzling.

He risked a glance as his brother. Brownstep had accepted the bird, and was nibbling on it while Nutjaw explained something to them both. Nutjaw's posture reminded Crypaw of Skyfur when he was assigning patrols. Rowanpaw seemed fairly content, however, listening to the she-cat talk with nary a complaint, laying next to Brownstep.

 _Sandpetal will have kits to help soon, if this keeps up_. Crypaw set his head on his paws.  _He'll be so excited._

"You didn't want it?" Sandpetal asked, concerned, as he padded back over. He wrapped himself around the apprentice, pulling the mouse back towards his body.

"I don't like mouse."

"That must be hard. Most of our diet is mouse."

"It's okay." Crypaw licked at his sleek chest fur, sounding sheepish. "I can still eat it. I just want to keep to voles and birds as long as I can."

Sandpetal purred and pressed their pelts together. Crypaw felt like his lithe body was being swallowed by fur.

"Have you ever tried fish? You might be able to catch some from the streams."

"I hate fish."

"Oh, I don't mind it myself. Lightpaw taught me how. We're Gathering buddies."

Crypaw laughed, but jumped when something cold hit his head. Sandpetal shot him a curious look.

"Ugh," Smokewhisker grunted, muzzle twisting with distaste. "I think it's starting to snow."

Milkpelt's fur bristled. "This early?" he rasped.

"Never bodes well," Tallclaw agreed. "We're in for a harsh season."

"I wonder who'll die first  _this_  time," Blackeye mused morbidly.

"Hard to say." Grayscreech shrugged, but looked uneasily nevertheless. "I haven't noticed any weak-looking warriors recently. Maybe a runt?"

Sandpetal audibly swallowed a cry and pressed ever closer. His eyes were fixed on Brownstep and Rowanpaw.

"I'll keep their kits safe," he promised. "And warm," he added. "I'll make sure they won't be lost."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't already noticed, Sandpetal is a big ball of fur, fat, and love, whereas Crypaw is a scrawny little thing. (Also, Sandpetal doesn't know about Lightstripe's ceremony yet, so it's not an error)


	15. Smallpaw (Berrystripe)

Smallpaw's fur is thin, and he feels the cold all too well, even when curled up in his nest. Only half-awake, the apprentice pulled himself closer, then sprawled himself out, feeling too warm.  _My body needs to make up its mind already,_  he thought, irritable.

Claws sunk into his flank. Smallpaw opened his mouth to screech, but the familiar scent of Spiderpaw stopped him as his brother pushed his nose into his brown pelt with a whimper, fur messy with sleep.

Pulling himself into a sitting position, Smallpaw peered out of the den. He could just barely see in front of his nose. The ground was hard, and an icy chill clung stubbornly to the air. Spiderpaw still hadn't let go of him.

"Spiderpaw?" he prompted quietly.  _Did he have a vision?_  "Spiderpaw, are you okay?"

Spiderpaw pulled back, eyes squeezed shut. He looked like a nursing kit all over again, young and fragile. The white tom's jaws parted in a declaration of pain.

"She's dead, Smallpaw!" He swallowed, then finished. "Berrystripe's  _dead_!"

Smallpaw felt the ground dip beneath him.  _Not now! StarClan wouldn't take her so close to Leaf-bare, would they? We need her now more than ever!_

"Are you sure?" he whispered.

Spiderpaw nodded miserably. "She told me she thought something was wrong, but I never imagined..." He let out a low wail and buried his muzzle in his fur again.

 _That makes two of us._  Smallpaw nudged the grief-stricken cat reassuringly. "Go wait for me in the clearing, okay?"

Tail drooping, Spiderpaw left. He seemed only vaguely able to function. Smallpaw felt around for Mousepaw's tail, then crouched down to take it in his teeth and bite.

A unsheathed paw cuffed him almost immediately. "What in StarClan-"

"Berrystripe's dead."

A frigid moment of silence. Mousepaw stood, wrapping Smallpaw in his familiar scent as he curled closer, nuzzling him with unspoken sadness. A brown tail soothingly brushed his spine, then whisked itself away.

"I'll wake the warriors," Mousepaw said finally. "You go help Spiderpaw."

Smallpaw nodded, brushing his nose against Mousepaw's shoulder before sprinting into the clearing. His fur fluffed up from cold, but he bit back the urge to complain.  _My littermate needs me._

Spiderpaw sat shivering outside the medicine cat den. He seemed unable to gather the courage to go inside.  _StarClan, please, help him find the strength to take over._ Smallpaw gave Spiderpaw's cheek a comforting lick.

"Dead, Smallpaw," he moaned. "She's dead."

"I know," he meowed gently, a whirlwind of grief and fear hovering just below the surface. "You need to prepare her for burial now. It's what she would have wanted."

Spiderpaw's eyes stretched wide with fear. "You'll stay, won't you?"

"Of course."

He hesitated, then nodded. "Okay."

The tom numbly led them both inside. The scent of death hit Smallpaw like a wave; his hopes of it all being a waking nightmare Spiderpaw had suffered fled him at once.  _She was so young..._

Spiderpaw prepared Berrystripe's body quietly, mumbling the herbs he needed. He showed Smallpaw the ins-and-outs as though he were merely an overly curious kit, and he listened and learned to make himself feel more useful. The fact he now knew how to make a cat's body smell well enough for a vigil sent a mild shiver down his spine, but that was the least of his problems. Outside, the camp had begun to stir.

"Is it true?" Watercry demanded, forcing her head into the den. She froze at the she-cat's still body, face softening. "Oh, Spiderpaw. I'm so sorry."

"She shouldn't be gone!" Spiderpaw wailed wretchedly, but he was starting to move on past the initial shock, the glaze extinguishing from his eyes in return for the usual perceptive sparkle. Smallpaw had no doubts in the tom's ability to heal, but he wondered if only three moons in was too early for so much responsibility.

 _Spiderpaw is so brave_ , he marveled.

"No, she shouldn't be," Watercry agreed, tail lashing. Smallpaw hoped she wouldn't start gnawing on her paws in her grief. He'd heard tales of her doing so when bored or anxious; who knew how she'd react to the coming Leaf-bare? Smallpaw made a small note to talk to her about it. "Do you want help carrying her out?"

"No!" He fiercely shook his head. "Just me and maybe Smallpaw is plenty, thanks."

 _Some vote of confidence,_  Smallpaw thought, but understood his reasoning. Even at nine moons old, Smallpaw only went up to the average warrior's chest, and he didn't seem to be getting any bigger. Watercry dipped her head in understanding and ducked away.

"I've got the front," Spiderpaw sighed, pulling Berrystripe's head onto his shoulders. "Can you get the haunches?"

All of ShadowClan seemed to be watching as they carried Berrystripe into the clearing. Sunlight was just beginning to peek over the horizon, although Smallpaw wished it was still black out. Wingstar appeared last, jumping down the rocks with a deep sorrow in her eyes. Every cat knew she sometimes climbed up the dark stones to keep watch over the camp when she couldn't sleep

 _Didn't she see Spiderpaw stumbling around like a lost kittypet?_  Smallpaw wondered, deeply angry.  _Didn't she care?_ The noble she-cat sighed, crouching down to press her nose into Berrystripe's fur, and he felt guilty all over again.  _Wingstar and Berrystripe were close as leader and medicine cat. It's as hard for her as it is for Spiderpaw._

Mosswhisker was bristling. "Who will bless her now? Our medicine cat is dead!"

"Hush," Boltgorse snapped. "We'll worry about that when we get there. For now, let us mourn in peace."

Watercry squeezed between Wingstar and Spiderpaw, running her tail comfortingly across her kit's back. Mousepaw intertwined their tails somberly, and Smallpaw gave him a nod, but focused on his littermate.

Finally Wingstar lifted her head. "Spiderpaw, you need to go to the Moonpool. You need to receive your medicine cat name."

A ball of emotion got stuck in Smallpaw's throat.  _Not already! The vigil's just started!_

But Spiderpaw shook his head. "By the time I got there, it would be too late. Berrystripe shouldn't have to wait that long. We'll just have to do it here." He gave her a pleading look. "Please, Wingstar. I'll tell you the words."

The ShadowClan leader dipped her head. Spiderpaw muttered the words, and then something else, into her ear.

"Of course, young one." She touched his head with her nose. "How could I refuse?"

Wingstar leapt up to call a Gathering, but everyone had already been called. She examined their downcast expressions a long moment, then raised her tail.

"Berrystripe is dead, but ShadowClan lives on," She proclaimed. "Just like the greatest tree in the forest, we have always been, and always will be. We  _will_  survive this." Wingstar puffed out her chest. "Before us stands an apprentice who has memorized every herb, has learned their every application. He's lacking experience, and it won't be easy, but there is no doubt that he will make us proud."

Spiderpaw slowly stepped forward. Wingstar nodded encouragingly.

"I, Wingstar, leader of ShadowClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on this apprentice. He has trained hard to understand the ways of a medicine cat, and with your help he will serve his Clan for many moons. Spiderpaw, do you promise to uphold the ways of a medicine cat, to stand apart from rivalry between Clan and Clan and to protect all cats equally, even at the cost of your own life?"

Spiderpaw glanced back at the Gathered and mournful warriors, then the still body of Berrystripe, before turning back with a solemn expression. "I do."

"Then by the powers of StarClan, I give you your true name as a medicine cat. Spiderpaw, as per your wish, from this moment you will be known as Spiderberry, in honor of your mentor, taken from us too soon. StarClan honors your sensitivity and intelligence, and we welcome you as a full medicine cat of ShadowClan."

Spiderberry bowed his head. "Thank you, Wingstar." Turning back to the vigil, he waved his tail for silence before speaking the blessing; too soon, but no one cared. "Goodbye, Berrystripe. May you find good hunting, swift running, and shelter when you sleep."

Mosswhisker settled in, visibly relaxing. "It is as it should be."

 _Does Brackentuft know?_  He thought suddenly, realizing he hadn't seen even a whisker of the queen, who had taken leave from duties after the birth. Smallpaw broke away from the vigil to poke his head into the nursery. The brown she-cat seemed fast asleep, two kits nuzzled tight against her side.

Stepping over the tabby she-cat, Lizardkit, and her gray sister, Rockkit, Smallpaw nudged her. "If this is about Berrystripe, I already know," she said without opening her eyes. "But I can't do anything about it. The kits need to sleep."

"I could watch them for you."

Brackentuft lifted her head to blink at him owlishly. "Thank you for the offer, Smallpaw, but this is more of a queen's job. Taking care of them overnight without supervision isn't a good idea if you don't know what you're doing, you know?"

"Oh." He shuffled his paws awkwardly. "Right."

* * *

 

Mousepaw stared at him uncertainly as Smallpaw settled back in. He flicked an ear towards the nursery, shame still burning his pelt. Or maybe he was just used to the breeze.

"Don't worry about those two," he meowed. "Brackentuft will keep them safe."

 _I already knew that. I just wanted to help_. Smallpaw bit his tongue.

Spiderberry stayed by his mentor's side until morning, then stood and stretched. "I'll see StarClan tonight," he promised wearily, then disappeared into his den. Mosswhisker and Bronzewind took her away for burial. Ivyclaw and Darkflame refused to let them leave camp.

"We're all tired," Ivyclaw dismissed. "Some rest'll do us good."

Brackentuft pushed out of the nursery. Rockkit and Lizardkit tumbled around her paws.

"I slept the best out of all of us," she stated, padding up to the deputy. "I'll lead a patrol."

Rocktail glanced at the two kits.

"I may be a queen, but I'm still a ShadowClan warrior," Brackentuft meowed testily. Rocktail was said to be the father- hence Rockkit's name- but the two cats didn't seem to be on good terms with each other in the slightest. "Besides, I thought Smallpaw could watch them. He asked, and now that I've thought about it, I was wrong to turn him away."

Ivyclaw bristled. "Smallpaw needs to sleep."

Mousepaw pushed into the conversation with an irritable flick of the tail. "He can do both just fine." He turned to the small she-cats. "Lizardkit, Rockkit, how would you like to try out the nests in the apprentice den?"

They let out squeaks and squeals of excitement, pouncing on Smallpaw and knocking him over.

"Can we?"

"Please!"

Darkflame shook his head with a quiet but hollow chuckle. "You two seem to really like Smallpaw."

"He's us-sized!" Lizardkit proclaimed, batting at his ears. "And he doesn't treat us like frog-brains."

"Yeah," Rockkit sniffed. "Like  _Mousepaw_  does."

"Hey!" Mousepaw let out a  _mrrow_  of laughter. "I just offered you runts my nest, you little fox-hearts!"

Smallpaw couldn't feel his face.  _I haven't been this exhausted_  ever. _Is it the grief I feel that's doing this?_ "Can we go to sleep now?"

"Of course," Ivyclaw meowed agreeably.

Feeling too constricted in his fur, Smallpaw stumbled into the den and curled up in his nest, ignoring the tiny bundles of fur crawling all over him. They eventually settled in, and a much larger body laid down nearby.

Smallpaw let out a low, wheezing cough, then fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear to StarClan Smallpaw is descended from a munchkin somewhere in his line, and he just happened to get the good genes. Also Wingstar is probably part Persian.
> 
> ("He's us-sized!" is still one of the cutest things I've ever written tbh, I love it so much)


	16. Lightstripe (Rosetuft)

Lightstripe's paws pitter-pattered quietly on the dirt. The moon rose above her, a claw scratch in the sky. The river gurgled next to the lone traveler, comforting in the strangeness around her.

 _Sandpaw said I would only be happy by the river_ , she reminded herself firmly,  _but he never said that meant in RiverClan._

It dawned on her that she would never know her Gathering-buddy's warrior name. Loneliness ached in her chest, deeper than it had even as a kit.

She kept moving.

The messy she-cat moved with no real direction, her paws wet and cold. Spray from the water flecked her pelt. She smelled a Twolegplace in the distance.  _Leaf-bare will be here soon_. Lightstripe's breath rose into the night air.  _I'll be one less cat for RiverClan to hunt for. Perhaps Murkytail will thank me, for once._

Maybe she'd live as a kittypet during the coming moons. She could sit outside and smell the frozen water around her, collar rubbing against her throat. There would be food, and shelter, and the relief she'd feel when Newleaf arrived and she could escape would be so sweet.  _I know a thing or two about living in a cage. I could do it._ The idea made her belly churn. The whole reason Lightstripe had fled RiverClan was to be free; was she willing to be caught once again?

She flicked her tail dismissively. _I'll figure that out once Leaf-bare gets here. I have plenty of time._

Memories gurgled up, unbidden. Not pleasant ones; the kind that made her walk away faster. Bluepaw knocking her out of the nest as a kit; Murkytail's harsh words; the piercing looks cats sent her at Gatherings for talking to Sandpaw.  _Honestly, I'm better off on my own_.

Perhaps she would have been. Perhaps, if paws didn't playfully pounce on her shoulder blades, knocking her to the hard ground. If a familiar scent didn't bathe her tongue.

"Caught you!"

Panic shook Lightstripe.  _I can't go back now!_  She batted at her attacker feebly, pinned. Friendly green eyes glittered down at her.

"You were so lost in thought, a badger could've gnawed on your tail and you wouldn't have noticed!" Rosetuft purred. "Are you okay?"

"No," she growled. "Let me go."

"Okay." The weight left her back immediately. Rosetuft defiantly stuck out her chin as Lightstripe got to her paws. "I'm coming with you!"

"Good StarClan no," Lightstripe meowed. "Applestar would send all of LeopardClan itself to find you."

"No, she won't." The red she-cat took a step closer, putting them almost muzzle-to-muzzle. "She'll know I'm with you."

Lightstripe felt herself being persuaded in spite of her weak argument.  _It's a terrible idea, but I'd feel so lonely without her._  Not for the first time she felt the urge to be the one to press her pelt to Rosetuft's first, but the cold mud spiking her fur would only cause more harm than help.  _Fish-brain. It's rude to impose like that anyway._

"I'm not going back," she answered, pushing the conflicting thoughts aside. "If you went with me, neither would you."

"I know."

"Is satisfying your curiosity really worth that?"

" _You_ are worth that and more," she breathed. Rosetuft pressed her nose into Lightstripe's pelt. She felt so soft and warm compared to the muck clinging to her fur and heart. "I got so scared when I realized you were gone."

Guilt pricked her deeper than any thorn.  _Rosetuft deserves so much better than this. Than me._  Lightstripe gave her a hesitant lick between the ears. "I'm sorry?"

"You weren't trying to hurt anyone. I know that." Rosetuft pulled away, and she looked so strong, fluffy pelt pushing out and making her look bigger against the cold. "We should get moving."

Lightstripe dipped her head. "Okay."

They walked on in silence. Questions roared in her ears.  _Where are we going to hunt? And sleep? We'll be better guarded against enemies, but we can't fight nature itself. We don't have the security of a Clan, and two seems like much more trouble than one._

"Lightstripe!"

The she-cat jolted. Rosetuft pushed some reeds aside to reveal an old rabbit hole. It had been hollowed out- probably for other cats like themselves to use- but she detected nothing but stale prey-scent.

"The cold will make the soil solid. No worries about cave-ins," she reported, then pushed inside. Lightstripe watched her stretch and curl up. They'd be practically on top of each other if they both nested in it.  _Much too personal; Rosetuft wouldn't want that._

"I'll find something else nearby," she heard herself say. Rosetuft's head popped up off her paws.

"You can stay, if you want."

Indecision and the wish for comfort warred in Lightstripe's mind. Rosetuft's face grew more self-conscious. "Unless you don't want to, I mean. I understand if you don't."

"No, no! I do!" Pelt burning with embarrassment, Lightstripe took a huge step over the reeds and into the burrow. She awkwardly settled in next to her. They touched from top to bottom. She gave her fur a quick cleaning to try and avoid mud transfer, but eventually relaxed.

 _I could spend my whole life this way_ , she found herself thinking.  _But that would just hold her back. She's got energy in her paws. Mine usually just feel tired._

Still, when Rosetuft gave her ears a few loving grazes with her tongue, she felt at ease. Lightstripe purred and drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -fist pump- aw yeah. They're finally old enough for cute gay snuggles.


	17. Hoptail (Hoppaw)

Hoppaw only slept semi-decently thanks to Mintpaw's gentle purring, the press of fur as they curled up together, their body weighted down with stones of worry.

"Lucky," Airpaw had sniffed. "I can't wait to be a warrior."

 _Neither can I! But I'll be leaving Longpaw behind._  They knew their littermate didn't mind, but it hurt to think of being above her, even if only for a second.

They stumbled, bleary-eyed, out of the apprentice den. Their mentor, Dogsplash, waited for them by the fresh-kill pile, pelt sleek and groomed with excited energy.

Hoppaw felt vaguely ill.  _Maybe I can fake a bellyache._

But Mintpaw was right by their side, whiskers twitching with excitement. "Come on, grumpy!" she purred. "Let's share some prey before we go."

Hoppaw scrambled after her. After the unfortunate passing of Runningfall, they'd been worried about her. With no named mate or littermates, Mintpaw had been all alone in WindClan.  _She's moved on from all that. Just look at her! She's so happy to receive her warrior name._  Just a few moons ago she wouldn't have cared at all.

Dogsplash was a strip of black and white in the heather clearing. Her ears were folded close to her head, and her tail was extra long, thanks to being a descendant of the old tunnelers. She gazed at them with clear, knowing eyes as they approached, but she was baring the slightest hint of tooth in her smile as they came closer.

"You 'paws grow up so fast," Brackensong sighed. Her lithe dappled body rippled as she stretched, tail twitching. "I'll miss being a mentor. I enjoy it too much for my own good."

"There will be other kits. Soon, too," Dogsplash assured the distraught warrior. She turned her fierce gaze on them. "Are you okay?"

Hoppaw swallowed. "Nervous."

"You should be. Change can be nerve-wracking." She gently nosed their ear. "Just remember that, no matter what, you're still WindClan. You'll never have to face the seasons alone."

They melted at her words.  _StarClan, thank you for giving me such a wise mentor_.

"In more ways than one," Poppyflame teased, with a glance at Mintpaw.

"Like you have room to talk," Mintpaw snapped, plucking a rabbit off the top of the pile. "You've been padding after Rabbitwater for moons!"

She bristled. "That's different. We have a very casual relationship."

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, oh mighty warrior."

Out of the nursery came Whitefire, who eyed them all as she approached with an odd spring in her step. "Hoppaw, let's eat together. It's the last time I'll get to call you by that name, after all." She cleaned them between the ears.

Mintpaw drooped. "Aww."

"Come eat with us," she urged. "I don't mind at all. And bring Longpaw too."

"Want me to grab the whole apprentice den while I'm at it?" Hoppaw asked, deeply confused.  _Normally she hates crowds._

But Whitefire only purred, whisking her tail over their head. "I wouldn't mind in the slightest."

* * *

 

Hoppaw staggered behind Dogsplash, feeling like their pelt had been ripped off and cobweb'd back on.  _Whitefire's having kits._  Their throat felt like it had a hairball caught in it.  _Whitefire's having Goldenstar's kits._

"Focus," Dogsplash called after they bumped into her one too many times. "Or we'll put your assessment off until claw-moon."

 _My assessment? Who cares about my assessment? Whitefire's going to have kits!_ Would Whitefire even glance in her grown-up litter's direction after that? Longpaw, maybe, but _them_?

 _We look exactly like Bitterbelly_ , they thought. _That's why Goldenstar made me Dogsplash's apprentice. They were littermates._ _I'm a bad memory to her._

It didn't matter who Bitterbelly was or wasn't in Hoppaw's life. He was still once Whitefire's mate, and his name still sent a sigh out of her jaws.

_Whitefire can start over with new kits. We'll be just another WindClan cat to her._

The thought filled Hoppaw with a grim sort of determination. They shook themselves into the present, scanning the moor with a keen eye.  _If I'm just another warrior to her, I might as well be a good one._

"We'll do your hunting assessment first." Dogsplash flicked her tail. "Get going. I'll follow and watch over your progress."

They nodded and slipped into the tall grasses. Hoppaw kept a steady pace- not too fast or too slow- unwilling to seem too worried to their mentor.

They glanced behind themselves. They couldn't see Dogsplash. They hoped they were just as well-hidden. The scent of Mintpaw wafted into their nostrils. The fur on their spine settled slightly as the she-cat appeared by their side.

"Group hunting?" she mouthed.

Hoppaw nodded.

Winds buffeted their fur as they padded through the grasses. Peat and heather curled into their pelt, the same way it had since they were just a kit.  _Whitefire may move on, but I'll always have the moors._

Mintpaw bristled, eyes flashing. All at once, the comfort fled as the stench of ShadowClan floated to them.

 _Not now!_ , they wanted to wail.  _Not on our special day!_

Another, more protective thought filtered through; _if these cats feel they can go wherever they want, what if they go all the way to camp? What if they attack Longpaw and Whitefire? My future littermates?_

Hoppaw's claws slithered out to knead the ground. "Let's chase 'em out," they growled.

"Wait." Mintpaw's eyes narrowed. "I think they're just 'paws."

 _So are we!_ They crouched side by side in the tall grass and waited, bodies tensed, for the intruders to pass.

A brown she-cat soon slipped out of the heather, eyes slitted against the wind. They felt an irrational irritation at how at home she looked; like she owned the territory.

"Come _on_ , Darkpaw," she hissed. "We have to find their camp."

An even smaller black tom shoved his way through the grass, tail lashing. "We can't even find  _each other,_  and I can't smell a thing," Darkpaw grumbled. "We'll never find the camp."

"It's gotta be in the territory somewhere," she snapped. "We have time."

"No, you don't!" Mintpaw bunched up her muscles and leapt, bowling the she-cat over in a fury of claws. Hoppaw hared out after her, taken off-balance by the sudden attack.

Darkpaw let out a cry of fear. "Brackenpaw!"

"Your Clanmate can't help you now," they snarled, slashing at his nose.

"I don't wanna fight!" Darkpaw ducked. "We just need some catmint."

"We don't have any!"

The apprentice's eyes flashed. It was pure rage. He tried to ram Hoppaw over, but they were too big to move very far.

"You're lying!" he cried desperately.

"No, I'm not!" They slammed into him, pummeling at his soft side. "My sister is a medicine cat! She tells me these things!"

"Shut your mouth, crowfood!" he wheezed, but couldn't get up from under their paws.

 _He can't have been a 'paw for more than a moon_ , they thought suddenly, with a twitch of guilt.  _He doesn't know how to fight_. Hoppaw used all of their self-control to make themselves let the 'paw out from under their weight. They lashed their tail. "Go."

Darkpaw looked stubborn, but before he could reply Brackenpaw shoved Hoppaw out of the way, blood streaming down her flank. "Let's go!"

Mintpaw sprinted past them, eyes flashing. "Follow them!"

They kept at a distance, lips drawn back to show their strenth, as they chased after the two ShadowClan cats. They wanted to make sure, as any true warrior did, that they crossed the border.

They were halfway there when Hoppaw felt the ground disappear from under their paws. Their back ankle twisted painfully; it had accidentally plunged into a rabbit hole. They landed with a thud, skittering across the heather. The air was knocked out of their lungs, rendering Hoppaw unable to cry out.

"Hoppaw!" Mintpaw screeched, slithering to a stop. They climbed to their paws, but found they couldn't put weight on their left hind leg. Mintpaw pressed close, propping them up.

"Let's go back," she panted. The thrill of battle no longer seemed to interest her.

* * *

 

Longpaw gently ran her tail across their spine, frowning sympathetically. "It'll hurt to walk on, but you'll heal."

They breathed a soft sigh of relief. "I was worried that I wouldn't be able to run again."

She snorted derisively, but her blue eyes glittered. "Drama cat."

Mintpaw pushed her way into the den, carrying a vole. "We sure taught those ShadowClan fox-hearts a thing or two," she meowed proudly.

Longpaw looked uneasy as the other she-cat daintily set the fresh-kill at their paws. "There must be some sickness in ShadowClan if they were looking for catmint," she replied sensibly. "They weren't here to fight."

Mintpaw's tail bristled. "So they sent two apprentices?" she argued with a snort. "Not likely."

"Chew these," Cloudfern instructed, setting a pile of herbs by Longpaw's feet. "Daisyclaw is too stubborn to ask for help, so they probably felt like they had to." She shrugged her white shoulders. "At least his 'paw is showing promise."

Longpaw shifted awkwardly, bending down to take a leaf into her jaws. She spoke between bites. "I dunno about that. Berrypaw seems a little  _too_  chatty, even for a first-moon apprentice."

"Oh, hush." Cloudfern's tail thrashed. "You spend too much time around your brother. You sound more like a warrior apprentice than you do a medicine cat."

Their sister shifted so she was pressed against them, chin raised. "My brother who is becoming a  _warrior_ , thank you very much." She gave their neck fur a lick, leaving a streak of residue in its tracks. "Who I'm also very proud of."

"Speaking of pride," Cloudfern purred, then raised her voice. "You can come in now."

A blur of white burst through the bracken. Hoppaw found themselves being cleaned with brisk strokes, wrapped by a familiar white pelt. "Oh, my brave little warrior!" Whitefire cried. "I'm so proud of you. And you as well, my medicine cat apprentice, for healing him!"

 _We're such a rabbit-brain. How could I ever think she'd abandon us?_  Hoppaw saw the loosening of their sister's shoulders while she chewed as their mother prattled on, however, and realized they hadn't been alone in those fears.

_A good nights sleep; that's all we needed._

"Can he get up?"

"Of course." Cloudfern's whiskers twitched. "I'd hate for him to miss his own warrior ceremony."

 _Our ceremony!_  Hoppaw felt like they could run forever with excitement.

Mintpaw provided them with a shoulder once again as they stumbled into the clearing. Goldenstar stood up from sharing tongues with Shrewdapple when he spotted them, leaping onto the rock. He signaled with his tail for the cats to come closer, as they were all gathered and waiting. Hoppaw watched as Dogsplash and Brackensong proudly padded forward.

"We have much to be grateful for this season," Goldenstar boomed, but his eyes were as soft as a kit's as he went on. "Crowkit and Robinkit will soon be 'paws. Prey has run well this season, and they will be fast enough to catch it. Airpaw is shaping up to be a great warrior. Whitefire will soon bring new life into the Clan, and tonight it will be these two cats who protect those lives." He gestured with his rust-colored tail. "We may be small in size, but WindClan is strong and proud."

WindClan cheered. "WindClan! WindClan!"

Hoppaw joined in. "WindClan!"

Goldenstar raised his tail for silence, jumping down to stand before them. "Hoppaw, from this day forward you'll be known as Hoptail. StarClan honors your kindness and inquisitive nature, and we welcome you as a full warrior of WindClan."

Hoptail licked Goldenstar's shoulder, hardly daring to breathe when his large muzzle touched their head. The leader gazed at them with proud eyes before moving to Mintpaw.  _You're not my father_ , they thought.  _But you're something close to it_.

"Mintpaw, from this day forward you'll be known as Mintpelt. StarClan honors your energy and strength, and we welcome you as a full warrior of WindClan."

Mintpelt was shaking as she licked Goldenstar's shoulder.  _She's watching over you, I promise._

"Hoptail and Mintpelt will hold vigil tonight," he finished, a sentimental hitch in his voice. "And I can think of no two warriors better to do it."

"Hoptail! Mintpelt! Hoptail! Mintpelt!" they all cried, and they felt something warm swell in their chest.

Longpaw wove her tail into Hoptail's and pressed her nose to their pelt.

"Not just  _two_  warriors," she said. "All of StarClan runs in you both."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daisyclaw's stubbornness ended up costing Darkflame his mother and Brackentuft her littermate- as well as one elder. Just a little fun fact. But Darkflame never forgot the apprentice who showed him such mercy his first day as a 'paw.
> 
> (Yes, Bitterbelly and Dogsplash got gypped on their warrior names.)


	18. Smallpaw (Bronzewind)

Smallpaw could barely put one paw in front of the other as he walked with the other cats chosen by Wingstar to go to the Gathering. He felt like he hadn't slept, and was half-tempted to curl up in the closest bush and wait for his Clanmates to come back. The familiar press of Mousepaw's pelt was what kept Smallpaw going. The tom was much bigger than him, despite being of average size for an apprentice, and he felt safe to lean against him.

"You should've stayed behind," he meowed, wrapping his tail around his back legs, supporting them. "You need the rest."

Smallpaw forced his eyes open and chin up, trying to shake the sleepiness from his mind. "Spiderberry might need me."

"Spiderberry is a medicine cat now," Mousepaw answered sensibly. "He might be young, but he'll have the other medicine cats watching over him."

He snuck a glance at his brother, feeling a deep loneliness ache in his chest. As medicine cat, he kept pace next to Wingstar, tail high. He didn't look back. He didn't remind Smallpaw at all of the wailing apprentice he'd comforted less than a moon ago.

"Don't worry." Mousepaw nosed his ear. "I know a cat we can sit with."

Smallpaw was second-last to leap onto the tree-bridge, assisted by Mousepaw. Ivyclaw led him across with her tail, flashing him a concerned glance. If the apprentice had felt dizzy before, it got much worse when blanketed by the scents of all the other Clans. He staggered, pelt hot.

"Come on." Mousepaw gently nudged him again. "You'll feel better once you're sitting."

Smallpaw was aptly named, but he had never felt his size as much as he did now, chin pressed against his chest. He shuffled after the other apprentice, wondering why he had even bothered to come.

"Hey, Sandpetal!" Mousepaw called. Smallpaw glanced up just as a large golden tom lifted his head. He didn't have much muscle definition for a warrior, but he was all large fur and a bit of fat. A scar dotted his side, just under his left shoulder.

Mousepaw padded up to the warrior without fear, chin high. He twitched his tail to gesture to him. "My friend Smallpaw isn't feeling well, and we need a spot out of the mayhem. Can he sit with you?"

Sandpetal's eyes lit up with understanding. "Of course he can!"

Smallpaw awkwardly plopped down next to the warrior. He wrapped his bushy tail around his thin frame without a second thought, unconcerned with the looks other cats shot him.

"You should go mingle." Sandpetal nodded to Mousepaw. "You can sit with us once the Gathering starts."

Mousepaw hesitated, then nodded and disappeared into the crowd. Sandpetal cleaned his head with brisk strokes, unconcerned with the looks he was given. He smelled like the nursery and ThunderClan.

"Some of the other cats might glare," he warned with an air of experience, a goodnatured grin on his face. "But your health is more important."

Smallpaw dozed off and on until the leaders called for the Gathering to begin. Mousepaw was pressed against him once again. He hadn't noticed him approaching.

Wingstar lifted her chin. Her white pelt made her look almost ethereal in the background of greenery. "It is with great grief that I inform you that our medicine cat, Berrystripe, has joined the ranks of StarClan. Spiderberry is ShadowClan's medicine cat now."

Smallpaw struggled to get his raspy voice into a yowl, but he managed to chant alongside with everyone else. "Spiderberry! Spiderberry!"

"Brackentuft has been gifted with two kits; a salve to our wounds. It will take time, but Lizardkit and Rockkit will assuredly become cats ShadowClan can be proud of."

"Lizardkit! Rockkit!"

Wingstar proudly dipped her head in thanks for the cheers. "All is well. ShadowClan has nothing else to report."

 _How about illness?_ , he thought.  _Rocktail has been coughing._

Smokestar puffed out his chest, icy breath frosting his fur with condensation. "WindClan has two new apprentices. Brightpaw is set to be a warrior, while Molepaw is training under Longfeather to be a medicine cat."

Smallpaw caught a glimpse of a brown tom sitting sheepishly beside a gray-speckled blue molly near the front. Her eyes met his, calm and knowing.

"Brightpaw! Molepaw! Brightpaw! Molepaw!"

"Peatflower has earned her warrior name. WindClan looks forward to many seasons with her."

 _There's a lot of chanting tonight._  He felt frustration bubble up in his belly at his sore throat. "Peatflower! Peatflower!"

"WindClan has nothing more to report."

Sandpetal pricked his ears as Barkstar twitched his tail to garner attention. "ThunderClan has two new warriors; Rowantooth and Cryowl!"

Sandpetal chanted their names, then nudged him, whiskers twitching in amusement. He nodded to a broad-shouldered brown and black-striped tom. His chest was puffed out, chin raised.

"He got his name early to better support his mate," he whispered, with a  _mrrow_  of laughter, "and he won't let anybody forget it!"

 _He sounds like a decent cat, then_ , he thought blankly.

"Oh, please," the gray-blue tom beside him purred. "Like you aren't just as proud."

Sandpetal shot him an affectionate glance. "Always."

"Brownstep has given birth to two kits, both she-cats. Sheepkit and Graykit will be stronger for being born in this harsh season."

"Sheepkit! Graykit!" they called. Rowantooth practically screamed it to the sky.

Applestar nodded to Barkstar as he settled back in on his branch. She didn't seem at all bothered to go last.

"RiverClan has little to report," she stated. "Berryleg has given us four kits, only born yesterday, all of which are healthy, and Bluepaw has received the name of Blueclaw. We could not be any prouder of our Clanmates."

Sandpetal was silent as the others yowled, this time. He pressed his nose into Smallpaw's fur, visibly distracted. Cryowl shouted enough for both of them.

"There's nothing else to report. The Gathering is at an end."

The leaders jumped down from their branches on the tree. Sandpetal gave Smallpaw a final lick before breaking away to join his Clanmates.

"I'm surprised he even came, with Brownstep having just kitted," Mousepaw meowed curiously, eyes narrowed. "He's a nursery cat, after all."

Irritation sparked under Smallpaw's pelt, though he was too tired to act on it.  _You shoved me off on some random warrior because they take care of_ kits _? Is that how feeble you see me?_

* * *

 

"Let all ShadowClan cats gather for a meeting!"

Smallpaw moaned into the moss of his nest. It was the morning after the Gathering, and he only felt worse, not better.  _I'm not sick_ , he told himself forcefully, despite his body screaming the contrary.  _Spiderberry has more important things to do than deal with me being ill._

Blinking the sunlight from his eyes, Smallpaw padded over to the gathering warriors, throat dry and sore from hacking into his arms. He pushed himself deeper into the throng of warriors when the sounds of playful squeaking reached his ears. He didn't think Lizardkit and Rockkit were any more likely to catch whatever he had, but they were too small to fight it off.

They were only a bit smaller than him.

_I'm not sick._

"Rocktail has retired to the medicine den for now." Wingstar nodded to Spiderberry, who watched her with little emotion. "Spiderberry believes it to be Greencough. Until he heals and is able to settle patrols, Darkflame will take his place as temporary deputy."

Mousepaw let out a cry of excitement at the title his mentor was receiving. Smallpaw barely heard it.

Darkflame blinked, shocked, and dipped his head. "Thank you for the honor, Wingstar. I'll be sure to do my best for the Clan."

_I'm not sick._

"Smallpaw?" Ivyclaw brushed against him. The camp suddenly seemed empty. Wingstar had left her perch, and Darkflame was padding out of camp alongside Boltgorse. "The meeting is over."

Smallpaw looked at her with glazed eyes, trying to imagine how he would ever possibly find the energy to train.

Mousepaw pushed between them before he could reply, fur bristling. "Smallpaw's still tired from the Gathering. Can he sleep a bit longer?"

_Don't vouch for me! I'm not an elder!_

Ivyclaw blinked at him a long moment. "I don't see why not. We wouldn't want him getting sick in the harshest time of the season."

* * *

 

It took Smallpaw the better part of three days to recognize and accept facts. He spent most of that time sleeping, when he wasn't stumbling around camp and the marshes in a lackluster attempt at being a good Clanmate.

He was sick. He'd probably been sick for a while now, and it had merely escalated after Berrystripe's passing. He probably had Greencough, from what little he knew of the symptoms for Leaf-bare sicknesses. He should probably be in the medicine den, with Rocktail and now Skycloud.  _Spiderberry has so much to do as is; he doesn't need his own brother making it worse._

Snow had begun to touch the camp, and more was falling. Smallpaw no longer felt the chill, however; he was burning up, tossing and turning in his nest.

 _I can't stay here any longer_ , he thought, and he wasn't sure if he meant the den, ShadowClan, or life altogether.  _I might get Mousepaw sick. Or the kits. It's a miracle I haven't already._

But where to go? Every den felt like a potential hazard, a new place for Smallpaw to ruin with illness. He gave a deep, hacking cough- it came from the chest, not his throat, and his eyes watered. He wanted Watercry like he'd never wanted her before, pressing against him, cleaning his face like when he was a kit. _I'm scared._  

He didn't want to leave his mother.

_The kits try and visit every day. What if they succeed tomorrow, and die because of it? I can't be selfish._

Smallpaw heaved himself to his paws. His scent was sour to the nose. He knew just the place to go.

He sunk his front paw into the snow, finding it almost to his chest. Then another paw. Wind buffeted his face, taking away his already short breath.

_I'm going to die._

Smallpaw forced himself to keep going the whole trek, when really all he wanted was to lay down and sleep. He made it across the clearing before his legs gave out on him, just outside his final destination. He pulled himself inside by his front paws, then finally gave up and surrendered to the pain racking his body, letting his head fall onto his paws, body growing still and stiff. The world was swimming.

"Who's there?" a paranoid voice hissed. Smallpaw felt teeth gently sink into his scruff, nose wrinkling.

"Hush, Mosswhisker. It's one of the apprentices, that's all," the other elder replied, mildly annoyed. Smallpaw let himself be pulled into Bronzewind's front paws, cradled against her chest. The elder cooed quietly, pressing her chin to his fur without flinching at the heat. "Poor thing smells like death. It's like I always say- runts of the litter never make it past their second Leaf-bare."

Mosswhisker's red pelt fluffed out with terror, eyes wide. "Well, go get Spiderberry, then! He'll kill us all if it spreads!"

"No!" he wailed. It came out as gibberish, muffled by her fur. Bronzewind gently licked his ears.

"Too late. He won't make it to morning," she whispered, shaking her head grimly. "Go to sleep, Smallpaw. I'll stay with you to the very end. Promise."

Smallpaw closed his eyes. The last thing he heard before finally giving in to the darkness was Mosswhisker praying.

"StarClan, please, take him from us peacefully. He was such a good kit. Don't make him suffer. Don't make  _us_  suffer."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Fun Fact- Blueclaw was originally gonna be named Bluewing, but the name didn't suit him.)


	19. Sandpetal (Brownstep)

Sandpetal's pelt itched with frustration and worry. He felt like he had counted the patches of moss in the nursery so many times he would never forget the number. He wanted to get up and be with his Clanmates, making sure they ate and patrolled. He wanted to be  _useful_.

A small body shifted against his belly, and he felt ashamed. _Not useful? I'm the most useful cat in ThunderClan right now!_  Pulling the kits closer with his tail, Sandpetal set his head on his paws and tried to distract himself from the oppressive air.

He remembered his excitement when Brownstep announced she was moving to the nursery, as well as his fear. These were his first-ever kits, and he felt the she-cat deserved the best. But Sheepkit and Graykit- the former named by their mother, and the latter by their father- had been a joy to raise so far. Watching them scamper through the snow was like being a kit again himself.

_Still. That doesn't mean I want to raise them all by myself._

Sandpetal shoved that thought out of his head, aghast. ThunderClan had lost its energy in the wake of the fox attack on Brownstep's first patrol since kitting, sure, but Crowear has been healing cats for seasons. Surely she'd be alright?

"Hey," a soft voice called. Nutjaw carefully slipped into the den. Her pelt was shiny with the kind of cleanliness only time and fear could give you, and her claws looked sharper than the biggest thorn. "I'll watch over them for a bit. You need to get some food in you." She attempted a weak purr. "Brownstep'll have your tail if she finds out you're skipping meals."

 _Why does she sound so desperate? Doesn't she remember how strong Brownstep is?_  The she-cat would never leave her kits in the middle of Leaf-bare; she'd only joined the patrol to help feed her Clan. _She'll be fine._

Sandpetal gently nudged Sheepkit's head, then Graykit. "I'm going to go get some food. Someone special is here to watch you while I'm gone."

Sheepkit pricked her ears. "Mama?" The calico kit looked painfully hopeful.

"No."  _Not yet._  Sandpetal found the words sticking in his throat. "Nutjaw." The yellow tom hesitantly stood and stretched. His belly fur felt like it needed a good washing.

Graykit lightly hopped over her sister, bushy gray tail lifting. "Can I go with?"

Sandpetal knew she only wanted to help Crowear; the kit had clung to her like a burr ever since she was born. But this was her mother in that den, not the average warrior with a thorn in their pad, and he didn't think she should have to see her this way. Not this young, anyway.

"I'll bring you something," he promised, then pushed into the clearing.

"Now, Sandpetal's told me you want to feel my jaw, Graykit," he heard Nutjaw say as he walked away, keeping the tiny she-cat busy. "Go ahead. Here, see? It sinks there, but it doesn't hurt for you to press on."

The clearing was dusted in snow, with even more falling in quick flakes. In the dark of night, it almost seemed like the camp was all there was in the world, and the pitch-black tunnel led to a different place altogether. Sandpetal found it mostly empty; the elders peered out, curled up warmly in their nests. Cryowl was crouched next to the fresh-kill pile, forcing a vole into Smokewhisker's paws. Everyone else was sleeping or hunting.

"I should have been more careful," she sighed. "I should have realized she'd slip off for a walk on her own. I was leading the patrol, and I didn't even see her go."

"Brownstep knew the risks," Cryowl insisted. "And  _I_  know she'd want you to be as full as you can be, to help keep us strong through the Leaf-bare."

Smokewhisker growled, pulling the vole closer with no real energy. "StarClan save her."

The familiar scent of his old mentor, Rocknose, filled Sandpetal with comfort as she gently twined their tails. After the passing of Whitesong from cold, the she-cat was the closest to a mother he had left, and he cherished the bond they had.

"He's right, you know," she meowed. "You need to eat."

Sandpetal dipped his head respectfully. "I'll go get something now."

"Good." She pulled away. "There's only so much Leaf-bare is allowed to take, and you're too much."

Her eyes glittered with sadness. Sandpetal's heart sunk as he turned and padded away.

Smokewhisker pushed the rest of the vole onto him, which he ate quickly, then picked up a mouse from the pile for Nutjaw and the kits. Cryowl gently nuzzled him goodnight, then made way to the warriors' den. With Rowantooth pacing the clearing, it was doubtful he'd get any sleep. Crowear had been forced to send the tom outside the medicine den to properly do her job, but Rowantooth was relentless, brushing his pelt against the brambles to try and comfort her with his scent and talking through the wall where he expected his mate to be, refusing to leave camp longer than to make dirt.

"I hope you can get up soon," he'd meowed just the other night as he laid against the wall, sighing. "Sheepkit caught her first butterfly today. Our kits are so beautiful.  _You're_  so beautiful. Please. I miss you."

The warrior's ears pricked when Crowear emerged from her den, but she headed straight to the nursery without sparing him a glance. Sandpetal's heart skipped when she came out with his shriveled berries carefully clamped in her teeth. He dropped the mouse and hared over the snow to meet up with her, paws feeling numb with what he hoped was cold.

"Are those herbs after all?" he panted. "Will they make her feel better?"

Crowear stared at him blankly. "Are these all you have?"

Sandpetal nodded. "I dug them up. I wanted them in case something big happened and the bushes weren't back yet."  _Like Sheepkit and Graykit's apprentice ceremony._  He remembered his sore paws and cracked claws with a mental wince. It was all worth it, but still. Ow.

The medicine cat gently ran her tail over his shoulders. "Come with me."

She led him to her den without delay. Rowantooth blinked at him as they approached, but Sandpetal had no answer to give. Crowear visibly tensed, then urged him inside, slapping a tail over his mouth. In her nest, Brownstep had cobwebs wrapped tightly around her throat.

Her chest wasn't moving. She lay on her side, flanks still.

Sandpetal didn't scream. It felt like his voice had left him.  _StarClan, no. Please, no._

She gradually lowered her tail. "She asked to be painted for her burial," she whispered. "It was her final request."

"She's...?"

"Yes."

Sandpetal felt his hope wither like a vine. Brownstep was dead. Never again would he see her jump and play, or hear her chipper voice. It felt like stones had been dropped on his shoulders.

"I've... already given her the burial herbs," she continued hesitantly. "But I don't know how to use the paint; where it goes and all that. Just tell me and I'll-"

Sandpetal shook his head numbly. "I'll do it."

Crowear nodded and stepped out of the way. He felt like a stranger, watching from the outside as this bulky young tom mashed berries into a faded paste before brushing it onto a fallen friend's fur.

 _Your mate loves you so much._  He put the first one over her eye, like his first stripe on the day of their apprentice ceremony, so many moons ago.

The second was on her right hip. He had to roll her a bit to do it. _Your kits will never forget you. We'll make sure of it._

He gently made a curved line on her belly.  _I'm sorry the fox got away._

 _I love you. We all love you._ The fourth and final mark was on her front left paw, which he touched tenderly.  _Please, don't look back on your way to StarClan._

Sandpetal finally stood, as though shaking himself from a trance. "Let me tell them. Rowantooth might blame you, and I don't want his grief to get the better of him."

Crowear blinked at him, then nodded.

He felt his confidence waver as he slipped into the snowy camp, but not his resolve, which only hardened as Silverblaze streaked over to him. Rowantooth was close behind.

"Well?" she demanded, fur bristling. "How is she?"

Sandpetal shook his head, burying his nose into her pelt in search of nonexistent comfort. He couldn't bear to say the words, but Silverblaze's body shook, and her legs buckled a little, and he knew she knew.

"Oh, Sandpetal," she meowed.

He didn't know if she were about to go on, but it still felt like an interruption when Rowantooth tipped back his head and released a wail of pure anguish. Sandpetal wished he could do something to help him as the cry went on, but he only watched. It was so loud he was certain RiverClan could hear it, and it scared what little prey was left away.

For once, however, no one scolded him. No one had the heart to.

* * *

 

Rowantooth stiffly carried Brownstep's body into the clearing, setting her down with such gentleness it make Sandpetal's heart ache. He silently turned and buried his nose in his dead mate's fur. Smokewhisker was a close second, movements flat and lifeless as she crouched.

Nutjaw brought the kits out of the nursery to keep vigil, but warned them they couldn't stay out in this weather for long. She watched Barkstar approach from his den, her eyes blazing.

"Let me lead a patrol," she asked. "Let me find the fox that did this."

Barkstar looked ancient. His ragged pelt was unwashed, eyes milky from a lack of sleep. He slowly turned to her, and he still was every bit like the wise leader Sandpetal had known his whole life, even after spending days awake in silent concern for his injured Clanmate.

"It's dangerous to fight on a night like this," he pointed out calmly. "Especially for revenge."

Nutjaw straightened, working her claws into the ground. "I won't deny that revenge is a part of it, Barkstar," she meowed, shooting a regretful look at her sister. "But I also want to make sure that fox never harms another ThunderClan cat. No one should ever have to go through this."

Barkstar seemed surprised by the ferocity in her voice, but nodded. "You may lead a patrol. ThunderClan needs the closure."

"Thank you." She dipped her head and stood. "Who will come with me? Smokewhisker?"

Smokewhisker shook her head. "I've gotten one cat killed by a fox's paws. I won't risk another."

"I'll go," Rocknose answered. She shook off the snow gathering on her pelt with a grimace. "This sort of thing suits me more. I think I prefer closure to grief."

Sandpetal watched as Grayscreech and Skyfur both agreed. Silverblaze looked tempted, but didn't leave her spot. Her tail was wrapped neatly around her paws, and she seemed to be contemplating something.

Finally, Rowantooth stood. "I can't bear to sit next to my mate all night and have it not really be her. I want to join the patrol."

Nutjaw nodded.

Sandpetal felt a slightly irrational jolt of panic as he cut him off. "It's all too easy to go through that tunnel and never come back again in spirit," he murmured into his ear. "I need you to promise me-"

"Sandpetal, please," he broke in, eyes bright with desperation. "Just one night. I promise I'll be back tomorrow and be the best warrior I can be. The best father. I  _need_  this."

Against his better judgement, he let him go, and watched the warrior disappear through the tunnel into the forest on a chase through the scent-nullifying snow. It looked less welcoming than ever.

 _For your kits' sake_ , he thought, picking one up to carry them back to the nursery, nudging the other one forward with his paw.  _I hope you're right_.

* * *

 

Sandpetal woke to a tugging on his ear. He fought the urge to close his eyes and sleep for a moon, letting sorrow take a more firm hold on his heart, moving his paws to gently nudge Cryowl. The tom had stayed with him overnight, despite his leeriness toward the nursery, and he felt infinitely grateful.

Graykit sat awkwardly by his head, blinking her yellow eyes at him. "Sandpetal?"

He stretched, gently running his tail over Sheepkit's nose. "Is it dawn already?"

"Close to it." She flicked her ear dismissively, shuffling her paws. Sandpetal had never seen a kit look so serious before "Can I ask Crowear to be her apprentice?"

He stared at her. Sandpetal had always expected the question, but, still. The timing struck him. "Is this because of Brownstep?"

Graykit shook her head, then reconsidered and nodded. "I want to help. I want to heal."

"Medicine cat is a life-long commitment," he reminded her, just in case.

"I know," she meowed simply.

"And you'll never be able to take a mate if you do it."

Graykit's nose wrinkled. "I don't want one."

Sandpetal gently pressed her muzzle to her head. If she was convinced, that was what mattered. "If that's the path your paws are set on, I'll support you every step of the way."

Her face brightened. "Thank you, Sandpetal!" She nuzzled his shoulder, purring. "Maybe I'll get to visit mama in StarClan!"

Heart in his throat, he didn't reply.

As he entered the clearing, he saw Yelloweye, now retired, and Tallclaw gently lifting Brownstep's body to be taken off and buried. Milkpelt was still sleeping, and Blackeye had passed just before Brownstep had kitted.

"Wait!" Sheepkit cried, running as fast as her legs could carry her to step in the way. "We never said goodbye!"

"You should've done that during the vigil," Tallclaw snapped, but there was only defeat in her voice. Yelloweye shot her a look, and together they set her back down. The two kits buried their little faces in her stiff fur.

"Bye, mama," Sheepkit meowed. "We'll miss you."

"I'm going to be a medicine cat, mama," Graykit told her. "I'm sorry I never got to tell you. I hope you'll be proud of me."

 _Always. She loved you so much._  He wanted to wrap around them and tell stories about the mother they'd lost, but there was no time for that now.

"It's always the hardest on the kits."

Sandpetal jumped. Barkstar settled in beside him, looking far more clean and far more tired than he had the night prior as he crouched, tail swishing.

"They're very brave," he continued, angling his ears to the two she-cats.

"I certainly think so," Sandpetal said. "Are you doing okay?"

Barkstar shook his head. "There were rumors, you know," he replied. "About Brownstep and Nutjaw."

"I never heard them."

"I know. They knew better than to throw blame on an innocent group of kits. But they avoided you all like Blackcough. I'm sure you noticed."

Sandpetal's paws tingled. He realized that he was isolated from his Clanmates- he didn't even know the preferred fresh-kill of most of them- but he'd hadn't realized there was a reason outside of his own nature. The thought that he and what he felt were his littermates were outcasted wasn't because of his paint and her jaw and her energy, but something else entirely, bothered him greatly. It felt arbitrary and petty.

"What did they say?" he dared to ask.

"Half-Clan," he rumbled. "WindClan father. With those long legs and pelts, not to mention how much Brownstep used to long for the sheep on the moor, and maybe even the moor itself, I suppose I can see the logic in their accusations. Still. That doesn't make it right."

Sandpetal's eyes were drawn to Brownstep's body. He'd never thought too deeply into it, but her long legs and sleek coat did look an awful lot like WindClan blood.

"I don't know if it was true or not," he answered his unspoken question. "And I don't care. My point is; I'm so thankful ThunderClan was allowed to train warriors as strong as these two, and I'm even more glad to have Brownstep's kin with us. I'm glad we have warriors worth such mourning, and kits worth such pride."

He sunk his claws into the ground, heart thudding in his chest. "Graykit wants to follow in Crowear's pawsteps."

"I had a hunch she would."

"If- if it _is_  true," he said awkwardly, "can Graykit still become her apprentice?" He'd already suffered one loss, and he didn't want her kin to lose her dreams.

Barkstar nodded. "If StarClan and Crowear approve, we will be honored to have Graykit as our next medicine cat. I didn't tell you this to make you fear for the future of Brownstep's kits, I promise."

 _Thank the stars._  Sandpetal heaved a sigh of relief. _She won't have to become a warrior if she doesn't want to_.

The bracken in the tunnel trembled, and Sandpetal and Barkstar both turned to see Rowantooth step into camp, a sparrow in his jaws. His eyes were fixed on his kits as he slowly padded toward them, and while they were glazed with sorrow, he saw nothing but love within.

"I caught this for you," he mumbled, setting the prey down. "I'll pluck the feathers for you, just in case." He then ran his tail across Brownstep's side, face pinching with pain before settling. "Goodbye, my love."

Graykit and Sheepkit crowded his paws as Brownstep was taken away, their energy slowly beginning to return.

"I'm starving!" Sheepkit squeaked, puffing out her chest. "I'm gonna eat a bunch so I get really big, and become the strongest warrior ever!"

Graykit flicked a paw at the bird. "I think I'll stick to herbs." She gave her father a hesitant glance. "I'm going to be a medicine cat."

Purring, Rowantooth laid down next to his kits, idly pulling the sparrow closer. "A warrior  _and_  a medicine cat? Amazing!" He risked a fond glance. "I'm so proud of you both!"

Sandpetal found the last of his stress beginning to wind away. Rowantooth was ripped to pieces over Brownstep's death, and he'd begun to fear he would close himself off rather than face that kind of agony again. He wouldn't have been the first tom to turn his back on his kits.  _But he loves them both too much to do that._

The rest of the patrol padded in after, crunching snow and cracking frost off their pelts. Nutjaw looked furious.

"Rowantooth, you can't just-" She faltered at the sight, face softening. She gently nosed his shoulder. "I understand wanting to spend time with your kits, but you can't just barrel off. Warn me next time, okay?"

The warrior nodded, but barely seemed to be listening, watching his kits eat with adoring eyes.  _It must have been hard to leave them like that_ , Sandpetal realized suddenly.  _He'd just lost his mate, and he didn't get the chance to take comfort in that his offspring is still alive and well until now_.

"Nutjaw!" Barkstar called. The brown she-cat calmly made her way over, looking exhausted.

 _Is Barkstar going to tell her about the rumors? So soon?_  Sandpetal tensed, but the leader merely dipped his head as she neared, waiting for a report.

"We chased the fox to the far border. Took us all night." She licked a paw and trailed it over her ear. "Grayscreech wounded it pretty badly. Unless there's a such thing as a medicine fox, I'd say it's done for."

"Any injuries?"

"Scraped pads, and Skyfur twisted his paw, but otherwise we're alright."

Barkstar nodded and sat up. "Nutjaw, I'm proud of you. You sought for revenge, but I could see honest concern for your Clanmates in your eyes. Such empathy is a powerful warrior trait." He paused, then came to a decision. "When Sheepkit is old enough, you will be her mentor."

Her mouth fell open. "B-but we're kin!"

"I'm aware. Sheepkit  _adores_  you, and will happily fight to earn your approval. Now, go get some rest."

Nutjaw dipped her head, flabbergasted. "Thank you, Barkstar! I'll visit her every day, and help her with her hunting crouch, and-" She broke into a yawn and seemed to reconsider her promises "Right now, however, I think I'll leave her with her father. Wake me when you need me."

The warrior stumbled back to her den, and Barkstar eventually disappeared to his own nest. Cryowl settled in beside him, leaning against his fluffy pelt.

"I can't imagine losing your mate like that," he sighed into his fur. "I'd feel horrible."

"Yeah, but you're lucky." He teasingly flicked his ear with his tail. "Your mate is the least likely to die out of all the cats in ThunderClan."

"I still worry," Cryowl sniffed.

"Well, don't. I'll be okay," He purred, cleaning the gray tom's pelt and trying to push Rowantooth's yowl out of his mind. "But, please. For my sake, be careful."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The only cats who're happy this Leaf-bare are probably Lightstripe and Rosetuft, and that's only 'cause they aren't around death. Yeah.
> 
> Farewell, Brownstep. Happy trails. (Yes, this was planned from the beginning. Yes, I'm gonna miss writing her. I loved that ball of excited fur.)


	20. Lightstripe and Rosetuft

Lightstripe cracked open her eyes before most warriors would, stretching her cold limbs. The hole was dark, snow packed into the entrance to keep the wind out. Rosetuft quietly slept beside her, curled into a ball with her tail over her nose.

 _Oh. Right._  It felt weird not to check into the elders' den before heading out on patrols. A moon in the snow had done nothing to change that.

 _I hope they're okay_ , she fretted.  _Warriors always get so snobby when elders get involved._   _Did anyone check to see if Hookfang was forgoing prey for Pikecloud? That Pikecloud's moss was dry? She drools, sometimes._

She shook her pelt out. It's not like Pikecloud and Hookfang hadn't taken care of themselves long before she was born. She still remembered the snug feeling of Pikecloud's nest as a kit, bitter at the world.

Lightstripe gave Rosetuft a quick nudge between the ears and got to her paws. _I might as well hunt_.

Her pelt fluffed up unpleasantly as she poked her muzzle through the snow, breath rising into the air. Fat flakes were falling, leisurely joining their others on the ground. Pushing herself out of the tunnel, Lightstripe closed the hole behind her and padded to the river, testing the ice.

The snow made it far less slippery as she skulked over to a hole made in the river, supposedly by the Twolegs whose scent had plagued the area when they arrived, but had long-since faded. She dabbed a paw at the thin, cold layer on top, breaking it. She crouched down and waited for a fish to float by.

 _Cold makes Pikecloud's joints ache. I heard Brightwater say so. Is she getting help with that?_  Her eyes narrowed.  _Warriors are hunting more than ever; who's checking them for fleas and ticks in the places they can't reach?_

It was more than just Pikecloud and Hookfang. What about Berryleg? Was she getting enough to eat? Had Notail returned to silence, like he did at times? What was Bluepaw's warrior name going to be? Had Darkstream even noticed she'd left?

Lightstripe shuffled her cold paws.  _I feel less like a loner and more like a disobedient apprentice hiding from their duties._

Her heart ached for Rosetuft. The red she-cat hadn't said a word about RiverClan since they'd met up, but she could taste the loneliness every time she glanced at the path she'd came. Lightstripe knew she couldn't blame herself for the warrior's decision, but it made her feel guilty nevertheless.

 _Rosetuft just wanted to be a warrior. Have a litter, maybe even a mate! And she gave it all up for me. That's not fair._ This wasn't like Firestar or the Three. There was no prophecy to put ahead of themselves. There was no justification for Rosetuft to destroy her dreams for Lightstripe.

 _What about_ my _dreams?_

What  _were_  her dreams? Lightstripe had never had the chance to think too deeply about them. She knew she'd never want to be a leader, or a medicine cat. The thought of kitting disturbed her, but she wouldn't mind a wriggling body or two to raise.

 _I would never treat them like Darkstream did me._  Accidental or not, the neglect was a chip on her shoulder she'd probably never fully rip out.  _I'd play with them every day, and hunt as much fish as I could for them to eat. At night, I'd sleep curled around them; they'd never have to resort to sleeping by the fresh-kill pile._

She shook the thought away, aghast.  _Who would ever want to have kits for me, anyway? I'd best just forget about it._

What then? Her life would be nothing but an endless loop of patrols and hunts, kits or no kits. Lightstripe remembered all the times Hookfang and Pikecloud lit up when she brought them a carp and realized that she wouldn't mind it so much after all.

Lightstripe glanced at the rabbit tunnel and swallowed a ball of claustrophobia, feeling the cramped space wrap around her neck like a bramble.  _I made this life for myself. Now I have to face it._

A warm paw touched her frozen shoulder. Eyes slitted against the chill, Rosetuft twitched her tail towards their nest. Lightstripe followed, mouth watering at the warm scent of bird.

"Fish-brain didn't even know to fly away." Rosetuft shrugged self-consciously at the awe in her eyes. "The cold probably half-killed it. Want some?"

"Yes, please."

Lightstripe took a juicy bite, chewing with relish. Her long tail wrapped around the other warrior's side. "I've been thinking."

"You too?" Rosetuft hummed.

"Yes." She licked her lips awkwardly. "You should go home."

"Lightstripe, we've talked about this."

"I know, I know, and I'm not trying to make the decision for you." She flexed her paws, watching the claws slide out. "But this isn't the kind of life you want."

Rosetuft nudges her neck, brushing the scar Skyfur had given her. "I want to be with you."

"But you want kits. In RiverClan."

"Do you miss it?"

"The cats? Only a pawful."

"No, silly," she purred. "RiverClan."

"Oh." Lightstripe pictured its smooth rivers and the lake, stretching out almost as far as the eye could see. The familiar scent markers from ShadowClan and WindClan. "I think so, yeah."

"So there."

"That's your whole counterargument?"

"Pretty much."

"But what about kits?" Lightstripe glanced at her soft-furred belly. "It'd be almost impossible to have them out here, unless you plan on wooing the closest kittypet."

Rosetuft's nose wrinkled. "I prefer a bond. Besides," she sighed, with an air of finality, "I don't think I could be happy with any of the toms in RiverClan."

"You could always do what Berryleg and Notail did. And there's more than one Clan to pick from, you know."

"Maybe to the first, eww to the second." Rosetuft gently swatted her ear. "You make me sound desperate!"

"Did I? I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way."

"I know you didn't. Lightstripe?"

"Huh?"

"Will you be my mate?"

Lightstripe jerked with shock. Rosetuft's eyes were soft but serious.

"You mean it?"

"I do."

She set her head on her paws. She couldn't begin to comprehend the thought.  _All I've ever done is make her life harder; why would she ever want to be with me?_  "You realize you won't ever be able to fix me, right? I'm always going to be hissy and troubled."

"I don't want to  _fix_  you, Lightstripe. I love you."

Her pelt felt like it was on fire. Lightstripe placed a haphazard lick to her check. "Me too. I love you too, I mean."

"Good!" Rosetuft bounced closer, nuzzling her with an astonishing amount of joy. "Since we're already on the topic, how do you feel about kits?"

"That I'm too young for them."

"Not right now. I meant one day."

Lightstripe hesitantly purred, remembering the deep affection she'd felt for just imaginary kits.  _How gung-ho would I be for the real thing?_  "I'd like it. I mean, I think? Reality isn't fantasy; maybe I won't do very good when it sinks in that they'll have lives and personalities of their own."

"You're so independent. I think you'd love to guide them."

Her head spun.  _Me? A good example for impressionable kits? Please_.

"We'll work it out another day," Rosetuft promised, intertwining their tails. "The same with RiverClan."

"We betrayed Applestar."

"We aren't the first warriors who thought it'd be a bright idea to strike it out on our own, and we won't be last."

"If we  _do_  go back, we should wait 'till Newleaf. We can prove ourselves quicker when prey is swimming again."

"Of course." She agreed. Lightstripe felt giddy.  _My mate agreed with me!_

"It seems so silly, you know? Left for a few moons, then turned tail like scared kits and went back. I'm not sure I'm ready for that."

Rosetuft gently cleaned her ears. "We have plenty of time to figure it out."

Lightstripe felt a semblance of peace, curled up with the she-cat who had apparently chosen her as her mate. RiverClan wouldn't die without two young and foolish warriors, but maybe they'd be willing to add more to the force.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rosetuft and Lightstripe- the only cats who're having a good time right now.


	21. Smallpaw (Sickness)

After his collapse into Bronzewind's paws, Smallpaw can only recall snippets. A desperate murmuring- he thought that Mosswhisker might've wailed; a familiar set of teeth sinking into his scruff and pulling him into a torrent of cold. An oppressive murk in the air as he's placed into another nest, flailing, half-blind with sickness. Disturbing flavors forced down his throat, alleviating him only slightly before the tendrils that gripped his body pulled him even further down.

Lots of smells. Herbs, and Spiderberry. Skycloud seemed to engulf him with his stench; he probably curled against him in an effort to warm his feverish pelt. Another that makes Smallpaw's heart ache, cleaning his ears and drooling eyes and nose. A quiet murmur from Rocktail.

Smallpaw fought tooth and claw to stay, to keep his body working and mind attentive. He thrashed in his nest for what felt like seasons (but was probably only days), tortured by a pain in his bones like no other, his throat aflame, chest full.

Finally, he let go.

He realized something had changed when he no longer felt like a badger was nesting in his skull. Smallpaw blinked open his eyes, squinting against the glow of the sun, which he hadn't been out in for some time. He was laying in a field just outside a forest, bordered by a lake.

 _Is this what StarClan looks like?_  Smallpaw tested his joints, finding them to be full of energy. He staggered to his paws, slightly unaccustomed to walking after days on his side.  _I've got to be dead. I haven't felt this good in moons._

However, the apprentice found himself at peace as he trotted out of the long yellow foliage and into soft, dew-wet grass, tail waving behind him. The regret he harbored for leaving his family remained, but Smallpaw was too enamored by his comfortable body and the tranquil grounds to delve too deep into it.

 _ShadowClan will be fine without me_ , he assured himself- then added, slightly miffed;  _I wish I could've gotten my warrior name before I left._

Because Smallpaw wasn't one to enjoy even the simplest of things without worrying, he dragged his paws through the cool grass and tried to be satisfied with the thought that he could guide his brother as a spirit until they finally could be together again.  _Poor Lizardkit and Rockkit will miss me, though. And who will train with Mousepaw now?_  A flash of realization struck him.  _Watercry! How could I leave without telling her goodbye?_

Granted, Smallpaw hadn't been very up to talking those last few days, but nothing had stopped him from sharing tongues or fresh-kill with his mother beforehand.  _I was such a terrible son. She's probably relieved I'm gone now, so she can finally stop fussing over me._  He was certain she had been the one to clean and feed him, wrapping her tail around his frail body like he was a kit again. _Well, it's all over now. No sense in mulling it over._

Smallpaw had never swam a day in his life, but he felt perfectly confident as he dived into the crystal clear waters of the lake, leisurely kicking to propel himself. He looked at all the fish swimming by and blew bubbles out his nose, wondering if they were the ghosts of fish RiverClan warriors had caught and eaten. He floated to the surface, taking in deep lungfuls of air and paddling to keep his chin above the water, laughing.

"You look like you're having a good time," a voice commented.

Smallpaw glanced around, finally locating a thin brown she-cat sitting on a log floating at the edge of the lake, half-propped up on the grass so it didn't float away. Water swirled gently around her, and stars crusted her sleek fur. Her long legs made her heads taller than he was, but she didn't seem threatening.

"Hi," he meowed.

"Hello, Smallpaw," she purred. "You look like a stick that got caught in a mole's pelt."

"Whoa!" He was entranced as he came closer.  _She knew my name! Will I be able to do that? Just_  know  _things?_  Smallpaw dug his nails into the log and jumped, only managing to make it halfway up. He laughed and climbed the rest of the way, feeling strong and young. "Are you one of my ancestors?"

"All of StarClan are you ancestors!" she laughed, flicking his nose with her tail. "But, no. I was from ThunderClan. My name is Brownstep."

Smallpaw's pelt prickled eerily.  _She sounded fine at the Gathering!_  "I heard about you! You were in the nursery, with kits."

Brownstep dipped her head, eyes saddening. "Sheepkit and Graykit. I miss them so much, but I can take comfort in the fact that my mate will watch over them."

He relaxed slightly, soggy tail wrapping around his paws.  _So the kits are alive, then. That's good._  "Are you here to show me the territory?"

The warrior shook her head. "You're not welcome in StarClan quite yet, little one. You aren't dead."

"I'm not?" He felt like he'd been run over by a monster. It was such a whiplash; going from wholeheartedly believing you're dead to meeting a ghost that tells you you're alive.

"No."

Smallpaw's belly tightened with fear.  _Does that mean I'll have to go back and be so sick again?_  The thought that he would wake up to find this to have been something hefted on him from fever made him want to scream.

"Is this a dream?" he asked finally, meeting her gaze. Brownstep looked kind but unflinching under his obvious displeasure.

"This is the place between life and death." Brownstep gestured to the field and lake with her tail. "We're just outside of StarClan's territory, but you can't go in just yet."

Smallpaw's ears pricked. "How long until I can, then?"

"That depends." Brownstep got to her paws meaningfully, head rising into a proud stare. She looked every bit like the fearless warrior she had been in life, and he could easily see her hunting and fighting. "Are you going to wait here passively, or are you going to fight?"

Smallpaw felt time shudder as the pleasant lake turned an inky black under their paws. He could no longer breathe. He fell to the trunk, digging his claws in, eyes wide with fear. Brownstep watched his reaction with heartfelt compassion.

"No. No, no, no," he moaned, shakily skittering off the bark and into the cool grass. He pulled in on himself, covering his face with his paws. "I can't. I won't."

Warmth flooded him as Brownstep curled around his tiny body, cleaning his shoulder.

"It's your decision," she reminded him. "But do you really want to die so young?"

 _Better now than after more agony_ , he thought. Smallpaw's gaze was trapped by the dark waters. Now that he'd swam in it when it was clear, it didn't seem so scary when dark, but he still remembered its icy grip.

"Your Clanmates will grieve for you. Mine did." Her ears lowered sorrowfully. "I'd give anything for one last day with my littermate and kits; to tell Rowantooth I love him one more time. You have that chance now, Smallpaw, but there's no guarantee; you'll have to fight endless battles for it."

"I could fight a battle," he rasped. "That's not a battle. That's helplessness."

"That's illness. Even when you can't move, you must fight it." She gently nosed his ear. "Do you have that level of patience and resolve?"

"No." Then, remembering Spiderberry and Watercry; "But I could try."

"A Clan asks the best of its warriors. You alone must decide if this is your best or not," she murmured.

"I'm not a warrior."

"You are. You have the heart of one." Brownstep pressed a paw to his side. "You just have to find it. Find who you are and what you want to be."

 _What I want to be?_  Smallpaw thought, puzzled. He cautiously got to his paws, climbing back onto the log. The apprentice picked his way to the very edge, eyes fixed on the dark liquid. It sloshed against his perch, and he flinched.

"What if I still die, after all that?" he blurted out. "Will I be alone?"

Brownstep's eyes were unreadable as she watched him, sitting very straight with her tail around her paws. "I will come for you when you die, no matter how long that takes. I promise. Now go." There was a pause. "And... please. Help my kits feel less lonely."

Smallpaw nodded, crouched, and, with a great deal of reluctance, leapt. He sunk immediately, trapped in his prison once again. ShadowClan surrounded him, just out of reach. He thought he smelled Watercry and Spiderberry.

Smallpaw fought.


	22. Spiderberry (Smallpaw)

Spiderberry took a wistful bite out of a half-frozen mouse, pushing the rest over to Mosswhisker. "You need your strength."

The tom nodded and sunk his teeth into the flesh. "How is he?"

His tail lashed. "Better, but still too ill for visitors. We've talked about this."

"I know, young'un, I know," Mosswhisker sighed, staring at his paws. The mouse lay uneaten between them. "It's just what Bronzewind would've done, you know?"

Spiderberry stifled a sigh of his own. _So many mistakes- how could Berrystripe leave me right before an outbreak of Greencough?_  "I realize that, but you aren't Bronzewind. You can't fill the void of her anymore than I can Berrystripe."

"Fair enough, medicine cat," he meowed, whiskers twitching. "You've got some great wisdom in ya'."

 _No, I don't_ , he thought, _just a sick brother and an elder in the ground because I didn't see it soon enough_.

Cold snow hung over the camp like a burr, leaving the clearing empty in its wake. Wingstar spoke in quiet tones with Brackentuft, shaking away flakes as they landed on her white fur. The warrior looked pleasantly surprised as they talked. Rockkit and Lizardkit waited in the nest for their mother to curl around them and warm their thin pelts.

 _Smallpaw would've stayed with them_ , Spiderberry's tail drooped.  _He loved those kits_.

"Hey, now," Mosswhisker rumbled, pressing a paw to his side. "Whatever you're thinking, stop. You can't lose hope. Your brother needs you."

_All of ShadowClan seems to need me right now!_

Into the camp came Darkflame, carrying a thin squirrel. Mousepaw obediently followed with a vole. The apprentice was thin and tired, but his shoulders were bulky, and he carried himself with quiet dignity as he approached Spiderberry.

"I caught this for you," he meowed sheepishly, setting it at his paws. "But, if you could, can you give some to the sick cats? If they're up to eating, I mean."

Spiderberry dipped his head. The very thought of eating much more than his bite of mouse made his stomach turn. "Thank you, Mousepaw."

Mousepaw waved his tail and padded off to the nursery, calling out to the kits. The tom seemed determined to entertain them in Smallpaw's place.

"Spiderberry!" a voice called. Irritated, the medicine cat glanced around, finding Rocktail sitting at the very edge of the medicine den, blinking. The deputy was quickly healing, and Spiderberry doubted the snow would melt before he was sorting patrols again.

"You should come see this." He flicked an ear. There was a happiness in his posture, so Spiderberry wasn't afraid as he stood to meet him, grabbing the vole on the way.

"You shouldn't be so close to the clearing," he scolded, setting the fresh-kill down by his nest. "You could get chilled. Tear some of this off for yourself."

Rocktail greedily took a bite and swallowed. He twitched his tail toward the bundle of messy fur Watercry was gently cleaning. "Your brother wants to see you."

Spiderberry's heart sped up. He scrambled over to the furthest part of the den, finding their mother purring and licking the gunk away from Smallpaw's eyes. They were half-lidded but aware. "Smallpaw?"  _You came back to us?_

"Hey," he rasped. His paws were tucked tightly under his chest to keep them warm. "I didn't pull you away from something more important, did I?"

He ran his white and black-striped tail over Smallpaw's flank.  _He's so thin_. "Never," he choked out.

"Oh, that's good." He sounded like he was in a daze. "Can you tell Bronzewind I'm sorry? It was selfish of me to fling myself on her like that." 

Spiderberry swallowed.  _Oh, StarClan, give me the words to tell him._  "I'm sorry, Smallpaw. I can't."

"Is she dead?" His eyelids lifted a bit. "Did the cold get her?"

"She's with StarClan now."

"Did she die peacefully?"

"You need to rest," he insisted.

"Did she get sick?" Smallpaw's voice rose into a tiny wail. "Oh, I killed her, didn't I? Didn't I?"

"Hush, my son," Watercry urged, pressing her warm pelt to his. Smallpaw flinched. "I knew Bronzewind, and I can think of no happier end for her than to comfort and protect a sick apprentice. There's no reason to blame yourself."

"You feel hot," he murmured dejectedly.

"You have a fever, dear. That's all."

"Hey, Smallpaw." Skycloud nudged him, a tender bite of vole in his jaws. "Eat this."

"I don't know if I can," he admitted.

"Bronzewind wouldn't want her sacrifice to be for nothing," he reminded the 'paw, giving his ear a friendly flick. "Here. I'll help you."

Spiderberry felt a deep relief as he watched his mother and the warrior keep Smallpaw sitting up as he tiredly chewed through the meat, eyes bright with joy and fever. Rocktail pressed his nose to his shoulder and gestured with his tail. Together medicine cat and deputy walked over to the herb stores.

"It's not just Smallpaw. I think Watercry might have a fever," he whispered, casting the yellow she-cat a glance. "I slept next to her last night, and it felt like curling up next to a fire."

His happiness deflated slightly.  _Not again! I just got my brother back; I can't lose my mother too!_  "I'll tell Darkflame to send a patrol to search for any feverfew."

"I think it's too late now," Rocktail warned gravely. "Smallpaw was never that hot."

Spiderberry glanced up. For all her assurances, Watercry was shaking, and it seemed that Skycloud hefted both of them up. Her pelt was ragged, but not more so her arms. She hadn't even had the strength to chew on the fur there.

Spiderberry's heart sunk. "You know the herbs I need for a checkup, right?"

"Yes. I've eaten them enough."

"Please, go get them. I want to spend time with my family."

The tom dipped his head. "Take all the time you need."

* * *

 

Smallpaw drifted in and out of sleep the next few days. Spiderberry saw his paws twitch at night. Frail, weak little things. Rocktail accompanied Spiderberry during the day. The deputy watched in awe as he sorted what few herbs he had, reaching out with soft paws to feel them.

"You've done more for this Clan in a moon that I have in all my seasons," he'd told him. "I find that fascinating."

Smallpaw's health was tricky, better one day and plummeting another. One day he'd bat a moss ball around, while still others he didn't stir from his nest even after being sick on it. However, the 'paw refused to give up.

"I won't die. I'm going to get better," he'd hissed stubbornly just the night prior, struggling to shift over so Mousepaw could clean out his nest. "If StarClan wants me, they'll have to try harder than this!"

Watercry, in contrast, seemed to fall into a deeper and deeper gloom now that her son was healing, fur and eyes dull. She slept longer, and denied most food given to her. She refused to eat any herbs.

"Smallpaw and Skycloud first," she'd say. "They're the youngest."

Finally, Spiderberry awoke one morning to the stench of death. He jumped out of his nest, praying he was wrong, but Watercry lay still. Skycloud and Rocktail recoiled from her, eyes wide.

 _StarClan, if you're going to take her from us, at least watch over her while you're at it. She loved us so much._  Spiderberry sunk down into her next, pressing his nose to her shoulder. The grief made him want to scream and cry like a kit. _Thank you for bringing me and Smallpaw into the world and being proud of us._

"I'll... go get the burial herbs," Rocktail meowed, whisking his tail over Spiderberry's shoulders. "I'm sorry for your loss."

He didn't reply, listening blankly as the blue and white tom retrieved the necessary plants.  _He's memorized so many, and so quickly. It's impressive._

"Smallpaw?" Skycloud whispered. Then, louder: "Smallpaw?"

Spiderberry froze, lifting his head. Smallpaw was nowhere to be seen.  _He's too weak to be on his own!_

Leaping to his paws, Spiderberry abandoned his mother's body to race into the clearing. The snow had stopped, leaving a blanket on the grass. A lump of brown and black fur lay curled next to the fresh-kill pile, covered in flakes.

 _He must've went to tell Wingstar!_  Half-delirious and filled with grief, it might have seemed perfectly okay for Smallpaw to go trekking through the cold to to see the leader in her den. The she-cat had been decent friends with their mother, and would grieve heavily with the news of her death. Spiderberry sprinted over with a yowl, pulling Smallpaw onto his side.  _Thank StarClan, he's still breathing._  He started rubbing his fur to warm it.  _I won't lose you too!_

Warriors filed into the clearing as Spiderberry cleaned the snow from Smallpaw with his tail. Brackentuft nudged Lizardkit and Rockkit back inside the nursery, face grim. Mousepaw stayed by his mentor's side, pelt bristling. Ivyclaw was forcefully held back by Boltgorse.

Mosswhisker laid by Smallpaw's side without prompting. "Don't you worry, kit," he told the unconscious tom. "I got ya'."

"Does anyone know why he was out here?" Boltgorse cried, horror in her gaze as she tried to calm down the younger warrior.

"Watercry is dead," Rocktail meowed grimly, tiredly padding out after them. "He probably wanted to tell Wingstar."

"Watercry?"

"Not Watercry!"

"We've lost so much this Leaf-bare- must StarClan take our warriors too?"

Pawsteps crunched harshly in the snows as Wingstar neared, exiting her nest with a dark air. It was clear the news had reached her from the commotion. She laid down and pressed her nose to Smallpaw's fur.

Her voice was muffled as she spoke. "Leaf-bare  _has_  taken much from us; our peace of mind, Bronzewind, Smallpaw and Skycloud's health, and now Watercry." The white she-cat sank under the sorrowful cries her words were given, but didn't falter. "But this cat has fought so hard, and given so much. He has the true heart of a warrior and, should StarClan take him from us in spite of our best efforts, he deserves the name of one. Does anyone disagree?"

The clearing fell silent. Spiderberry watched, numb and scared, as Wingstar stood and raised her tail. "Thank you for trying to break the news to me privately, Smallpaw. Your body may be small, but your heart is big. I name you Smallpelt."

"Smallpelt! Smallpelt!" they chanted, and it seemed as if their words carried their every hope and fear, their respect and grief.

"Come'on." Mosswhisker gently sunk his teeth into Smallpelt's scruff. "We need to get him warm." Spiderberry stumbled after. His brother swung like a piece of prey in the elder's jaws.

Mousepaw and Rocktail appeared at the entrance of the medicine cat den, carrying Watercry on their backs. They stepped aside as the deputy and apprentice padded through, and Spiderberry saw Wingstar's head sink, eyes fluttering shut.  _She's still got seven lives ahead of her, and she's already lost so much. It must be hard on her._

Mosswhisker carefully set the tom into his nest, giving Spiderberry a nod before leaving to join the vigil. Skycloud watched the entrance mournfully, pulled in on himself, and the tom didn't have the heart to tell him to move away from the wind.

"Oh, Smallpelt," Spiderberry sighed, gently nuzzling the new warrior's neck. "Please, just go peacefully. It's agony to watch you go through so much, only to collapse on the way to the fresh-kill pile. You deserve the rest." _I can't take the up and down anymore. ShadowClan needs to pick a side._

A dry nose touched his check. The medicine cat pulled away, ashamed of his words, even if they were in hopes of letting his brother finding happiness again.

"I'm gonna fight it," Smallpelt gurgled, sinking back into the darkness. "I'll be home soon."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally gonna be from Smallpelt's perspective, but it works better from Spiderberry. =)


	23. Smallpelt (Home)

There was no feeling of elation this time, no waking up in a field of yellow. Just a rasping lick on his ear. For a brief moment he wonders if he's simply resurfaced before floating down again, but then he notices the scent wreathed around him, and his heart tears at the reminder.

 _Watercry. First Bronzewind, and now my own mother!_  He wouldn't be surprised if Spiderberry never spoke to him again. He wouldn't want to talk to him either.

"Please wake up, Smallpelt," she muttered in his ear. "I'm so proud of you."

 _Smallpelt?_  He slowly blinked open his eyes, lifting his head to look about the familiar space. The night before he fell into the middle ground was a blurry memory at best, fading in and out after he dejectedly began his hike through the snow. He vaguely recalled telling Spiderberry he'd be back, but very little else remained.  _Did Wingstar make me a warrior? Why?_

"There you are," Watercry purred, wrapping her tail around his hind legs reassuringly. "Do you know what this place is?"

Smallpelt swallowed and nodded, mind reeling. The warrior couldn't bear to look directly at her for fear of seeing the stars that crested her fur. "Were you ever here before?"

"Me? No." Watercry shook her head. "I had no second chances. StarClan knew it was my time to die."

"This is my third chance," he supplied. Smallpelt wished he could give even one of those chances to the she-cat laying next to him, pressed against his pelt. "I'm sorry I killed you."

"Hush." She gently batted his ear, chiding. "It was my time, plain and simple. The only way you ever could've 'killed' me is if you ripped me open in battle."

Smallpelt shuddered, bile rising in his throat.  _I can't even imagine doing such a thing!_

"Besides, my  _brave_  son," she made sure to emphasize brave, as though daring him to argue with her, "you may not be out of death's paws yet."

"I'm not going to die."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Brownstep promised she'd come for me, but she's not here. I'm not gonna die."

Watercry looked unconvinced. "That ThunderClan queen? She seemed nice enough, but she must be busy watching over her littermate and kits."

"I'm not going to die," he repeated stubbornly. "She promised."

"I believe you. I trust you," she reassured, pressing their noses together before drawing away. "I'll always be with you both. I'm so proud of you."

Smallpelt stared at his paws. "You shouldn't be."

"Why not?"

"I'm not brave like Spiderberry." He tried to cut himself off, but he couldn't stop. _It's only fair she know how I feel, right? I mean, she can't keep thinking I'm courageous or powerful or however she sees me._  "He's so amazing! He followed his passion, and he's _really_  good at what he does! And then there's me."

"I looked forward to patrolling and hunting with you, you know," Watercry meowed gently. "I love you both. You've been so strong, fighting off sickness with only the help of a few herbs. In Leaf-bare, no less. ShadowClan will rejoice to have a warrior like you."

"But I don't feel right."

"Do you feel wrong?" She cocked her head to the side, whiskers trembling.

He shook his head. "Not exactly. Just like... I don't know. Like I'm pretending. But I dunno what I'm pretending about, or for, or why." Smallpelt glanced at her shyly, begging she'd understand. "Sometimes I think StarClan made a mistake when they put my spirit in my body."

"Would you rather be in another Clan? Become a kittypet?"

"Never!" he cried, pelt prickling.  _If only it were that easy!_  "It's complicated. I don't really understand it yet."

Watercry silently stared at him. Smallpelt felt like he was caught in the gaze of a monster on the prowl, despite there being nothing malicious in her eyes. "I don't quite understand it either," she replied, puzzled. "But whatever it may be, whichever path you decide to take, I'll always love you. Never think otherwise."

"I know," he said, and meant it. "I just wish it didn't have to be this way. I don't want you to go."

Watercry nuzzled him, purring comfortingly. Smallpelt's heart told him it was a goodbye.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into her fur.

"I forgive you," she replied simply, then added; "Of course, that implies there was something to blame you for, but I figured you would rather hear that."

Pulling away, Smallpelt pushed himself into a run, afraid that if he stayed one second longer he wouldn't be able to keep moving. He plunged into the murky water, sinking to the bottom. He opened his eyes.

The tendrils pulled at him, but it was different now. The water no longer looked pitch black and claustrophobic, rather keeping to a dull shade, like the river when a clump of dirt falls into it. The darkness had a light hold, far from the powerful force it had once exerted over him.

The finality of his name struck him.  _I'm a warrior now! I can't just float around here all day; what if my Clan needs me someday?_

Smallpelt unsheathed his claws and bit down on the tendril gripping his leg. His tongue was coated with a horrid flavor as the darkness receded. He began to swim upwards, fighting off illness. The dark claws didn't hurt so much as they exhausted him, making his limbs feel heavy, but they were so weak he batted them off. Smallpelt didn't look back for fear they'd strike his eyes.

After what felt like eternity, his head broke the top of the water.

Smallpelt dragged his soaked body to the shore. The grass and trees were burned, black with char. Dust stuck to his fur as he found his footing.

 _I can smell ShadowClan!_  The scent was a blessing. He breathed in the pines and marsh, energy returning, and broke into a sprint. _I've got to get home!_

Everything jerked to a halt when he passed the first line of green, past all the dead and into the life. He felt like he'd been run over by that aforementioned monster, laying flat in a nest.

Smallpelt slowly opened his eyes, almost afraid to hope. _The medicine den!_  He wanted to roll in the old moss. _I made it!_

Skycloud was quietly snoring beside him. The warrior was in much better shape than him, but bones still jutted out of his pelt, and mucus dripped down his nose. Smallpelt swallowed and found his throat to be sore. A headache pounded at his temples, and his nose was hard to breathe out of. Spiderberry's scent was stale beside his nest, like he'd sat there for a while before giving up and padding away.

Smallpelt drooped, disappointed. _I'm still sick._

A paw prodded sharply at his side, and he jumped. Rocktail, his mouth full of leaves, blinked at him and dipped his head. He set them down to speak.

"Welcome back," he said. "Your fever broke yesterday."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! After spending pretty much all of Leaf-bare sick (it only got deadly towards the middle/end) Smallpelt is finally on the right path!


	24. Rosetuft (RiverClan)

The trees were hesitantly blooming, stretching their leaves and growing back their fruit. Likewise, prey had begun to scuffle through the shrubbery once again, and fish were starting to swim through the cold water. Dew clung to everything it could get its watery grip on.

Rosetuft relished in the chilly slide as she dove into the water, kicking gracefully. Hooking a fish in her paws, she floated to the surface, throwing it onto the bank to deliver the killing blow. The flavors sang on her tongue. Newleaf was just starting, and Rosetuft felt a new energy in her limbs as she trotted over to the old rabbit burrow.  _Today's the day!_

Lightstripe's nose twitched as she approached, and she purred as the warrior lifted her head, blinking sleep out of her eyes. "Thank StarClan," she meowed. "I wasn't dreaming."

She proudly set the fresh-kill down. "Nope! Wanna share?"

Lightstripe nodded and took a delicate bite. Rosetuft followed, fur tingling at the taste.  _I never want to eat another mouse again!_

"I was thinking we could bring some fish with us," she explained while Lightstripe chewed. "Make an early impression."

"It  _would_  show how far we are willing to go," Lightstripe mused thoughtfully. "Giving up food after Leaf-bare."

Rosetuft laughed. Oil was coating her face from her fast eating, in spite of her best efforts to keep it nice. "Here. We don't want to look like rogues when we ask to return." Lightstripe stiffened but didn't argue as Rosetuft gently cleaned her muzzle. The hesitance in her eyes was overshadowed with love, making her heart squeeze.

"Can I...?" She awkwardly glanced at the fur on her head, still sticking up from sleep.

Rosetuft lowered her chin. "Of course." The careful way she moved with was oddly adorable.  _She's not used to being affectionate with a cat around her age, but you can't deny that she's trying._

The moment she pulled back she got to her paws, as if trying to banish her own awkwardness. "We'd better get going."

They caught a fish each and set off, Rosetuft leading. Lightstripe walked with purpose, but flinched whenever her nose brushed the she-cat's red tail.  _She's nervous_ , Rosetuft's whiskers trembled. _If only this fish weren't in my mouth, I could tell her I feel the same_.

The sun was beginning to overtake the trees when the RiverClan scent markers came to them. They picked up the pace without realizing it, ears pricking, until they came up on the border. They sat down and waited for a patrol to come, pelts brushing.

 _Berryleg must've had her kits by now. I hope they made it through the cold._  The thought of kits made her glance at Lightstripe, irritation flaring in her chest.  _I wish it could be that easy for us._

A thudding of pawsteps brought her back to the present. A brown and black blur came pelting towards them, snarling. "Intruder!"

 _Not quite_ , she thought. Lightstripe set her fish down as the stranger stumbled to a stop, eyes glittering with surprise.

"Lightstripe? Rosetuft?" they panted. "What're you doing here?"

"Better question," Lightstripe meowed. "Why is Brookstream letting you run off after supposed rogues alone, Bluepaw?"

"Blue _claw,_ " he corrected, but didn't sound particularly offended. "I thought you were dead!"

"We were only gone for the Leaf-bare. It's not like it's been seasons," she returned. "You're a warrior now, then?"

"Yup!" Blueclaw puffed out his chest. "Just like you! Well, like you  _were_ , anyway."

Lightstripe bristled but didn't reply.

"Congratulations on your warrior name, Blueclaw," Rosetuft meowed soothingly, pushing her now-dropped fish closer. "We brought prey."

He blinked at her, puzzled. Over the trees came a yowl. "I don't hear any clawing over there! Do you need us to run, or are you good?"

Blueclaw turned and replied. "Lightstripe and Rosetuft are back!"

Silence, then more pawsteps. Fallowfoot rushed towards them, followed by Notail. Fallowfoot padded up to them first, eyes narrowed. "Sick of living alone already, you two?"

Rosetuft bowed her head. She couldn't tell the she-cat she actually missed their burrow; the peace and quiet of just the two of them.  _I like living with Lightstripe- but I like my Clan more_. "May we speak to Applestar?"

"We brought food," Lightstripe added.

"Food isn't going to give you a free pass," Fallowfoot warned. "You'll be lucky if you aren't turned back into apprentices."

"If we are, we'll just become warriors again," she pointed out sensibly. _I don't want to be Rosepaw again after all the hard work I put in, but I can understand if she takes away my status after all this fuss. I just hope I'll get it back one day._ "We're willing to be patient."

"Either way, we're happy you're back." Notail reached across the border to brush noses with his ex-apprentice. "Let's get you back to camp."

Fallowfoot led the charge, walking briskly through the reeds. Rosetuft stumbled after, un-used to the terrain after moons of forest grass under-paw. Lightstripe kept up, slinking through mud and other gunk that clung to her fur. She seemed fine with the muck that weighed her down, staring straight ahead. Rosetuft's nose wrinkled.  _I'm not cleaning_  that  _off!_

Blueclaw put on a burst of speed to walk beside her. "Hey."

Lightstripe nodded.

"We never really talked much, did we?" he asked suddenly. "Even as kits, we lived in different Clans. I didn't realize that until I became a warrior, and the kits started ducking away from me so they weren't underfoot. It felt really familiar."

Rosetuft's ear twitched.  _So there_  are  _kits in RiverClan, then._

"I was just wondering- if Applestar lets you stay, of course- if you'd like to meet at the border, so to speak. Maybe go on a hunt together or something."

Lightstripe waved her tail indecisively, eyes narrowed with suspicion. "Why?" she asked. The word was muffled but not inaudible.

"Because I didn't always treat you fairly." He flashed her an apologetic look. "I don't know anything about you. Even when we played games as kits, we usually just gravitated around Rosetuft. I don't think that's how littermates are supposed to act."

There was a pause.

"We're almost there," Fallowfoot said needlessly, as all of them knew where they were going.

"You don't need to decide now." He touched his nose to her ear. "We can talk about it later." Blueclaw picked up his stride to walk beside Notail, while Rosetuft traded that place to slow down and be beside her mate. Their tails intertwined.

 _No matter what happens, I'm here for you_ , she told her internally. Lightstripe gave her a slow blink.

Only a few warriors padded around the camp as they entered, busy with hunting or other patrols. The dens looked no worse for wear. Brookstream in particular shot them a curious look before darting inside of one, obviously exhausted from late night hunting. Squeaking floated out of the nursery.

"Stay here," Fallowfoot growled. "I'll go tell Applestar."

The nimble she-cat leap up the stones to the leader's den, ducking inside without preamble. Blueclaw and Notail both went to grab some prey for themselves, keeping a close eye on the two she-cats.

"Rosetuft?"

She jumped. Berryleg stood at the entrance of the nursery, tail raised. It was obvious that kitting had hit her hard; her bones had a hollow look about them, and her fur was thin. She dipped her head, shocked at her current state, a mouth full of fish. Berryleg padded confidently over to her, and Rosetuft placed it at her paws, licking her lips nervously. "You look like you need it."

"I do. Thank you." But the queen didn't take it. She pressed her face into Rosetuft's fur, shaking. "I thought you were never coming back."

"I changed my mind." She flicked her ear to Lightstripe. " _We_  changed our minds."

Berryleg looked between them, eyes glowing with understanding. "I'm glad. Would you like to meet my kits?"

"You won't mind them being around two rogues?"

"Nonsense. You both live by the warrior code." Berryleg turned to the nursery and called that it was safe. Bundles of fur tumbled out, one after the other, until four kits were shooting towards them.

" _Four_?" Rosetuft cried, surprised. "In  _Leaf-bare_?"

"I don't get it either, but I won't complain." Berryleg shrugged, looking proud of herself. "Sit still, everyone. I want to introduce you to these warriors."

The biggest, a torbie tom, was Sunkit, with his brother Reedkit being a black and white tabby. Between them was a stern brown and white she-cat named Briarkit. The squirming bundle of white fur at the end was Cloudkit.

"One of these things is not like the other," Rosetuft whispered into Lightstripe's ear. Her whiskers twitched with amusement.

"This is Rosetuft and Lightstripe." Berryleg waved her tail, eyes bright with pride at her kin and her ex-apprentice. "I trained Rosetuft."

"You're warriors?" Sunkit tipped his head to the side. "I've never seen you before."

Reedkit fluffed out his pelt. "Are you from another Clan? I'll chase you out if you are!" he hissed, but it would be some time yet before he would have the chance to defend his Clan.

"We're both RiverClan," she responded mildly. "We just left for the Leaf-bare."

Briarkit blinked at her. "Isn't that against the warrior code?"

"It is. We have no excuse for it." Rosetuft lowered her ears.  _They need to know that we have our own choices, but they all have consequences._  "But we're back now."

"Why?"

"We missed our home. Besides- Lightstripe and I want to be warriors again."

" _Wow,_ " Cloudkit breathed. The little she-cat was staring, wide-eyed, at the catch they had brought. "I've never seen fish that big!"

"That's the wonder of Newleaf, I suppose," Berryleg purred. "You'll catch prey that big one day."

She didn't reply, looking admiringly at Lightstripe. The warrior glanced at both of them for the okay, then set the fresh-kill down. "Here," she grunted. "You all can share it."

The thin queen dipped her head gratefully and snatched the other fish. "I'll go give this to Pikecloud." She shot the yellow she-cat a look. "She'll be happy to know you're back."

Lightstripe nodded, watching with hopeful eyes as she strode across the clearing and ducked into the elders' den. Rosetuft thought that Fallowfoot was taking a long time; were they listening in on their conversations, or was the warrior trying to persuade Applestar one way or the other? She gently leaned against Lightstripe, watching the kits push and shove as they dug their tiny teeth and claws into the prey.

A low, joyful yowl echoed through the clearing. Pikecloud raced across the clearing at a pace that neither warrior had ever expected the elder to reach, pressing her cheek to Lightstripe and giving her a barrage of licks.

"Oh, my kit, my warrior, my little blast of sunshine!" she cried into her fur. Rosetuft wanted to laugh at the awkward but pleased look on her mate's face as she let out a small trill of happiness. "Don't you ever do that again! Who is going to visit me and keep my nest clean if not for you?"

("I will!" Sunkit declared, but no one but his mother gave him any notice, bending down to give him an encouraging lick on the ear.)

"Sorry, Pikecloud." Lightstripe ducked her head, eagerly watching the den for a second pelt to push through the reeds. The elder caught her eye, glanced, then look back, face somber.

"Oh, Lightstripe," she sighed. "You can look all you want, but nothing will come. There's nobody left but me."

Lightstripe froze. Her ears fell. "Hookfang's  _dead_?" she asked, voice raising an octave.

"Yes, dear. I'm afraid so." Pikecloud sunk down onto her haunches, eyes shuttering with grief. "Cold got 'im."

"Murkytail too," Berryleg meowed, face darkening. "He died hunting for prey for my kits."

"But I didn't even get to say goodbye!" Lightstripe meowed, pressing her nose into Pikecloud's head, right between the ears. It was unclear if she heard the latter statement. Rosetuft itched to comfort her, but that would require jumping over the kits and pushing the old cat out of the way, which wouldn't do Lightstripe any good. "I never even told him I loved him."

"He knew. He knew even after you left," she promised. "Hookfang and I were never mates, Lightstripe. But there was never a time we didn't see you as our kit."

The two she-cats quietly bonded over their grief. Briarkit prodded Rosetuft's paw. "Are they okay?" she whispered.

She nodded. "They will be."

"Let's hope," another voice meowed. Fallowfoot grimly padded down the stones. Her face gave nothing away. "Applestar will see you now."

Applestar was thinner than Rosetuft remembered, although the beginning of plumpness was returning to her features. She nodded a dismissal to the warrior, who ducked away respectfully.

"So," she said. "You're back."

They both bowed their heads. "If you'll allow us, Applestar," Rosetuft replied.

The leader didn't answer. "Why did you leave? Was Leaf-bare too harsh for your tastes, so you decided to live somewhere nicer?"

"No, Applestar. We spent Leaf-bare in the wild, as Clan cats are intended."

"Two is less dangerous than a whole Clan. Your absence has been marked as an act of cowardice, and I understand those concerns," she snapped bluntly. "Although, for both your sakes', I hope they're wrong."

"Our loyalty is to RiverClan!" She felt Lightstripe's eyes on her, but she didn't say anything, offering a silent encouragement. "Just let us prove it to you and-"

"You wouldn't _need_  to prove it if you had followed the code!" Her tail lashed.

"I didn't leave to dishonor RiverClan, Applestar." She forced her voice to stay even.  _Applestar is just doing what's best for the Clan. She can't have flakes for warriors._  "I left to be with Lightstripe. We're mates now."

The leader flicked her ear in response, neither encouraging nor discouraging. Truly neutral. "Lightstripe?"

Lightstripe, who had yet to speak, lowered her chin. "I'm sorry, Applestar."

"What dissuaded you from RiverClan? Were your Clanmates not enough for you?"

She met the leader's eyes with a wary resolve. "RiverClan never needed me, Applestar. Now I have someone who does."

"Rosetuft?"

"Rosetuft is my mate, and I love her," she bristled as she admitted her affections aloud, "but she is a warrior. She can take care of herself. I meant Pikecloud. She's lost Hookfang, and is all alone in RiverClan."

There had been a time she would have done almost anything to avoid saying such things. Now she stared at the leader, calm and collected.  _She's really trying_ , Rosetuft thought, a rush of affection for the she-cat striking her.

Applestar padded closer to stand before them. "All warriors are needed in RiverClan, so long as they are loyal," she meowed softly, then straightened. "You're delegated to apprentice tasks indefinitely. You may not sleep in the warriors' den until after you've fed every cat in the Clan once, and that includes Berryleg's kits. Do you accept these terms?"

Ears burning, Rosetuft bowed her head. "Yes, Applestar," they meowed obediently.

"Go make your nests, then." She flicked her tail for them to go. "Welcome home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for sappy and awkward new mates! It's so refreshing to go back to these dorks. =)
> 
> (Slow cat blinks are a sign of love and trust, actually. Insert Lightstripe blinking a lot.)


	25. Nutjaw (Sheepkit)

Nutjaw wriggled her hips and pounced, expertly snatching a squirrel with her claws, tilting her head to give it the killing blow. The scent of Newleaf made her want to roll in the grass like a kit again, but she forced down the urge, padding through the bushes to meet up with the hunting patrol with her catch.  _It's not nearly as fun without Brownstep._ Clawpelt had snagged a sparrow, while Grayscreech has successfully captured a shrew. Nutjaw pushed the memory of Brownstep away, taking pride that her's was the biggest.

"Nice catch," Grayscreech teased, flicking his tail over her nose. "Is this for anybody special?"

She set the prey down, meowing politely. "It's for the Clan, as all fresh-kill is."

Nutjaw knew, deep down, that she should be searching for a mate by now. After all, Brownstep's last moons had been happier with Rowantooth in her life, and Cryowl doted on Sandpetal constantly, and vice versa. And even if she wasn't interested in a ThunderClan cat, she could always do what Silverblaze had done. Without a mate, the she-cat looked ready to explode any day now from the kits swelling her belly.

 _But that's just not me_ , she reflected, trailing behind the group. Dawn was starting to glow over the horizon, warming her damp pelt. _None of that is me_.

It wasn't that no one interested her; simply that she didn't have interest in the first place. She recognized love, and realized how important it was- for all his faults, Rowantooth had loved her sister beyond all means, and was devastated now that she was gone- but it almost didn't seem to apply to her.

_Surely, if that wasn't how it should be, StarClan wouldn't have made me this way? I may never have kits, but I'll be so busy training apprentices it won't matter._

Speaking of. Nutjaw slid into camp, setting her squirrel on the pile. By now Graykit would've slipped away to visit Crowear, leaving Sheepkit with nothing to do. She had done her best to train the kit these past few moons, throwing moss balls for her to grab and correcting her stalking crouch, and she was fairly certain she was itching to go into the forest.

_Not much longer now!_

Sheepkit sat quivering next to the nursery entrance, pelt perfectly groomed and shiny. Sandpetal had struck again, from the looks of it. She jumped up and met her halfway, tail bushing out.

"What are we doing today?" she asked.

"I thought we'd work on the barrier." Nutjaw flicked her tail towards to the thick wall of brambles and bracken. "Leaf-bare might've destroyed parts of it. We need to decide what to keep and what to toss."

Sheepkit, Nutjaw had quickly realized, was an avid learner like her sister, and took on any task with gusto. Even rearranging moss hadn't drawn a complaint from her muzzle, although she thought that might change once she began to learn battle moves.

They checked the bottom first, doing a circle around camp. Tiny bits had frozen or gone limp, leaving lots of holes to patch up, but they weren't big enough for intruders to push through. They worked their way up from there, discussing the upcoming apprentice ceremony and Silverblaze's upcoming kitting as they balanced on the log that housed the warriors. Nutjaw told Sheepkit the different smells and leaves she'd touched that morning, while Sheepkit told her about the scrap of yarrow she'd accidentally licked off Graykit's pelt.

"Did you get another piece of prey?"

"Sandpetal forced me to." Sheepkit looked mildly ill just thinking about it. "I'm never sharing tongues with her again."

Nutjaw remembered the softness of kit-fur like it was just yesterday, the warm milk of their mother and a tongue rasping against her paw. A small body next to her in the medicine den. A burst of nostalgia filled her chest, and for a brief moment she missed Brownstep so much it was an ache.

"Nutjaw?" Sheepkit asked. She'd stop moving.

"You'll miss her," she grunted gravely, grinding her mishmashed teeth together. "Maybe not now, but one day."

Sheepkit pressed her pelt to Nutjaw's and didn't reply.

 _Gotta lighten this up_ , she glanced rapidly around, then flattened herself against the rough surface of the log. "Climb up."

"Is it safe?"

"Don't jerk around and you'll be fine."

Sheepkit hesitantly crawled onto her back. Nutjaw felt her legs begin to ache. A six-moon old kit was much heavier than she expected. "Alright, going up."

She stood on the very tips of her paws, then advised her to do the same. She heard a quiet intake of breath. "I can see the forest! Well, part of it, anyway."

"You'll be out in it soon enough," Nutjaw promised.

"Nutjaw?"

She flinched, staggering to keep Sheepkit on her back. Rowantooth was glaring up at them, tail thrashing.

"Whoops," she meowed.

"I think we're in trouble," Sheepkit whispered.

Nutjaw leapt down, kit carefully held in her muzzle. She set her on the ground and faced the warrior, bracing herself for his wrath. "Hello, Rowantooth."

"She shouldn't be up there!" he hissed, fur spiked with fear. "Don't you remember what happened to the last kit who climbed that high?"

"Of course I do. It was me." She rubbed her jaw with the back of her paw. "But she was supervised, and I made sure we were safe." Nutjaw sent the little one a look; she was staring at her paws, tail wrapped tightly around them. "She's been very helpful. Most warriors aren't half as good at spotting holes as she is."

As expected, Rowantooth softened somewhat, taking pride in his kit's accomplishments. "She's not a 'paw yet, Nutjaw. Don't let her up there again."

She submissively dipped her head.  _Rowantooth is her father- I can't exactly argue boundaries with him_. "I will."

"Good. Come on, Sheepkit. Let's eat dinner together." He sent her one last reproachful look before herding the she-cat away. Nutjaw let them be, joining a final border patrol before curling up in her nest, exhausted.

 _Did you see Sheepkit today, Brownstep? She's so grown-up now, and looks more like her father by the day. Graykit is your spitting image- except, well, gray._  She shifted with a sigh.  _I'll do my best to make sure your kin live on, Brownstep. Just don't hate me for not being there to fight with you._

* * *

 

The camp is awoken early by a shriek.

Rocknose stretched, nudging Nutjaw with the very tip of her paw. "Looks like Silverblaze is kitting. Let's go get her some prey for after she's done."

They return with a mouse each. Rowantooth was pacing the clearing, no doubt remembering Brownstep's kitting. His tail was waving all over the place. Sheepkit was sneakily trying to pick her way up the bark of the warrior log again, but Nutjaw pulled her down. "Unless you want your warrior name to be Sheepjaw, I wouldn't suggest it."

She at least had the sense to look guilty. "Sorry. I wanted to see the forest."

"You'll see it at Sunhigh," Clawpelt reminded her tersely, washing his side. It had been many moons since new kits flooded the camp, and everyone was anxious to meet the little ones. "Crowear has enough on her paws as is. She doesn't need a kit falling."

Graykit stumbled out soon after, limping. There's a gash on her left arm, close to the shoulder. Despite this, her eyes are gleaming. "She did it!" Congratulations swelled the clearing.

Rowantooth bent to clean the cut, eyes worried. "What happened?"

"Huh? Oh, that." She shrugged. "She had a spasm and caught me by accident with her back paw. She wasn't trying, honest."

Sheepkit crept up to sniff it. "Lucky!" she wailed enviously. "We're not even apprentices yet and you got a cool battle scar!"

"You'll get one soon," Graykit meowed good-naturedly, purring. "And I'll be the one to fix it up!"

"Not if I can help it," their father growled, eyeing them both with love.

Crowear padded into the clearing and stretched, looking pleased. "Two healthy toms and a healthy queen. Hasn't been this nice in ages."

"Silverblaze must be pleased," Nutjaw said, although she couldn't imagine how having two kits depending on you for every breath would be anything but stressful.

"Right now? She's tired," the medicine cat snorted. "She asked to see you."

 _Me?_  Confused, Nutjaw dipped her head and slid inside. Sandpetal was beginning to grow, and she felt incredibly pleased to see him snoring in the corner, plump once again. The bushes were returning, and purple paint was drying in his pelt.  _It's nice to see him back to normal._

"Nutjaw?" Silverblaze whispered, gesturing with her tail to come closer. Her fur was ragged and she looked like she wanted nothing more than to sleep, but her eyes glowed. "Look."

She drew her tail away. Two bundles of fur lay curled by her belly, suckling. One was the color of Newleaf ground, rich and solid. He looked like he'd be an even darker shade of brown than her. The other was lithe, with sleek black fur.

"I hope they were worth all that effort," she joked, siting down.  _They'll make for good warriors._

"That and more," she purred, licking the black one's little head. "I think I'll name him Blackkit."

 _A family of colors_ , Nutjaw thought, amused. "Hello, Blackkit. Welcome to ThunderClan."

"I know, I know. You've got more important things to do than listen to a queen name her kits," Silverblaze apologized. She bowed her head humbly. "I called you in to ask- with your permission- if I may have the honor of naming Blackkit's brother after Brownstep."

Nutjaw's mind fell blank. She stared at the little bark-pelt tom whose mother wanted to be named after her sister, taken too soon, and recalled Brownstep's reasoning behind the naming of her own kits.

_"Rowantooth named her Graykit because he liked the color, but I named Sheepkit for a special reason-" she bent to whisper in her ear, giggling as her newborn kits slept- "I like sheep."_

_"No kiddin'," she chuckled._

_"But I never got to see one. Now I have. My own darling, Sheepkit. I want Sheepkit to follow her dreams, like I have. I want you to follow your dreams, too."_

_"Dreams?"_

_"Yes. Every day I watch you become someone new, Nutjaw. Someone brave and noble; someone with an_  ambition." _A pause filled with nuzzling. "Let's both follow our dreams, okay? It'll set a good example for my daughters- our kin."_

"Nutjaw? Did I go too far?"

Nutjaw shook herself. She bent to touch her nose to the scrap of fur. "Brownstep would have loved to have a kit named after her."

"May I, then?"

"Only on the condition that you name him for the warrior, not the cat who died."

Silverblaze pressed her muzzle to her ear. "I will. Thank you, Nutjaw. I know you miss her."

_More than you will ever know._

* * *

 

News of Blackkit and Brownkit swept the camp. Nutjaw had to practically force Rowantooth to eat by the nursery with his kin. "This is your last chance to share prey with them as kits," she warned. "Don't let fear stop you."

Barkstar called the meeting at Sunhigh. Nutjaw sat by Sheepkit, watching the Clan gather from the corner of her eye. Smokewhisker, who had been in a funk ever since Brownstep's death, was sitting morosely between Rocknose and Clawpelt. Rowantooth gave Sandpetal a respectful nod and settled in beside him.

"Blackkit and Brownkit are welcome additions to ThunderClan, but we will never forget Brownstep," he meowed, tail waving in the breeze. "Today we will honor her legacy."

"Barkstar?" Tallclaw struggled to her paws, ears whipping back at all the stares. "May I speak before the ceremony?"

The leader bowed his head to the well-respected elder, but Nutjaw saw Rowantooth bristle at the intrusion. "Of course you may, Tallclaw."

"I won't be long," she rasped reassuringly. "I just wanted to announce that I'll be having kits too."

A ripple of shock flashed over ThunderClan. It was common belief that the elder had sired no heirs because she was incapable. Not to mention her age. She was young, for an elder, but could she even pull off kitting after so many seasons of failures? Skyfur's eyes were wide as she studied him, calm and collected.

Sandpetal jumped up to press his head to her's, purring. His tail lightly draped across her spine. "Congratulations! I'll build you a nest right away."

Tallclaw twitched her whiskers. "Thank you, young'un. I'll need all the help I can get for my kits to survive."

Skyfur threw back his head. "Tallclaw!" They all joined in on the chant. Tallclaw licked her chest, self-conscious of the praise.

"Thank you for your contributions to the Clan, Tallclaw," Barkstar said, and honest delight lit up his gaze. "Today we will finally give you two apprentices to clean your nest. Sheepkit, Graykit, step forward."

They did so.

"Sheepkit, from this day forward, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Sheeppaw. I see a bright future in you, Nutjaw. Share some of that light with Sheeppaw."

She swooped down to touch noses to the she-cat. It was a familiar gesture, and she easily moved aside for her to sit beside her.

"Graykit, do you accept the post of apprentice to Crowear?"

She lifted her chin. As Sheeppaw had predicted, the cut on her arm seemed to be forming into a scar. "I do."

"Then I name you Graypaw. At the half-moon, you must travel to the Moonpool to be accepted by StarClan before the other medicine cats. The good wishes of all ThunderClan will go with you."

Graypaw gimped over to her mentor and touched noses.

"Sheeppaw! Graypaw! Sheeppaw! Graypaw!"

 _I'm doing it, Brownstep_ , she thought, leading her new apprentice towards the tunnel.  _I'm following my dreams._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aro-ace Nutjaw is a thing, yes. 
> 
> Silver, Black, and Brown. 'Tis a family tradition. =)


	26. Smallpelt (Skycloud)

News of Wingstar having kits reached the medicine den first, then, like the snow under Newleaf sun, slowly seeped out across the camp.

Smallpelt had feigned sleep when the leader padded in, unwilling to risk an awkward questioning on such a lovely afternoon. Judging by the claws that had pricked his side like an ecstatic kit catching their first mouse, Skycloud had done the same, and was far from disappointed. Skycloud had become a constant source of companionship in his life while he recovered. Spiderberry always seemed too busy to talk long, and he'd hate to interrupt the cat's important duties. Besides, Skycloud had proven to be a great friend, and his stories made Smallpelt laugh.

"I know it's bad timing, with Rockkit and Lizardkit so close to six moons," she'd meowed, "but I've spoken to Brackentuft, and they won't mind the wait."

"Will Darkflame be taking over your duties, then?" Rocktail asked.

"Only during my actual kitting and the rest I'll need afterwards. There's no reason why cats can't come see me in the nursery." There was a vacant pause. "Of course, as great a deputy as Darkflame has been, I'd prefer to have my official one back. My friend."

"I'm not ready yet, Wingstar."

"Soon?"

"Perhaps," he growled, but Smallpelt caught him staring at the herb stores the rest of the day, conflicted.

Two days after Wingstar kitted, they heard squeaking and squealing fill the camp. Smallpelt's ears pricked, remembering Brownstep's kits with a grief that was almost his own. He hoped they were doing okay, no matter what the case may be. "About time. I wonder how long until they come poking around."

As the day went on, however, no kits came tumbling in. The warrior felt a sense of monotony itching at him, and it was hard to lay in his nest all day, only sitting up when Mousepaw came by with a lapwing to eat. He ate his share ravenously, desperate to fill out his tiny body and return to his new duties.

"Alright, time to nap." Rocktail nudged them both into their nests. Skycloud was recovering much faster than him, and it was hard not to feel jealous at the energy in his limbs and the healthy shine to his pelt, which had become bleached from a lack of sun.

 _I can't rush it. ShadowClan is counting on me to be the best warrior I can be, and that requires recovering completely._  "I'm not tired."

"Too bad. Try it or I'll tell Skycloud to sit on you."

He let out a quiet  _mrrow_  of laughter. "I'd crush him!"

Smallpelt playfully clawed the warrior's thick pelt, turned over, and fell into a light sleep. It wasn't even dark yet when he woke up, but Rocktail was gone, and Spiderberry had yet to return.

He felt his heart sink.  _He must blame me for Watercry. Does he even realize I do too?_

"Come  _on_!" a quiet voice hissed. Smallpelt squinted, pelt prickling. A small black and white shape was in the corner of the den, urging something on the other side to join her. "Do you  _want_  Boltgorse to catch us?"

"I'm not worried about Boltgorse!" a second meowed, and a small ginger tom crept through their little tunnel. "What if mom catches us?"

"She's too busy being Clan leader to notice!" she returned, but her chest was fluffed out. "Come on, let's go-"

Catching sight of the two bedraggled warriors, the black and white kit jumped, falling onto the red tom with a screech. Smallpelt bit on his arm to avoid laughing.

"Don't worry, kits," Skycloud called. "We won't hurt you."

The red tom shuffled out from under his sister and padding forward curiously, nose twitching. "You look weird."

"We've been sick." He flicked his tail dismissively. "But we're better now."

"Okay." He crawled onto their nest, souring at the old moss. "Ick!"

"You get used to it." Smallpelt's whiskers twitched. Having new cats in the medicine den suddenly seemed to make the den brighter and more interesting.  _Is this how elders feel when someone other than the apprentices come by?_  "Mousepaw's busy being the only 'paw in ShadowClan. He'll be by later."

"We could clean it!" the she-cat meowed. She was much bigger than her brother- stocky-shouldered and tall. Her tail waved high.

"That  _would_  be nice, but you just got out of the nursery. You don't need to lift a claw yet."

But the red tom had already scampered into the medicine supplies, reaching for the leftover moss in the back with small paws. The bigger she-cat began to pluck the old moss out from under them.

"Here," Skycloud purred, grabbing Smallpelt by the scruff. He felt himself be tugged onto the older tom's nest, leaning comfortably against his pelt, a tail wrapping around his side in a friendly manner.

"You didn't have to do that. I can move."

"I know. I just thought you'd want to conserve your energy."

The smaller kit stumbled out, practically coated in moss. "I think I got some leaves in it."

"Let's hope not. My brother won't take well to that."

His green eyes got very wide. "Your brother is the medicine cat?"

"Er... yes?"

"Wow! That's so cool!"

"We probably should've introduced ourselves earlier," Skycloud said. "I'm Skycloud, and this is Smallpelt."

"I'm Badgerkit." The black and white kit sniffed his side. "You're tiny for a warrior."

"Yup. I was named _Small_ pelt for a reason."

"I'm Foxkit." The red tom shuffled his paws. "If you're better now, how come you're still in the medicine den?"

 He shrugged. "It was Greencough. You don't shake Greencough off overnight."

"Foxkit and Badgerkit, huh?" Skycloud mused, whiskers twitching. "Wingstar certainly knows how to name her kits."

Badgerkit's tail bushed out, defensive of her mother. "She's the best!"

"Indeed she is," he agreed easily. "And I see her kin has inherited her spirit."

Smallpelt wriggled back onto his moss, sighing in contentment as the soft feeling caressed his fur. Skycloud leaned over, helping card old scraps of bedding out of the way. The older warrior settled back in with a purr.

"Mousepaw has some competition," Smallpelt laughed, stretching out. He was grateful he was little enough to do so.

"We'll come back every day, and show the Clan just how warrior-like we are!" Foxkit's eyes glowed at the praise. "Maybe we'll be made apprentices early!"

"I suspect not," a voice growled.

The two kits bolted, practically squishing Smallpelt as they held on to his pelt. Wingstar made for an intimidating figure at the entrance of the den, eyes narrowed. "I thought I told you the medicine den was off-limits."

"You did," Badgerkit whispered, tail lowering. The poor scrap looked crushed, covered in various bits of moss and leaves from her hard work.

"We just wanted to meet the medicine cat!" Foxkit returned hotly. "And we got to meet these sick cats instead!"

"Spiderberry is preparing for a trip to the Moonpool, and Smallpelt especially needs quiet and relaxation to heal," she meowed, gracefully padding inside. "If you weren't aware, that's the cat you're sitting on."

Badgerkit carefully stepped over his paws to sit before her mother, shooting him a guilty glance. "Sorry, Smallpelt."

"Yeah, sorry," Foxkit muttered, joining her.

Skycloud reached out to gently paw at Badgerkit's ear. "Don't get too angry, Wingstar," he pleaded. "They made our nests clean and comfortable again. It was a very warrior thing to do."

Wingstar's slitted blue eyes scanned their work, then snapped back to the kits. "Is this true?"

"Yes, Wingstar."

Her long fur smoothed itself somewhat. "I can't fault you for watching over your Clanmates, but I gave you an order. There are dangerous plants in this den, and one wrong taste could kill a cat your size. Do you understand?"

Foxkit silently nodded. Badgerkit's eyes were wide as her mother leaned down to clean both of their pelts. "I'm sorry for overreacting, but I was scared for you both. If you're really looking for something to do, I'm sure Mosswhisker wouldn't mind some company."

"Can we clean _his_  nest?"

"I think he'd rather you listen to his stories, but I'm sure a new bed wouldn't do him any harm."

Smallpelt watched the leader gently herd her litter out of the den with a paw, remembering Watercry with a dark bite of loneliness. He put his head on his paws.  _It must be hard to be unbiased with your own kin._

Wingstar turned to them gratefully, slowly blinking with pleasure. "Thank you for keeping them busy."

"Of course, Wingstar. It was a joy." Skycloud dipped his head and sat up, making his features look more alert. "Are you looking for Rocktail?"

"Not quite." She walked over to their nests and sat down, bushy tail left sprawled out in an allusion of being even bigger than she already was. She still had some leftover fat from carrying the kits. "I was hoping you'd be up to mentoring one of Brackentuft's kits, actually."

"Me?" Skycloud asked.

"Yes, you."

"I'd be happy to, but I just got over Greencough, you know? I'm weak."

"I'm aware. I was hoping having an apprentice would help you recover a bit faster. Give you more reason to leave the camp early and return late. That, and they absolutely adore you both, although Smallpelt is too inexperienced yet to be a mentor, and would love to train under you."

Smallpelt dipped his head.  _That's fair. I wasn't even ready to be a warrior, technically, and she only gave me my name because I was dying. Not the kind of impression to make on a 'paw._  "I think you should go for it, Skycloud. You'd be an amazing mentor."

Wingstar sent him an approving look.

"Well... if you think I'm able, I'd be proud to."

Wingstar bowed her head respectfully. "I thank you. All of ShadowClan thanks you. Now, get some rest. The ceremony is tomorrow."

* * *

 

Smallpelt woke to the quiet flipping sound of moving herbs. Skycloud had left his nest to get ready, or so he suspected, as the scent was stale. Rocktail was also gone. "Spiderberry?"

The dark shape hunched a bit. "Hmm?"

"I think it's time I moved back to the apprentice den. I know I'm Small _pelt_  now, but I've still only got the training of Small _paw_ , you know?"

"I see."

"D'ya think I could?"

"There's no reason  _not_  to," he stated sensibly. The quiet sound of leaves and berries surrounded them both. "Make sure to come to me if you start having any dangerous symptoms. Otherwise, you're good to go."

Smallpelt felt his heart tear in two.  _He doesn't need me anymore. I don't think he even wants me around now._  Still, this gave him more time to explore, find out what he wanted, like Watercry and Brownstep both had urged him to do.

"Smallpelt! Smallpelt!" Foxkit cried, sprinting into the den. His ginger fur was fluffed out with excitement. "It's almost time!"

Badgerkit and Foxkit both proudly led him into the clearing, tails high. It occurred to him that they weren't even a moon old and they were already facing their first ceremony. Brackentuft was lovingly cleaning Rockkit and Lizardkit while Rocktail watched awkwardly from a distance, silent. Darkflame sat in his old spot, visibly tense and unsure. Mosswhisker sat eagerly by the front. Boltgorse and Skycloud were leaned in, whispering quietly to each other. Mousepaw sent Smallpelt a cheerful look from beside Ivyclaw.

Wingstar was a brand of light as she leapt onto the high stone, fur flat and well groomed. She surveyed the gathered crowd with pleasure. Rockkit and Lizardkit were overdue, and it showed in how quickly they have met in spite of her not giving any call.

"ShadowClan faced dire troubles this Leaf-bare. We lost three great cats; Berrystripe, Bronzewind, and Watercry. May they watch over us all from StarClan. But we have triumphed, and in their place two warriors have fought off illness to be with us today. Skycloud and Smallpelt, ShadowClan honors you."

Mousepaw threw back his head and called out their names. "Smallpelt! Skycloud!"

Smallpelt sheepishly sunk down in his seat.

"Smallpelt, you aren't ready for an apprentice, but I promise you- one day- you  _will_  have one. But that is the future, and this is now. Lizardkit, Rockkit, step forward."

Lizardkit let out an excited squeal, trotting to the front. Rockkit hesitantly followed.

"Lizardkit, from this day forward, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Lizardpaw. Skycloud, I ask you to pass on your patience and love of life to her."

They touched noses carefully, as if fearful of destroying the moment.

"Rockkit, from this day forward, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Rockpaw. Boltgorse, you helped keep our kits safe and secure this Leaf-bare. Rockpaw can learn a lot from you."

"Better her than us!" Badgerkit whispered as they brushed noses. Smallpelt didn't reply, eyes fixed on the ceremony.

"Lizardpaw! Rockpaw! Lizardpaw! Rockpaw!" they chanted, then dispersed.

The two apprentices pelted over to meet him, eyes wide with glee. Skycloud followed close behind, eyes flickering.

"Our first patrol!" Rockpaw cried, pressing her head to Smallpelt's shoulder. "You've gotta come with us!"

Smallpelt spared his brother and the kits a glance, then looked up. Spiderberry was already leaving the clearing to return to his plants, and the kits could entertain themselves. He needed to start acting like a warrior. "I'd be happy to join you, if you'll have me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's like two months late, but they're finally 'paws! And Smallpelt can return to his duties!


	27. Spiderberry (Graypaw)

Spiderberry respectfully waited for permission to be given before sitting next to Wingstar. The she-cat barely seems to acknowledge him, eyes fixed on her kits. He watched uneasily as Smallpelt pretended to stagger as Badgerkit clung to his shoulders. There was real exhaustion in his eyes. Foxkit aimed a playful blow at his muzzle and the young warrior carefully slid to the dusty ground of the clearing, swearing surrender. "They're coming along nicely."

Wingstar nodded. "I like to think so."

"With your permission, it's almost time. I should leave for the Moonpool soon."

Panic registered in her blue eyes as she turned her head, but Wingstar kept her voice even. "Are you sure it'll be wise to leave the camp without a medicine cat so soon?"

"Yes, I believe so. Rocktail can handle things while I'm away."

Whiskers twitching, the leader turned back to her playing kits. Spiderberry found he couldn't tell how she felt about her closest friend having such knowledge. "I see."

"Would you like me to stay, just in case?"

"No. You know more about medicine than I ever will, Spiderberry, and I trust your word." Wingstar glanced at Smallpelt approvingly. "You've done wonders for your brother."

Spiderberry looked away. "Thank you."

"He's a fine cat. I think, if he catches up on time, I'll give him one of my kits to mentor."

He blinked at her in shock. As leader, Wingstar had to be unbiased in how she treated her Clan, but that by no means stopped her from loving and treasuring her kin. By giving Smallpelt one to teach, it showed just how highly she was beginning to regard him.

"He'd be honored if you did," he meowed tactfully.

"As would they, from what I've seen. They seem to look up to him," she purred, twitching an ear. "You may go, Spiderberry. May StarClan light all our paths."

He dipped his head and slipped into the thin trees, happy to escape the confining camp. Spiderberry made his way toward the lake, keeping pace beside it as he slipped across the border, all the while thinking  _Wingstar thinks Smallpelt could be something big._

His nostrils flared at the familiar scent of ThunderClan. It was much lighter than his own, and Spiderberry found he didn't mind it. He couldn't imagine spending his life hissing every time the smell wafted over the border, pelt bristling like it were an invisibly enemy. Then again, he couldn't imagine doing a lot of things warriors did.

 _But you understood, didn't you, Watercry?_  He silently asked.  _You always believed in me, even though I wasn't brave in the way you were._

"Spiderberry!"

He jumped, tail lashing. Spiderberry forced his pelt to lie flat and kept his chin high as Nutjaw silently slid out of the bushes, a young calico she-cat following beside her. He didn't know the ThunderClan warrior very well, but she seemed friendly and respectful as she neared.

"Sorry that I interrupted you on your way to the Moonpool, but I wanted my apprentice to know your scent." She gestured with her tail for the 'paw to come closer. "Sheeppaw, this is Spiderberry _._  He's a medicine cat, and as such is allowed to come and go as he pleases. Don't attack him without very good reason."

Spiderberry curiously examined Nutjaw while Sheeppaw took delicate sniffs at him from her side, eyes narrowed. She looked to be healthy and strong, barring her bottom jaw, and even then it had healed to be strong and well-founded, and the scent of fresh-kill wreathed around them both. He guessed their catch was buried somewhere nearby. "How are things in ThunderClan?"

"Very well, thank you. I'm sure Crowear can tell you better than I can." She graciously dipped her head. "I hope the same can be said for ShadowClan?"

"Oh, yes. Wingstar recently made Lizardpaw and Rockpaw into apprentices, and we only have more coming," he purred, but felt uneasy nonetheless.  _I can't tell a warrior the same type of things I could tell another medicine cat. It's their job to look for weaknesses in case of battle._

"Okay." Sheeppaw perked up. "I'll remember it, promise."

"Good. Maybe, if we're lucky, Longfeather and Molepaw will let you check them as well." Nutjaw blinked at him with an honest gratitude, habitually working her teeth around. "Thank you, Spiderberry. Sorry again for stopping you, but the Gathering is awhile yet, and I didn't want there to be a mix-up if you decided to share tongues with StarClan."

"No problem. I was early anyway."

With a quick flick of the tail the apprentice was energetically following the warrior from whence they came.

Spiderberry found himself calling out to her. "I heard about Brownstep. I'm sorry."

Nutjaw whirled around, eyes wide. She no longer looked like a proud and honorable warrior, but a grieving and lost she-cat whose sister had been cruelly ripped from her. He found himself flinching at the change. It was like she wore a mask, and he'd just ripped half of it away. Both were her, but one was much more personal.

Finally, she lowered her gaze. "Yes, well," she rasped. "One of the queens has named her son Brownkit. She would've loved that." With a shake, Nutjaw straightened and turned away, the fur along her spine lifting. "Come on, Sheeppaw. Let's get that squirrel to Tallclaw."

 _You don't need to feel embarrassed_ , he wanted to call after her. _It's only natural that you miss her._  Spiderberry had a sudden feeling of connection to the warrior, to her familiar plight.  _I should be more thankful. Nutjaw didn't get her littermate back._  I  _did._

* * *

 

Spiderberry found Crowear to be sitting on a stone next to the path that led to the Moonpool, eyes seeking out and meeting his. By her side sat what looked to be a very young, small, and lithe she-cat. In the fading light she almost looked silver, and he caught notice of a long clawmark that trailed across her arm as a scar.

"I'm glad to see you've come," Crowear meowed as he sat beside her. "This season has been hard on ShadowClan."

"No more than it normally is, which is all the more reason," he shot back. "Is this your apprentice?"

She proudly nudged the she-cat closer. "This is Graypaw. Graypaw, this is Spiderberry of ShadowClan."

Graypaw shyly ducked her head. "Hi."

"Hello, little one. First time at the Moonpool; must be daunting, huh?" he meowed, waving his tail to look more friendly.

She nodded.

"Don't let it get to you. We'll be safe there, amongst StarClan."

Graypaw's eyes lit up. "I hope mama will be there. I miss her."

Spiderberry felt a lump clog his throat. His mind flashed back to the Gathering before his brother fell into fever. So much had happened since then it slipped his mind, but suddenly he could clearly remember Barkstar announcing two kits to Brownstep's name; Graykit and Sheepkit.  _This must be her! StarClan forgive me, I brought up Brownstep's death in front of her sister_  and  _her grieving daughter!_

Crowear nudged her tenderly. "Only time will tell."

"Oh, thank StarClan," a voice panted. Brightwater pushed through the greenery, Deadnose close behind. The black she-cat was complaining to herself about the tendrils of thorns that had clawed at her thin pelt. "I thought we were late."

"Not quite," he meowed, shifting over so Brightwater could perch by his side.

Crowear narrowed her eyes at Deadnose. "I haven't seen you in awhile. How are you?"

"There's four squalling kits in the nursery and more on the way soon," she growled. "How do you  _think_  I'm doing?"

"Be lucky you have that many," Longfeather purred, heaving herself up the path on all paws. Molepaw bounced next to her. "WindClan hasn't been this dry since before I was born."

"Luck?" Deadnose scoffed.

"ThunderClan is doing fairly well this season," Crowear broke in thoughtfully. "First Silverblaze, and now Tallclaw."

"The elder?"

"That's her, yes."

"I'd keep her plenty fed, if I were you," Brightwater advised. "She'll have to be really healthy to kit at her age."

"Don't worry about that. The forest is stocked, and I think Sheeppaw has made it her goal to pester Nutjaw into as many hunting patrols as possible." The medicine cat flicked her tail. "We should get moving."

They clustered together as they made their way to the Moonpool. Spiderberry felt a bit out of place, being the only one there from ShadowClan when the other three Clans had two, but felt infinitely better when he noticed Brightwater and Deadnose as far away from each other as possible.  _Better no apprentice than one I end up disliking._

There was a quiet gasp from Graypaw as she caught sight of the Moonpool. Spiderberry shared her sense of awe. There was nothing quite like it, from the stars that glowed to the tiny ripples their noses left. He plopped down beside Brightwater and Longfeather as Crowear raised her tail. "Graypaw, is it your wish to enter the mysteries of StarClan as a medicine cat?"

"It is."

"Then come forward," she responded. "Warriors of StarClan, I present you with this apprentice. She has chosen the path of a medicine cat. Grant her your wisdom and insight so that she may understand your ways and heal her Clan in accordance with your will."

Graypaw gingerly moved to the edge and crouched, touching her nose to one of the stars in the pool. Her body instantly relaxed, and her breathing slowed. Crowear settled in beside her, tail wrapped around the she-cat's haunches protectively.

"Our turn," Deadnose meowed.

* * *

 

He felt himself rise to the ranks of StarClan as his body plummeted, body warmed by the sun and cooled by the breeze. Amongst the overpowering reek of flowers an old scent touched him, and he opened his eyes to see the form of his old mentor, Berrystripe.

"You've done well," she purred, reaching out to brush noses. "I could have never asked for a better pupil."

Spiderberry let out a cry, almost tackling her to the ground as he pushed his muzzle to her fur, breathing in her scent. It'd been many moons since he'd seen her; she'd never gotten to visit him in the stress of Leaf-bare, and he'd begun to fear she'd turned her back on him completely. "I've missed you so much! How could you have left me at such a horrible time?"

"It was my time to join StarClan, just as it is for all cats eventually." She shrugged. "I'm sorry I left, and I promise I'll be here for you now. Something is troubling you, isn't it?"

He lifted his head. Spiderberry had always felt that he could tell his mentor everything, but now his trust had been shaken. Still, he tried. "I don't think Smallpelt should be a mentor. I'm not even sure if he should be a warrior."

She tipped her head to the side. "Why is that?"

"He was so sick during Leaf-bare, I doubt his body will ever fully recover. Not to mention his size. I don't think there's any real chance he'll live a long life, and fighting will only make it worse." His chest ached as he went on. No one ever wants to say that their brother is going to die.

"You're scared for him," she murmured, reaching out to lick his ear.

"He's my littermate! Of course I'm worried."

"Don't be. Whatever path Smallpelt takes, it must be one of his own choosing. He has a warrior's heart, and will gladly die young to serve his Clan."

He stared at her, floored. Deep down, Spiderberry had hoped StarClan would provide him with an easy solution. Instead, they were telling him it was  _okay_  his brother might just work himself to death? "But I just lost Watercry! I can't lose him too!"

Berrystripe's gentle eyes burned into his fur. "You must learn. I see how you avoid him, afraid of having your heart ripped out. Wouldn't you rather have some memories of your brother than none at all?"

"But-"

"You must learn to accept his choices. You have to let him go."

Spiderberry awoke to the chill of the Moonpool on his nose and no real answers. Disappointed, he sat up.

"You're done too?" He flinched. Graypaw was blinking up at him, tail wrapped around her paws. Her face as dreamy, and her eyes looked distant.

"That was oddly quick for a first dip," he commented.

"It was more of a meet-and-greet, I guess." She shrugged and licked a paw, drawing it over her ear. "I'm so happy I chose this path."

"I see. Did you see your mother?"

Graypaw's purr was her only reply. "Did you?"

"Just my mentor. I think she's mad because I can close my heart off if I need to."

Graypaw paused, then nodded. Her eyes were filled with the wisdom of the stars. "Yeah, I can see that. Crowear's favorite saying is 'to be a medicine cat, you must be willing to mourn a moon if you accidentally step on a flower.' A moon is too much, you know? I think a few days is plenty."

Spiderberry attempted a little trill, but it came out quiet and flat. "I miss my brother, but we walk separate paths now."

"I know how that feels," she meowed, gently nosing his arm. "I'd be lost without Sheeppaw."

* * *

 

Spiderberry slipped into the camp just before Sunhigh, pelt rippling. He could make out the sleeping form of his brother blocking the entrance of the apprentice den from the chill. All Smallpelt had done was hunt and play with the kits, but he slept just as hard as the apprentices despite being overdue for patrols.

He forced himself not to worry too much about it.  _He spent most of the Leaf-bare sitting on his nest. It's only to be expected that he's out of shape._

The medicine cat slid into his den to find Rocktail tirelessly cleaning out old bedding. The tom twitched his tail to greet him. Spiderberry doubted he'd gotten even a wink of rest.

 _This has to stop._  "Rocktail?"

He stopped, twisting around to blink at him. "Yes?"

"You're fully healed. It's time you went back to being deputy." In spite of that, he'd miss the tom's company. He'd made work much easier. "Wingstar misses you."

His shoulders tensed, then sagged. Rocktail stood, tail high, and said; "Let's go see if Wingstar is up."

Nodding, Spiderberry followed Rocktail, who strongly walked across the clearing, only hesitating to call into the leader's den before entering. The medicine cat was left scrambling to keep up.

Wingstar lifted her head from her nest as they came closer but made no other attempts to move, Badgerkit and Foxkit firmly planted at her side. They didn't seem to have noticed their visitors, quietly snoring. A scarp of moss decorated her ear. "Is it finally time?"

"Wingstar, you're my oldest friend," Rocktail meowed, settling in. His head was tucked in a bowing gesture, as if by avoiding her eye he could escape the words he was saying. "I've been ignoring this because of that. But the truth is, as always, undeniable. I can't be your deputy anymore."

Wingstar and Spiderberry both froze.

"I have no appetite for defending the borders, no interest in patrols. It's been hard for me to pretend otherwise those pawful of moons before I fell ill. Darkflame will lead ShadowClan far better than I would have, and I think he's the best choice for my replacement."

Wingstar's eyes dulled as he went on. The she-cat seemed to have been expecting this, but had gotten her hopes up that the tom would reconsider. "I don't suppose I can talk you out of retiring, can I?"

"I don't want to retire," he snapped, eyes stretching wide at the thought. "I've got time in me yet. With your permission, I want to become a medicine cat."

Spiderberry stared at him, aghast. Rocktail was ancient compared to him; how could he treat him like an apprentice?  _Haven't you been already?_  A small voice in his mind whispered.

"I know I will never outlive Spiderberry," he went on. It seemed like he couldn't stop now that he had begun to relieve the weight on his chest. "I will never be a long-lived or well-remembered medicine cat. But, please. I want to help. I want to _heal_."

Wingstar slowly nodded. "I could never deny you, my friend, but this is Spiderberry's choice to make- not mine."

Rocktail turned to him. "Well? Will you take me on?"

Suddenly, Spiderberry was a kit again, begging Berrystripe to take him on. Panic clawed at his kit throat at the mere mention of battle. He remembered how sure of rejection he'd been, how frail and desperate to escape his claw-filled fate.  _I thought my own family would hate me for not being a warrior,_  he realized.  _And that's how Rocktail feels now._

Spiderberry lowered his head. "I would be delighted to train you, Rocktail."

His eyes glittered with gratitude. "Thank you."

Wingstar glanced between them, then sighed. "If that's how it's going to be, I'll announce the change tomorrow. We all need rest right now. Dismissed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And if you look to your right you'll see a med cat worrying about pretty much everybody, his bro especially.


	28. Lightstripe (Cloudkit)

Cloudkit watched the entrance of the camp with her mouth open, tasting the air like she'd been taught to do. She tried to keep still, crouched on the sandy ground, but her haunches wriggled as cats came and went under Swampwind's orders, blue eyes wide.

Briarkit came up beside her and calmly laid down, her brown and white pelt sleek and shiny from Berryleg's tongue. "Are you waiting for Lightstripe again?"

Cloudkit nodded. "She told me she'd catch me a minnow!" Nobody ever thought to show a kit a minnow. It was too small, they'd all say, and they could find them in a puddle if they looked hard enough. Lightstripe wasn't like that. Lightstripe brought her leaves and flowers to look at and play with. One time, she caught her a squirrel so Cloudkit could feel its fur, then ate it herself so it wasn't a waste of prey. She'd pretend to be a badger and they'd play-fight like warriors. _I hope she calls my name when I'm given my apprentice title._

"Blech!" Reedkit cried. The two she-kits turned their heads to watch their brother struggle under Berryleg's brisk strokes, teeth drawn back in a tiny snarl.

"Quit being a pain," Sunkit snapped, sitting in a beam of light to dry himself. "You're gonna make her tired again."

Cloudkit's heart sunk at the thought. Berryleg was weaker than the average queen, easily exhausted and quick to get small fevers. She hoped she would start feeling better now that they were no longer going to be taking milk or even nest-space from her.

A familiar scent wafted over her scent glands, and Cloudkit whipped her head around. The morning hunting patrol had just returned laden with fish. Silverear led the way with Fishtooth, Huskwater, and Lightstripe following. Cloudkit bounced to her paws and hared towards the warrior, pelt bristling.

"Did you find one?"

Lightstripe shook her head and set down her fish, tail low with guilt. "It's not easy to catch something so tiny in big water. I didn't want to miss your ceremony looking for a _minnow_."

For a moment she felt disappointed, then perked up.  _She really wants to see my ceremony!_

"Let all cats old enough to swim gather to hear my words!"

Sunkit let out a squeak. "It's time!"

Applestar was an opposing figure, dwarfing even her deputy as they approached. Cloudkit glanced behind her. Fishtooth and Huskwater sat with their tails intertwined. Darkstream was whispering in Pikecloud's ear. Silverear was purring at something Blueclaw said. Berryleg sat at the very front, her eyes shining, while Lightstripe was muttering something to her mate, Rosetuft, who was listening intently. Cloudkit suddenly felt self-conscious at how many cats were staring at her.

"The apprentice den has been empty for too long now," Applestar observed, tail wrapping around her paws. "Leaf-bare wasn't easy. We lost our best hunter and a well-respected elder. New blood must flow through us."

Cloudkit forced herself to meet her leader's eye.  _Applestar thinks I'm really important. I can't let her down!_

"But that's enough pleasantries." Her ear flicked. "Sunkit, Briarkit, Reedkit, and Cloudkit. Come forward."

She forced her paws to move. _I have to make my Clan proud._

"Sunkit, from this day forward, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Sunpaw. Fallowfoot, you have shown great leadership skills and wisdom. Mentor him well."

Fallowfoot's tail trembled. She stepped forward, eyes glowing as she touched noses with Sunpaw. Cloudkit thought that her brother looked happy with his pick. She snuck a peek at her sister. Briarkit was shaking, but her tail was high. Her white belly and paws looked like snow.

"Briarkit, from this day forward, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Briarpaw. Rosetuft, you and Lightstripe have been asking for the chance to prove your loyalty and I hope that, in training Briarpaw, you will do so."

Rosetuft stood and padded up, whiskers shaking with the effort it took not to bounce on her paws. She touched noses with her apprentice and drew away, sitting down next to Fallowfoot.

"Reedkit, from this day forward, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Reedpaw. Notail, you were an excellent mentor to Lightstripe, and I hope you will prove bountiful with Reedpaw as well."

 _Poor Reedpaw!_  Cloudkit thought. Notail was a hulking tom, face and body edged with scars. There were very few who didn't find him intimidating. Her brother skipped up and practically slammed their noses together, nervously flopping down beside him. Notail watched him out of the corner of his eye.

Now she was the only one left. Cloudkit forced herself to sit straight and not cower under the heated gaze of her Clanmates.  _They all expect so much from me._

"Cloudkit, from this day forward, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Cloudpaw. Lightstripe, I have seen the bond you two share, and I know she will do her best to impress you. Train her well."

Lightstripe took measured steps to her, body movements stifled and awkward. She obviously didn't like being the center of attention. Cloudpaw reached up to brush her nose, blood fizzling. She'd never imagined she'd have the chance to train under her.

"Sunpaw! Briarpaw! Reedpaw! Cloudpaw!"

Cloudpaw purred when her Clanmates chanted her new name.  _Just wait- one day I'll be a warrior and have an apprentice all my own._  "What're we doing first?"

"The tried and trusted border patrol," Lightstripe meowed bluntly, then lowered her voice mischievously. "And then maybe we'll see about snapping a few minnows."

"Hunting  _and_  patrolling?" she breathed. "I can't wait!"

"Then let's go." Her new mentor nudged her with a paw. "Everyone is waiting."

* * *

 

Lightstripe proved to be a camp-oriented mentor. Cloudpaw spent most of her time hunting and gathering new bedding, helping repair dens and checking Pikecloud for ticks. After that came border patrol, on top of the odd training session with her littermates. The work was time-consuming and warmed her heart.

Things started to get strange when Cloudpaw saw Rosetuft sharing quiet words with Blueclaw, then padding over to ask Lightstripe if she might take Briarpaw for the day. Cloudpaw expected her to ask why, and was floored when she agreed without complaint.

"Sometimes mentors just aren't up to training," she told them.

Deep down, Cloudpaw was happy it was Briarpaw who was helping her instead of Reedpaw. The apprentice had gotten so cranky lately, even snapping at Deadnose once. Brightwater wasn't quick enough to stop the she-cat from ripping his ear with a sharp cuff, and that had only made him  _more_  angry. Sunpaw was by his side almost constantly, trying to keep him on task and out of trouble.

"This is boring," Briarpaw sighed as she plucked out a ball of dusty moss.

"Yeah, but just wait until Pikecloud gets back from the dirtplace," Cloudpaw urged, expertly rifling through the new batch. "She's gonna tell us a story about the time Hookfang followed Applestar after a rabbit in the old tunnels. They didn't find an exit until they were a day's walk outside of Clan territory!"

Her whisker's trembled dubiously. "Stories are great and all, but don't you ever want to go on a battle patrol?"

Cloudpaw stopped and blinked at her. "Of course I do. Why wouldn't I?"

She shrugged. "You're always in the stuffy elders' den or collecting herbs with Deadnose." 

"Those are all things Lightstripe has asked me to do." Cloudpaw reminded her. "And getting along with Deadnose is a battle all its own."

"Granted, but it looks like things would get boring, is all." Briarpaw heaved herself to her paws to help drag the new in. "I heard Reedpaw call you a mouse-heart."

Shock pulsed through her. "Tough talk from the cat who can't even call me that to my face!"

Briarpaw blinked at her admiringly and said no more.

* * *

 

Further into their first moon it seemed like Briarpaw was with them almost every day. Rosetuft was always tired, mulling about the medicine den for herbs.

"Sometimes mentors get sick," was all Lightstripe would say.

Thankfully, Briarpaw's presence seemed to finally give her mentor an interest in battling. They left camp more often, hunting or learning more moves. As much as she likes Pikecloud, searching the same area for the same ticks gets monotonous.

"I never should've kept you like that for so long," she admitted, face darkening. "I forgot that there are more apprentices who have things to learn from the elders."

They padded towards camp with a fish in each of their jaws. Cloudpaw felt the sun heat her bright pelt and purred. She was far from good at hunting, and hooking even one fish felt like a miracle to be celebrated. Lightstripe stopped them with a sweep of the tail, ears pricked. Cloudpaw cocked her head but couldn't quite make anything out.  _Is she just playing it safe, or does she have really good hearing?_

Her answer came in the form of her mother, Berryleg, sprinting through the reeds with a growl. Her head was low with anger, fur spiked. Reedpaw and Sunpaw trailed behind her dejectedly.

"Lightstripe," she stopped beside the warrior, raising her chin so they were at eye-level. "Go get Applestar. I need to find their mentors."

Lightstripe dipped her head and vanished inside. Briarpaw and Cloudpaw exchanged a glance, quietly following behind their brothers. They'd never seen the molly so angry before.

Berryleg strode up to Fishtooth with a snarl. "Make sure Sunpaw and Reedpaw don't leave the camp."

Startled, the tom meowed agreement. Berryleg quickly hared out of camp.

"Ugh." Reedpaw fell back on his haunches, growling. "Stupid ShadowClan dungfaces."

Cloudpaw stepped closer, alarmed. _Did a patrol try and attack them?_   "What happened?"

"Nothing," he spat at her, eyes narrowed.

"Nothing?"

They all flinched. Applestar had exited her den, Lightstripe following. The yellow warrior dropped away to gently nudge them aside, whispering. "This is between them. We should stay out of it."

The leader cocked her head to the side bemusedly. Cloudpaw thought they both looked small enough under her stare to be less of a threat than the hairballs she must hack up. "I doubt that Berryleg would ask me to intervene over nothing."

"I was just being a loyal RiverClan cat!" he argued, the fur on his chest fluffing up. "You can't blame me for that."

"Attacking a wandering group of ShadowClan cats is loyalty, huh?" Berryleg sniffed, returning with a flick of the tail. Fallowfoot and Notail followed. "These two were two seconds away from stepping over the border and attacking cats who had yet to do any harm."

"I wasn't going to attack!" Sunpaw cried. "I was trying to get him to stop!"

"I saw claws," she insisted gravely.

Cloudpaw suddenly realized that the whole Clan was stirring. Cats trickled out of almost every den to see what the matter was. Lightstripe scanned them, but Rosetuft had not left the medicine den, so she didn't move. _They must feel mortified._

"They could've been prey-stealers!" Reedpaw clawed at the ground. "I couldn't let them think they could hang around the border whenever they felt like."

Applestar examined him for a moment, then turned to Berryleg. "Who all was there?"

"Just Smallpelt and Mousepaw," she replied firmly.

"Smallpelt is recovering from a near-lethal case of Greencough, and Mousepaw is overdue for his warrior name," Applestar informed Reedpaw. "You probably interrupted his assessment."

 _Near-lethal? How weak_  was  _he?_  Cloudpaw felt her blood run cold. _Did my own brother try to attack a cat that could barely defend himself?_

"They looked plenty healthy to me," Reedpaw meowed stubbornly, ears pinned back. "And they were eyeing the border."

Applestar silently digested this information. Cats had begun to whisper, but Swampwind cut them off with a sharp admonishment. Deadnose rolled her eyes and went back to her den, tail lashing.

"Sunpaw?" she said quietly. "Is this true?"

Reedpaw turned on him, eyes blazing. Sunpaw lowered his head. "No, Applestar."

"No to which part?"

"The end of it." He stood and walked closer before continuing, probably to leave his brother's strike range. "They were just talking, and they seemed friendly until Reedpaw started hissing at them."

"Were there any other cats with them?"

"No, Applestar."

"Fox-heart!" Reedpaw's fur was so fluffy he looked like a pine cone.

Sunpaw whipped around with a hiss. "Fish-brain!"

"Enough," Applestar commanded. The two 'paws settled in with a glare. "This is not how a RiverClan cat behaves."

Their oldest sibling sunk down in shame, but Reedpaw held his ground. "That still doesn't explain why they were near the border."

"Maybe they're padding after each other in secret. Maybe Smallpelt went for a walk," Applestar returned. "Not every ShadowClan cat plans to take over the Clans, you know."

Reedpaw opened his mouth, then shut it with a snap. He stared at his paws.

"Applestar?" Sunpaw meowed. "I'm sorry. I really wasn't trying to fight them."

"I believe you, Sunpaw," she reassured, leaping down to drape her tail across his shoulders. "But you can't control Reedpaw's actions. He must make his own decisions. And Reedpaw?" He tensed, but Applestar's tail touched his shoulder just as gently as it did with Sunpaw. "I believe you too. I know you're doing your best to be loyal, but this just isn't the way to go about it."

Reedpaw reluctantly nodded.

"Good." Her voice turned hard again. "You're both on elders' duty for as long as I see fit. You must learn patience and respect."

"I didn't realize I counted as punishment," Pikecloud murmured, stung. Darkstream nosed her ear comfortingly.

"Dismissed. And, Berryleg?" The queen lifted her head. "If this is to happen again,  _please_  visit me privately. It's not right to pit them against each other in the open like this."

Berryleg dipped her head, eyes flashing with guilt. "I'm sorry, Applestar. I was panicked."

"I understand. Just try to recognize my request."

Cloudpaw watched her brothers slink away with concern. Reedpaw was so confused, so angry. Did he really think the best way to be loyal was with violence?

"Alright, drama over." Lightstripe broke into her thoughts with a paw to her back. "Let's go eat with the warriors."

"Really?" Briarpaw perked up.

"Reedpaw and Sunpaw need time. We should give them space."

Cloudpaw expected someone to complain as they approached with their prey, but Silverear simply shifted over to give them room. Warriors lay curled on or around each other, eating or sharing tongues. Applestar was speaking to Fallowfoot and Notail.

"Your punishment was perfectly just," Fallowfoot told her. "Don't worry about overstepping bounds. This became your issue when they let out their claws."

"Reedpaw needs to learn," Notail murmured in agreement. "You don't think it was my training, do you? I've been trying my best, Applestar. I promise."

"You didn't tell him to attack at random, Notail. You can teach him as much you want; it's if he'll listen that matters."

Cloudpaw felt ill.  _Can we stop talking about this already? They've already been punished._  Sunpaw was picking at his pike with no real appetite, eyes fixed on the way it moved. Reedpaw, on the other hand, lay stretched out, seemingly enjoying the space. His back faced them.

Lightstripe got to her paws as Rosetuft slipped out of the medicine den. The ginger she-cat desperately gestured for her to come closer. The warrior nodded and sprinted to meet up with her.

"Sometimes cats feel out of place in their own birth Clan," Blueclaw meowed, watching Reedpaw intently. "Maybe that's the problem."

"If that's the case, then give him time." Darkstream shrugged. "Lightstripe was the same way."

Rosetuft was telling Lightstripe something. Lightstripe gave a little bounce and nuzzled her, claws gently scrapping the ground as they shared in the moment. Cloudpaw glanced at Briarpaw. The she-cat was watching them curiously.

"It's weird to think our mentors are mates," she said. Cloudpaw nodded.

Lightstripe proudly accompanied Rosetuft to where the warriors were eating, their tails wrapped together. Cloudpaw didn't think she'd ever seen her mentor this happy. Rosetuft stopped in front of the gathered cats, eyes shining, before throwing her head back with a yowl. "I'm having kits!"

Congratulations swept the clearing. Suddenly, her behavior made sense. She wasn't sick; she'd been seeking out a tom willing to father kits with a she-cat who planned on raising them with another mate.

"What about me?" Briarpaw pushed herself to her paws. "You can't train me when the kits are suckling. I won't have to wait longer than everybody else to become a warrior, will I?"

"Of course not. I'd never do that to you without discussing it first." Rosetuft pressed her muzzle to her head. "Lightstripe will train you when I get far enough along."

"I'd be honored to help you, Lightstripe," Fallowfoot put in.

"As will I," Notail purred.

"Thanks." She blinked at them gratefully. "I'll need it."

Pikecloud bounded over warriors to reach Lightstripe and Rosetuft, pressing against the new queen with a trill of happiness. "Oh, I'm so happy for both of you. They'll be absolutely perfect."

"I don't want perfect," Rosetuft purred. "I want kits."

"I'll be with you every step of the way," the elder promised. "Oh, it feels like my own kit is having kits."

"Careful, Pikecloud," Darkstream teased, but there was a warning in her eyes. "That's _my_  kit you're gushing over."

"She can be both." She shrugged it off. "Oh, my little ray of sunshine and her brand of fire. You'll be excellent mothers."

"Let's hope," Lightstripe grumbled.

Cloudpaw pressed her pelt to her side. "Congrats."

Her eyes glowed as she brushed noses with her. "Don't congratulate me. Congratulate the poor she-cat that'll have to carry them to term."

Still, Cloudpaw caught her running her paws over the soft fur on Rosetuft's belly with awe in her gaze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reedpaw is basically Lightpaw only with no elders to cling to. Yeah. Dude's got some stuff to work through, definitely.
> 
> Yay for kits!


	29. Smallpelt (Mousepaw)

A touch of Sunhigh heat melted pleasantly into Smallpelt's brown fur. He paid no mind to the temperature, pressing hesitant paws to the boggy dirt. The warrior eyed them nervously as he walked, touching the heel of his paw to the tip of his claws. It felt unnatural and cramped.  _No one would ever subject themselves to this._

Still, Smallpelt watched in fascination. It was so easy to change how a cat looked; just a flick of the tail or the way they walked could give a cat an entirely different attitude in the eyes of another. He still didn't know exactly what he was searching for inside of himself, but this was as good a place to start as any.

"Smallpelt!" an ecstatic voice called. The young cat immediately made himself walk more normally, as if ashamed of himself for experimenting. Bracken rustled as Mousepaw flew into the boggy land to playfully tackle him, laughing. A fondness for the 'paw settled in his belly.

"Get off me, you furrball." Smallpelt shouldered him away and sat up, throat vibrating with a purr. "Shouldn't you be preparing for your assessment?"

Mousepaw stood, shaking his brown pelt out. "I'm on my hunting portion now," he meowed, eyes shining.

Smallpelt blinked at him, then sent a quick glance around. "Darkflame'll kill you if he finds you talking to me."

"I told him I'd look for you, so he won't be surprised if he catches us." The apprentice shrugged. "Aren't you going to wish me luck?"

"Of course." Smallpelt pressed his pelt to the tom's side, chin resting on his spine. "Good luck, and may StarClan purr upon us all."

"Now I  _know_  you're messing with me."

Smallpelt pulled away, giving Mousepaw a quick lick on the ear. "You'll do  _fine_. You kept the Clan afloat all alone in the worst moons of any season. You deserve that name and more."

Mousepaw's eyes glowed. "Smallpelt, if I get my warrior name, will you join me in the warriors' den?"

"You mean... pull up a nest?"

"Yeah. I know Lizardpaw and Rockpaw are important to you, but we'll both be warriors. We should be sleeping in the warriors' den."

Smallpelt felt divided. _I want to be the best warrior I can be, but I'm still weak and uncoordinated._  The pleading look on Mousepaw's face made the decision for him. "I'll see what Spiderberry says, but I don't see why not."

"Thanks!" The brown tom pressed his head to Smallpelt's chest before pulling away. "I'm glad I won't be the only one."

"Prey-stealers!"

They both jumped. Smallpelt turned to find a black and white tabby spitting at them. A torbie tom was keeping him away, shouldering his chest in an attempt to hold him back.

 _An apprentice?_  Smallpelt opened his jaws, scent glands becoming coated with RiverClan. He hadn't realized they were near the border. Mousepaw hissed in reply, but Smallpelt waved his tail for silence and stepped forward. "I don't see any prey here."

"You probably already _ate_  it," the black and white tabby sneered. "That's just the way ShadowClan is; no sense of _honor_."

"Take a sniff around," Smallpelt invited, ignoring the flare of anger that jostled his chest. "You won't find our scent over the borders."

The apprentice hesitated, nostrils flaring. The torbie cat softened, gazing at them with hopeful eyes.

"Please don't be mad at Reedpaw," he hissed quietly. "He's just trying to do his best."

Smallpelt dipped his head.

Reedpaw finally fixed his attention on the two cats again. Confusion mixed with a desperation to prove himself. "You're too close to the border _not_  to be planning trouble."

"We have nothing to plan," he promised. "What are two cats going do to a whole Clan?"

"Steal prey, of course," he spat, fur bristling. Smallpelt saw his claws slide out. "Well, you won't get past me, badger-hearts!"

"Reedpaw..." the torbie prodded.

"Shut  _up_ , Sunpaw!" he snarled.

Mousepaw's pelt fluffed up at the hard words. Smallpelt's mind whirled.  _He's clearly threatening me, but if I step over the border it'll be_  my  _fault._  The warrior forced his fur to lay flat and to sound discerned. "I won't fight if you won't."

Again, indecision fought in Reedpaw's eyes, before he finally moved to step forward and answer the challenge.

"Enough!"

They all froze. Berryleg padded out of the undergrowth, teeth and claws bared as she glared disapprovingly at her kits. Reedpaw and Sunpaw instantly fell back. "Smallpelt, Mousepaw, I apologize." The speckled white and brown RiverClan she-cat turned and lowered her ears to them. "The words of my son do not reflect the words of my Clan."

"No worries, Berryleg," Smallpelt meowed, sitting down to show a cool lack of aggression. "I think we all know how it feels to be young and itching for a fight."

Mousepaw sniffed and turned away, plunging back into the trees. This clearly wasn't the place for apprentices.  _Nor young warriors, but I can't run away like that._

"Reedpaw, Sunpaw, let's go." She lashed her tail across both her kits' muzzles. "Applestar will hear of this."

"But-"

"Hush, Reedpaw.  _Now_."

Smallpelt forced himself to stand his ground as the warrior and 'paws were led away. He felt exhausted. _Is this what warriors have to do_ every _day? I'm not sure I can handle going back and forth all the time._

* * *

 

Smallpelt fell into the nursery with a sigh, stretching out. Little paws pressed against him. "Oh, kits. Today's been a battle."

"You fought a battle?" Badgerkit squeaked. "Show us some of the moves you used!"

"Not that kind of battle." He lifted his head off his paws. "It's just been a long day, is all."

"Did you catch us anything?"

"'Fraid not. I'll go on a hunting patrol later. For now, I'd rather roll in this moss for a bit."

"Smallpelt?" Ivyclaw's head appeared at the entrance of the den. "There you are. The apprentices are heading off to the hollow for a training session. Would you like to join us?"

Smallpelt heaved a sigh and nudged Foxkit off his back, sitting up with a grimace. "Or I'll go do that."

"Come back later," Foxkit begged. "We never get to play with you anymore."

"I'll try my best," he promised, slipping back into the clearing. Ivyclaw kept pace beside him, gray tail idly brushing the back of his paws.

"You might be able to beat Lizardpaw today," she chipped in helpfully. "You've gotten much stronger."

"Don't patronize me. Lizardpaw barely has her front swipe down."

"That's true, but she has size and muscle over you." Ivyclaw's whiskers accidentally brushed his cheek and she pulled a pawstep away, glancing pointedly at his thin and short stature. "You're getting good at being crafty."

He purred. "You taught me everything I know."

She hesitated, then shook her head. "You've taught yourself."

Smallpelt suddenly found himself in her paws. Ivyclaw had barely had the chance to teach him proper hunting techniques before Berrystripe died, and not long after he'd been writhing in a nest. She'd had to watch as her apprentice received his warrior name in the snow, and only on the grounds that they weren't sure if he'd make it. He'd never felt particularly close to his mentor, and now he realized exactly why.  _Yet she never gave up on me. She tagged along on my patrols and helped me with my catch-up training. I could never be that strong._

He reached over to gently nose her shoulder. "I wouldn't have gotten as far as I have if I hadn't had a great mentor to get me started."

Ivyclaw purred but didn't reply.

* * *

 

Smallpelt came back to the camp alone, a bird clutched in his jaws. The training session had been cut short when Darkflame had appeared with Mousepaw, making room for the second part of the assessment. Remembering his promise, Smallpelt had slipped away for some solo-hunting. The feathers tickling his tongue, the frog that morning a distant memory.

He felt satisfied as he set the food in the front of the nursery, hearing Badgerkit and Foxkit cheer and tussle to get the meatier parts. He took a mouse from the fresh-kill pile and went to eat by himself.  _I kinda want a litter myself, but that'll never happen._

Smallpelt glanced at the nursery, wondering what it'd be like to be a mother to a group of kits. He found the idea was an appealing one.  _I guess I could always become a nursery cat like Sandpetal, but I don't think that's quite it._

He set his head on his paws, prey half-eaten. He was too deep in thought to take another bite yet. _I'm so close._

"I did it!"

Smallpelt opened his eyes- he hadn't realized they were closed- and lifted his head.  _I have all the time in the world to figure this out- I need to be alert now._  Mousepaw's fur was fluffed like a pinecone, mouth open to pant a little. "I did it, Smallpelt! I passed!"

The warrior stood and pressed his muzzle to the apprentice's head. He hadn't noticed before, but the tom had to bow his neck for him to do so. "That's great, Mousepaw! I'm really happy for you."

"Let all ShadowClan cats gather for a meeting!"

Mousepaw gave a little bounce. "It's time!"

Judging by the way Wingstar's face looked freshly cleaned as she appeared from her den, Smallpelt guessed she was catching up on her sleep before giving the call. She leapt onto her perch without hesitation, unruffled. Smallpelt took a seat between Lizardpaw and Rockpaw, feeling Skycloud's presence behind him. Boltgorse watched her son with pride as he took his place before the Clan. Ivyclaw gave him an acknowledging nod as she sat down, murmuring something to Brackentuft. He saw the eyes of the kits glinting from the nursery, and Mosswhisker gave a devious twitch of the whiskers.

"Today we honor an apprentice who deserves great respect for his actions during his apprenticeship. No cat here can complain that they didn't have decently fresh bedding, or that he didn't hunt more than the most dedicated of warriors when there was no moss to gather or food to catch."

 _I can, but he wasn't allowed in the medicine den often for fear he'd get sick himself._  

Smallpelt watched as Wingstar addressed the Clan with a confident air. "Darkflame, is Mousepaw ready to be a warrior?"

The tom dipped his head. He looked every bit like the noble deputy the Clan had begun to see him as throughout the Leaf-bare. "Definitely, Wingstar. He passed every test easily."

"Then a warrior he shall be," she replied. "I, Wingstar, leader of ShadowClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on this apprentice. He has trained hard to understand the ways of your noble code, and I commend him to you in turn. Mousepaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend your Clan, even at the cost of your life?"

Mousepaw's chest puffed out and his tail winded tighter around his paws. "I do."

"Then by the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior name. Mousepaw, from this moment you will be known as Mousepoppy. StarClan honors your kindness and protective nature, and we welcome you as a full warrior of ShadowClan."

Smallpelt glanced at the new warrior, wondering how he'd take the more feminine name, but Mousepoppy's tail was high and proud.

"Mousepoppy! Mousepoppy! Mousepoppy!"

Wingstar barely managed to report the warrior's vigil before he flung himself into the crowd, tail lashing with excitement. Mousepoppy stopped before Smallpelt with a hesitant look on his face, clearly asking for approval.

He reached out and leveled a lick to Mousepoppy's muzzle. "It fits you."

Internally, his mind raced.  _I thought only nursery warriors like Sandpetal could get pretty names. Poppy is such a special name, too, unlike my own._  Smallpelt couldn't quite decide how he felt about that.

"Come on." Rockpaw bumped against his shoulder. "It's time for us normal cats to get some sleep. We'll find Mousepoppy some moss for his nest tomorrow."

 _Mine too_ , Smallpelt thought. This would be the last night he'd spend in the apprentice den. The warrior dipped his head and followed the 'paw back to their den, hazarding one last glance at Mousepoppy. The tom was padding off to the camp entrance.

Lizardpaw nudged him with a  _mrrow_  of laughter. "Don't look now, but I think he's got a thing for you."

"Yes," Smallpelt meowed. "I know." He pushed into the den before she could prod more, unwilling to discuss things further, curling into a tight ball. He stayed perfectly still as the two 'paws snuck in and hunkered down, listening intently to their breathing.

Smallpelt rolled onto his side, examining a light brown paw striped with black to better ignore the twists and turns his life had achieved.  _She?_ The pronoun resounded in his head. It sounded no different than any other word, but it was slightly disconcerting how easily it slid into place.

 _She_ , he repeated in his mind, then turned over and went to sleep as though he'd made some great effort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally getting some development for Smallpelt that doesn't require him almost dying in the middle of the snow next to a pile of dead prey. That's a good start.


	30. Sandpetal (Tallclaw)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: Remember Silverstream? Yeah. Yeah. And how Yellowfang had three but only one lived? Yeah. Yeah. That's not the situation, but keep that sort of things in mind. Death of the young and innocent, basically.

"Attack! Get the badger!" Blackkit cried, flinging himself onto Sandpetal's side, digging in with sharp little kit claws. Brownkit leapt after, getting a mouthful of thick fur in his jaws and tugging.

Silverblaze flicked his muzzle with her tail. "You look absolutely done with life."

The warrior shrugged, lifting his head off his paws. "I feel a bit closed in."

Tallclaw purred, gently reaching out with a black paw to nudge his shoulder. "You should feel lucky. You're the only one here able to leave the camp."

Sandpetal immediately felt guilty. The elder was almost bursting at the seams, and Silverblaze wouldn't be free until her kits become apprentices. As nursery warrior he was much looser, able to go on frequent patrols and even the Gathering tonight. "Want me to get some prey for you before I go?"

"I  _want_  you to get that restless twinge out of your paws." Tallclaw reached up to scruff Blackkit, shoving Brownkit off with her paw. "Now shoo."

Sandpetal stood and stretched, feeling energy building in his limbs. He picked his way over the nests and pushed into the clearing. The beginning of Greenleaf was in the air, rustling his pelt in a pleasant breeze. He rushed to join the group preparing to leave, only just making it in time for Barkstar to appear.

A familiar scent brushed his nose. Sheeppaw proudly padded past, confidently following the group. Nutjaw walked up beside him, nodding courteously. Skyfur came up on Barkstar's side, whiskers twitching. Clawpelt stubbornly nudged Smokewhisker into the clearing, calling a quick goodbye to Rocknose. Milkpelt trotted out of the elders' den, chin high.

Sandpetal let the scents float over his tongue. _It feels nice to be a part of the commotion again_. Crowear shoved herself free of the medicine den, Graypaw at her heels, and Barkstar motioned for them to go.

His heart brightened as the warm forest air buffeted his pelt. Sandpetal felt like he could run across the moors and back without even panting.

"It's a lovely night," Nutjaw breached the silence, hesitantly lifting a nose to the breeze.

"A lovely night for a lovely Gathering," he agreed with a skip. "It's hard to fight when we're all well-fed."

She dipped her head. "Tallclaw's kits should be here any day now. It's a shame we couldn't bring news of healthy birth with us."

"There's always next moon," he assured her. "Besides, we have plenty enough to celebrate already."

Nutjaw cast a fond glance to her apprentice. She kept pace next to Smokewhisker, the warrior slinking shamefully by her side. Sandpetal caught her chin starting to raise back into the proud way Smokewhisker had once held herself as she spoke to the she-cat. Graypaw whispered in Crowear's ear, and the medicine cat murmured in return. "That we do."

Sandpetal touched the tip of his nose to her ear. "I miss her."

Nutjaw pulled away with a grimace. "This isn't the time to grieve. We have to be there for her kits."

Aching loneliness yawned in the space between them. Sandpetal had never been their brother by blood, but Brownstep and Nutjaw had been raised with him. Watching her leave in such a way had left them both shattered and somber.

_She should be here, with us._

He glanced at Nutjaw. She shared a lot of the same characteristics as her, as sisters do. But the shade of brown on her pelt was darker, fur longer and more scruffy. Brownstep's had been sleek and smooth. Nutjaw's shoulders were bigger, and she lacked the long legs of her sister, though her form was still stretched out as ever. Tufts marked Nutjaw's ears.

 _Barkstar wasn't kidding_ , he marveled, not for the first time.  _She really_  does  _look Half-Clan._

Then again, if he looked hard enough, didn't they all? Sandpetal was bulky, with long fur; did that make him part ShadowClan? Tallclaw looked like a close relative of the legendary Tallstar, hence her name- no one would ever consider calling her a WindClan cat.  _It's none of my business and it's not important either way_.

They reached the tree-bridge without incident. Sandpetal offered Milkpelt his shoulders to climb up with, then leapt onto the log himself. ShadowClan, WindClan, and RiverClan all bathed his tongue.

"About time, Barkstar!" Smokestar called down playfully from his perch. "Did a badger guard the way?"

"Just a few brambles," he replied, bunching his muscles to climb up the tree and sit next to Applestar. The she-cat's eyes glittered with amusement.

"First Gathering?"

Sandpetal's ears swiveled. He turned, hardly believing who had approached Sheeppaw. "Smallpelt?"

The ShadowClan cat looked far different than he remembered. His fur was pale but sleek, well-groomed and taken care of. A plumpness hung to his belly, but otherwise the tom was as scrawny as ever. He turned to Sandpetal and dipped his head.

"I'm feeling better now," he meowed. "I'm sorry about that one Gathering."

Sandpetal broke into a purr. Smallpelt was a stranger to him personally, but everyone knew him to be a polite and easily worried cat. "Not at all! I was starting to think you'd joined the ranks of StarClan. You weren't even around for the announcement of your name."

Smallpelt blinked morosely. "I almost did. If it weren't for my brother and the help you and ShadowClan gave me, I would be."

They both glanced at the gathered medicine cats. Spiderberry's white pelt stood starkly against the darker blue of Longfeather. Graypaw was gushing to Rocktail, neck stretching up to press their noses together. "He's a medicine cat now?"

"Wingstar plans to announce it, but yes." Smallpelt dismissively shrugged, but his eyes were warm. "Spiderberry appreciates the help."

"You almost died?"

They both turned. Sandpetal had almost forgotten Sheeppaw was there.

"Yes," he responded bluntly. "I had Greencough. Sorry, I was sidetracked; have you ever been to a Gathering before?"

She nodded shyly. "I've never really spoken to anyone, though."

"Would you like to meet some ShadowClan apprentices? Lizardpaw and Rockpaw are friendly."

Her ears pricked curiously. "You think it'll be okay?"

"Of course. It's their first Gathering, and they're eager to meet other cats." He gestured with his tail. "They'll be happy to share tongues."

Sandpetal watched as Smallpelt led Sheeppaw away. The tom had never showed any real interest in ThunderClan cats before, and even though it was more than overdue he couldn't help but worry as she took her first step into the world of other warriors.

"Well, lookie here. It's my favorite squirrel chaser."

Sandpetal's pelt bristled. No, it couldn't be. But her warm scent flooded his nostrils and he knew it was. "Lightstripe!"

The RiverClan warrior laughed as he bowled into her, covering her muzzle with licks. Sandpetal pressed her face into her scruff, feeling the grit her curls held. "I thought you'd never come home."

"Nonsense." She grazed his ear with her whiskers. "You're my Gathering-buddy. I couldn't leave you."

"Lightstripe?" Rosetuft pushed her way through cats to meet them, a white she-cat following. "There you are. Hello, Sandpetal."

Lightstripe pulled away to nudge him. "Sandpetal, you know Rosetuft."

"Of course." He touched his nose to the red warrior's. "She's your favorite topic."

Rosetuft purred, eyes lighting up. Lightstripe lowered her head in embarrassment, clearing the air with the lash of a tail. "And this is my apprentice, Cloudpaw."

Sandpetal blinked and dipped his head to the 'paw. "I didn't realize I was _this_  out of the know. I need to get out of the nursery more."

"Speaking of." Rosetuft nosed Lightstripe's shoulder. "Go on. Tell him."

"Rosetuft's having kits," she announced, gazing lovingly at the she-cat's belly. "It's a shame you won't be able to visit them in RiverClan."

He felt ecstatic. Lightstripe had never been okay with kitting herself, but it wasn't hard to see that she might want a family. Rosetuft was such a nice warrior as well, and it wasn't hard to see how good they'd be as parents. "Congratulations, and no worries. I'm sure I'll get to hear all about them in a few Gatherings."

"The Gathering has begun!"

Rosetuft and Cloudpaw exchanged quick farewells before going to rejoin RiverClan. Lightstripe hung by his side. He craned his neck to try and spot Sheeppaw and found her safely tucking in beside Smallpelt and Skycloud. On her other side were two cats he could only assume were Lizardpaw and Rockpaw. He idly wondered how Rowantooth would take this turn of events.

"I will start," Wingstar boomed. Her bushy white tail swung down like a particularly tempting kit toy. "ShadowClan would like to welcome Mousepoppy as a fully realized warrior."

"Mousepoppy! Mousepoppy! Mousepoppy! Mousepoppy!"

Mousepoppy puffed out his chest, sending a quick look to where Smallpelt was sitting. The other tom didn't seem to notice.

"Lizardpaw and Rockpaw have been made into apprentices. They will hopefully grow into strong warriors as well."

"Lizardpaw! Rockpaw! Lizardpaw! Rockpaw!"

"Prey is running well and we are healthy. ShadowClan has nothing more to report."

Barkstar spoke next. "ThunderClan has very little to share. Sheeppaw and Graypaw are coming along nicely, and Tallclaw will have her kits at any moment. We are well-fed and strong. That is all."

"Send her our regards!" Aircloud of WindClan called. Barkstar dipped his head to show he'd heard.

"WindClan also has nothing to report," Smokestar added. "We have plenty of prey, and the Clan is happy."

 _Things always seems nicest when there's nothing to say_ , Sandpetal thought.

"RiverClan has four new apprentices; Cloudpaw, Briarpaw, Sunpaw, and Reedpaw," Applestar stated. She showed no interest either way; carefully neutral as she always was. "Berryleg will need another moon of rest before she can fully re-integrate into warrior life, but we are hopeful she will heal quickly."

"Cloudpaw! Briarpaw! Sunpaw! Reedpaw!"

Sandpetal scanned the assembled RiverClan cats. He spotted Cloudpaw easily, and next to her sat a brown and white she-cat that was probably another apprentice, but no other new faces were present. "What happened to the other two?"

Lightstripe lowered her voice. "Reedpaw and Sunpaw picked a fight with some ShadowClan cats like a couple of fish-brains. Well, not Sunpaw, but he was dragged along for the ride. That's Briarpaw over there."

Sandpetal nodded. He knew that knowledge was now a secret for him to keep deep in his chest, lest he get the she-cat in trouble. The number one rule of a Gathering was to never give away information, but they'd broken that rule many times over. After all, hadn't it been he who whispered tips into Lightstripe's ear that had given her the edge to be the best climber in RiverClan? Hadn't she told him the mechanics of swimming, which he'd then practiced until he was confident he could survive a dip in the lake? She knew how to catch squirrels and he could hook fish. It was a perk to having a Gathering-buddy, as well as a curse.

"Rosetuft will soon be moving into the nursery. That's all RiverClan has to report, unless you count bountiful prey and smooth waters."

He leaned over to press a berry-smudged shoulder to her own.

"The Gathering is at an end."

ThunderClan was quiet as they approached camp. Grayscreech and Cryowl were guarding the entrance. The older warrior greeted them with a friendly wave of the tail. Barkstar pushed into the clearing and the group of cats began to disperse. Rowantooth lay solitary in the quarry, bounding to his paws to meet his kits halfway.

"I met some ShadowClan cats!" Sheeppaw meowed as he approached.

"Me too," Graypaw added. "The new medicine cat."

"That's lovely. It's always good to meet new faces." Rowantooth proudly herded them over to the fresh-kill pile. For a tom all about meeting new faces, Sandpetal had never seen him near many other Clan cats. That is, before his kits got old enough to mingle. "You can tell me all about it over a juicy robin."

Purring fondly at the tom's love for his kits, Sandpetal turned and snuck back into the nursery, no longer finding the walls to be constricting. He carefully stepped over Blackkit and Brownkit. Silverblaze was wide awake as he curled into his nest. "How'd it go?"

"New apprentices, new kits, lots of prey, the usual." He sunk into the moss with a sigh of relief, legs aching. Tallclaw snored rather loudly next to him. "Has she been asleep the whole night?"

"Yeah. I think her body is preparing her to go through the kitting." She sent the elder a worried look. "Won't be long now."

Too exhausted to reply, Sandpetal hunkered down and fell asleep.

* * *

He's awoken before the sun rises by pain. Namely, teeth sinking into the tender flesh of his upper arm. Sandpetal let out a wail and jerked back, pulling himself free in return for a large chunk of fur and skin. Tallclaw is panting, eyes shadowed with agony and jaws coated in a light layer of blood. Her stomach shivers and she chokes on a cry, frantically gesturing to the kits.

Understanding her plea immediately, Sandpetal gimped over to collect Brownkit, setting him on his back and bending down to grab Blackkit. Silverblaze heaves to her paws, startled by the sudden chill on her side, and sprints into the camp, calling for Crowear.

Sandpetal turned a deaf ear to their complaints as he sets the kits down in the apprentice den, asking Sheeppaw to keep watch. She nods and gathers them with her tail.

"Sandpetal!" Crowear called from the nursery. "I need a stick!"

Sandpetal dove into the bushes and pawed around, finding one thick enough that it wouldn't break and cut her mouth. Graypaw darted past without a word, a clump of dry moss in her jaws.

From there Sandpetal stays by Tallclaw's side, providing her comfort. Crowear sends him off for various herbs. It's a long and unpleasant wait before Crowear announces the birth of the first one.

"Lick her," she growls, passing him a bundle of brown fur. Sandpetal set the little she-kit down by Tallclaw's muzzle and starts to clean. "Only three more."

"Three?" Tallclaw's eyes drew wide with horror. "StarClan save my soul!"

"Hey, now. You can't give up already!" he protested, nudging her kit a little closer. "Look at her, Tallclaw. This is your daughter. Isn't she beautiful?"

The elder locked eyes with the little kit. Love lit up her features as she stretched her nuzzle to touch the kit with her nose. Her eyelids flickered shut. "Oh, little one," she murmured, throat visibly working to swallow. "I've waited all my life to meet you."

"Next kit," Crowear warned. Sandpetal pressed the first to Tallclaw's belly to suckle and waited. The next kit was dusty gray, almost blue, with a long tail.

"It's a tom," Sandpetal told her between licks.

The third was another tom, this time black and white like his mother. A splash of white covered his left eye, whereas Tallclaw had a stripe down the middle of her face. He eagerly crawled over to settle between his two siblings, then moved to the far side of the other tom.

"Only one more," he urged. "Come on, Tallclaw. You can do it."

Tallclaw panted, eyes glazed with exhaustion. With a final heave the fourth and final kit plopped at Crowear's paws for the sack to be nipped. The medicine cat studied it, ears slowly swiveling back.

"Crowear?"

Crowear shook herself and bent down to clean its fur. "You have three toms and a she-cat. Congratulations."

Finally, the tom joined the others. He was the spitting image of his father in design, blue and white striped with long and delicate legs. Sandpetal relaxed his body, satisfied that they'd done a good job. He waited for the two medicine cats to leave, but Crowear didn't budge, watching them nurse intently and without speaking. Graypaw awkwardly shuffled her paws behind her waiting for a dismissal.

Tallclaw's eyes suddenly snapped open. She lifted her head. "Crowear, one of the kits isn't nursing properly."

Crowear didn't reply. Tallclaw grabbed the blue and white tom by the scruff, gently running a paw over his throat. "Nothing's clogging his windpipe. He's not kneading." Panic edged her voice. "Crowear, he's not kneading."

Crowear set her tail across Tallclaw's shoulders and bowed her head. Shame and guilt warred in her eyes. "I'm sorry. Sometimes, a kit is just born too weak..." she trailed off.

Tallclaw's jaws snapped shut. She turned to Graypaw, face frozen in shock. "Get Skyfur."

She hesitated. "But-"

" _Now_ , Graypaw." Crowear snapped. She scrambled to her paws and sprinted towards the warriors' den.

"Come here, little one," Tallclaw cooed, gently picking up the kit and setting him down at her paws, burying her nose in his fur. He let out a tiny, feeble squeak. "Ssh, ssh, ssh. I love you so much."

Sandpetal's blood turned to ice with sudden realization. The kit had been born weak, too weak. It was going to die before it'd even gotten to open its eyes and ears.  _No!_  He wanted to scream.  _That's not fair! He never even got to walk!_

"What's going on? Are they-" Skyfur's voice died as he poked his head into the den. Tallclaw met his eye, and the message seemed to pass without words. His shoulders slumped. "StarClan help me."

"Come meet him, Skyfur," she whispered. "Come meet your son before he's gone."

Skyfur crouched and slithered closer, putting his paws down lightly to avoid jostling any precious cargo. "He looks like me, with my mother's fur."

"He's so pretty," Tallclaw choked out. "I think- I want to name him Daisykit."

"Daisykit's a perfect name." He settled in with a rumble, touching the kit's head with his nose. Daisykit hardly reacted to the touch, lifting his tiny head. He didn't seem able to meow anymore, drained of what little energy he had. "Hello, Daisykit. I'm your father, Skyfur."

"I'm so sorry, little one. No kit should ever have to go without his parents so young." Tallclaw cleaned Daisykit's face with no vigor, gritting her teeth to avoid making too much noise. "I know it's scary, but don't be afraid. We'll be with you soon enough."

"StarClan is safe and warm, little one," Skyfur told him, nose to his pelt. "You'll get to play forever, and have all the prey you could ever want. Go walk with your ancestors."

Daisykit gave a shuddering breath and fell still. Graypaw staggered as if hit by a blow, blankly moving to curl against Sandpetal's side in search of comfort. Blood was drying on his arm as he nosed her head. Tallclaw lowered her head, blind in her grief. Her living kits suckled on, unaware of the tragedy that went on around them. Skyfur let out a loud cry.

"I've said my goodbyes," Tallclaw rasped finally. "Take him for his vigil. He deserves to see his Clan before he leaves for StarClan."

Crowear nodded and bent down to take Daisykit's scruff in her jaws. Skyfur shifted so she could exit, looking for all the world like a hollow shell of the deputy Sandpetal knew as he stared at her.

"Want me to stay?" he asked. Tallclaw shook her head.

"They need me." She sent a look to their three living kits. "And one of us needs to sit with him through the night. He can't be alone."

Skyfur dipped his head and padded out after Crowear, looking lost.

"Come on," Sandpetal quietly whispered to Graypaw, feeling like an unwanted intruder as the elder carefully counted her remaining kits over and over again. "Let's go find your father."

Graypaw didn't show any sign that she'd heard. She blankly followed him into the quarry.

ThunderClan swarmed the clearing, silently brushing pelts and sharing tongues. Grayscreech supported Silverblaze as he attempted to feed her a bite or two of mouse. Mousetail meowed brokenly to Clawpelt, while Smokewhisker and Rocknose traded a few words before sitting with their heads high, tails intertwined. Barkstar and Skyfur watched the crowd without speaking, awaiting Crowear's return with Daisykit, covered in herbs. Rowantooth and Sheeppaw lay with their sides touching, the warrior trying his best to comfort his dismayed kit.

"Rowantooth," Sandpetal called into the silence.

He glanced up, caught sight of Graypaw, then got to his paws. He didn't hesitate. Rowantooth was by her side in an instant, rubbing his cheek against her's. "You did your best, darling."

"But it wasn't enough!" she cried, stumbling to lean on him. "There should've been something I could do, but we just- she just-  _stood there_! It's our fault he's gone!"

"It's okay, darling. It's not your fault," he murmured into her fur. "Let's go find a seat."

The scent of Cryowl only slightly eased his pain as the gray-blue tom came up on his side, pressing his head to Sandpetal's shoulder. His eyes flickered shut as he returned the nuzzle. They didn't get to spend time together often, and now more than ever he needed his mate by his side.

"Let's got for a walk," Cryowl urged.

"But, Daisykit-"

"You've already mourned him moons over. I found something you should see."

* * *

Cryowl led him through the trees in silence, tail brushing his shoulder to keep him on track. The air was turning hot and humid as the light of first sun was beginning to consider brightening the scenery.

Sandpetal stumbled after him blindly. Daisykit's limp body plagued his mind.  _First Brownstep, and now Daisykit. They didn't deserve any of this. It seems like, ever since I became a nursery warrior, cats have died left and right. Is it just bad timing? Is it_  my _fault somehow? How can I do better if it is, and will they ever be able to forgive me? Oh, you two. I'm so sorry._

"Here we are." Cryowl stopped him with his tail. "Look."

Sandpetal glanced up from his paws. The air was sparkling with flashing lights. Bugs flitted across the sky with lights on their pelts. "Star-bugs?" Stories told that they were misplaced stars being batted around by StarClan cats. They were fun to catch, and perfectly harmless, so long as you didn't try to eat them.

"Yup. I found them a few days ago. Look," He nodded to one near the ground. "I'll bet that's Daisykit's."

He fell onto his haunches with a sigh. Sandpetal's heart ached. "I hope not. Not kit should be forced to stay after all that."

"He wouldn't be forced to do anything."

"I just hope he's safe, that's all."

Cryowl sat down next to him, brushing their pelts together. "You did your best."

"I didn't do anything." This helplessness; was that what Graypaw felt as she wailed her guilt to her father? No one should ever have to feel this way, this roiling in his stomach and hardness in his chest.

"You were there. That's more than almost all of ThunderClan. It's all any of us  _can_  do," he meowed. "Daisykit died happy and warm."

"He died not even old enough to know his  _name_!" he shot back.  _Don't try to comfort me with lies!_

He fell silent. They watched the star-bugs land on leaves and take off.

"Did you ever want a litter of your own, one day?" Cryowl probed finally, then added: "I always imagined, if we did, they'd have your pelt."

Sandpetal flinched, flashes of all those nights spent with Graypaw and Sheeppaw filling his mind. He'd tried to so hard to take the place of their mother, but they all knew he'd never fill that gap. He loved kits, loved protecting the nursery, but did he ever want to raise any of his own? To name them and maybe lose them before they were even made warriors?

"No," he realized. "No, I really don't."

* * *

Cryowl gave him a goodnight lick on the muzzle before he padded back into the nursery, unwilling to keep his company overnight. Sandpetal really only wanted to sleep. Tallclaw lay with her back to the entrance and head raised, neck craned to stare out at the little patch of camp she could make out.

"There you are," she meowed quietly, tail twitching. "Would you mind switching nests with me later? I won't let my kits get a chill."

"Of course, Tallclaw." He dipped his head. His heart softened at the tired look in her eyes. "You should get some sleep."

"Not yet. They need names." Her tail wrapped more firmly around her kits; but, he noticed, there was still enough room left for another to wiggle in. "Just in case."

Sandpetal nodded and sat down. Whether she feared they wouldn't wake or she herself, it was obvious the elder wanted a witness. "Did you have any ideas?"

"Seasons of them," she replied, a beat too late. "The gray one is so gorgeous. I'll call him Fernkit."

Sandpetal almost replied, but Skyfur's words crowded his mind and made it almost impossible to breathe.  _"Daisykit's a perfect name..."_

"This one can be Brackenkit." She gently nosed the black and white one. "Bracken always sounded like a strong name to me. I know it's not a strong plant, but it seems strong in name, you know? I always wanted my kits to have strong names. Birch is a strong name too, but Fernkit doesn't look like a Birch. The she-cat can be Pinekit."

"Fernkit, Brackenkit, and Pinekit," he echoed.

"And Daisykit," Tallclaw added.

"And Daisykit," he agreed, reaching out to brush her ear with his whiskers. "They're good names."

"I won't forget him," she meowed in reply. "Even if all of StarClan does. I'll tell them, too. My kits deserve to know everything about the history of their parents."

"We'll never forget Daisykit, Tallclaw." Sandpetal pulled away. _I certainly won't._  "And, with any luck, neither will your kits."

Tallclaw didn't respond. She set her head on her paws and closed her eyes. Sandpetal slowly left her side and slid into his own nest, bushy tail covering most of his view of the nursery. He tried to imagine Daisykit, happy and healthy, in Brownstep's arms as they played, their pelts covered in stars. It was the only way he could ever imagine learning to forgive himself for this.

Grief swallowed him as he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep. As the vigil came to a close it was Skyfur himself who buried Daisykit, Graypaw carrying his small body and padding silently after. A mutual guilt silently passed between the two cats as they found a proper place for his body to rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next three chapters seem to surround kits and death, honestly, although I can promise you that Daisykit is the only kit who dies in these segments. At all, really, unless my narrative should shift for one reason or another.


	31. Rosetuft (Lightstripe)

Brightwater's presence by her side was a comforting one, helping Rosetuft to better stretch out on her side, muscles convulsing. The scent of evening dew was in the air, and, while she couldn't see anything from her nest, she could hear crickets chirping in the distance.

"Nervous?" she asked.

"A little," she admitted, taking her head away from where it had been resting in Lightstripe's fur. The yellow she-cat immediately began to rasp her tongue over Rosetuft's ear, and she found herself purring. "But I can't wait to meet them."

"I suppose I can understand that," the medicine cat hummed. The code stated that cats of her caliber weren't allowed to have mates or kits, and the idea of it probably seemed strange to her. Still, she tried her best to show support, gently stroking her belly. "You're doing great."

"You hear that, Rosetuft? You're doing great!" Lightstripe whispered, burying her nose in the red she-cat's scruff, voice wobbly with emotion. "I love you so much. I know you can do it. Let's greet our little ones together."

Rosetuft let out a pained chuckle. Even now, Lightstripe sounded awkward when it came to expressing affection. "Of course."

"Um, I hate to intervene," Notail coughed, gingerly squeezing halfway inside. "Lightstripe, we need you."

"I'm  _busy_ , if you couldn't tell," she hissed.

"I know, I know, but there's been a scuffle by the ShadowClan border. Cloudpaw's determined to go."

"Reedpaw?"

Notail let out a low sigh. "Reedpaw. Briarpaw's missing as well."

At the mention of her apprentice, Rosetuft lifted her head. "Go, Lightstripe. But be back soon."

Lightstripe hesitated, then nodded. "I'm not fighting, though. My queen needs me alive."

 _My queen?_  She thought bemusedly. Lightstripe hobbled out after Notail with a lash of her tail.  _I like that. It's sweet, but not possessive._

The contractions got worse as the evening fell into night. Rosetuft no longer cared about dew and crickets, writhing painfully in her nest. The camp was empty from lack of warriors- this was usually when they went on their final hunts and patrols for the day before climbing into their nests. Berryleg had taken Lightstripe's place by her side.

"The first one's out!" Brightwater exclaimed. "It's a she-cat."

Rosetuft eagerly raised her head to clean the new life she'd brought into the world. She was a silvery-gray color, with tiny, pointed ears.  _Oh, Lightstripe. Come home soon. We have a daughter._

The second was another she-cat, this time with cream and white. Her fur was ragged but not messy, and her little shoulders already doubled the size her siblings'. The last was a sleek brown tom. He was the smallest of the three but still plenty healthy, suckling with dainty little paws.

"How did you manage four?" she moaned into Berryleg's fur. "I'm exhausted with just three."

"You think you're tired now?" Berryleg snorted. "This is just the start of it."

Rosetuft curled her tail around them and waited for Lightstripe to return. Now that Rosetuft had seen them herself, she just knew her mate would love them too. It was impossible not to.

Reedpaw and Briarpaw hesitantly breached the tunnel a little while later. Rosetuft had never seen such shame on either cats' face before- any cat, really. They stumbled to their den, glancing wildly around as if the camp was highly volatile enemy territory.

After them came Fishtooth, who immediately headed for Applestar's den. Fallowfoot slunk in, tail wrapped tightly around Sunpaw's flank. Cloudpaw rushed past them, frantically sprinting after her wayward siblings. Notail's gaze swept the camp before he slipped inside. The warrior was gimping heavily but gave no sign of concern. Rosetuft lifted her head off her paws to call, then found the breath knocked out of her chest.

Lightstripe padded in last, her head low. The warrior moved at a snail's pace, carefully putting one paw in front of the other, as if walking on ice. Her tail was only just off the ground, unlike Reedpaw's, whose was streaked with dirt.

On her back perched Blueclaw. Even from this distance, Rosetuft could see he was dead.

Grief threatened to drown her at the sight. The warrior hadn't been someone she was close with, but Blueclaw had seemed fairly excitable and loyal, and he really  _had_  been trying with Lightstripe. The two had hunted and patrolled together often, and Rosetuft had begun to believe they might be close friends.

Lightstripe set his body down in the clearing and crouched next to him. Darkstream moved to lay beside her, touching Lightstripe's ear with her nose. Fishtooth watched the display uncomfortably, while the warrior being comforted hardly seemed to notice.

Rosetuft pulled her kits closer with gentle paws, heart pounding.  _I'm sorry, kits. I don't think Lightstripe will see you today after all._

A shadow fell on the nursery, and Pikecloud's wizened muzzle pushed inside. "I'll take over for you, Berryleg. Reedpaw and Briarpaw need you now more than ever."

The she-cat stood and nodded. Pikecloud settled in on a nest of discarded moss (Lightstripe's nest), grunting with effort.

"How did it happen? Did ShadowClan..." _Real warriors wouldn't kill another warrior, and, for all their ambition, ShadowClan cats are real warriors. I just can't imagine it._

"Part of a tree fell over," Pikecloud assured her. "Hit 'em just right. ShadowClan was besides themselves; offered to bury him and everything. Least, that's what Fallowfoot told me."

Rosetuft nodded. Fallowfoot was a bright, sensible cat. She wouldn't lie about something like this. Still, she felt angry enough to say: "He wouldn't have even  _been_  over there if Reedpaw hadn't decided to attack some warriors."  _Or if Briarpaw had stopped him, rather than following._

Pikecloud winced. "They already know, Rosetuft. They already know."

* * *

The sun was just beginning to rise when Rosetuft stirred. She'd hardly remembered falling asleep. The empty clearing, peacefully restful and free of bodies, could almost make her believe it'd all been a dream, but she overheard Berryleg asking if anyone had seen Reedpaw and Briarpaw and knew it hadn't been.

Before she could think too deeply over the loss of her apprentice, Rosetuft caught movement out of the corner of her eye and jumped. "Lightstripe?"

The she-cat blinked open her eyes and raised her chin. Rosetuft didn't think she'd been sleeping. She'd sat quietly in the corner of the nursery, with no moss to soften the dirt.

"Hey," she rasped. "Sorry about last night. I should've been here with you."

"Don't be." Rosetuft shook her head. "You didn't do anything wrong."

Lightstripe hesitantly nodded, scrambling over to lay by her side. Her posture was hesitant but bold. "Can I see them?"

Rosetuft drew her tail away without a word. The yellow she-cat let out a quiet gasp.

"Oh, they're beautiful," Lightstripe sighed, and Rosetuft saw love fill her dark eyes in spite of the grief. Perhaps with  _help_  from the grief. "What're their names?"

"I haven't named them yet. I thought you might want to help."

"Really? I always thought- since you went through the kitting... you'd-"

"Lightstripe," she chided gently. "They're your kits too."

Lightstripe melted at that. "Okay, then." Her blue eyes roamed over the three before settling warmly on the silver-gray she-cat. The warrior bent her head to nose her soft kit-fur, warm breath ghosting over Rosetuft's side. "Welcome to RiverClan, Bluekit."

Rosetuft's heart ached and softened at the same time. "It's nice to finally meet you, Bluekit. I'm Rosetuft, and this is Lightstripe."

"Huh?" Pikecloud jumped awake with a snort "Oh. You're naming your kits. Sorry, did I interrupt?"

"Nope." Lightstripe wriggled over so she had room to perch beside her. "This one is Bluekit. We haven't named the others yet."

"Nice to meet you, Bluekit," Pikecloud purred. Her eyes fixed on the cream and white she-cat. "Oh, look at her. Those shoulders and that muzzle- she's Hookfang's spitting image."

Rosetuft and Lightstripe exchanged a look.

"May we name her Hookkit, then?" Lightstripe asked. "In Hookfang's memory, I mean."

"Oh, please do," she meowed, nudging her shoulder. "He would've loved this."

 _Bluekit and Hookkit_ , Rosetuft gently carded her tongue over the tom's fur. "Since we're naming them after cats who are gone, how about calling this one Murkkit?"

Lightstripe stiffened. "I don't know..."

"I know he was a terrible mentor, Lightstripe. That's  _why_  I want to do this." Rosetuft pressed their muzzles together. "I want our son to make the name honorable again. I know he can do it."

She hesitated, then gingerly nodded. "Okay."

_Rest well in StarClan, Blueclaw, Hookfang, and Murkytail. Your legacy will carry on. Even better- it'll be made even greater._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have I mentioned recently how much I love Rosetuft? Because I love Rosetuft.


	32. Wingstar (Trust)

"...They gave us their word that RiverClan would not blame ShadowClan for Blueclaw's accident, then took away the body for burial. Should we send a patrol, just in case?"

Wingstar shook her head. "ShadowClan has enough to answer for at Gatherings. We don't need that extra heat on us."

Darkflame dipped his head and leapt off the rock she was draped across, paws crossed, to check on the patrol. Their injuries looked to be minor; Boltgorse had a wrenched claw, Ivyclaw's tail was bleeding, Skycloud had a cut along his side, and Smallpelt had a nicked ear.

Wingstar watched as Spiderberry hared out of his den with herbs, Rocktail close behind. The younger medicine cat spared his brother's ear a lick, then moved on to Skycloud. Rocktail circled the small group, no doubt offering encouragement and advice while taking count of the wounds.

 _As great as Darkflame is as my deputy, I still miss Rocktail. His wisdom meant a lot to me, and to ShadowClan._  It still did, of course, but his heart walked a different path now.  _Lizardpaw and Rockpaw will be warriors soon, and Darkflame's getting old. It won't be long until I need yet another new deputy._

Her eyes were drawn, as always, to Smallpelt. The young warrior sat with an air of patience, quietly telling the 'paws about the short battle and the lost RiverClan life. His torn ear was crusted with blood, but he made no move to call over one of the medicine cats, waiting for them to notice him.  _It's too soon to tell, but he might make a good candidate. We'll just have to see how he takes to mentoring._

Wingstar's heart lightened as she thought of mentoring. Her own kits, Foxkit and Badgerkit, were only days away from becoming apprentices. She couldn't wait for them to see the sprawling ShadowClan territory; to catch their first prey. She already had warrior names picked out for them.

Wingstar kept all of this to herself, however, as she didn't want to put a lot of pressure on their shoulders.  _They must choose their own path. As their mother, all I can do is guide them._ She put her head on her paws and watched the cats StarClan had blessed her to lead slip in and around each other like water.  _I'll just have to wait and see._

* * *

Wingstar slipped out of her den just as the camp began to stir, stretching out her limbs to feel the power surge through them. Badgerkit and Foxkit eagerly tumbled out after her, young legs pumping as they skittered across the clearing.

Wingstar watched them fondly.  _They've gotten so big, and they're only going to get bigger._

The snowy white molly slipped into the throng of cats, calling greetings to Brackentuft and Rockpaw as she went. A blur of brown caught her eye. "There you are, Mousepoppy. May we speak in private?"

Mousepoppy skittered to stand at attention, eyes stretched wide. "Of course, Wingstar. Whatever you need."

Wingstar dipped her head and led them back to her den. Mousepoppy was a young warrior, and painfully shy when talking to his elder. That would never do. _I'm his leader. It's my duty to take care of this Clan. They need to trust me, or I can't do that._

"Have I done something wrong?" he asked as the fern cover slid back into place.

"Not that I know of," she assured him lightly. "I called you in here to ask if you think you're ready to be a mentor."

Mousepoppy stared at her. "Me?"

"Yes, you."

"But I'm so young!"

"That's why I'm asking. I think you have a lot to give- to your Clan and to Foxkit- but I need to know you're  _ready_."

Mousepoppy's fur bushed out. Wingstar couldn't tell if it was from excitement or terror. "It'd be an honor! I've always wanted to be a mentor; I just assumed I'd have to wait for the next litter- at the very least!"

"Good." Wingstar rested her muzzle on his head. She knew she had to trust Mousepoppy to know his boundaries. "Congratulations."

After dismissing the warrior for the morning hunting patrol, Wingstar sought out Smallpelt. The warrior was surprisingly easy to find, sharing tongues with Mosswhisker while awaiting assignment.

"Well, well," the elder purred, nudging Smallpelt. "Looks like it's time for your first apprentice offer."

Smallpelt jumped and looked at her. Wingstar noticed his pelt was rumpled with sleep. Was that panic in his eye? "I don't know if I'm ready..."

"I've spoken to Ivyclaw, and she said you were fine," she returned. "If that's really the problem, you don't have to worry."

Smallpelt sighed and got to his paws. "Wingstar, may I speak to you?"

Wingstar blinked and nodded. "Always."

Smallpelt slunk out of the camp, the Clan leader close behind. There was a wrap around his ear, but they both knew there was no healing a nicked ear "Is this about Blueclaw?"

He shook his head. "That wasn't anybody's fault."

Wingstar waited for him to continue, but it seemed Smallpelt has lost his nerve. He stared dejectedly at his paws, tail lashing.

"You know, I haven't climbed a tree in a while," she meowed. "Let's do that."

The strain in her muscles as she dug her claws into the bark thrilled Wingstar. Not for the first time she envied the average warrior, who could patrol and hunt and climb trees as they pleased. As leader, she had to be ready to address concerns as they occurred, which usually required staying in camp.

They finally reached as high as they could go without the limbs breaking under their weight, and Wingstar settled in, scanning the new view of the territory appreciatively. ShadowClan looked strong and ominous from above, like it had never faced sickness or starvation.  _This is what our enemies see. This is who we are._

"I talked with Spiderberry last night," Smallpelt meowed quietly. "I think there's a lot I don't know in life, and I want to learn."

Wingstar nodded encouragingly. She was glad to hear the two littermates were speaking to each other again. Their relationship had been iffy since Greencough took Watercry.

"I asked him- if StarClan can make mistakes. When they make cats. If they can put the right spirit into the wrong body." He paused, passing his tongue over his lips. "He says he doesn't think StarClan makes us at all, and I guess that makes sense. But what  _does_ , then? If StarClan does so little, why do we put all our faith in them?" His voice softened. "And, to be honest... I don't think I  _have_  much faith in StarClan. I know it exists- I've seen it; when I was so sick?- but I don't think StarClan holds any real place in my life. I don't want my destiny laid out for me. I want to make my own."

"Is this your way of asking to leave ShadowClan?" she prodded.  _Is every cat I count on to help me with this Clan 'destined' to leave me?_

Smallpelt gave her a sharp look. "My life as a warrior is everything to me. I'm not leaving. But I'm  _sick_  of being afraid, of feeling  _guilty_  every time I find my fur clogging my claws because I did all I could to make my pelt smooth. I don't want to live that way. Except... I don't know how to change things, either."

"You can start by being honest," Wingstar offered. "If you're ready to face that, I mean."

Smallpelt's head hung low, considering. "Do you think StarClan makes mistakes, Wingstar?"

"I believe that StarClan is made up of our ancestors, and they were warriors and medicine cats like we are now," Wingstar said. "They do their best to help us, but that doesn't make their methods better or more right. It's like a mother with her kits; it's all a matter of trial and error."

The warrior accepted this with a nod. "I think my spirit was put in the wrong body. Or, at least, put in with parts that didn't match. I think- I might have the soul of a she-cat. No, I've thought about this long enough. I  _know_  I do. I  _am_  a she-cat."

"You're sure?" she asked.

"I am," Smallpelt answered.

"Okay," Wingstar hummed thoughtfully. She had no doubts- Smallpelt was an honorable and honest warrior, and she had to trust in the abilities of her Clan to keep them going. "Would you like me to announce that when I name Foxkit and Badgerkit and give them mentors?"

"What?" Smallpelt whirled her head around to look at Wingstar. "Why?"

"Because they're your Clan." Wingstar nosed Smallpelt's ear. "I'm not going to force you to. Never think that. Never feel like you  _have_  to tell anyone about anything. If this stays between us, then so be it. I will never tell another cat. But this is your  _Clan_ , Smallpelt. You deserve the right to be free in your own Clan."

"I'm scared," Smallpelt admitted. "Not that they won't understand, but that they'll say okay, we understand, and  _nothing will change._  They'll call me the same way, and see me as a tom. I want them to see me as  _Smallpelt._ "

"That's all a matter of trust," Wingstar informed her. "Do you trust your Clanmates with something like this?"

"Let's do it," she replied immediately.

"Are you sure? You don't want time to think?"

"Thinking is what's made me wait this long," she meowed grimly. "I want to listen to my heart now."

"Okay. I trust you to know your limits. Would you like a new name? Something more feminine, I mean. Smallflower, or Smallstorm, or Smallfern?"

"No." Smallpelt puffed out her chest. "I'm Smallpelt. That's who I am. I never want to lost sight of that."

* * *

"Let all ShadowClan cats gather for a meeting!"

Wingstar kept a close eye on Smallpelt as ShadowClan gathered, ready to keep her word if the warrior decided to back out. She looked shaken and pale, but not unnecessarily opposed. Mousepoppy nudged her, concerned.

Wingstar looked at her kits, love threatening to burst through her cool demeanor. Foxkit was small but determined, clear eyes glancing curiously about. Badgerkit's gaze was trained on her mother, but her body twitched with energy.  _I may not have been the best mother, but I sure have some fine kin._

"Foxkit and Badgerkit have reached their sixth moon, and, as such, it time for them to become apprentices. The nursery will be empty, for a time, but that's okay. We have four apprentices, counting these two, and only one wise elder. ShadowClan is sure to live on in them."  _I need them to believe they are as strong as I see them._  "Foxkit, step forward."

Tail trembling, he did so.

"Foxkit, from this day forward, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Foxpaw. Mousepoppy will be your mentor. May he pass on his kindness and sense of responsibility onto you."

Wingstar watched with baited breath as her only son strutted up to Mousepoppy and brushed noses with him. _StarClan, keep him safe._  "Badgerkit, step forward."

Badgerkit trembled as she neared, green eyes barely blinking. Wingstar saw the beginnings of a fighter in her big paws and wide shoulders.  _Keep her safe as well. I don't know how I could manage if I lost either of my kits before their time._ "Badgerkit, from this day forward, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Badgerpaw. You mentor will be Smallpelt. I hope that she will be able to pass on her wisdom and strength to you."

Murmuring began to fill the clearing. Smallpelt stumbled forward on shaky paws, hesitantly waiting for Badgerpaw to brush their noses, as if afraid her 'paw may spurn her. Badgerpaw lurched forward. The she-cat looked confused, but not unwelcoming. They bumped together roughly.

Wingstar threw back her head and yowled; "Foxpaw! Badgerpaw!"

After a second, the gathered cats began to chant. "Foxpaw! Badgerpaw! Foxpaw! Badgerpaw!"

Mousepoppy leaned over to mutter quietly to Smallpelt, who turned and replied. They engaged in a conversation.

_Good. All I can do is put the seed in their minds. Smallpelt herself has to be the one to tell them._

"You're grooming quite the heir, Wingstar," Darkflame said as she hopped down. "Smallpelt will make a great deputy."

Wingstar licked her chest coolly. "Nothing is set in stone. Only time will tell."

"That's true," he agreed. "You certainly seem to have good tastes, though."

She purred. "Sounds like somebody is getting an ego."

"Not at all," Darkflame laughed. "I know full well I was the substitute deputy that ended up sticking. A place holder."

Wingstar's ears swiveled back.  _Is that how he really feels?_  She spotted Rocktail waving his tail in farewell to Foxpaw and Badgerpaw left to see the territory with their mentors.  _But I can't deny it, either._

"I know I'll never be Rocktail," he went on, catching where her eyes had been drawn. "Nobody ever will. I want to focus on doing what's best for my Clan, rather than how I got into this position. I'm sure you must feel the same, or you would've chosen someone else." Darkflame shrugged and flicked his tail with a purr. "So consider this my blessing. If Smallpelt is the future of ShadowClan, so be it."

"We'll see," she repeated, more firmly this time. "We'll just have to trust in our Clanmates and see."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think I've mentioned this, but the Clan leaders' character actually fall more towards the common traits of what most people expect in leaders, somewhat personified. Wingstar is openess and trust; Barkstar is wisdom; Applestar is neutrality; Smokestar (who hasn't actually been introduced before, honestly) is inexperience.


	33. Yarrownose fights a kittypet and loses

Goldenstar paced outside of Cloudfern's den, long tail lashing fearfully. The large tom's rusty fur was bushed out, as prickly as a pinecone. Hoptail watched him with slitted eyes, tail wrapped neatly around their paws. They were thankful Mintpelt was still off on patrol- the she-cat didn't need to hear the wailing.

It was a sunny day in WindClan, a gentle breeze ruffling the peat and heather. The sun shone hot on their black and white pelt, making the wait all the more agonizing. Still, they supposed Whitefire could've chosen a worse day to give birth.

The wails slowly died away. The silence was more deafening than their mother's pain. Hoptail's heart sank as Cloudfern pushed into the clearing, face grim.

"You have a son and a daughter," he meowed. "I'll ask Poppyflame if she can nurse them."

Goldenstar blinked at his medicine cat, uncomprehending. "Whitefire?"

Cloudfern looked away. "Not long now. I suggest you say your goodbyes; maybe choose some names."

The WindClan leader's body began to shake. Goldenstar slunk into the medicine den without a work.

Hoptail tipped their head back to fight off the ensuing wave of grief, staring up at the clear sky.  _Goodbye, mother. I'm sorry we weren't with you when you went. This is just too personal a moment for me to share._

Something feeble nudged their chest. Hoptail knew even before they looked down that it was Longpaw, curling against them in search of comfort. They rested their nose on her head and waited for Goldenstar to return.

The hunting patrols arrived laden with prey, but there was no celebration as they laid their catch on the fresh-kill pile. Dogsplash and Shrewdapple carried Whitefire's body into the clearing, and Goldenstar called for a meeting soon after.

"Poppyflame has agreed to be a surrogate for Whitefire's kits. Volekit and Smokekit were born strong, and will stay strong. StarClan will be proud to accept a warrior half as loving as Whitefire." He lifted his chin. "Cloudfern, I know I have no sway in the ways of medicine cats, but I believe Longpaw has earned her full name. Do you?"

Cloudfern nodded. "Yes, Goldenstar. I will present her to StarClan at the next half-moon."

Longpaw pulled away from Hoptail's pelt, aghast. "You can't name me because I watched my mother  _die_!"

Goldenstar's gaze whipped to her. "It's because of you that my kits- your littermates- are  _alive_ , Longpaw. I watched you work to keep them breathing as they stabilized. They owe you their lives, and so do I. Don't  _ever_  forget that."

Longpaw opened her mouth to argue, then closed it with a snap. Hoptail leveled a lick across her ear.

"He's right," Hoptail whispered. "I'm proud of you."

"Good for you," Longpaw sniffed. "I don't feel the same."

"You don't have to," they assured her, falling silent.

"Whitefire's vigil will start after Cloudfern has finished with the burial herbs. I suggest we all eat during this time. That is all."

Goldenstar leapt down, body sagging under the sudden burden of losing his mate. The leader nosed Whitefire's still ear and left her side to grab a small mouse, laying down to eat. Longpaw silently followed Cloudfern into his den, Shrewdapple close behind. Brackensong and Dogsplash were sharing words, sending sorrowful glances at the dead queen.

"Come on." Mintpelt gently shoved him. "Let's go eat together."

"Okay," Hoptail meowed. They padded behind the white she-cat, considering their future together from a new angle. The warrior knew they wanted to ask Mintpelt to spend at least a portion of her life with them, but they were also scared to. What if she wanted kits? Hoptail couldn't imagine it.

 _I can't do it_ , they realized.  _I can't possibly be a parent._

* * *

 

"Hoptail, are you listening to me?"

Hoptail opened their eyes, lifting their head off their paws to yawn. A half-eaten rabbit lay at their paws. "I'm sorry. Got caught up in my mind again."

"You do that a lot," Mintpelt meowed with a purr. Her white fur was dotted with silver, like stars in snow. "I asked if you had considered retirement."

Hoptail blinked at her. "Have you?"

"Yes. I don't think I'm ready quite yet, though." The elder warrior stretched out her long legs with a sigh. "Got a pawful of border patrols in me yet. How about you?"

"Not yet," they agreed. _I need to talk to you about forever first_. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"Do you regret never having kits?"

Mintpelt shifted, ears tilting back. "Do you?" she asked stiffly.

"No. But I'm not you." Hoptail reached out to nose her shoulder.  _StarClan, please, tell me I didn't hold her back._  "I won't be mad if you do."

"Not for a second."

"Honestly?"

"Honestly," she agreed. "That form of intimacy never interested me. If anything, thinking about it made me uncomfortable. And I never wanted to spend the better part of a season cooped up in one den with a bunch of little bodies crawling all over me. I know that some cats want that kind of life for themselves, but it just wasn't for me."

 _I suppose we're both oddballs._  "I understand. 'M glad you were honest with me."

"Of course. I'm always honest, rabbit-brain." Mintpelt laid her head across their shoulders. They could feel the vibrations from her purring. "I want to spend my whole life with you. Even in StarClan."

Hoptail chuckled and rested their head on the ground. They knew they needed to talk to her soon, but now wasn't that time. They wanted it to be someplace more secluded.

"Do you smell RiverClan?" Mintpelt meowed.

Hoptail cracked open their eyes, but made no attempt to move. "Yes."

Crowsky pushed his head through the camp entrance, warily calling; "Uh, Smokestar? We've got visitors. Alright, come on in, but try anything and you'll lose those shiny pelts of yours."

Peatflower came next, followed by a lanky brown tom with big ears and a thin build. He easily outsized the WindClan warriors in height, but his lack of broadness made him look underfed. He scanned the camp curiously, a raven clamped in his jaws. The RiverClan scent had masked him.

After him was two RiverClan cats- one black and white tom and one brown and white she-cat. They were dwarfed by the raggedy tom, as all cats were, hesitantly following behind the patrol. Robintail held up the rear with his apprentice, Brightpaw.

"You ever see somethin' like that?" Rabbitwater murmured.

"Never," Poppyflame meowed.

"They should've chased that loner out," Volefur commented. "He doesn't look like much of a fight."

"Nonsense," Longfeather rasped, slipping out of her den with Molepaw. "StarClan may have sent him to us for a reason."

"StarClan doesn't send _loners,_ " Mintpelt snorted quietly.

"You never know." Hoptail shrugged. "It sent Firestar."

Smokestar poked his nose out of his den, eye narrowed. He padded confidently forward, Yarrownose trotting to stand behind the intruders, growling.

"This is... unexpected," Smokestar meowed, blinking, as they approached. "I supposed we'll start with the loner, since he's easier." He cleared his throat and raised his voice authoritatively. "What gives you the right to hunt in our territory?"

The brown tom hesitantly padded forward, hunching closer to the ground to seem nonthreatening. It looked unnatural, almost, with his long and tall build. He set the raven at Smokestar's paws, backed away, and stood up.

"It's not from your territory, sir," he meowed. He had a sluggish, slurring drawl. "It's for you."

"Sir?"

"It's an upwalker term. They use it to show respect. Sorry if it offended you, sir, but I didn't wanna seem disrespectful. I don't know how all this works for forest cats." The loner glanced around. "Well, this ain't a forest, but you know what I mean."

"In this place," Smokestar meowed. "We show respect by calling the cat we're speaking to by name."

Again, he hesitated. "I didn't catch your name, sir. I'm sorry."

"How could he miss it?" Robintail snorted. "Crowsky all but screamed it."

The loner made no sign he'd heard that, eyes fixed on the WindClan leader.

"I'm Smokestar."

"Thank you for allowing me into your home, Smokestar, even if it  _is_  just to yell at me. I'm Charlie."

"That's a kittypet name," Yarrownose growled. "He's a kittypet."

Smokestar acknowledged this with a nod. "Well, Charlie, I'm leader of this place. All of the cats here answer to me- and, for now, that includes you. Why're you here?"

"Why do you think, sir?" Charlie meowed. "I'd like to join your group."

Hoptail lifted their head off their paws.

"Why?" Smokestar returned calmly, sounding interested. Both cats ignored the murmuring amongst the warriors surrounding them.

Charlie hesitated, then nodded. "That's fair. You see, Smokestar, I've been a loner my whole life. My mother was a house cat, but she left us after she gave birth to my litter. Recently, however, I've met my current mate- a house cat named Misty. We're expecting our first litter, and I wanna be a better cat than my mother was. I want to be  _there_  for them. Problem being, of course, that upwalkers don't keep kits that aren't their own. We all know that. Misty's planning on running away before all that, but we need a place to go. A place to be safe." He lifted his head to meet Smokestar's eye. "I was hopin' that place would be here."

"Where is your mate, now? Not on the territory, I hope."

"With her upwalkers. I knew I'd have to make a place for us before we just moved in." Charlie sighed. "I understand if you don't wanna take care of two strangers and their kits- but, if you can't, could you point us somewhere that  _could_?"

"I don't like that tone." Yarrownose bristled and stepped forward. "And why  _here_ , anyway? Why not ShadowClan or ThunderClan? Why WindClan?" The clearing fell silent, waiting for Charlie's answer, but still the loner didn't spare him a glance. Frustrated, Yarrownose hissed and shoved him. "Answer me, you fluff-brained mouse-heart!"

Charlie backed away, eyes wide. "What'd I say? What'd I say?"

"I'm deputy of this Clan," Yarrownose snarled. "You answer when I speak to you."

"He's lost and confused, Yarrownose!" Longfeather called chidingly. "Don't give him further cause to fear us when all he wants is to be a good father."

Charlie's pelt slowly smoothed. He pulled himself up from his crouch, shadowing the Clan deputy. "I'm sorry, sir. Did you say something?"

"I asked you a question. Were you even  _listening_?"

He blinked at the deputy, long ears twisting back. "Sir, I'm deaf. I gotta be looking at you to know what you're saying."

There was pregnant pause.

"Oh," Yarrownose said, shoulders falling. "I, uh, I asked you why you came here. Instead of the 'forest cats.'"

Charlie studied him for a moment. "This place is farther away from the upwalkers' home. And it's open, so we'll always be able to see them coming if they come looking for us. I even had a forest cat recommend I catch you all something, actually. Small thing, lives near the upwalkers."

"ShadowClan," Smokestar supplied, though Charlie couldn't hear. "Probably an apprentice."

"Could've been that runt," Aircloud rumbled.

"Fair enough."

Charlie self-consciously turned his back on Yarrownose to address Smokestar. "Please, give me a try. Misty isn't helpless, either- she can hunt. We won't be a bother."

Smokestar hesitated. "Longfeather?"

Hoptail's sister met his eye with a quiet sort of determination. "WindClan needs new cats, Smokestar; and, even if we didn't, it's not right of us to turn out kits."

"What harm can he do us- good or bad?" Volefur meowed. "He's deaf."

"He can do plenty," Rabbitwater snapped. "He just won't be able to hear what he's doing."

Smokestar reluctantly flicked his tail. "We'll see how things go, Charlie. You'll sleep in the nursery, for now."

Charlie dipped his head. "Thank you, Smokestar." The brown tom stood and turned to the crowd, obviously unsure of where to go. Yarrownose gruffly gestured to the space beside him, and Charlie sat down.

"You better not be planning on keeping that kittypet name," Hoptail heard him growl.

Charlie leveled him a plain look. "What's it matter to me? I can't hear it, anyway."

The WindClan leader turned his attention to the two RiverClan cats. "You must be the infamous Reedpaw. I recognize Briarpaw from the Gathering."

The tom nodded curtly. It was clear he was the one doing the talking. "We want to join WindClan too."

"Why?" Smokestar sounded far less friendly this time around. "You already have your loyalties."

"We've severed ties with RiverClan."

"And I'm supposed to just  _believe_  that?"

Reedpaw sighed rather explosively. "We got a warrior killed, okay? It was an accident, but they'll never want us around again. I know that. Briarpaw knows that. We want to be Clan cats. We want to be  _warriors_. WindClan seemed like our best bet, since it's on the other side of the Clans."

Briarpaw stared resolutely at her paws. Hoptail thought her eyes looked rather haunted for a cat her age.

"I won't risk war after such a long period of peace because  _you_  can't accept personal responsibility," he returned coldly. "As soon as the search patrol reaches camp, you must leave."

"They  _won't_  be searching for us," Reedpaw assured him, shoulders hunched. "They'll probably celebrate us being gone."

"I won't risk battle," Smokestar insisted. "If no one comes searching, I'll just have to publicly announce you at the next Gathering. WindClan won't be accused of stealing cats."

"Try it." Reedpaw shrugged. "They'll probably thank you."

"You lot are very dramatic, aren't you?" Charlie meowed to Yarrownose. "I have absolutely no idea what's going on, and yet I already want to pick sides."

"This is an odd day for us," Mintpelt whispered, watching the new arrivals curiously. "Honestly, this day is just odd."

Brightpaw stood up, looking incredibly unruffled. "They can sleep in my den, if they want.  _All_  of them. I'm only a few moons away from being made a warrior- I can take two kits fresh out of the nursery and a loner."

"Thank you for your kindness, Brightpaw." Smokestar dipped his head. "You three will be guarded constantly. You'll hunt for yourselves, and build your own nests. You'll learn from what goes on around you, though I might assign you mentors later. Any missteps and you'll all be bloody and alone, you understand?"

"I never expected anything less," Charlie meowed mildly.

Reedpaw glanced at Briarpaw, who sent him an unhappy shrug.

"Where else can we go?" she asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're in a Clan, Charlie.
> 
> Charlie's got kitty gigantism goin' on, and is named after Charlie Barkins, 'cause his mental design reminds me of him a lot. (Not his personality, though. He really is a sweetheart)
> 
> Yes, Poppyflame mothered a litter or two with Rabbitwater, in the same way Rosetuft and Lightstripe did. Not sure if the kits made it to adulthood or not, though.
> 
> Ace Mintpelt to top the chapter off! Yay! (This is still my fav chapter title, even after all this time.)


	34. Rowantooth (Sheeppaw)

_"Rowanpaw? Rowanpaw!"_

_Rowanpaw blinked open his amber eyes, taking a quick look around him. Crypaw slept blissfully in his own nest, a small flower tucked in along the edges. The 'paw had been ecstatic to show him the plant, and even without trying he had been able to catch Sandpetal's scent on it._

_"Do you think he'll say yes when I ask him? Oh, I hope I'm not too young to be his mate."_

_"I think you worry too much," he had meowed, mildly put off. Crypaw had always been the more sensible of the two of them, and being the one to soothe him was an odd role reversal._

_"Rowanpaw!"_

_Brownstep._

_He sat up, shaking any clinging bits of moss out of his pelt. It was pitch black outside, warm for a Leaf-fall night, but he could just barely make out the warrior's crouching form at the entrance of the den. "What's wrong?"_

_"Nothing!" she hissed quietly. Her voice sounded off to him. "Let's go for a walk together."_

_"A walk?" Rowanpaw meowed. "But I've got sparring practice tomorrow. If I'm not at my best, Skyfur'll slaughter me."_

_"It'll be worth the slaughter," she said. "I promise."_

_Rowanpaw sighed and slithered into the star-lit camp. Brownstep's scent weaved around him, and the dirt she'd been crouching on was warm to the paw. This wasn't so bad; he didn't get to spend nearly as much time with Brownstep as he wanted. "Where to?"_

_"How about that clearing we found?" she responded. "I like it there."_

_Troubled, Rowanpaw nodded. Brownstep confidently led them out of the camp, unhindered by Silverblaze at the entrance. Her lithe tail flicked across his shoulder, warm and soft. The warrior was twice his height, but that was mostly due to Brownstep's mother, Yelloweye, being a tall cat herself, and the brown feline had taken after her. His own mother, Mousetail, was much more normal in terms of how a ThunderClan cat was built._

_Rowanpaw felt his heart sink a bit at that, but he didn't mention it. Tonight was a nice night, and they'd been on such thin ice recently... he didn't want to ruin it now._

_"I love this place," Brownstep sighed, stretching out pleasantly on the grass, belly upward. Rowanpaw hesitantly joined her. "It's so much more_ open _. I can actually see the stars!"_

_"Are you unhappy in ThunderClan?" he found himself asking. "Do you think you'd like it in WindClan more?"_

_The warrior tensed, then relaxed with a shrug. "I wish I could visit, but my family is in ThunderClan. I don't know if those rumors are true or not- I know_ I _only got to hear of them because that WindClan cat liked me so much- but Nutjaw and Sandpetal and Yelloweye... they're real. They're here. That's what's important to me. I need you to understand, Rowanpaw- I'm a loyal warrior. I will always be a loyal warrior."_

_"I never doubted that."_

_"Then maybe you ought to act like it."_

_Rowanpaw fell silent._

_Brownstep let a burst of air out of her nose. "I'm sorry. I didn't bring you out here to fight. I wanted to talk about something more personal." She rolled onto her side. Her eyes bore into his. "Do you love me, Rowanpaw? No matter what?"_

_Rowanpaw reached out to brush their noses together_ _earnestly_ _. "I want to spend my life with you. I want to_ try _, anyway. Is that a good enough answer?"_

_"It'll do." She teasingly swatted his ear, purring. Rowanpaw nudged her chest. Her laughter tapered off, and she was staring at him again, a million questions in her eyes._ _"Rowanpaw?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"I'm having kits."_

* * *

Rowantooth snapped awake, pelt slightly chilled from a lack of denmates pressed against it. He was the only warrior left in the den, he noticed sourly; they must've pitied him too much to wake him up, and instead left him to wake up on his own. On _today_ , of all days!

"Oh, you're up," Sandpetal meowed, cheerfully poking his head into the den. He didn't look like he'd slept much the night before. "Sleep well?"

"Perfectly well," he assured the tom, standing up and shaking a scrap of moss off his hind foot. "Dreamin' of Brownstep again."

The nursery warrior silently craned his neck to brush his ear with his nose and exited from whence he came. Rowantooth followed close behind, feeling mildly ashamed of himself. Losing Brownstep had been hard on Sandpetal too, and the recent death of Daisykit had only put more anguish on the golden tom's shoulders.  _He's done so much for me- helping me raise Graypaw and Sheeppaw- and I need to respect that._

"Blackkit and Brownkit are finally old enough to become apprentices," Rowantooth meowed awkwardly, desperate to make things decent between them again. "It was nice of Sheeppaw to wait until today to have her warrior ceremony, huh?"

Sandpetal chuckled. "You're spewing pride again. Never stop doing that."

"Dad!"

Rowantooth felt the air in his chest give out in a feeble 'oof' as Sheeppaw rammed into his side, purring. The she-cat was his height now, with his thick shoulders and paws, but he saw Brownstep in her long tail and the way she smiled. He reached out to clean that spot of fur between her shoulder blades, gently smoothing it out.

"You're so big!" Rowantooth laughed, bumping their muzzles together affectionately. "It feels like just yesterday you couldn't even catch a mouse, and now you can throw me off my feet!"

"I can do one of those things!" Graypaw offered sheepishly, sliding in on his other side. She looked so much like her mother. "I was never much of a fighter, but Crowear says I have a good nose for prey."

"Probably because you're so used to searching for those herbs. They're so potent I'm surprised you can smell at all," Sheeppaw said. "Is that what happened to Deadnose?"

"Brightwater says she was born that way, but she could very well be lying." The medicine cat apprentice reached out to lick her sister in the middle of her forehead. "Nervous?"

"A little," she admitted. "But I've been working hard. I know Barkstar will see that."

"You have no reason to be nervous. You're a fast learner."

They all shuffled apart as Nutjaw politely padded towards them, head high, eyes bright. Sheeppaw wound herself around her mentor. "You're just saying that."

"Nonsense. I don't 'just say' things," she rumbled with a smile. Nutjaw nodded a greeting to Rowantooth. "You've raised two great daughters, Rowantooth."

Rowantooth felt like his chest was about to burst with pride. "Thank you."

"Of course." Nutjaw nudged Sheeppaw. "It's time we got going. You can celebrate once you've passed your assessment."

He watched the duo pad away with a mixture of excitement and concern. Rowantooth hoped she wouldn't fail, if only because it'd break her heart. He craned his head to nuzzle his other daughter, wondering just how his life would progress now that his kits were grown-up. Sandpetal had his place in the nursery, while Nutjaw seemed to be tentatively vying for a deputy position. Rowantooth was just another warrior- did he  _want_  that? Now that Brownstep was gone, it didn't seem right just to stand aside.

"It'll be some time before I can get my medicine cat name, you know?" Graypaw prodded gently, as if sensing his thoughts. "I certainly haven't earned it yet."

"Don't say that!" he cried, pressing their pelts together. "You've been a wonderful help to ThunderClan, darling. Don't ever think otherwise."

"If that was true, Daisykit would still be alive," she sighed, pressing her nose into his fur. "I appreciate what you're trying to say, dad, but I can't stop feeling like I could've  _done_  something for him. All we did was  _stand there_."

Rowantooth licked Graypaw's ear once and stepped back. He knew there was nothing else he could do.

Suddenly, Blackkit sprinted out of the nursery, Brownkit close behind. The tom's fur was spikey with excitement. "We're gonna be apprentices!" he crowed.

"We're gonna be  _warriors_!" Brownkit replied.

"Hey, wait up!" Brackenkit stumbled into the clearing. He was only half the size of the older kits, legs flopping about underneath him. "I want to be a warrior too!"

"Not yet, you don't," Rowantooth heard Tallclaw warn from inside the nursery. "You've got quite a few moons before all that."

Fernkit and Pinekit wove between Silverblaze's paws as the queen slipped out of the den, stretching. "You have  _no_  idea how ready I am to go back to warrior duties."

"I'm used to having nothing to do." Tallclaw shrugged, setting her head on her paws. "Now my only duty is to take care of what's left of my family."

"I've got moons in me left before I'm an elder, I believe." Silverblaze straightened up and yawned, baring sharp teeth. "I need to watch my kits grow up first."

Tallclaw's eyes fluttered shut. "That must be nice, dear."

* * *

"Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey meet me at the Highledge for a Clan meeting!"

Rowantooth uncurled himself from his sleeping position, feeling the warmth of Sunhigh on his pelt. Sandpetal called to him from towards the very front of the crowd, and he pushed his way through the throng of cats to sit beside him. Cryowl had moved away from them entirely, sitting near Brownkit and Blackkit. The two kits squirmed with excitement.

Barkstar eyed the gathered crowd. Rowantooth couldn't help but notice how his pelt was looking less lively, his posture full of aching limbs and the burden of time. It wouldn't be long until the leader lost his last life, and a new leader came to their lives.

"ThunderClan, today is a day of changes. We have a new warrior in our midst, as well as two new apprentices. Sheeppaw was gracious enough to wait until Brownkit and Blackkit were six moons old to take her final assessment, and for that we thank her. Brownkit, Blackkit, step forward."

Silverblaze nudged Brownkit over with her nose. Blackkit skittered out in front of him.

"Brownkit, from this day forward, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Brownpaw. Your mentor will be Cryowl. I hope he will be able to pass on his patience onto you."

Cryowl emerged from the crowd to brush noses with Brownpaw. He didn't seem surprised to have been given an apprentice.  _Did he know?_

"Blackkit, from this day forward, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Blackpaw. Rowantooth will be your mentor. May he pass on his bravery and courage onto you."

_Me?_

Blackpaw hesitantly padded up to him, head low, eyes wide, like he expected the warrior to spurn him. Numb with shock, Rowantooth crouched down to bump their noses together. _Cryowl must've offered us up as their mentors. Why didn't he_ warn _me?_

"Blackpaw! Brownpaw! Blackpaw! Brownpaw!"

"With Blackpaw and Brownpaw as apprentices, we'll be free to move on," Barkstar said with great satisfaction. "Nutjaw, is Sheeppaw ready to be a warrior?"

"Her mother would be proud of her," Nutjaw meowed. "She will make for an excellent warrior."

"Then by the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior name. Sheeppaw, from this moment you will be known as Sheepfang. StarClan honors your kindness and strength, and we welcome you as a full warrior of ThunderClan."

_Barkstar named her after me..._

"Sheepfang! Sheepfang! Sheepfang! Sheepfang!"

* * *

Rowantooth felt a new energy in his paws as he bid Blackpaw and Brownpaw goodnight, tail high. Showing them the boundaries had been an invigorating experience.  _I've forgotten just how big ThunderClan was when I first entered the trees._

"I can understand if you're mad at me," Cryowl meowed quietly, reaching out to clean his side. "But I did what I felt was best."

"I'm not mad," he answered. "Hurt, more like it. You don't have the right to make such a big decision for me."

"I don't," the warrior agreed, and left it at that. They both knew there was nothing they could say to fix that hole. "I think I'm going to share some prey with Sandpetal. Would you like to join me?"

"No, no." Rowantooth shook his head, glancing cautiously to where he knew his daughter would be holding vigil. "I... need to talk to Sheepfang."

"She won't be able to talk back, but I wish you luck anyway." Cryowl's gray tail flicked across Rowantooth's shoulder as he passed. "May StarClan light your path."

Crickets were chirping out in the forest. Rowantooth wondered if Sheepfang was listening to them, ears pricked, tail wrapped around her paws.  _Nutjaw's been rubbing off on her_ , he thought.  _I'm glad._  "Is there room for me out here, or is now a bad time?"

Sheepfang nodded and shifted over. Rowantooth sat down.

"I'm proud of you," he meowed. "Your mother would be too.  _Is_. I'll bet she's bragging about you in StarClan. You and your sister."

The newly made warrior turned to him. Her eyes burned with questions.

"I know I don't talk much about Brownstep. I've recently come to realize that... maybe I should." The memory of her, bathed in starlight and laughing, made Rowantooth's heart squeeze. "Never doubt that she didn't love you, darling. You and Graypaw were a big part of her world when she was alive."

Sheepfang hesitated. She bent down to scratch at the dirt, forming a crude image of a fox. Rowantooth sighed.

"That was a mix of things. We were in Leaf-bare, and cats were starving. There hadn't been any reports of predators in Clan territory, either, so it was a shock to everybody. We were fighting at the time, and the den was cramped, and I think she just wanted some space."

Sheepfang blinked at him.

Rowantooth looked away. "I was... really worried when you were born. About you finding your place in ThunderClan. It's silly now, I know, but how could I imagine you'd grow into a loyal warrior and medicine cat, separately? I wanted you to be happy, but I didn't know how to  _help_  you be happy. That frustrated Brownstep. I think she had more faith than I did, and I'm sorry I ever doubted you."

 _You might be part WindClan_ , he wanted to say, but didn't.  _Your mother knew before she even got her warrior name, but she never bothered to tell anyone. If you were drawn to WindClan, she would've gone with you, and I'd have lost everything._

_I'm sorry I was so selfish._

A warm weight pressed against his side. Sheepfang gently nosed his shoulder, eyes half-shut. Rowantooth laughed and returned the nuzzling.

"I love you too, darling."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! Back at it again, naming warriors. Fang is closely related to tooth, hence why Barkstar 'named' Sheepfang after Rowantooth.
> 
> Originally, Rowantooth and Brownstep were supposed to have a perfect romance. But, looking back on it, that would have been unfair to both of their characters.
> 
> "Love at first sight doesn't exist. Love takes time, and love takes work..." Garnet, Steven Universe.


	35. Updated Allegiances

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's about time I updated the friggin' allegiances

**ThunderClan** :

_Leader : Barkstar- brown tom with bright brown eyes._

_Deputy : Skyfur- white tom with blue eyes_

_Medicine Cat : Crowear- gray she-cat with a black ear._

_**Apprentice: Graypaw** \- lithe gray she-cat_

_Warriors :_

_Clawpelt- brown tom with a scar across his muzzle._

_Rocknose- mottled gray and white she-cat._

_Smokewhisker- tri-colored brown and red she-cat._

_Grayscreech- gray and brown tom._

_Silverblaze- silver she-cat with blue eyes_

_Nutjaw- brown striped she-cat with distended lower jaw_

_Rowantooth- brown tom with black stripes._

_**Apprentice: Blackpaw** _

_Cryowl-_ _gray-ish brown tom_

**_Apprentice: Brownpaw_ **

_Sheepfang- calico she-cat. Sister to Graypaw and daughter to Rowantooth._

_ Queens _ _-_

_Sandpetal-_ _sandy yellow tom with blue eyes. Official nursery warrior._

_Tallclaw-_ _black and white she-cat- also an elder. Mother to Fernkit (gray tom), Brackenkit (black and white tom; white splotch across his left eye), and Pinekit (pure brown she-cat)_

_ Apprentices _ _-_

_Blackpaw- lithe, sleek, black-furred tom_

_Brownpaw- bark-colored tom_

_Elders -_

_Yelloweye- blue she-cat with yellow eyes._

_Milkpelt-_ _yellow tom with green eyes._

* * *

**RiverClan:**

_ Leader _ _: Applestar- brown and white she-cat._

_ Deputy _ _: Swampwind- black and gray tom._

_ Medicine Cat:  _ _Deadnose- black she-cat with blue eyes, no sense of smell._

**_Apprentice: Brightwater_ ** _\- white she-cat with long fur._

_Warriors :_

_Fishtooth- sandy brown tom, Lightstripe's father._

_Darkstream- black she-cat with a white underbelly_

_Berryleg- speckled white and brown she-cat._

_Huskwater- black she-cat with blue eyes._

_Brookstream- gray-blue tom_

_Silverear- silvery-gray she-cat with blue eyes._

_Notail- blue striped tom with bobbed tail and scars criss-crossing muzzle._

_Fallowfoot-_ _gray-brown she-cat._

**_Apprentice: Sunpaw_ **

_Lightstripe-_ _sandy brown she-cat with messy fur_

**_Apprentice: Cloudpaw_ **

_Queens -_

_Rosetuft-_ _ginger she-cat with green eyes. Mother to Bluekit (silvery-gray she-cat), Hookkit (cream and white she-cat), and Murkkit (small, sleek brown tom)_

_Apprentices :_

_Sunpaw- Torbie tom_

_Cloudpaw- White she-cat_

_Elders :_

_Pikecloud-_ _mottled brown and white she-cat._

* * *

**WindClan:**

_ Leader _ _: Smokestar- black tom with blue eyes_

_ Deputy _ _: Yarrownose- yellow and brown tom_

_ Medicine Cat _ _: Longfeather- white and blue spotted she-cat._

_**Apprentice: Molepaw** \- brown tom_

_ Warriors _ _;_

_Hoptail- black and white-pelted cat._

_Mintpelt- white she-cat with a bushy tail and green eyes, speckled with brown._

_Aircloud- white she-cat with blue eyes. Missing half an ear._

_Volefur- black and gray she-cat._

_Crowsky- light gray tom._

_Robintail- brownish-red tom._

**_Apprentice: Brightpaw_ **

_Peatflower-_ _dust brown she-cat_

_Queens :_

_N/A_

_Apprentices :_

_Brightpaw-_ _brown and white she-cat_

_Elders :_

_Rabbitwater- white she-cat with black paws._

_Poppyflame- yellow and brown she-cat._

* * *

**ShadowClan:**

_ Leader _ _: Wingstar- white she-cat with blue eyes_

_Deputy : _ _Darkflame- black tom with blue eyes_

_Medicine Cat : Spiderberry- _ _white tom with black stripes_

_**Apprentice: Rocktail** - _ _blue tom with white specks._

_Warriors :_

_Brackentuft- brown she-cat with long ear fur._

_Skycloud- blue tom with white underbelly._

**_Apprentice: Lizardpaw_ **

_Boltgorse- black and brown she-cat with fluffy tail. Mousepoppy's mother._

**_Apprentice: Rockpaw_ **

_Ivyclaw- solid gray she-cat._

_Mousepoppy-_ _brown tom with broad shoulders_

**_Apprentice: Foxpaw_ **

_Smallpelt-_ _white, brown, and gray she-cat with a thin build_

**_Apprentice: Badgerpaw_ **

_Queens:_

_N/A_

_Apprentices :_

_Lizardpaw- tabby she-cat_

_Rockpaw- gray she-cat_

_Badgerpaw- black and white she-cat_

_Foxpaw- red tom_

_Elders :_

_Mosswhisker-_ _mottled red tom._

* * *

**Outsiders/kittypets/Uncertain:**

_Charlie- large, lanky brown tom with huge ears- deaf._

_Misty- Persian-Dwarf mix blue kittypet. Mother to unnamed and unnumbered amount of kits._

_Reedpaw- black and white tabby tom_

_Briarpaw- brown she-cat with a white belly, chest, chin, and front paws._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I probably left some out, but here's the gidst of where we're at! This is soon to change, of course (ShadowClan's got crazy amounts of apprentices right now) but at least we can work from this.


	36. Mousepoppy (Smallpelt)

"Nice catch," Mousepoppy told Foxpaw. The 'paw had a fat frog clamped in his jaws, chest puffed out with pride. "Badgerpaw, did you help?"

The black and white she-cat shook her head, a limp mouse at her paws. "I probably would've just gotten in the way."

"Nonsense," Smallpelt chided, draping her tail across Badgerpaw's shoulders. "Frog hunting is a two-cat exercise."

"I don't think I'm a very good hunter," she admitted.

"Perhaps not. But you're still a hunter, nonetheless, and ShadowClan needs all the fresh-kill it can get," Smallpelt told her. "Just imagine how sneaky you'll get with all this stalking. The other Clans won't want to mess with you."

Badgerpaw perked up. "Really?"

"Really," she promised.

Mousepoppy took a moment to admire Smallpelt's way with words. Ever since the warrior had announced herself to the Clan, she'd been happier. He'd noticed a newfound trot in her step, like perhaps the weight of the world had slightly receded from her shoulders.  _I've never seen her this comfortable before. I really hope she can stay this way forever._

"Shouldn't we be heading back?" Foxpaw asked him. "The ceremony oughta be soon."

They all agreed and started back to camp. Mousepoppy hung back, letting Smallpelt lead their little group. Foxpaw hummed contentedly beside him. They dismissed the apprentices and grabbed some prey off the pile, eating in quick bites.

"It's about time," Mousepoppy meowed finally. "Rockpaw and Lizardpaw always seem to be stuck waiting. They waited to be made apprentices, and now they're waiting to be made warriors."

"Wingstar thought they needed more time," Smallpelt reminded him calmly. "It sucks, but there's nothing we can do about it now."

He knew it was more than that. Mousepoppy saw the way she shuffled, tail flicking just once, eyes narrowed at her prey. There was always something more than that, with Smallpelt.

 _But that's the fun of it_ , he thought.  _There's always something new to discover with Smallpelt by my side._

Spiderberry and Rocktail exited the medicine den, quietly conversing with each other. They found their places and sat down, waiting patiently for Wingstar to appear and call the Clan together. "It should be nice; not sleeping at the very edge of the warriors' den."

"I'm kind of glad, honestly," Smallpelt admitted sheepishly, craning her neck to clean the fur on her arm. "I'm not good with cold."

Mousepoppy blinked at the she-cat morosely. He didn't think he would ever forget the Leaf-bare Smallpelt fell ill, no matter how many seasons passed. Ever since then, the warrior was quick to get a cough or sneeze, and slow to approach the medicine den. He wondered if the smell of herbs sickened her.

"Yes," he said. "I suppose you wouldn't be."

"Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey meet me in the clearing for a Clan meeting!"

Mousepoppy jumped to his paws, thankful to move on from that horrid memory. Smallpelt inclined her head, then went to the elders' den to help Mosswhisker into the clearing. The tom was slow and weak, soon bound for a peaceful journey to StarClan.  _It's hard to picture ShadowClan without him_ , Mousepoppy realized.  _But soon I won't have to imagine it._

Brackentuft took her place next to him, blinking proudly. Foxpaw sat on his other side, craning his head to see better. His former mentor, Darkflame, sat under Wingstar's perch. Badgerpaw half-laid on Smallpelt, talking animatedly with Ivyclaw. Skycloud and Boltgorse sat just behind their apprentices. Mousepoppy noticed a distinct shine to Rockpaw and Lizardpaw's pelts.

"ShadowClan," Wingstar called, and they all fell silent. "It is time for great change in our Clan. A new generation of warriors is upon us, from Mousepoppy to Rockpaw and Lizardpaw. Our elder, Mosswhisker, is soon to join Bronzewind in StarClan, and our deputy is getting white around the muzzle."

"Hey!" Darkflame meowed. A few cats laughed.

"With such change, I start our gathering with this; Brackentuft, step forward."

The brown she-cat stood from beside him and padded out to stand before Wingstar, ears pricked. There was no surprise on her features.

"Brackentuft, is it your wish to give up the name of a warrior and go to join the elders?"

"It is," Brackentuft responded. "Lizardpaw and Rockpaw were my last litter. Now that they're grown, it's time that I rest."

"Very well. Your Clan honors you and all the service you have given to us. I call upon StarClan to give you many moons of rest."

_Already? It feels like just yesterday she announced she was kitting._

"Brackentuft! Brackentuft! Brackentuft! Brackentuft!"

She turned to the warriors. "It was an honor to be a warrior. There was no other Clan I could have wished to be born in." Brackentuft looked to her kits and nodded. "I'm so proud of you two. Even after I'm long gone, I'll always be there for you."

Rockpaw didn't answer. Lizardpaw's ears drooped. "We love you, mom."

"I know you do," she answered mildly, then went to join Mosswhisker near the back. The elder cracked open his eyes as she approached, but didn't left his head from his paws.

"Here to help an old tom die comfortably?" he rasped.

"That and more, old friend." She sunk down beside him with a sigh. "It's nice to relax."

"You'll go stir-crazy eventually. We all do."

"That out of the way, let's move on." Wingstar reclaimed their attention effortlessly. "Skycloud, is Rockpaw ready to be a warrior?"

"Yes, Wingstar," Skycloud answered, back perfectly straight.

"Good. Boltgorse, is Lizardpaw ready to be a warrior?"

"Yes, Wingstar." Mousepoppy admired the strength in his mother's voice. No cat could ever doubt her courage.

"Good. I, Wingstar, leader of ShadowClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down upon these apprentices. They have trained hard to understand the ways of your noble code, and I commend them to you in turn. Rockpaw, Lizardpaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code, and protect and defend this Clan, even at the cost of your life?"

"I do," Rockpaw meowed solemnly.

"I do," Lizardpaw vowed.

"Then by the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior names. Rockpaw, from this moment on you will be known as Rockfall. StarClan honors your strength and bravery, and we welcome you as a full warrior of ShadowClan."

Rockfall got her paws, confidently padding over to Wingstar to lick her shoulder, bending her head for the leader to press her nose to it. She stepped back.

"Lizardpaw, from this moment on you will be known as Lizardeye. StarClan honors your energy and kindness, and we welcome you as a full warrior of ShadowClan."

Lizardeye stepped forward to lick Wingstar's shoulder. Wingstar pressed her muzzle to the new warrior's head.

"Rockfall! Lizardeye! Rockfall! Lizardeye!"

Wingstar called for their vigil, then declared the meeting adjourned. Smallpelt bounded over to congratulate Skycloud, brown eyes bright.

"Alright, old timer," Brackentuft meowed, nudging Mosswhisker. "Let's get you back to your nest."

Mousepoppy turned to Foxpaw. "Go get your sister and make Brackentuft a nest."

Foxpaw scrambled to his paws. "Will do."

Mousepoppy watched the apprentice sprint across the clearing, meeting up with Badgerpaw halfway.

"Want to go for a walk?" he asked when Smallpelt returned.

She shrugged. "Sure."

* * *

Waves lapped at the grass as they settled in by the shore. The island sat motionless in the center of the lake, unused by cats until the night of the full moon. Mousepoppy squinted his eyes in a vain attempt to place the dots on the shore with names, but they were too far away. "Is that a patrol? I think that's a patrol."

"Probably," Smallpelt agreed, whiskers quivering. "Have you ever been swimming before?"

"No. You?"

"Never in water," she meowed, then leapt into the spray. Smallpelt's head bobbed to the surface soon after. "Come on in. It's nice." Mousepoppy hesitated, then dove in after her. The water was chilly, sucking on his pelt to try and drag him down. He spluttered, clumsily kicking over to her.

"How can RiverClan  _do_  this every day?" he asked.

"I assume because they've been raised to do it," Smallpelt replied, then sunk under to get her face wet, popping back up after a quick swipe at Mousepoppy's tail.

They played in the waves for what felt like seasons, only getting out when the sun began to droop. Mousepoppy looked and felt like a bedraggled rat, frantically shaking loose drops out of his pelt. "Why did we do that?"

"It was a nice day for a swim." Smallpelt stretched herself out on her side, tail swishing across the dirt. "And now it's a nice day to lie in the grass."

"You're going to get grass stains on your pelt."

"That's not the worst thing I've gotten on my pelt."

Mousepoppy crouched down beside her. His side brushed her spine. "Too close?"

"That's fine." Smallpelt didn't open her eyes. "I'd like to thank you, Mousepoppy."

"Thank me?"

"I've seen the weird looks cats give me. Skycloud is always stumbling over his tongue when I'm around, no matter how hard he tries. Spiderberry doesn't mean to be, but he sounds like I'm a bit of prey to study whenever he asks me questions. You've always just  _accepted_  me."

Mousepoppy lowered himself all the way to the ground. He hadn't realized Smallpelt had watched her Clanmates that closely. "I had to correct myself a lot, at first. I ran through the words in my head and changed them before I spoke them. It's like I was correcting my mind. And that's okay, because it  _was_  incorrect, and I wanted to fix it."

"Thank you," she repeated.

"Smallpelt?"

"Hmm?"

"Will you be my mate?"

Smallpelt's eyes flickered open. "Excuse me?"

"It's okay," he told her earnestly. "I didn't expect you to say yes."

Smallpelt sat up. Mousepoppy did so as well, ready to edge away should she need more space, but the she-cat leaned into him willingly.

"I'm really sorry," Smallpelt told him. "I don't love you that way."

"I know. Don't be sorry."

"When did you realize?"

"When you were so sick, I guess? I started taking over your duties; helping Mosswhisker and playing with the kits, hunting prey and building nests. It was exhausting. I remember thinking, 'wow, Smallpaw doesn't get enough credit. He- sorry- does so much for us'. I started to admire you, and things just grew from there."

"I'm sorry."

" _Don't be_ , Smallpelt," he pleaded. "I didn't tell you to feel guilty. I just wanted you to know how important you are to me, that's all."

"You're important to me, too."

"I'm glad."

He felt her muzzle rub his side comfortingly. "When I was so sick- the first time, I mean- I was going to give up. I was on the very edge of StarClan, and I was so sick of  _being_  sick, so I gave up fighting. But then, I met a queen who never got to see her kits grow up, and I realized I didn't want that ending. I wanted to live."

"Wow." He reached down to lick Smallpelt's ear. "I had no idea."

"Two cats  _died_  so that I could live. I don't want their deaths to be for nothing." She finally looked up at him. Her eyes were ablaze, but her voice was calm, offsetting the passion she seemed to hold. "I want to learn. I want to grow. I want to be a warrior who will be remembered, if only a little bit. I want my life to be worth dying for."

"Do you want to become leader?"  _I'd be your deputy in a heartbeat._

Smallpelt hesitated. "Smallstar  _does_  have a nice ring to it, but it's  _more_  than that. I want to try different prey and climb trees and learn the history of the other Clans. I want to touch the sky and trip over my own tail. Do everything I can  _in_  ShadowClan,  _for_  ShadowClan, and to help ShadowClan. I want to do it all, but there's never enough time for that- so I want to do what I can in my lifetime."

They both fell silent, watching the waves push and pull. Mousepoppy heard a beetle take off nearby.

"Well, if you ever want some help in doing everything, I'll always be here," he promised.  _Why was I blessed to have such a great friend?_  "I want you to be happy, Smallpelt. I want us both to be happy, catching prey and raising apprentices together."

"I'd like that."

"Me too."

Mousepoppy got to his paws. There was no need to dwell on this. "Let's go check on Foxpaw and Badgerpaw. They might be goofing off."

"I wouldn't put it past them," Smallpelt purred, reaching out to butt her head against his shoulder.

"If you want, we can come back tomorrow and try to catch a fish."

"Tempting, but I don't want ShadowClan to be accused of prey theft."

"There's a stream I know of that's got minnows in it. It's out of sight of the lake."

"That sounds perfect."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lookit these two dorks, being all mature and stuff.
> 
> The original plot to this arc, believe it or not, was that Mousepoppy asked Smallpelt to be his mate while she was so sick, as if to give her another reason to fight, and the whole coming out thing threw a wrench in their relationship. Not because she's trans- because she didn't trust him enough to talk about it. They eventually resolved to stay close friends. This is what evolved out of it instead. I think, ultimately, what made it fail was that they were both still apprentices- too young for that sort of thing.


	37. Reedpaw (Yarrownose)

Reedpaw is awoken by a nudge from Brightpaw, who nods a greeting before slipping into the clearing. He lifted his head off his paws and yawned, feeling the hastily made nest shift under him. He really needed to shore up if he wanted to sleep as well as he did in RiverClan.

 _It's not my fault heather doesn't weave like reeds do_ , he thought indignantly.  _Nobody ever taught me how to make a nest out of anything else_.

Reedpaw got to his feet, stretched, and poked his head into the clearing. The scents of WindClan immediately barraged him.

Smokestar was sharing prey with Rabbitwater by the fresh-kill pile. Poppyflame was sunning herself outside the elders' den, listening to Crowsky as he rambled. Yarrownose had yet to stir, but Reedpaw was learning that was normal for the deputy. Volefur was returning from a solo hunt with a bird, shooting him a glare as she passed. Brightpaw had gone near the entrance to meet up with her mentor, Robintail. Hoptail and Mintpelt watched the Clan move about, idly sharing tongues. Peatflower and Aircloud were nowhere to be seen.

A large paw bumped his flank. "Move over, kiddo. I'd like to get through."

Reedpaw scrambled out of the way as Charlie slunk into the clearing with a stretch. The loner towered above all of the cats, giving him a somewhat intimidating air even with his ironically large ears. Charlie glanced around the clearing- probably checking to see if anyone had called him- and waved his tail at Longfeather and Molepaw, quietly conversing outside of the medicine den, waggling his ears.

"Why do you do that?" he asked, then nudged and asked again once he realized Charlie wasn't looking at him.

"Do what?"

"The ear thing."

"Oh, that's just how I talk. Misty and I figured out a way of talking with our ears and tails and such," he explained proudly. "It's force of habit."

"Sounds complicated," Reedpaw meowed.

"I suppose it is," he agreed pleasantly. "But it works. I'm gonna go ask Smokestar if I can take something off the prey pile. Want to share?"

"Yes, please." Reedpaw preferred staying out of the WindClan leader's fur. He and Briarpaw both were on thin ice in the Clan as is, and he didn't want to shatter the peace. Charlie dipped his head and meandered over to where the tom was laying.

Briarpaw hesitantly walked out of the den soon after, fur askew. Her eyes were sunken in her sockets, like she hadn't slept in over a moon.

 _She looks miserable._ Reedpaw nudged her. "Come on. Once we've eaten, we're going hunting."

Together, the trio shared a single rabbit- none of them wanted to provoke the ire of the Clan that housed them- and went to join Robintail at the entrance, not quite full. Brightpaw passively blinked at them.

"All set to go?" Robintail meowed.

"Good as we'll ever be," Reedpaw replied.  _I hope he doesn't yell at Briarpaw for being a little off her game; she looks like she didn't sleep well._  "Is it just us?"

"Not on your life, kit." a voice growled. Yarrownose stalked up to them with a formal nod. "I'm here to watch."

Briarpaw blanched.

 _The Clan_  deputy?

Charlie nodded to him pleasantly. "Morning, sir."

Yarrownose shuffled over a pawstep. He'd been leery of the loner ever since publicly embarrassing himself. "Smokestar asked for a full report."

"As is his right." Robintail waved his tail cheerfully. "Let's get moving. Would you like to lead?"

"I would." Yarrownose plunged through the heather. The warrior followed close behind, flanked by Charlie, who had to crawl out awkwardly. Briarpaw padded right after, and Reedpaw and Brightpaw kept in step at the rear.

Brightpaw watched their patrol with wary eyes, lowering her voice. "Would you like some help with your test?"

Reedpaw's head whipped to her. "Why do _you_  care?"

Brightpaw blinked at him but didn't answer. That was the apprentice for you; she always seemed to be up to something. "Robintail likes trouble, so he likes  _you_. I could ask for a solo hunt and sneak around."

He shook his head venomously. If there was one thing Reedpaw hated more than pity, it was when a cat offered to face a challenge for him. "We don't need  _your_  help; and, even if we did, that's all the more reason for Smokestar to judge us."

"He could kick you out."

"Briarpaw and I have two different Clans to try. Charlie has three. Lay off."

Brightpaw lapsed into silence. She picked up her pace so they were walking separately.

_Fox-heart._

They came to a stop at the very tip of a rolling hill. The grass, long and soft, bent to the breeze. Trees rose in the distance, signaling the border to ThunderClan. Reedpaw felt a thrill pulse through him.  _RiverClan always felt cramped and suffocating, but how can I be trapped now when nothing but the stars can hold me here?_

Briarpaw shuddered and moved closer to him. "It's so hard to think with all this wind."

"I  _know_ ," he sighed happily.

"You're not here to think. You're here to hunt," Yarrownose interrupted, tail lashing. "Robintail and I will follow you from a distance. I expect the three of you to catch a rabbit for the pile by Sunhigh."

Charlie blinked at him uneasily. "Out there?"

"You've hunted for us before, loner. This isn't anything new."

"Yes, sir, near the treeline." He flicked his tail toward the sparse shrubbery near the borders. "I'm too tall for that grass. I'd practically have to lay in it to be hidden."

"You're exaggerating," the deputy dismissed. "You're not _that_  tall."

Charlie drooped. "Fair enough, sir."

Robintail turned to Brightpaw. "Go practice some fighting moves in the hollow."

Brightpaw nodded and disappeared with a flick of her tail.

"Get moving, you three," Yarrownose meowed.

Reedpaw grunted and broke into a sprint, desperate to get this whole assessment over with. Briarpaw and Charlie thudded after him. They came to a stop in some tall grass to catch their breath, taking a drink from a lukewarm puddle one at a time, settling in to discuss strategy.

"I'm a terrible moor hunter," Briarpaw admitted shamefully. "Do you think Smokestar would be mad if I brought back more fish than the Clan could stomach?"

"He asked for rabbits," Charlie reminded her solemnly, "not fish."

Reedpaw sighed. "Guys, you're making this sound harder than it actually _will_  be. There's three of us, and we're all pretty fast. We'll back it into a corner and nab it."

Charlie and Briarpaw looked at him uncertainly. "There's gotta be more to it than that," Briarpaw meowed. "Yarrownose seems to think we can't even catch one."

"That's because Yarrownose and Smokestar see us as unruly kits that can't do anything." The apprentice stood up with grim determination. "Charlie, you wait in the bushes here. Briarpaw will chase the prey over to you, and you'll scare it to the side so it has nowhere to hide. Once it's close enough, I'll pounce and kill it."

Charlie slid into the foliage as Briarpaw slunk away. Reedpaw admired the tom's ability to conceal himself as he crouched behind a small dip in the hills, claws kneading the dirt. He wondered, belatedly, where Yarrownose and Robintail were watching from. A quick check of the breeze revealed nothing.

 _StarClan, please, don't let this fail_ , he prayed.  _I can't live in the trees again. I just_  can't.

The frantic snapping of grass and twigs alerted Reedpaw to Briarpaw's return. Sure enough, the brown and white she-cat soon came bounding over the hills, a rabbit scrambling to get away in front of her. He crouched, forcing his breathing to remain steady.

Charlie jumped out of the underbrush, claws unsheathed, and for a brief second Reedpaw thought the loner would kill the prey himself, but the rabbit took a sharp turn away and kept running, the two cats chasing after.

 _My turn._  Reedpaw bunched his shoulders and leapt. His teeth sunk deep into the back of the rabbit's neck. The apprentice swiped a paw awkwardly beneath to get at its throat and felt it slump in his grip. Reedpaw let go.

Charlie padded up to him, panting. His eyes were bright. "Good catch, Reedpaw!"

He nudged it with a paw. "Briarpaw did most of the work."

"I guess I did, didn't I?" she marveled, touching their noses together. "Thank you. I needed that."

Reedpaw shrugged. "You're the fastest."

"Alright, you three." Yarrownose's voice drifted from up the moor. "I think that was plenty."

* * *

"Their technique wasn't handled the best, but they worked together perfectly. They're able to run like a WindClan cat does, and, at the end of the day, prey was caught," Yarrownose ended his report. "They're _learning_."

"I didn't expect such high praise from you, old friend," Smokestar purred teasingly, bending down to sniff at the fresh-kill. Reedpaw prayed all their scents were on it.

"I didn't expect to give it, Smokestar," he admitted. "I assumed they hunted like they built their nests."

"I suppose that's what we get for assuming." Smokestar waved his tail. "Dismissed. Each of you take something off the prey pile."

Charlie nodded and withdrew, taking a shrew for himself without delay. Reedpaw watched him trail across the clearing to eat by himself near the nursery.  _Is he thinking of Misty? Does he even miss her at all? He's never said much either way._

"Ya'll right?" a cheerful voice meowed. "Any twisted paws?"

Reedpaw jumped. He hadn't noticed Molepaw pad up, caught up in his own thought. The tom seemed to prefer sticking to his mentor, so he barely knew him, but he looked nice enough. "I'm good, thanks."

"Glad to hear it." He blinked at them pleasantly. "Aches? Wrenched claws?"

"My legs hurt," Briarpaw put in. "But that's probably from running."

"Chasing prey'll do that," he agreed. "Well, if you need any help, don't hesitate to poke your head into my den, alright?"

Reedpaw nodded. "Sure." 

"Molepaw?" Briarpaw asked.

He cocked his head to the side. "Yes?"

His sister hesitated, then looked to the ground. "I know you can't share StarClan's secrets with me or anything, but if for some reason you happen to see Blueclaw, can you tell him I'm sorry?"

Molepaw melted at that. He nosed her ear. "Of course. I don't think he blames you, though."

"I wish the same could be said for me."

Reedpaw pressed against her side.  _She shouldn't blame herself. I was so desperate to prove myself I was negligent._  "Sorry about all of this, Molepaw. I know this isn't any of your business."

"On the contrary." Molepaw shook his head. "As a medicine cat, this precisely  _is_  my business. Not to mention you're sharing a den with my sister, and I want all of you to be comfortable with each other."

"Oh. Right," he said. "I forget you're littermates, sometimes."

"Happens to the best of us."

"Has she always been so sneaky?"

He shrugged. "Brightpaw likes to know the pay-offs before taking any big risks. She should have gotten her warrior name by now, you know, but she asked Smokestar to hold back when you lot came." He glanced at the apprentices' den. "At this rate, I'll be getting my name before she does. I cannot tell you how  _odd_  that feels."

 _She was that close?_  Brightpaw was moons older than him, he knew, but her small WindClan build was deceiving.  _It's hard to tell age on a WindClan cat as compared to a RiverClan cat; we're all shriveled up and our fur gets dull and a little brittle. WindClan cats just keep getting thinner._  "Thanks again, Molepaw."

"May StarClan light your path." Molepaw lightly headbutted his shoulder before padding away, tail high.

"He's nice," Reedpaw murmured.

"I guess," Briarpaw sighed. "I'm sorry, Reedpaw. I really did try, but I'm just not happy here. I miss  _home_."

 _How can she miss the river? We've got plenty of streams right here!_  Reedpaw remembered Berryleg and their two littermates with a pang.  _Not the river. She misses_  them.

They slipped into the den to find their nests tightly woven and soft with heather and fur. Brightpaw lay curled up in her own, tail across her nose, fast asleep.

"Thanks, Brightpaw," Briarpaw mumbled, giving her head a drowsy lick before curling up in her nest.

"Yeah," he said, laying down in his own. "Thanks, Brightpaw."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reedpaw, the cranky thing, meets the wall of will that is Brightpaw, and her wingcat, Molepaw.


	38. Lightstripe (Notail)

Notail shook out a sleepy back paw with vigor, grumbling quietly to himself. Lightstripe watched him with warm eyes, contently taking the spare nest in the medicine den as her own to relax on.

"Brightwater says I'll probably limp the rest of my life," he meowed. "Blames me for it, too."

"It's not like you were ever exactly nice to your wounds, Notail."

"Siding with her over the tom who mentored you?" He somberly shook his head. "I see how it is."

Lightstripe laughed. Notail had been working non-stop since Blueclaw's death and the birth of their kits. There wasn't a day he didn't gimp off with the dawn patrol, or return with two or three fish. There had been no way to stop the warrior, and the whole of RiverClan had watched in silent sadness and his limp got worse and worse, until finally Deadnose intervened, all but shoving him into her den with a snarl, scolding all the way. "Siding with the truth, more like it."

He set his head on his paws. "I'm thinking about retiring."

"Already?"

"I've got a limp."

"That's never stopped warriors before. You're only middle-aged, Notail. You can't retire just yet. What about Reedpaw?"

Notail scoffed. "We don't even know where he is, and, even if we did, it's obvious I'm not the right mentor for him." He paused. "I've not been a good father, have I?"

She blinked at him. "Are you kidding?"

"No. I wasn't there for them. I hardly ever went to the nursery to see them, or played with them. It's like we're not even kin. I just didn't try hard enough."

Lightstripe gently swiped at his ear. "I'll have you know that Fallowfoot told me Sunpaw never shuts up about you. He thinks you're the greatest warrior to ever bless the Clans."

His eyes flickered up to her. "Really?"

"Really. You weren't there for them, true, but it's not like they're  _gone_ , Notail. You have a daughter and a son out there right now, hunting for their Clan, and two others who might one day need your guidance. It's like you said; they're your kin. You can't just give up on them."

"Would you mind if I took Cloudpaw on a walk tomorrow, then? Sunpaw too."

"Mind?" she spluttered. "Notail, I'm her  _mentor_. She's your  _daughter_."

Notail nodded and lifted his head off his paws. "Berryleg is pregnant."

"So soon?" _Reedpaw and Briarpaw haven't even been gone a moon!_

"I think that's a part of it. We both want to do  _better_. We want to raise a proper litter together, as friends." He licked his paw decisively, drawing it over his ear. "Don't you understand, Lightstripe? Just look at me. I can't fight to win- just to survive. Every border squirmish is one pawstep closer to me angering a warrior just right and getting killed."

 _That's something every warrior has to face._  "Murkytail never taught you how to fight, did he? You never were able to teach me."

He shook his head. "I can't fight like a warrior; it just never clicked right with me. I was battle-trained too late. I'm glad someone was there to help you, at least." Notail's claws dug into the nest. "Sometimes, I wonder what it might be like as a kittypet. Maybe I would've been happier that way. Regardless, if there's any chance of me living to see my kits all grown-up and strong, I'll have to give up being a warrior. Believe me, I won't miss it very much."

Silence fell on them. Lightstripe reached out to clean Notail's muzzle, feeling a cold weight on her chest. _I should feel happy for him, but..._  "Well, I'm glad I got you as my mentor. Sunpaw is right about you."

Notail chuckled, bumping noses with her. "Let's hope so."

"Mama?"

They both jumped, pulling away from what probably would've led to them sharing tongues. A small bundle of brown fur stood sheepishly at the entrance, a fish haphazardly dangling in his jaws.

"Hello, Murkkit," she meowed. "Did you bring that for Notail?"

Murkkit nodded and toddled over. The warrior gently took the fresh-kill with an approving nod. "Thank you. I was feeling a bit peckish. Did you catch it yourself?"

"No. I caught a minnow, once, though. It got stuck in a puddle." Murkkit crawled onto the spare nest to sit between Lightstripe's front paws. "What're you talking about?"

"Berryleg is having another litter," she explained. "What do you think of that?"

Murkkit's eyes lit up. "New denmates!"

"Hey, now." She teasingly nuzzled him, feeling the kit wriggle when she brushed a ticklish spot on his scruff. "You've got Hookkit and Bluekit already. Don't you feel crowded?"

"That's different!" he proclaimed, nose screwing up. "Bluekit and Hookkit are my littermates. The others won't be."

She remembered her times with Rosetuft and Blueclaw as a kit with mild nostalgia. "Fair enough."

Notail purred, nudging Murkkit with a paw. "Ignore her. Your mother spent her last moons as a kit in the elders' den."

"Oh no!" he cried, eyes wide as he stared at her. "Were you hurt? Was Applestar not gonna let you be an apprentice?"

"No, no," Lightstripe awkwardly meowed.  _I can't tell him Blueclaw pushed me out of the nest as a kit and I was too stubborn to go back- his sister is named after him!_  "The nursery was too full for my liking. Pikecloud was nice enough to let me share her nest."

Murkkit's head tilted to the side. "Pikecloud?"

Lightstripe swallowed and nodded. "She passed on in her sleep just after you were born. Do you remember sitting through her vigil?"

He slowly shook his head. "No?" 

"I... guess that makes sense. You were so young; we couldn't keep you out all night. The sun hadn't even set yet." Lightstripe forced herself to her paws. Talking about Pikecloud made her want to sleep for moons. "Come'on, kit. Let's go see what Rosetuft is up to."

"Is mama mad at me?" she heard Murkkit ask Notail as she slid into the clearing.

"No, not at all," he murmured back. "She's just sad."

An old tingle of bitterness ran up her spine at his soothing tone.  _I don't need someone to explain my behavior to my own son!_

"Attack!" two voices cried abruptly, and Lightstripe felt two blurs slam into her paws. She jokingly stumbled and fell onto her side, legs windmilling. "Get the ThunderClan warrior!"

 _Just imagine them trying this on Sandpetal- they'd get lost in his fur!_  "Ahhh, some strong RiverClan warriors! Whatever should I do?"

Bluekit's pointed ears appeared over her chest, then her whole head. Her muzzle was in the air. "We're going to have to take you to our leader, you know. She'll have some words with you for trespassing on our land!"

"Oh, not Rosestar!" she cried, sitting up. "She'll flay me!"

Hookkit headbutted her side. "Get moving, trespasser!"

Lightstripe snorted and stood, letting her kits lead her to the nursery with an important air. She kept half an eye on them so as to make sure she didn't step on one.

"Mama!" Murkkit cried suddenly, bowling into Hookkit. "I'll save you, mama!"

"A second trespasser!" Bluekit hissed, tail bushing out. Lightstripe grabbed her and playfully cleaned her fur, ducking swipes of her tiny paws.

"I've got this one, Bluekit!" Hookkit meowed, rolling Murkkit onto his side.

Bluekit struggled to get out of her gentle grip. "I need backup!"

Teeth sunk into Lightstripe's scruff, pulling her away. Before the warrior knew it she was pinned by two ginger paws. Playful green eyes glittered.

"Good job, my warriors," Rosetuft purred. "And who's this? My forbidden ThunderClan love, breaking the warrior code just to see me? How  _sweet_!"

Lightstripe snorted. "Sap."

The queen brushed their cheeks together. "Pretty much. You'll never get me out of your fur. Nevvvveeerr!"

"Noooo," she faux-wailed. "How could this happen to me?"

"Mom!" Bluekit stamped a paw on the ground indignantly. "You're supposed to be super-scary and intimidating!"

"Am I? Whoops. Let me try it again," Rosetuft meowed. "Rawr! I'm a scary and intimidating badger!"

"Why am I always the she-cat in distress?" Lightstripe broke in. "What if  _I_  want to be the scary and intimidating badger?"

"Scary and intimidating badger says you need to get some long fur first, so you can bush it out like the badgers do."

"So I can be the sneaky and cantankerous smooth fox, then? Just checking."

"Next time," she promised.

"Alright. Carry on."

"Roar! Snarl!" Rosetuft gently bit her arm. "Fresh-kill!"

"Get the badger!" Hookkit cried, leaping at her. Bluekit followed suit, bringing the 'badger' to the camp floor.

"There, mama." Murkkit set a small leaf on her arm. "I healed you!"

"Thank you, son," she purred, touching their noses together. She silently prayed this made up for earlier. The kit chased after his siblings, leaping onto their mother with a battle cry.

"Nooo!" Rosetuft wailed. "Save the scary and intimidating badger!"

"Sorry, I can't move." Lightstripe pointedly set her head on her paws. "I'm healing."

They all stopped when Fallowfoot's teasing voice reached their ears. "I take two apprentices out for border patrol, only to come back to find the 'important task' the other mentor had was to play kit games. My trust has been shattered."

"I wasn't lying!" She bristled and stood up. "I was taking care of Notail. That's just as important as border patrol."

"Uh-oh," Rosetuft whispered to Hookkit. "Mama's cranky."

Hookkit blinked at her beseechingly. "Mama's  _always_  cranky."

Sunpaw and Cloudpaw pushed through the barrier together. Immediately, Bluekit wriggled out of the pile, sprinting over to meet the white she-cat head on. "Cloudpaw, Cloudpaw! I beat up a badger!"

"Did you?" Cloudpaw meowed. "Wow! That's more than I've ever done."

Lightstripe guiltily met her apprentice's gaze.  _I haven't been there for her as much as I used to be- just like Notail. That has to change._  "Want to go hunting later? Your bird stalking could use some work."

Her eyes lit up. "Sure!" 

"I'll have to put the kits down for their nap first," she reminded her. "But I don't have to stay. We can leave right after."

Cloudpaw's tail twitched dismissively. "No worries. It's fun to watch you fall over your paws for them. Sweet, too, in a weird way."

Lightstripe swallowed embarrassment.  _I have every right to be proud of them. They're my kits too._  "Thank you."

"Alright, kits." Rosetuft stretched, bending down to pick Murkkit up by the scruff. "Time to settle in."

Bluekit, not wanting to seem childish in front of Cloudpaw, marched into the nursery with a cry that she could do it herself. Lightstripe shrugged and took up Hookkit. The nursery was empty, save for the nest they had built. Lightstripe wondered when Berryleg would move in, and what they would do for sleeping arrangements. Could they shove their nest into a corner? It was twice the size of a normal one, giving them all plenty of room, and she didn't know if it could be moved successfully.

_We'll make that decision when it comes._

Rosetuft curled up on her side, letting out a quiet 'oof' when the kits climbed up, snuggling contently into her belly fur. Lightstripe laid on the other edge, closest to the entrance, hesitantly intertwining their tails. The she-cat was breathing directly onto her nose.

"How was he?" she whispered.

"Planning to retire," she admitted. "Berryleg might be having another litter."

"You're sure?"

"No, but he was."

Rosetuft looked worried. "She's so thin for a queen, and that first litter made her so weak. Are we sure she could  _survive_  a second kitting?"

Lightstripe's heart quickened. The thought hadn't crossed her mind. "Birthing troubles run in the family, don't they?"

"Yes." She nodded, glancing at their half-dozing kits as if they were in danger of disappearing. "I'll ask Deadnose for some herbs to keep my milk strong. Just- just in case."

"Sounds good."

"If- if something should happen-"

"We'll love them just as much," Lightstripe meowed firmly. "If you're okay with this, I mean."

"Berryleg was  _my_  mentor, Lightstripe. You know I couldn't bear to see her kits go through pain."

Lightstripe saw the shadowy look on her face, and knew she was thinking of Briarpaw. The queen missed her apprentice dearly, even if she didn't quite forgive her for Blueclaw's death.

_That wasn't anybody's fault. It was an accident._

"Notail is gonna start making a bigger effort, now. He was shocked when I told him how much Sunpaw looked up to him."

"They  _do_  look a lot alike, you know. In the face."

"Believe me, I see it."

Rosetuft nudged her chest with a purr. "Notail isn't the  _only_  one with an admirer." She was looking at Murkkit as she spoke.

Lightstripe shifted. "I hope I can live up to his standards."

"You already do, 'stripe." Rosetuft's eyelids were beginning to droop. "How are you? Really, I mean."

"Tired. I always feel tired. Some days are worse, some days are like I'm not at all, but I always end up tired." She glanced at their kits, their little ones, and felt something warm bubble up in her chest. "Today was a better day."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How Could This Happen to Me plays in the distance (I kept hearing the song as I wrote Light saying that.)


	39. Graypaw (Crowear)

Graypaw woke before the rest of the Clan did, as always, and slipped out of camp to hunt. She knew she didn't have to- as a medicine cat apprentice, all she really has to do is heal and interpret visions- but she always hated relying on others for things she could do herself.

 _You've got a lot of your father in you_ , Crowear had commented once.  _That's a good thing_.

 _My father is one of the bravest warriors in ThunderClan_ , Graypaw told herself.  _It's an honor to be his kit._  Secretly, she'd feared he would never visit once she was made the medicine cat's apprentice, but Rowantooth hadn't even hesitated, despite the brutal way his mate had died in its walls.

Shrew procured, Graypaw slid back into camp just as Skyfur began to stir, nudging the other warriors awake. Graypaw avoided meeting his eye.  _I couldn't save Daisykit. He must hate me._

"There she is!" a familiar voice cried, wrapping itself around her, and Graypaw purred as Sheepfang wound their tails together. "The future medicine cat of the Clan, gracing this poor bit of fresh-kill with her all-knowing presence. How lucky it must've felt."

Graypaw shoved her and set the shrew down. "Don't even joke about being all-knowing. I'd give my tail and my left ear to be able to foresee and stop disaster."

"Left ear? What about your right ear?"

"I'm very fond of the right one. StarClan can take the left if they want it."

Sheepfang laughed and shook her head. "Mind sharing prey before I go on patrol?"

"Do I ever?"

"Touche. Be right back."

Graypaw settled in. The kits were tumbling out of the nursery now, Sandpetal close behind. Now that they were older, they were beginning to wake up earlier and earlier, pestering the nursery warrior to play.

"Come get me, badger!" Fernkit crouched, growling. "I'll fight you off- you  _and_  your fox-hearted mate!"

"I feel so insulted," Graypaw heard Cryowl meow jokingly to Smokewhisker.

Brackenkit hared after to join him. The kit had proven to be a more quiet tom. Pinekit, who came out last, was the complete opposite; a vibrant ball of energy that never seemed to sit still.

 _Were we ever like that?_  Graypaw thought, puzzled.  _I don't remember us ever being like that_.

Sheepfang returned with a sparrow and their father. Rowantooth's whiskers were quivering as he laid down beside her.

"Today is the last day I'll ever call you Graypaw, Graypaw," he meowed, planting a lick to her ear. "I'm so proud of you."

Graypaw bristled. "Who told you?"

Sheepfang blinked at her owlishly. "Crowear did, of course. She was really excited."

She forced her pelt to relax, dipping her head down to delicately nibble at her prey. "Oh."

"I know I can't go with you, but I'll be there every pawstep of the way in spirit," Rowantooth told her encouragingly. "And, when you get back to camp, I'll be the first warrior to call you by your full name."

 _StarClan help me. He's so happy for me, when I didn't even want anyone to know!_  Graypaw forced herself to swallow. "Thanks, dad."

"Hey, me too." Sheepfang flopped one of her paws onto Graypaw's arm. "I'm gonna wait up for you to get back," she let out a tiny trill of pleasure, "my sister, a full medicine cat. That's so amazing."

"Graypaw," Crowear called. Graypaw shoved her shrew over to Rowantooth and got to her paws, thankful for the escape _. I'm not even sure if I_  can _be a full medicine cat. Am I ready for that responsibility?_

"Ready?" Crowear asked as she approached. "We'll go as soon as the meeting is over."

"Meeting?"

The medicine cat slowly blinked at her. "Let's sort bundles. I'm worried the herbs might get stuck together."

"Um,"  _she's my mentor; I can't exactly press her for details._  "Okay?"

They settled into a companionable silence, diligently laying out herbs to dry. Crowear's scent and the flash of her pelt out of the corner of her eye comforted Graypaw, shoulders slowly untensing. It started to feel almost like any other day, doing chores, checking stock. She half expected Crowear to send her with some mouse bile to the elders den, but the order never came.

_I'm pretty sure I've got the best mentor in all of ThunderClan. I can't imagine training under anyone else._

"Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey meet me at the Highledge for a Clan meeting!"

Crowear flicked some tansy off her shoulder. "Let's go sit."

Graypaw settled in their usual spot, watching her Clanmates gather. Grayscreech was chatting enthusiastically with Clawpelt, looking rather white around the muzzle. Silverblaze had Blackpaw and Brownpaw at her side. Smokewhisker and Rocknose were watching, ears pricked. Cryowl was keeping Sandpetal and Tallclaw company by the nursery, kits tumbling at their paws. Rowantooth was front and center, Sheepfang purring as she stretched out. Skyfur was third last to take a seat, Yelloweye and Milkpelt close behind.

Barkstar surveyed the Clan. His eyes briefly met Graypaw's as they flickered around. Graypaw thought he was looking rather scrawny for Greenleaf.

"Thank you all for coming," he meowed. "This is hard for me to say, but I won't leave my Clan misinformed. This is my last life, and someday soon the time will come when StarClan calls my name." He bowed his head. "It's been an honor to lead you all."

Dread bubbled up in Graypaw's chest. Barkstar had been leading ThunderClan since before she was born. Perhaps even before Crowear was born. They all knew the tom was slowing, but he was such a fixture in the Clan she couldn't imagine life without him.

Barkstar waited for the murmuring to stop to go on. "I called this meeting because ThunderClan needs a young cat to be deputy, someone who will be able to lead you for many seasons."

"What about Skyfur?" Tallclaw called, sitting up sharply. "Doesn't he deserve to lead the Clan?"

Skyfur slowly stood up. "I'm retiring, Tallclaw. I want to spend my last moons in peace."

The she-cat's jaws opened, then shut. Tallclaw seemed to be at a loss for words.

The deputy turned to the gathered Clan, blue eyes resolute. For all his seasons, he stood proud, tail high in the air. "ThunderClan, it's been an honor to be your deputy. But my time is over, just as Barkstar's is ending. After we lost- after Daisykit died," he swallowed, "I realized that I would never be the same, and I'm still not. I'm just not up to this anymore. I want to be there for Tallclaw and our kits, and I haven't really been able to do that."

Tallclaw blinked at him in shock.

"If you'll still have me, of course," he finished with an earnest nod.

"Of course," she echoed; then, her voice stronger: "Of course I'll still have you, furrball."

Skyfur bowed his head respectfully. "I'm ready, Barkstar."

Barkstar nodded. Graypaw wondered if he would miss the white tom's company. "Skyfur, is it your wish to give up the name of a warrior and go to join the elders?"

"It is."

"Your Clan honors you and all the service you have given to us. I call upon StarClan to give you many moons of rest. And," he added, "I thank you for your wisdom in leading this Clan over the seasons."

"Skyfur! Skyfur! Skyfur! Skyfur!"

Skyfur padded over to Tallclaw, settling in beside her. Fernkit waved tiny gray paws at him, while Brackenkit sat at his paws. Pinekit curled up between the two elders, looking very content. The Highledge looked oddly naked without the white tom sitting in front of it.  _So much is changing, but everything is the same._

"I say these words before StarClan, so that the spirits of our warrior ancestors may hear and approve of my choice," Barkstar rumbled, catching her attention. "The new deputy of ThunderClan is Nutjaw."

Nutjaw jumped to her paws. Graypaw thought the warrior looked shocked. "Me?"

"Yes," Barkstar agreed. "But only if you say yes."

Nutjaw hesitantly slipped out to stand before the Clan, ears pinned back. "This isn't my choice to make. You all should have a say in this."

Sandpetal lifted his head off his paws. "I'd be honored if you would lead us, Nutjaw."

"Yeah!" Sheepfang broke in excitedly. "You'll make a great leader."

"I was proud of you as your mentor," Clawpelt meowed, "and I'm proud of you now."

"Nutjaw!" someone called, and they all joined in. "Nutjaw! Nutjaw!"

Barkstar leapt off of Highledge, standing patiently before her. "Well, Nutjaw?"

Nutjaw's eyes swept across the Clan. She turned to him with a small dip of the head. "I accept."

* * *

"You see why I chose to have you get your name today?" Crowear asked as they trailed up the path to the Moonpool. "It's the symbolism of it."

Graypaw tactfully dodged a rabbit hole. "I don't follow."

"New blood is coming into ThunderClan. With Nutjaw as deputy, chances are she'll succeed Barkstar. Then she'll choose a young deputy. My generation is gettin' old, and it's time for you young cats to take charge. It's time for a new medicine cat."

 _If StarClan will even have me_ , she thought gloomily.  _I've already had one kit die on my watch_.

"Did I hear new medicine cat?" Longfeather rasped, sliding out of the bushes with a wobbly gait. "Because that's what WindClan is getting."

"Not a second too soon, either," Brightwater added as she padded out after, watching her move with a critical eye. "Deadnose ate a bad carp, so she won't be with us this half moon."

"ThunderClan is getting a new full medicine cat," Crowear explained as they approached. "Though there is no doubt that Molepaw has earned his name as well."

Molepaw slipped around to stand next to Graypaw. His eyes were shining, but she felt his pelt trembling with anxiety.  _He must be as nervous as I am._

"I  _told_  you we'd be late!" Spiderberry snapped as he pushed through the bracken. Rocktail followed sourly. "A kit could've gotten that thorn out."

"I was helping," Rocktail sniffed.

"By making us wait to share tongues with StarClan?"

"Hmph."

"Don't hmph me!"

"Nice to see you all well," Brightwater interrupted with an irritable flick of her fluffy white tail.

Spiderberry hopped up beside her with a chastised look. "Sorry, everybody. Brackentuft got a thorn. What were we talking about?"

"Molepaw and Graypaw are getting their names together."

"You are? Congratulations."

Graypaw mutely dipped her head.

Spiderberry twitched impatiently, leading the group up the familiar path. Rocktail nodded apologetically. "Forgive him. He always gets anxious when he's away from the Clan too long."

The smooth rock felt cool under her paws as the medicine cats formed a half-circle in front of the Moonpool. The stars glittered brightly above them, lighting the still waters. Graypaw thought Brightwater looked particularly eerie this late at night, her white pelt almost glowing in the dark.

"Do I go first, or you?" Longfeather broke into the silence. She was breathing heavily from the walk.

Graypaw felt Crowear's tail wrap around her. "Molepaw's older. He should go first."

Longfeather's form straightened in the night, taking a deep breath, in, then out. "Molepaw, step forward."

He did so. Graypaw could see his tail tip flicking nervously.

"I, Longfeather, medicine cat of WindClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on this apprentice. He has trained hard to understand the ways of a medicine cat, and with your help he will serve his Clan for many moons. Molepaw, do you promise to uphold the ways of a medicine cat, to stand apart from rivalry between Clan and Clan and to protect all cats equally, even at the cost of your life?"

"I do."

"Then by the powers of StarClan I give you your true name as a medicine cat. Molepaw, from this moment you will be known as Molepool. StarClan honors your kind and giving nature, and we welcome you as a full medicine cat of WindClan."

The name echoed quietly through the night. "Molepool! Molepool! Molepool! Molepool!"

Longfeather gestured to the Moonpool with her tail. Molepool eagerly settled in and pressed his nose to the waves, falling into a deep sleep.

"I will wait," Longfeather meowed.

"Thank you." Crowear slipped into place with a twitch of the whiskers. "Graypaw, step forward."

Graypaw forced herself not to panic as Crowear recited the oath, focusing on her mentor's calm voice.  _She trusts me. She believes in me. I have to make her proud._  "I do."

"Then by the powers of StarClan I give you your true name as a medicine cat. Graypaw, from this moment you will be known as Graystep. StarClan honors your humbleness and respect for the past, and we welcome you as a full medicine cat of WindClan."

"Graystep! Graystep! Graystep! Graystep!"

Her heart froze.  _Gray_ step? How could she possibly go home and tell her father to call her by the name his dead mate had gone by? How could she ask her  _Clanmates_  to call her that? _What is Crowear_  thinking?

Crowear nudged her. Graystep numbly stumbled over to Molepool, laying beside him. She'd never felt more grateful for the pull of StarClan as she touched the water.

Wind buffeted her fur, sharp and cold. Graystep shut her eyes against it, ears flat. The land around her was grassy, sprawling out for what looked like forever. She could smell heather and bracken all at once.  _This must be part of StarClan's hunting grounds._

"Congrats." a warm voice meowed. Graystep jumped. "I'm so  _proud_  of you."

Graystep pounced, burying her nose into sleek brown fur. Brownstep was purring above her, muzzle brushing her spine. Her mother's scent mingled with her own.

"You _and_  your sister," she went on. "Sheepfang and Graystep- what perfect,  _wonderful_  names."

Graystep stepped back, meeting her mother's eye. She thought all the stars might be hidden there. "I'm sorry," she breathed.

Brownstep cocked her head to the side. "For what?"

"I should've had a vision. About the fox." The thought had haunted her for moons. Graystep looked at her paws. "I'm supposed to be a medicine cat, but I couldn't even foretell my mother's  _death_? And now Crowear named me after you, and-"

"Graystep," she meowed gently. "No one can predict everything."

That gave her pause. Graystep fell limply onto her rear. "I have nightmares. Of foxes."

Brownstep licked her ear, pressing her nose to Graystep's head. "Oh, my brave fox-seer. You were just a little kit. You never should've gone through what you and your sister did."

"But I could've-"

"No, Graystep. You couldn't." She pulled away. "Come on. Somebody else wants to congratulate you."

Brownstep took off in a sprint. Graystep followed close behind, panting. They eventually hit a treeline, slipping through the brambles. Brownstep hooked a right turn, then a left, then another right. Graystep came out in the field once again, alone.

"Mom?"

Silence. A breeze, calmer this time, blew. Graystep padded into the fields, ears pricked. Loneliness bloomed in her chest.  _I hate that I can't see her everyday like Tallclaw or Silverblaze. I hate that we didn't have that growing up. Dad and Sandpetal did their best, but I still remembered her voice, her fur, and it hurt to see her suddenly go. I know Sheepfang dreams about her, sometimes._

"Hello."

Graystep stopped and turned around. A blue and white kitten blinked up at her, tail wrapped around his paws. He was bigger than she recalled; then again, he'd need to be, to move around and hear and see.

"Daisykit?"

"That's me." Daisykit smiled, pleased that she knew him. "Congrats on getting your full name. I wouldn't know how that feels."

Graystep slumped, falling to the ground. Her nose was only just above the dirt, eyes fluttering shut. It was an awkward position, but one of deep respect. "I'm so sorry."

Daisykit shoved her muzzle with tiny paws. "You didn't  _do_  anything, mouse-brain. I'm here because it's a happy day for you."

Graystep slowly shuffled into a more comfortable position. "Really?"

"Really." His eyes glittered. "Brownstep takes care of me, you know? She's a bit like a mother for me. That makes us littermates."

 _Littermates?_  A heavy stone gurgled in her belly.  _Oh, Daisykit. You should be with Tallclaw and Skyfur_ _right now_.

"So, congrats," he purred. "And... do this for me, okay? Don't feel bad. Sometimes bad things just happen, and we're just along for the ride. I think we both know that pretty well."

Graystep hesitantly reached out to lick his tiny cheek. "Thank you."

* * *

She woke up with a jerk, eyes flying wide open. Brownstep and Daisykit's scents were gone, but Crowear's warm pelt and heavy breathing were soothing enough. Soon after Spiderberry sat up, rubbing his nose with his paws. "Good morning!"

"Good morning."

"We both are making a habit of waking up early, it seems." The ShadowClan medicine cat blinked at her warmly. "How're you feeling?"

"Groggy. A little overwhelmed."

"Understandable."

"She named me after my mother."

"I thought as much. Are you okay with that?"

Graystep hesitated, then jerked her head in a nod. "I think so."

"Good."

"You're named after your mentor, aren't you?"

"Correction: I  _asked_  to be named after my mentor. Berrystripe died very suddenly, so Wingstar had to do my ceremony for her."

Graystep didn't speak, letting him talk.

"I was... in deep pain. And scared. Right after Smallpelt fell ill, and I thought... I was certain my littermate was going to leave me. Smallpelt survived, but we lost our mother. It was just a hard season all the way around."

"But things got better?"

"Things got better," he agreed.

"Do you regret it, now? Even a little?"

Spiderberry paused, contemplated, and finally shook his head. "No. Never. My name is a show of my respect to the cat who trained me, who helped me be strong. I couldn't imagine it being anything else."

"I wonder what my name would've been," Rocktail hummed, cracking open an eye.

"Rockshine," Spiderberry meowed immediately.

Rocktail snorted. "You've thought about this?"

"Yes. I knew I'd be training an apprentice of my own one day, so I kept a couple names ready. I didn't expect my apprentice to be the ex-deputy, however."

"Well, I'm a good practice round, then."

"You're a good medicine cat, Rocktail."

"Thank you."

The medicine cats said their farewells and scattered. Graystep was as hungry as she was tired, legs sore from running, but she kept her head high as they approached camp, nodding a greeting to Rocknose and Grayscreech.

"Darling!" Rowantooth's joyful yowl sounded across the clearing. Graystep felt her heart jump into her throat as he nuzzled her. Sheepfang brushed their noses together. "Oh, I've been waiting for you to come home- what do I call you now?"

She pulled away, uncertain what to say. Crowear took a step forward.

"I named her Graystep."

Rowantooth froze. Graystep started to shy away, but he quickly reached out to press his nose to her head. "It's a lovely name, darling."

"You aren't mad?"

"No. I'm so proud of you. She would be too."

"I know," she whispered into his pelt. "I know she is."

Rowantooth pulled away with a nod. He seemed to realize her meaning, but knew she was bound to keep her visions of StarClan to herself, save for prophecies, and didn't press.

"Hey, we match! Well, kinda." Sheepfang shrugged. "It's a little different, I guess. I got a similar name, while you got the same one, but that's just because dad is alive."

Graystep laughed and intertwined tails with her sister.  _I'll tell them one day. About the fox dreams. The wound is too fresh right now._  "Can we go eat now? I'm really hungry."

"Of course, darling." Rowantooth nodded. "Lead the way."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was thinking of naming Graystep Grayfoot for a bit there, but Graystep seemed to fit her better. Either way, it's about time Graystep got a "Storm in the Room"-esque ending- all about beginning to move on from grief and such. Holy same-sounding names, Batman! From Molepool at the Moonpool to Graystep and her ma, Brownstep.


	40. Hoptail (Reedpaw)

Hoptail gave a few licks to Longfeather's back, feeling her fur shift and move under their tongue. The blue she-cat barely seemed to notice, eyes drooping. Age was quickly catching up with the medicine cat, leaving her weak. She wasn't even coming to the Gathering.

Molepool gently nudged them. "It's time to get going."

Hoptail sighed and stood, pressing their nose to their sister's pelt one final time.  _Get some sleep, Longfeather. It won't be long before StarClan calls your name._  They slipped out of the medicine den and into the clearing, intertwining tails with Mintpelt.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"I will be." They pressed their nose into her fur, finding comfort in her scent. "She's only got so many moons left. Just like us."

Smokestar looked fairly nervous at the head of the patrol, Yarrownose grimly flanked him, tail lashing. Charlie slunk into the medicine den without a word; he'd been told to stay behind and care for Longfeather. Robintail chattered on to Brightpaw, whom listened politely. Crowsky stood on his own, waiting to go. Poppyflame meowed a quick farewell to Rabbitwater before joining them. Volefur watched them with narrowed eyes. Last came Reedpaw and Briarpaw; the brown and white she-cat looked relieved, while Reedpaw stared at his paws. Smokestar gestured for them to go.

"You must be excited to go home," Hoptail heard Crowsky meow as they walked. "We'll all miss you here, though. Just so you know."

Neither apprentice answered.

* * *

ThunderClan and RiverClan were already on the island as they arrived. Barkstar watched them all cross patiently- Hoptail thought the leader looked ill. Nutjaw sat in Skyfur's place at the roots of the tree. Applestar looked far less friendly- her tail flicked back and forth, ears pinned back. Deadnose was noticeably absent. _The cats I've known most of my life are dying and retiring left and right!_

Mintpelt pressed more firmly against them, and they went across.

Wingstar came soon after, looking as fluffed up as ever. The white she-cat elegantly leapt up next to Smokestar. Smallpelt hesitantly glanced around the gathered cats, then reluctantly sat in Darkflame's spot, Nutjaw muttering advice into the warrior's ear.

"Let the Gathering begin," Wingstar called.

Applestar awkwardly stood up. "RiverClan will go first."

Wingstar looked taken aback. It wasn't often that Applestar purposely thrust herself forward like that. The ShadowClan cat gave a tiny nod.

"Three healthy kits have been born to Rosetuft; Bluekit, Hookkit, and Murkkit."

 _How nice_ , Hoptail thought.

"It is with great sadness that I inform you that Blueclaw and Deadnose have both gone to StarClan. Blueclaw passed suddenly in a patrolling mishap, while Deadnose took ill and couldn't recover. May they rest in StarClan."

 _That, not so much._ Hoptail called out their names with the other cats, so that their spirits may know they won't be forgotten. "Blueclaw! Deadnose! Blueclaw! Deadnose!"

Applestar nodded to show her appreciation. "With that out of the way, I can focus on more present issues- two of Berryleg's kits have left RiverClan!"

"If I might interrupt, Applestar," Smokestar rumbled quietly, before the clearing could begin to murmur. "They're with me."

Applestar's ear flicked dismissively. "I noticed."

Robintail pushed Briarpaw. The apprentice hesitantly stepped up, Reedpaw close behind.

"Blueclaw wasn't an accident," Briarpaw meowed. "We got him killed."

Applestar's eyes narrowed. "I will not tell you how to feel."

"We got him killed," she insisted softly, "and then we ran. It was terrible, and wrong, and against the warrior code. I miss home. I want to be a RiverClan warrior- and, when I get my name, I'd like to be named after Blueclaw, so his name will go on. I don't want to run anymore."

Applestar lifted her eyes from the she-cat. "Lightstripe? Blueclaw was your brother. How do you feel about this?"

They all looked as the yellow molly stood. Sandpetal sat beside her supportively. "This was no one's fault, Applestar. If she really wants to make up for running away, I won't hold it against her."

The brown and white she-cat closed her eyes. She seemed to be contemplating it.

 _I feel sorry for ThunderClan and ShadowClan_ , Hoptail thought suddenly, seeing the two leaders exchange an awkward glance.  _It always feels weird to just sit and watch drama you're not a part of._

Applestar's eyes opened. "Fine. You may return to RiverClan. But, should you not prove that you truly wish to be here, you will have to leave, and I won't allow you to return."

Briarpaw dipped her head. "Thank you, Applestar."

The leader's voice was cold. "Sit down."

She slipped into the throng of RiverClan cats. Berryleg wound herself around her kit, purring.

"Applestar?"

The she-cat let out a long-suffering sigh. " _Yes_ , Reedpaw? Hasn't this been debated enough?"

The tom shook his head. "I want to join WindClan."

Mutters broke out over the clearing. The RiverClan leader looked stunned.

"I was never comfortable in RiverClan," the apprentice explained, scuffing a paw across the dirt. "I was squished and unhappy. I thought I'd feel better after proving myself, but all that did was make things worse. I want to be free. I want the only thing over me to be the wind and stars. I'll never forget my roots, but my roots aren't where I belong. So, please. Just consider it."

Applestar glanced at Smokestar. "Smokestar?"

The WindClan leader looked wary. "Applestar."

"What is your opinion on all of this?"

"That he is, by birth, your cat, and I have no room to impede."

"I'm not asking you to impede," she said quietly, "I'm asking for your opinion."

Smokestar took in a deep breath. "WindClan would be honored to have a warrior half as determined as Reedpaw, but recognize that this is not our choice to make."

Applestar turned back to Reedpaw. "You won't be able to come back if you agree to this, you know."

"I know," he said. Hoptail openly admired his bravery.

The she-cat sat back. "Then RiverClan has no further hold over you, or this matter. You're not one of us."

Reedpaw gingerly sat down. Brightpaw immediately moved to be beside him.

Hoptail glanced up.  _Not a cloud in the sky._

There was a long, awkward pause, before finally Wingstar blurted out; "Well, I doubt anything I have to say will top  _this_  debacle, but I suppose ShadowClan will go next."

Laughter filled the clearing- some loud and voracious, others stifled and shivering.

"We welcome Rockfall and Lizardeye as full warriors of ShadowClan. Darkflame sprained his paw after stepping into a rabbit hole, so Smallpelt will be temporarily taking his place." Silence. Wingstar's fur fluffed out. "My warriors deserve to be  _honored_!"

 _Oh, right. Duh._  "Rockfall! Lizardeye! Rockfall! Lizardeye!"

Wingstar settled down with a mild huff. "ShadowClan has nothing more to report."

"Skyfur has retired to spend more time with his mate and kits," Barkstar announced. He was the least rattled of the leaders. "Nutjaw has taken his place as deputy of ThunderClan."

"Nutjaw! Nutjaw! Nutjaw! Nutjaw!" they chanted. The ThunderClan warrior looked half-tempted to sink into the ground.

"Blackpaw and Brownpaw have been made into apprentices- Sheeppaw has earned the name of Sheepfang, and Graypaw has become Graystep."

"Blackpaw! Brownpaw! Sheepfang! Graystep!"

"I must add," Smokestar meowed suddenly, looking extremely embarrassed, "what I mean is; Molepaw is now Molepool. I apologize."

 _He forgot!_  Shock trembled through Hoptail at the tom's folly. They glanced at the brown tom, finding him to be sunken in his seat. Rocktail of ShadowClan wrapped his tail around him supportively. "Molepool! Molepool! Molepool! Molepool!"

"This Gathering is over," Applestar said blandly, then leapt down. Warriors began to disperse.

"Well, then." Mintpelt blinked at the leaders, who effortlessly drew their picked warriors, elders, and apprentices into groups to return to their respective territories. "That was odd."

"Charlie'll have a lot of fun with all of this," they commented.

"Charlie just likes to gossip."

 _Reedpaw is so brave, especially for someone so young_ , Hoptail thought, watching him say farewell to his kin. Berryleg gently cleaned his face, while Cloudpaw and Sunpaw both nuzzled him. Briarpaw stood to the side, visibly unsure.  _I think it's time_ I _was brave._  "Mintpelt? Can we talk?"

Mintpelt brushed her nose against their scruff. "Of course, dearest. But let's get home first."

"I can wait," Hoptail promised, licking her ear. _I'm so lucky to have her. I sound like such a sentimental old fool, but I am._  They turned to Reedpaw as he approached. "Come on, kit. It's time to go home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for Hoptail and Reedpaw!
> 
> I imagine the old warrior will become his mentor, now, seeing how he's most of the way through his training, and Hoptail is almost through with their career.


	41. Smallpelt (Badgerpaw)

"Mosswhisker passed in his sleep, and there was no better way for such a respected and honored warrior to pass," Spiderberry meowed into the night. "He gave ShadowClan his heart and services, even after retiring. There are few who deserve to rest more than him."

Smallpelt listened quietly as the medicine cat rambled on. Mosswhisker was stiff and lifeless in front of her, hardly a shadow of the cheerful elder she had known her whole life.  _He must be so excited to see Bronzewind again. He missed her so much._  Guilt gnawed at her, remembering how the gentle she-cat had held her close as Smallpelt fell into fever.  _She gave up everything for me. I'm surprised Mosswhisker never blamed me._

Mousepoppy pressed close to her side, intertwining their tails. Smallpelt gave a quick lick to the tom's scruff, then turned back to the vigil.  _He's a good friend. I'm lucky to have him._

Another warm weight settled against her as Badgerpaw joined them, leaning against Smallpelt's free side. It was an awkward position, given Smallpelt's small stature. The she-cat looked lost and dazed, staring at the body without recognition. _I didn't realize Mosswhisker meant so much to her._

"Where were you?" Smallpelt whispered, concerned.

"I had a thorn in my pad," she meowed quietly, face blank. "Rocktail got it out for me."

Smallpelt nodded and fell quiet. Badgerpaw didn't leave her side for the rest of the night.

* * *

"A hunting lesson should be enough for today, I think."

Badgerpaw rolled her eyes. Her lack of hunting skills was a sensitive subject. "I  _know_  how to hunt!"

Smallpelt ignored her tone. "Something nice and easy while we get our paws back under us."

The apprentice grew softer. "Thanks."

"Any time. We all need a break now and again."

Badgerpaw followed, side-by-side, as they padded through the trees. Pine needles tickled Smallpelt's nose pleasantly. Prey scuttled temptingly through the underbrush.  _Greenleaf is being nice to us this season. Let's see how long it lasts._

"Have you ever wanted kits before?" Badgerpaw blurted out, almost tripping over her paws with the force of her voice.

Smallpelt blinked at her, nonplussed. It wasn't uncommon for mentors to have these sorts of discussions with their apprentices- they're teachers, after all, and it's their job to teach. "I'm not against them, but I've never put a lot of effort into them, either."

"Have you ever been offered?"

"Kits? No. Mousepoppy asked to be my mate, once, but that's an entirely different matter."

Badgerpaw's tail lashed. The black and white she-cat looked disappointed. "Oh."

"I should hope that this isn't  _you_  asking  _me_."

"It's not," she snapped, looking flustered.

"Okay." Smallpelt hesitated. She had no idea where to take this conversation. _It's not like I've ever had much practice- medicine cat law forbids Spiderberry from having a mate or kits, and Mousepoppy never brought them up. Watercry died too soon to get into this with me._  "Do  _you_  want kits?"

The apprentice crouched, ear flicking. She crept away without a word, as if Smallpelt had never spoken. The warrior caught the scent of squirrel on the breeze and took a seat, watching her work. Badgerpaw lowered herself, wriggled her haunches, and pounced. She came up empty-pawed and frustrated.

"You had perfect stance," Smallpelt told her.

"But I didn't catch it!" she hissed.

"This isn't Leaf-bare, when every bite counts. You  _can_  make mistakes." Smallpelt ran her tail down Badgerpaw's back soothingly. She knew the apprentice really was trying. "You know what? Let's forget hunting. You look like you need a walk."

Badgerpaw didn't respond. She was staring at her paws.

"Badgerpaw?"

"I'm having kits," she meowed.

" _Excuse me_?"

"I'm having kits," she repeated, flopping back on her haunches. "Rocktail told me."

Smallpelt hesitantly sat down next to her.  _StarClan, give me the words. She looks up to me. She trusts me. I need the words._  "Tell me what happened."

She hesitated, whiskers quivered. "I met a tom. He's around my age- an apprentice. He seemed really nice, and he liked me, and we slipped away before the Gathering."

 _A Clan cat, then_ , Smallpelt thought.  _But not ShadowClan._  "You didn't think about this?"

Badgerpaw shook her head. "I figured only warriors could."

"You're almost a warrior," she reminded her gently.

"But not close enough to make this okay."

"The only one who can or can't see this as okay is  _you_ ," Smallpelt told her firmly. "Do you want these kits?"

"I  _want_  to be a warrior. I  _want_  my mother to be proud of me."

Smallpelt reached out to lick her ear in a friendly gesture. "Listen to me. If you really want these kits, I'll be with you every pawstep of the way."

"You will?"

"Of course. _Do_  you want these kits?"

Badgerpaw nodded. "I just- I don't want to sacrifice my life as a warrior. I  _want_  to fight for and defend my Clan." She paused. "But... I'll have plenty of time. They'll be old enough to fend for themselves in a season or so. That's not that long, really. We can patrol together and eat prey together... that sounds pretty nice, honestly."

"You need to be sure," she insisted. "It's a big decision."

"I'm sure."

Smallpelt nodded and stood, intertwining their tails. "Let's go tell the Clan."

Badgerpaw blinked at her hopefully. "Do you think Wingstar will be angry?"

"No." She shook her head. "Worried, yes, but not angry. She loves you, and wants you to be happy."

Badgerpaw nodded, pressing closer to Smallpelt's side. She looked increasingly worried as they got closer and closer to camp, but her pawsteps didn't falter. Smallpelt leapt up the rock face at the entrance of Wingstar's den and pushed inside, tail swishing. Something nervous ate at her.  _What if I'm wrong? What if Badgerpaw gets in trouble?_  She shook the thought away.  _I'm here with her. I'll do what I can to help._

Wingstar was talking quietly to Darkflame, their heads bent close together. They broke apart as the warrior and apprentice approached, though Smallpelt couldn't help but wonder what they were so anxious to keep between themselves that they whispered even when they were alone.  _Are they planning an invasion?_

"Smallpelt?" Wingstar said. "Shouldn't you be out hunting?"

"I should be," she agreed, lowering her head politely. "But we have something we need to discuss."

Her white tail flicked. "Go ahead, then."

Smallpelt glanced at Darkflame, frowning. "With all due respect... this isn't Clan leader business so much as it's mother-daughter business."

Wingstar's eyes darted to Badgerpaw. When the apprentice couldn't find the courage to meet her gaze, they grew concerned, ears falling flat against her skull. Darkflame saw this and stood, nonplussed, nodding to the leader. "I'll take my leave."

Smallpelt moved out of the way for the deputy, then glanced at Badgerpaw. The she-cat was trembling. "Would you rather I tell her?"

The black and white she-cat shook her head, taking a deep breath. She squared her strong shoulders and stepped closer to her mother, forcing their eyes to meet. "I'm having kits."

"I know," said Wingstar. "Though I'm thankful you came to tell me yourself."

_She knew?_

Badgerpaw stared at the white she-cat with dismay. "How? Did- did Rocktail tell you?"

"No, no. Rocktail honors confidentiality. But I  _was_  a queen once, and I've seen plenty of other queens in my seasons." Wingstar reached out to touch their noses together. "I wouldn't notice so soon, normally, but I keep my eye on you and your brother. I worry. It's a mothering thing."

"You're not mad?" she asked quietly.

Wingstar's head tipped to the side. "Why would I be?"

"I'm still an apprentice."

"That can be rectified."

"Really?"

"Of course. Let's go." The she-cat confidently pushed between the two of them and toward the exit.

"But, wait-" Smallpelt stammered. "What will you say at the Gathering?"

Wingstar turned to her. "That this is a personal matter, and not the concern of the other Clans."

"No!" Badgerpaw bristled, tail lashing. "My kits shouldn't have to be a secret!"

The she-cat's voice softened. "I intend to announce you're kitting, darling. But ShadowClan is not responsible for answering the questions of nosy warriors."

Smallpelt took a step forward. "If anyone asks, you can say they're mine."

They both turned to the warrior. Smallpelt suddenly realized the weight of what she said.  _Oh, StarClan, I can't take this back now._

"Are you sure? You aren't their other mother," Wingstar asked. Her gaze hardened. "You aren't, right?"

"No, of course not. Badgerpaw's my apprentice."  _I can do this. I_ have _to do this._  "If Badgerpaw is okay with this, I'll be more than happy to help take care of the kits."

Badgerpaw pressed close to her pelt, looking grateful. "Thank you," she meowed quietly.

"Any time," said Smallpelt.

* * *

"Let all cats old enough to catch their prey meet me in the clearing for a Clan meeting!"

Smallpelt sat protectively beside Badgerpaw, a nervous feeling solidifying in her gut. _I'm going to be a mother. StarClan give me guidance._

What about her dreams? Becoming deputy? There was no way she'd live to be an elder- they all knew that. The Greencough had stolen precious seasons away from her life, and she'd come to accept that. But she'd never thought about kits- not so close to Darkflame retiring.

 _What am I_  thinking? She shook the thought away with brutal force, disgusted by her callousness.  _This isn't about me. This is about Badgerpaw, and the kits she's having._

Skycloud sat right behind her, a comforting presence as the Clan gathered. Boltgorse and Ivyclaw chatted about the bountiful prey behind him. Mousepoppy kept Brackentuft company next to the elders den, Foxpaw by his side, but Wingstar gestured for them to approach as well. Rockfall and Lizardeye sat straight as trees, silent and watchful, determined to prove to the Clan that they had earned their titles as warriors.

"The nursery has been empty for quite a few moons, hasn't it?" Wingstar meowed as they all approached. There was an informal quality to her words, something calm and settled. "Badgerpaw has decided to rectify that. And, for that, we honor her. No queen should be left without respect. Rockfall, Lizardeye, would you build her a nest?"

"Of course!" Rockfall chirped. "And I'll watch your den every night, so you can feel safe. We all know you get worried sometimes."

Lizardeye nudged her. "And I'll take over, so we'll both have enough sleep."

"I'll help too!" Foxpaw butted in, brown drawn. He looked hurt he hadn't been made aware sooner. "They're my kin."

Smallpelt got to her paws, looking out on the sea of cats she'd known most of her life.  _So much has changed._  I've  _changed._  "We'll  _all_  be with Badgerpaw, won't we? After all, isn't that what being a Clan cat is about? Being together?"

"Smallpelt is right," Mousepoppy meowed. "We're ShadowClan. We don't leave our own behind."

"ShadowClan!" someone yowled, and they all joined in. "ShadowClan! ShadowClan! ShadowClan!"

"ShadowClan!" Wingstar cried, then waved her tail for silence. "Foxpaw, Badgerpaw, step forward."

Foxpaw padded closer with confidence, tail high. Badgerpaw hesitated, then joined him, looking a bit guilty.  _Don't be,_  Smallpelt thought.  _This is a great day in your life. I wish I could remember mine._

"I, Wingstar, leader of ShadowClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on these apprentices. They have trained hard to understand the ways of your noble code, and I commend them to you in turn. Foxpaw, Badgerpaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend your Clan, even at the cost of your life?"

"I do," said Foxpaw.

"I do," said Badgerpaw.

"Then by the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior names. Foxpaw, from this moment you will be known as Foxfur. StarClan honors your stubbornness and courage, and we welcome you as a full warrior of ShadowClan."

Foxfur touched noses with his mother, then bent his head respectfully as she licked his shoulder.

"Foxfur! Foxfur! Foxfur! Foxfur!"

"Badgerpaw, from this moment you will be known as Badgerblaze. StarClan honors your quick responses and bravery, and we welcome you as a full warrior of ShadowClan."

Badgerblaze bumped their noses together with an awkward jerk, stepping back too far. Wingstar bridged the space smoothly and licked her shoulder, whispering a quiet encouragement into her ear.

"Badgerblaze! Badgerblaze! Badgerblaze! Badgerblaze!"

Foxfur bumped Badgerblaze's chest with his head, purring. She looked happy for the support from her family and the Clan, head raising. Her green eyes glowed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for Smallpelt to become a nursemaid for a couple moons! No worries, this won't change her dreams or anything- she's always been in and out of the nursery. (And, yes, there's a canonical father for Badgerblaze's kits. It's not just 'hey a random stranger')
> 
> Weird little tidbit of the day; I've noticed that the warriors I write pray more/less to StarClan depending on who they are? Smallpelt does because her bro is a med cat, not to mention she's seen StarClan; Hoptail is getting on in years so they pray a lot; Sandpetal prays mostly for, like, mercy and forgiveness and such; Nutjaw prays almost entirely for or about Brownstep; Lightstripe doesn't seem to pray much at all, and neither does Rosetuft.


	42. Nutjaw (Rowantooth)

ThunderClan had fallen deathly still. No leaves moved in the thick trees, nor bird chirped. The prey seemed to have decided to spend the day in their holes. Perhaps they were praying, if prey could pray. Even the kits lacked energy, staying quietly in the nursery.

"It always gets like this before a leader dies," Crowear has assured her before slipping into Barkstar's den. "The spirits are mourning."

Graystep pressed closer to Nutjaw's side. The gray she-cat was shaking. She pressed a lick to the medicine cat's ear and turned her attention back to the den.  _StarClan, give him a peaceful passing. Barkstar led this Clan for many seasons, and led it well. He deserves rest._  The deputy found herself quivering as well.  _And give me the courage to take his place._

Finally, after what felt like moons, Crowear stepped out of Barkstar's den. Her fur was unkempt, wiry frame only getting wiry-er.  _When was the last time she ate?_  The medicine cat padded over with as much grace as she could conjure, tail drooping, chin high.

"It's time."

* * *

Crowear was too weak to even carry Barkstar's body into the clearing, instead supervising as Blackpaw and Brownpaw did. Nutjaw knew she would be unable to travel to the Moonpool, and felt uneasy.  _I'll have Graystep, of course, but what does this mean for ThunderClan, if our main medicine cat can't even come to the leader's ceremony?_  She kept those thoughts to herself, meowing a quick goodbye before plunging through the bracken, leaving her grief behind her. Graystep's paws thudded steadily behind her.  _She must feel so lost. The leader she's known her whole life is dead, and her mentor is ill. But she keeps padding on._

Eventually, Graystep took the lead, herding her onto the path to the Moonpool. The territory felt deathly still.  _Is it waiting for the new leader to give it life? Is it waiting for_  me _to give it life?_

"We're here," said Graystep.

Nutjaw's breath caught in her throat. She had never seen the Moonpool before. The stillness of its waters felt very different from the stillness in the forest. Peaceful. Waiting.

"It's more than I ever expected," she whispered. Talking too loud almost felt forbidden.

Graystep jerked her head in a curt nod. "Drink from the water. StarClan waits."

Something nervously squeezed in her chest as Nutjaw approached.  _The spirits of my warrior ancestors are right in front of me, lapping at the shore. No wonder leaders aren't allowed to speak of this- it's weakness to be seen as afraid._  I'm  _so afraid right now._

Nutjaw took a mouthful of water into her mouth and swallowed, falling asleep almost instantly. Darkness tugged at her for a few moments, and she feared the worst. But then clouds began to gather, pulling her from her body, setting her in the middle of a circle of starred warriors. Cats fanned out all around her, silent.  _They all came to see me?_

"Welcome to StarClan, Nutjaw," an unfamiliar voice murmured. "We honor you."

Nutjaw bent her head respectfully, heart pounding.  _I can't ask StarClan to give me advice on how to speak to StarClan, can I? That'd be redundant._  "I'm honored you look my way."

"Lift your head, dear. I can't give you a life without looking you in the eye first."

Nutjaw's neck snapped up, ears pricked. "Whitesong?"

The white she-cat stepped out of what seemed like nowhere. She looked how the warrior remembered her- soft, kind, and full of gentle purring. Her scent soothed her worries somewhat.

"It's good to see you again, Nutjaw," Whitesong meowed. "You were such good friends with my son. I think of you as my own."

Nutjaw forced herself not to look away.  _When was the last time we spoke? Really, seriously spoke? Not since Daisykit, I think. I'm so sorry, Sandpetal. I'll work on that._  "And you helped me adjust when I broke my jaw. You never stared."

Whitesong nodded and padded closer, reaching out to brush her forehead with her nose. "With this life I give you acceptance. No cat is like another, and it will be your job as leader to bring your Clan together."

Unrepentant kindness flowed through her. Nutjaw saw herself from Whitesong's eyes, just a kit; Sandpetal and Silverblaze playing nursery; Sandpetal bringing Cryowl to her and asking for her understanding, the rasp of a tongue over his painted fur; Brownstep and Rowantooth, sitting a careful distance apart as they ate, in love but still angry with each other.

 _We could all stand a Whitesong in our lives_ , Nutjaw thought as the warrior stepped away, giving one last nod before vanishing. She flexed her claws.  _Eight more. You can do this._

A blue she-cat with a long tail came next, dipping her head in greeting. A mottled red tom waited for her at the edge of the circle. "My name is Bronzewind, and this is Mosswhisker. ShadowClan honors you."

Nutjaw nodded. "I've heard of you. Thank you."

"With this life I give you empathy. There are no cats who don't deserve a bite of prey and an ear to listen." She reached out to touch her head. "As leader, it is your duty to listen to all."

Nutjaw staggered under a wave of strong emotions, from soft and nice to downright painful. There was a feverish bundle in her paws, wailing pitifully. She cleaned and held it close, letting it cry, soothing its fears, clawing and hissing when a cat came to take it away- she was certain this was their last wish, to die away from others. Finally, she herself fell ill, slumping into unconsciousness, watching with a sense of failure as Wingstar picked up the sick, wailing body. Nutjaw recognized the petite form and pelt of Smallpelt. _I've heard of this- the Greencough epidemic. Bronzewind took ill caring for Smallpelt._  An overwhelming sense of respect welled in her chest.

Bronzewind vanished with a smile, taking Mosswhisker with her. A brown and black tom came next, this time flanked by a mottled brown and white she-cat.

"I know you," she said, before he could speak. "You're Blueclaw. We never really talked."

Blueclaw dipped his head. "RiverClan honors you. With this life I give you loyalty; too many cats hesitate to do what is best for their Clan."

They touched, nose to forehead. She was fighting ShadowClan, strong and sleek and smelling vaguely of trout. They all froze as a branch ripped free from a tree, whipping towards a black and white apprentice. Nutjaw pushed him out of the way, taking the blow up on herself, praying for kindness to her little nephews and nieces as blackness sucked her down.

Blueclaw vanished. The she-cat didn't go with him; rather, she stepped forward. "I am Pikecloud. StarClan honors you."

"And I honor StarClan," mumbled Nutjaw.

Pikecloud purred. "With this life I give you adaptability. You must be flexible, not only for the good of your Clan, but also for the good of your Clanmates. You never know when they might need you."

She was an elder now, when a kit climbed into her nest. She's been doing so for a while, exiled from the nursery. Nutjaw pulled her closer and fell back asleep. It felt uncomfortable but not unwarranted. _If her own won't love her, I'll just love her as my own._

The next StarClan cat provoked a shrill wail from behind her. Nutjaw startled- she'd forgotten all about Graystep, the medicine cat sitting by silently as the proceeding went on.

"Hush, now," said Crowear, tail lashing. "You're in StarClan. You must be respectful."

"You're  _dead_!"

Crowear glanced at her starry pelt. "I noticed," she meowed dryly. "I knew I wasn't going on for much longer. StarClan told me, when I was a kit, that I would fall when a tree fell. That tree has fallen."

Graystep was torn between getting closer and staying where she was. "I'm sorry, Crowear. I should've been with you."

"You're with me now, Graystep. That's all I ever wanted." Crowear turned back to Nutjaw, giving her a brusque nod. "With this life I give you resilience. Accept fate with you head high and it will be kind to you."

Crowear let Nutjaw bring them together. She saw Barkstar getting his nine lives. She saw Daisykit give a feeble little squeak, surrounded by his parents. She even saw herself, covered in cobwebs, muscles freshly wrenched from her fall down the rocks. She saw a cat she'd never known tell her destiny was calling, and she must be brave, for bravery is what ThunderClan needed.

Crowear stepped back. "StarClan honors us all."

She disappeared. Graystep whimpered and fell quiet.

She looked around. "Who's next?"

"Down here."

Nutjaw looked down. A blue and white kit confidentially padded forward, tail as high as his little body could wave it.

"Daisykit," she whispered. "Oh, Daisykit, I'm so sorry. Your mother and father miss you very much."

Daisykit sat down, winding his tail around his paws. "You make StarClan sound like it's this bad place. It's really not. I like the fish."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way."

"I know. Would you mind crouching? I'm a bit short."

Nutjaw delicately bent down, offering her head. Daisykit nodded gratefully. "With this life I gave you courage. Change affects us all differently, and it will be your job to decipher that."

Nutjaw was small again. Skyfur was carrying a small bundle of fur into the clearing for a vigil. Nutjaw slipped into the nursery, then into the space Tallclaw had left for her. No one noticed. She was dead. Nutjaw slipped away.

Daisykit stepped away, eyes glittering. "I... I know you can't tell anyone about all of this, but if they ask... can you tell them it's okay?"

 _He sounds so sad._  Nutjaw bowed her head. "I will. You're a very brave kit, Daisykit."

"I get it from my mom," he told her proudly.

"Your dad too."

"I had very brave parents."

"You did."

"Thank you, Nutjaw. ThunderClan honors you."

Daisykit didn't vanish so much as he faded away. Nutjaw felt his presence leave StarClan with a pulse. She blinked down at the place he'd sat.

"He's been reincarnated."

She glanced up. A rust-colored tom stepped up to her. He was her height, sans tufts, with a muscular build. "Most kits  _do_  get reincarnated. It's only fair they get a second chance at Clan life. He'll be okay." He dipped his head. "My name is Goldenstar. WindClan honors you."

 _A WindClan leader came to give a life to the ThunderClan deputy?_  The rumors of her bloodline pecked at her, though Nutjaw didn't ask.  _It doesn't matter._

"With this life I give you generosity, family, and humor," he meowed. "Without those things, a leader can lose their soul."

Goldenstar pressed their noses together firmly. The smell of heather and peat tugged at her heartstrings. A white she-cat with two kits, playing and laughing. Two more- the she-cat gone. The black kit grows up to be a great deputy, then a leader, and she sees him getting the life she has been given now.

Nutjaw pulled back, blinking the memories away. "You're Smokestar's father!"

"And very proud of him," he agreed. "Him and his sister. And my other kits. I'm just a happy tom, really. Be a happy she-cat, Nutjaw. You've earned a laugh."

Goldenstar left with a smile. Out of the circle came Barkstar, young and strong again.

"I'm so glad I named you my deputy," he rumbled as he approached, eyes fond. "I know ThunderClan will be in good paws."

"There will never be better shoulders to carry us than you, Barkstar. We'll never forget you."

"Nonsense, though I appreciate the sentiment." He tipped his head to touch his nose to her head. Nutjaw was reminded a bit of her warrior ceremony. "With this life I give you patience, understanding, and wisdom. You will exercise all three as a leader."

It's cold. Leaf-bare snows in her pelt. Brownstep's body lay stiff in the clearing. A brown she-cat stares at him, fur blowing in the breeze, dark brown eyes full or courage and anger.

 _It's me_ , she realized.  _That's me._

"I knew then you had the right stuff, given enough time," he told her gently. "Your kin was dead at your paws, but you focused on the fox, not your grief. You wanted to protect your Clanmates from that fate."

 _Anyone would._  "Thank you, Barkstar. For being here."

"Always."

Something pricked at her.  _I've only gotten eight. But those last two were leaders. Who'll be my ninth?_

A lithe form skipped into the circle. Nutjaw's heart constricted as Brownstep came closer, long whiskers twitching. Fat from the kitting clung to her form.

"Hey," she meowed. She sounded just like Nutjaw remembered.

_StarClan, thank you. Nothing will ever make me happier than this moment._

Nutjaw let out a noise with no real words and tackled her, pressing her nose into her thin fur. Brownstep laughed and nuzzled her scruff. "Oh, it's so good to see you."

Nutjaw pulled away. "Same here. I was scared you wouldn't come."

She tipped her head to the side. "Why not?"

"Things are changing. With me as leader, it'll be that much longer before we're together again."

"Oh no, my sister isn't going to die brutally before her time. However  _will_  I survive?"

"It  _was_  pretty silly, huh?"

"The silliest," she promised. "With this life I give you love for the little things. The little cats. Don't forget the trees on the lake over the territory."

Something bittersweet flooded her. Tiny kits curled against her belly. Laughing with Rowantooth over a weird fish. Chasing Sandpetal's tail. Pulling an apprentice from a mucky pond.

"Never forget the days we threw berry paint on to impress Barkstar and joked over our warrior names," she whispered. Her scent blew across Nutjaw like a wave.

"I won't."  _It's all I have left of you._

Brownstep threw back her head and yowled. "Nutstar! Nutstar! Nutstar! Nutstar!"

* * *

Birds fluttered and squawked as Nutstar led Graystep back to camp. Dawn was beginning to encroach on the lake; they'd been caught up helping Longfeather, the she-cat listless and rambling, to the Moonpool. She said something about requesting advice.

Sheepfang was waiting for them at the entrance. "Graystep! Crowear is-"

"We know," Graystep assured the warrior.

Barkstar and Crowear lay together in the clearing, surrounded by warriors.  _This is my Clan now_ , she realized.  _And these are my warriors._

Nutstar leapt onto the Highledge. "ThunderClan! We mourn the loss of Crowear and Barkstar- they have served their Clan with greatness we could only wish for. But we aren't over just because they are. We have a great medicine cat- Graystep- and, while I'm not great, I hope I can be half the leader Barkstar was."

ThunderClan called out her name. "Nutstar! Nutstar!"

She accepted this with a nod. "I'll name my deputy now. I say these words before StarClan, so that the spirits of our warrior ancestors may hear and approve of my choice. The new deputy of ThunderClan is Rowantooth."

Rowantooth jolted and stared at her. "Me?"

"Yes, you. You have things worth protecting here, Rowantooth. Things you will fight for."

The warrior glanced at Sheepfang and Graystep. They both nodded. "I accept."

"Rowantooth! Rowantooth! Rowantooth!" they called, though there was still a deep grief in the Clan's collective voices.

 _It's still not quite enough. This was a big blow to our confidence._  "In honor of our fallen leader and medicine cat, I believe it's time Tallclaw's kits were made apprentices. Tallclaw, do you agree?"

The elder lifted her head from her paws. "I trust in your judgement, Nutstar."

 _I literally just became leader. You shouldn't trust me because of my name._  "Pinekit, Brackenkit, Fernkit, step forward."

They did so, tumbling over each other.

"Pinekit, from this day on, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Pinepaw. Your mentor will be Silverblaze. I hope she will be able to pass on her patience and bravery onto you."

Pinepaw gleefully brushed noses with the silver she-cat.

"Brackenkit, from this day on, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Brackenpaw. Your mentor will be Sheepfang. May she pass on her sense of justice and loyalty onto you."

The black and white tom eagerly bumped noses with Sheepfang, who was just as eager.

Last but not least. "Fernkit, from this day on, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Fernpaw. Your mentor will be Sandpetal."

Sandpetal stared at her. "Me? But I'm a nursery warrior!"

"You're a brave, kind warrior with a big heart," Nutstar corrected. "I know Daisykit's passing has been extra hard on you, and I believe mentoring Fernpaw will help you move on. There will be certain things that you won't be able to teach, but all of ThunderClan will be behind you."

Sandpetal hesitated, jerked, then slowly reached out to brush noses with Fernpaw. Nutstar sat a bit more comfortably on the Highledge, eyes shining.  _This is a good start. I can do this._

"Pinepaw! Brackenpaw! Fernpaw!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for Nutstar, finally getting her leader name! I know I said RiverClan first, but this actually made more sense chronologically.
> 
> Crowear's backstory will never really be expanded upon, but it's basically that she knew how she would die, ever since she was a kit. A StarClan cat told her that her destiny was to be medicine cat, and that she would help with a great era of peace, but once Barkstar passed, so would she.


	43. Lightstripe (Darkstream)

Lightstripe is pulled from a dreamless sleep by an agonized yowl and a paw to the face, which sent her rolling onto her back with a cry of shock. The kits, once as deeply asleep as they were, scrambling to climb onto their mothers for comfort and safety, and Lightstripe grunted as Murkkit's tiny claws dug into her side.

"Hookkit,  _please_ , my belly is sensitive and your claws are like tiny little thorns," Rosetuft murmured anxiously. "'Stripe, are you okay? I didn't mean to hit you."

The yellow warrior pulled herself into a more comfortable position and gently grabbed Hookkit off her mate's belly. "Your claws weren't out."

"Sorry, mom," Hookkit meowed sheepishly, plopping onto her back haunches.

"It's alright, darling. I know you were just spooked. Bluekit? Bluekit, where are you?"

Bluekit had wriggled free from the nest, padding curiously over to Berryleg. The queen was thrashing in her nest. "Mom, is she okay?"

"She's kitting, dear." Rosetuft quickly got to her feet, nudging the silver-gray kit away. "Berryleg, can you hear me? I'm here. Brightwater will be here soon, just hold on. Lightstripe, would you take the kits somewhere else for the night? Just until we know she's in the clear."

"I'll, uh, I'll  _try,_ " the warrior meowed, drawing Hookkit closer to her. Lightstripe bent down to pick Murkkit up by the scruff, Bluekit reluctantly following. She'd always been against being picked up.  _Dunno where we're going to go, but a kitting queen needs space._

A small stir had risen from Berryleg's cry as Lightstripe slipped into the clearing. It was too dark out for dawn patrol, but that didn't stop a few warriors from confusedly coming out of the den before vanishing back to their nests. Brightwater briskly made her way over, jaws full of herbs. Lightstripe politely stepped out of her way, nudging Bluekit with her tail. Briarpaw, Cloudpaw, and Sunpaw all crowded around the nursery, concerned for their mother, who had gotten ill easily after their birth.  _Should we go to the elders' den? But that doesn't seem fair to Notail._  Fallowfoot took Murkkit from her and nodded to the warriors' den.  _That could work._

Lightstripe poked her head in first. "Hey, everybody. Is it alright if me and the kits bunk here for the night?"

"Go ahead," Brookstream meowed from his nest. "We kept your place open."

"It's probably a bit dusty, though."

"I don't think she cares, Huskwater."

"Fair enough."

Rosetuft's nest laid unused next to Lightstripe's as she settled in, guiding Bluekit and Hookkit to sit as close to her side as they could to give the other warriors more room. Fallowfoot took the other one, setting Murkkit down with a quick lick to his cheek. She watched the kits curl up and fall back asleep one by one, purring.

"I've been so busy with Sunpaw I haven't gotten to visit," she whispered finally. "I... regret that. Not seeing them more. They're my little nieces and nephew, after all. They hardly even know me."

Lightstripe glanced down at her litter, then at Fallowfoot. "Is it  _bad_  that I forgot you're related? Because I did."

Fallowfoot set her head on her gray-brown paws, flicking an ear. "No, no, I can understand that. I was an apprentice around the time Rosetuft was born. Completely different litters. Not to mention we don't resemble each other at all. We were never close, though that was probably my fault. I should've made the time to see her."

"I know the feeling."

"I'm sorry. I'm rambling on about this like you didn't just lose your littermate."

"That's- it's  _okay_ ," she decided. "Blueclaw and I weren't close either. Not really. We were trying, but StarClan had other plans." Lightstripe sighed, nestling closer to the small bodies of life next to her.  _Is he watching over them? Is he watching at all?_  "I wish he could've met them. Hookkit would've looked up to him, I think."

Bluekit yawned, trailing off with a squeak. "Mama?"

"I'm sorry, kiddo. Did I wake you?"

"No. Is Berryleg gonna be okay?"

"We don't know, Bluekit. That's why we're spending the night here."

"Oh." Her eyes were drooping again. "Okay."

"They're very brave kits," Fallowfoot told her. "I'm honored to be related to them."

"Would you lot  _hush_?" Fishtooth snapped from his nest, which was almost in the very center. "Some of us are trying to sleep."

* * *

The den was empty as Lightstripe stirred, ear flicking away a bug. Judging by the fact that no one had come for her the birth was probably a success; or, at the very least, not a total failure.  _Cloudpaw's been up most of the night regardless... I think it'd be best to give her the day off._

"You'll be sleeping here soon, kits," someone was murmuring. Lightstripe felt ice fill her veins as she stretched out, finding the kits to be missing.  _Where'd they go!?_  She sat up.

"Good morning," Darkstream greeted. Hookkit and Bluekit were gathered around her, politely listening, while Murkkit took a leap at a loose reed in the wall. "I've just been spending some time with my kin here."

A sour snarl curled Lightstripe's lips. "Don't. Leave them alone."

Murkkit stopped playing to stare at her, wide-eyed. "Mama?"

Lightstripe grimly put herself between her mother and her kits. It was true that they didn't look much alike- she had very firmly taken after Fishtooth- but they had the same look when they were angry, eyes narrowed, nose wrinkled, claws out. "You've had every chance to be in their lives before now. You don't get to just walk in like nothing happened."

Darkstream put her nose close to Lightstripe's muzzle. "How could I see them? You've camped that nursery since they were born."

"I hardly see how taking care of my babies counts as camping the den," she answered calmly. "I know you. You ignore anything that doesn't fit into your little reality. You've ignored me because I look so much like _him_. You've ignored Rosetuft because she chose  _me_. I don't trust you not to ignore _them_. And, as their mother, I can chose who they see the most, at least until they're out of the nursery and know how to stand on their own paws. Don't let me catch you with them again."

" _Lightstripe_ ," Darkstream meowed, slowly, with a sigh, as if she were but an unruly kit again. "Someone has to teach them-"

"Teach them _what_?" She hissed.

"I don't like your tone."

"Good. I don't like  _you_."

Fallowfoot cleared her throat from the entrance of the den. They both jumped. "Lightstripe, Rosetuft is looking for you. Berryleg lost all but one, and she's nursing him now. I think she could really use the support."

"Fallowfoot, dear, would you please-" Darkstream began, but the warrior cut her off with a glare.

"That's up to Rosetuft and Lightstripe," she meowed sensibly. "Though maybe you shouldn't be doing this in front of the little ones."

Lightstripe paused. Hookkit and Bluekit had backed away, and Murkkit's ears were flat against his head.  _StarClan help me, I'm terrible at this._  "You're right. I'm sorry. It won't happen again. Come on, litt'luns, let's go meet the new kit."

"Mama?" Hookkit hesitantly tugged on her tail. "Are you mad at us for talking to her?"

"What? No, not at all. You didn't know." Lightstripe nudged them one by one out of the den, feeling deeply ashamed.  _I should know better._  "Let's go."

Fallowfoot poked her shoulder with her nose. "Are you okay? Do I need to ask to stay in camp for the day?"

"No, thank you," she shrugged off the idea, though she felt grateful the warrior was willing to put aside her duties for her. Lightstripe examined her a moment, a thought pricking her. "You know, I just realized something."

"Oh?"

"Those pointy little ears- Bluekit has your ears."

"Does she?" Fallowfoot twitched one, looking surprised and a little pleased. "I hadn't noticed."

Lightstripe took her leave of the warrior, slipping into the nursery with a sigh of relief. It felt less heated here.

Rosetuft lifted her head as she neared- Lightstripe thought she looked exhausted. Pressed to her belly was a small kit, blue and white striped. He kneaded with confidence. She laid down next to her mate, bumping their noses together. "Good morning."

"Good morning," Rosetuft echoed quietly.

"Where's Berryleg?"

"Medicine den. She lost two of them. Brightwater says she'll have to rest a long time." Her red muzzle buried itself in her shoulder. "Oh, her face, 'Stripe. I've never seen a cat so defeated before."

She licked Rosetuft's shoulder, silently thankful she had decided against being the one to kit.  _What if I'd lost them? I don't think I could handle it._  "Does he have a name?"

"No. I was trying to think of one- you know, something temporary. Berryleg should be the one to give him his real name. Do you have any ideas?"

"I've always been terrible with names."

"Lightstripe,  _please_. I'm not up for anything right now. Help me."

Lightstripe examined him thoughtfully a long moment. "He looks a lot like Notail, doesn't he?"

"I suppose he does."

"Well, when I was his apprentice, he told me once that his mother named him Skykit. He got the name Notail because of- oh, that's obvious. But you get what I mean. We named all  _our_  kits after cats who're dead- why not name him after one that's  _alive_?"

"Skykit it is, then," Rosetuft agreed, reaching out to clean Skykit's head. "Kits, this is Skykit. He's a lot younger than you are, and very weak. He's going to be staying in our nest until Berryleg is ready to take care of him. I want you to watch over him, okay?"

They all nodded. Murkkit hesitantly crept over, pulling himself onto the nest to sit beside Skykit, sniffing his soft fur. "Careful, Murkkit. You have to be gentle."

"I will be, mama," he promised, then spoke to the small kitten. "Hi, Skykit. I'm your new big brother, Murkkit. I'm gonna help take care of you. I'll bring you a fish every day, once you're old enough to eat fish."

"Hey, me too!" Hookkit eagerly leapt up on Skykit's other side. "I'll teach you how to do a front swipe and climb trees. You'll be the toughest kit in all the Clans!"

Bluekit nudged Skykit's shrimpy tail and settled in comfortably. "I'm good at doing the hunting crouch. I could teach him that."

"If I don't take a nap soon I think I might die," Rosetuft informed them all crisply, putting her head on her paws. "Wake me if StarClan is here to bring me into the afterlife. Literally nothing else should disturb me."

Lightstripe laughed, bending her head down to sleep with their cheeks pressed together. They would speak about Darkstream later. "Night night, Rose."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lightstripe confronting Darkstream has been planned for a while, though recent personal experience attempted to wriggle into it. Anyway... next chapter is gonna be Reedpaw! It's time to meet Misty.
> 
> Also, I'm not the only one who forgot Fallowfoot was Rosetuft's half-sister, am I? It was only ever stated in the allegiances, and when Silverear mentions how excited she was for Fallowfoot's apprentice ceremony, but I never did anything with that. Shame on me.
> 
> (Gee I wonder if Skykit is a reincarnation of someone... who could it be... truly a mystery, impossible to solve.)


	44. Reedpaw (Charlie)

Reedpaw felt the distance between himself and the Clan he had chosen as his own as they all gathered, one by one, in the center of the clearing. Hoptail was in the very center, with Mintpelt pressed close to their side. Aircloud hovered across from them. Peatflower and Crowsky sat together, quietly pretending they didn't notice each other. Robintail and Yarrownose sat far apart, while Smokestar was at the very head. Rabbitwater and Poppyflame were murmuring by the elders' den. Brightpaw and Molepool were taking comfort in each other, Volefur taking swipes at their pelts with her tongue. In the very center lay the white and blue spotted form of Longfeather.

"She brought me into the world, and she brought my kits into the world," Volefur whispered into the night. "I owe her my everything."

"It's been seasons since we shared a den, but she was practically a littermate," Mintpelt murmured, ears flat. "StarClan will be lucky to have her."

"Longfeather was a great cat," Smokestar agreed. Hoptail offered no memories, nose pressed to their sister's fur. The black and white cat's eyes were slitted, tail tucked neatly around their hind legs. Reedpaw wondered if they were praying.

Charlie slipped into the camp from the dirtplace, quietly tip-toeing over to Reedpaw. He nodded a polite greeting before sitting down, giving the Clanborn cats more room. It made Reedpaw feel a bit more comfortable to know that there was more than one cat in WindClan that hadn't been close to the elderly medicine cat.

Hoptail slowly lifted their head. "Smokestar?"

The black tom blinked at them curiously. "Yes?"

The elder slowly sat up, looking far older than Reedpaw had seen them before. "Longfeather went to the Moonpool to consult with StarClan about Charlie's mate and kits. I don't know what they said, but I  _do_  know that she would've wanted them in WindClan. In memory of her, I move we send a patrol to collect them."

Reedpaw nudged Charlie, but it was too dark for the loner to read their mouths from so far away.  _I don't know how he does it._

"Now?" the leader asked, surprised.

"In the morning, preferably. I'll lead it, if you like."

"Nonsense," Yarrownose butted in. "Hoptail, you're grieving. You should stay in WindClan. _I'll_  lead the patrol."

" _You_?" Rabbitwater snorted.

The yellow and brown cat leveled the elder a bland look. "When Charlie first came to WindClan, I was discourteous to him. I want to make up for that now. He's one of us, and he deserves to be with his family."

"I'll go." Peatflower sat up eagerly. "This is a great chance to prove my skills as a warrior."

Smokestar glanced at his deputy and the young warrior, floored. Yarrownose purposefully crossed over to Charlie, nodding respectfully to Hoptail, who watched the deputy move without comment. He nudged Charlie's shoulder and leaned in close. "You'll tell us, won't you?"

"Tell you what, sir?"

"How to get to the Twoleg nest," he affirmed. "It's time we brought your family home."

Charlie sucked in a shaky breath, wide-eyed, then tackled the deputy, letting out a sharp cry of delight. "Oh, thank you, sir, thank you!"

Yarrownose allowed the loner to nuzzle him, letting out a quiet and embarrassed huff. "Alright, alright, we need to settle down. This is a vigil."

"No, no," Hoptail muttered, looking pleased, "this is exactly what Longfeather would've wanted."

* * *

Yarrownose and Peatflower left that morning, and for the next two days WindClan waited impatiently for their return, though none more so than Charlie, who tirelessly paced the camp and frequently went through the nursery, making and re-making a nest and cleaning the den itself. Reedpaw wondered if having him stay behind was such a good idea, but two warriors were more than enough to collect a queen and her kits.

Smokestar assigned patrols himself. Reedpaw had known, in the back of his mind, that Applestar was much older than the tom, but it was still strange to see him leading patrols without problem, easily sprinting after fresh-kill.  _He's the youngest, isn't he? Barkstar, Applestar, Wingstar, and then Smokestar. Even still, he's old for a warrior. Does having nine lives give him the energy to keep up with the Clan, or is that just how he is?_

Reedpaw felt oddly lonely. The death of Longfeather had sunk its claws deep into the Clan. Molepool especially seemed down, bleakly sorting herbs in the sunlight. Brightpaw had spent most of her time with her brother, carrying his herb bundles and cleaning his heather, though Reedpaw could tell she was impatient. She'd demanded to go with, despite the duo not needing any more members, and had been sulking ever since she was turned down.  _I hope I'm not coming across as callous because it didn't effect me as much._

The sun was just beginning to rise over the camp- enough to give light, but not heat- when they returned. Brightpaw shoved Reedpaw to wake him, then slipped into the clearing. He hissed at her before following, fur rumpled from rolling in his sleep. Charlie burst out of the nursery with a jubilant yowl, bouncing excitedly on his paws.

The first cat to come through the heather was undoubtedly Misty. Reedpaw found himself staring as she came through. She only came up to his chest due to her short legs. She was small in width and exceedingly long, ending in a fluffy tail that stuck up behind her. Her fur was long and nose smushed up to her face, like she'd taken a fall as a kit and it had stayed that way. Yarrownose came up behind her, carrying a gray-blue kit by the scruff. It had the same short legs Misty did. Peatflower came in last, cradling a light sandy kit that was missing its right ear. Reedpaw didn't see any wounds on the warriors, so he assumed it had just been born this way.

Charlie met them halfway, collapsing into a laying position. Misty laughed and balanced on her two back paws to press their faces together. Their tails and paws were on the move, making gestures only they could understand.

"Odd," Crowsky meowed to Robintail. "They suit each other."

The brown tom pulled back. "Oh, tiny wave, tell me their names."

Misty dropped back down, tail waggling. "The blue one is Blaster, and the ginger is Lefty." She sobered a bit. "We had to leave two behind, Charlie."

Charlie's form drooped. "Two?"

Yarrownose nodded, setting Blaster down at his paws. "The Twolegs came back too soon. We tried coming back, but they were being kept in a metal camp."

"We're really sorry, Charlie," Peatflower added, Lefty at her paws. "We failed."

"Don't worry about it," Misty reassured them, pawing at Charlie's chest to get his attention. "They're going to good homes, Charlie. It's a shame, but we need to focus on the silver lining."

Reedpaw watched out of the corner of his eye as Brightpaw bristled, then forced her pelt to lie flat. Her face was blank, listless.

Smokestar padded up and dipped his head. "Welcome to WindClan, Misty."

Misty blinked at him. "Well, howdy, fella. Thanks for having me."

"This place is great, tiny wave," Charlie gushed, front paws tapping the ground. "They'll just let us live here. We hunt every day and patrol the place and it gives us plenty of time to see the sights. And then, when we're old, we can let the younger cats do it for us."

"Is that so?" She reached out to brush her head against his leg supportively. "That sounds lovely. Whup, the kits are getting squeaky. I should really get them settled in."

"They  _squeak_?" he squealed. "Ooh, is it cute squeaking, or that obnoxious squeaking you complain about with those fake prey toys your Upwalkers gave you?"

"Both. They're very proficient at doing both."

"I'll take you to your nest, Misty," Brightpaw volunteered. "You deserve a long rest and a good cleaning."

Reedpaw watched the older apprentice lead the queen to the nursery, each holding a kit, with plenty of suspicion.  _What is she planning?_

* * *

Reedpaw felt the slightly unfamiliar brush of fur against his tongue as he carried his fresh-kill by the scruff, tilting his head up so the rabbit's feet wouldn't drag. Heather and peat tickled in his nostrils and on its pelt; he caught sight of a dragonfly taking flight in the distance, delicate wings glinting in the sunlight.  _I wish everyone in RiverClan could see how pretty this place really is. It's nicer than the swampland, at the very least._

He'd settled in pretty well in WindClan, and though the apprentice still missed his family dearly, he didn't regret his decision to stay. There was something about the open territory that soothed his frazzled nerves. Things weren't as corralled here. _I'm happy here._

A white and brown blur came over the hill, jogging towards him with ease. Reedpaw took in a deep, steadying breath and waited. He knew Brightpaw when he saw her.  _Isn't she supposed to be helping Molepool today?_  It wasn't often he got a break from her presence, and he'd missed being by himself.

Brightpaw slowed as she neared, then finally came to a stop. "Would you like to go hunting together?"

Reedpaw set the rabbit down. "Why?"

"I figure it'll get us both away from camp for a while."

"Why do I need to get away from camp?"

She sighed, visibly frustrated. "Fine, fine, that's fair. Look. I'm going to get those kits. It'll be pretty difficult without a second cat to carry the other one. Are you coming or not?"

 _At least she's not treating me like a fish-brain._  "Do you even know where to go?"

"I asked Misty. She told me all about it. I think, positive as she is, she really misses them. It really didn't take much." Brightpaw swished her tail dismissively. "Are you coming, or should I run to get a head start?"

Reedpaw stared at her. "I didn't know you cared so much about kits."

Brightpaw shrugged. "Longfeather was worried about WindClan running dry. And let's be real- it is. Getting those kits will help WindClan grow strong again." She paused. "And no mother who wants her kits shouldn't have to desert them. Not when she's perfectly capable of caring for them."

That was a fair point. And wouldn't it be in his best interest? As RiverClan born, he needed to prove to his Clan that his loyalty was firmly rooted. Braving a Twoleg nest was a good way to start. "Fine. But if we're caught it's your fault."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo! Time for the elusive two-parter, ya'll. =) I've been looking forward to Misty's introduction- she's a persian-dwarf mix, and probably smaller than even Smallpelt, who was named for being tiny.


	45. Reedpaw (Name)

The sour tang of ShadowClan curled Reedpaw's nostrils as the two apprentices inched along the border, just out of sight of any patrols. The familiar sensation of guilt welled up in his chest, unspoken.  _Blueclaw died near here- just to save an apprentice who'd done nothing but hiss at him._

"Keep moving," Brightpaw whispered, aiming a gentle kick at his arm. "If we get caught here, we'll be shredded for sure."

From there, they crept across a patch of grass that stretched as far as the eye could see and found a ditch to settle in for the night. Reedpaw managed to catch himself a minnow, biting into the skin with forgotten relish.  _I've missed fish._  Brightpaw slipped into the trees and returned with a vole, which she ate with big, sloppy bites. They slept curled up together, the white and brown she-cat lying with her head on his scruff.

 _This better be worth it_. Reedpaw yawned, drifting off.  _Or we'll be worse off than if we ran into a ShadowClan patrol._

They set off the next morning without bothering to hunt. Brightpaw led the way with a confident air, her ears pricked for any sign of danger, though Reedpaw wondered if perhaps it was a farce.  _She didn't have enough time to press Misty for too many details, did she? And even if she did have the time, too many questions would've been raised._  He swallowed heavily, feeling a stone roll around in his belly.  _Most of this must be guesswork._

"I can smell Yarrownose and Peatflower's trail, okay?" Brightpaw meowed, whirling around suddenly. She glared at him as if he'd personally wronged her. "Quit acting like I'm gonna throw you onto a Thunderpath."

Reedpaw's ears flattened. "At least we'd know where the Thunderpath was for sure, wouldn't we? A four-day-old scent isn't going to get us anywhere."

"And neither is  _this_ ," she sniffed. "You've got to start using common sense, Reedpaw. I wouldn't take us from our home if I didn't know what I was doing."

He felt a bit soothed in spite of himself. It helped that Brightpaw had called WindClan home for both of them. "You ever think that maybe the reason you're not all that popular is because you're so rude?"

Brightpaw blinked at him. Tilted her head to the side. "How am I rude? I'm telling you the truth. You're a hothead, Reedpaw. Just like how Molepool overthinks everything and I'm not the best at discussing end goals."

"You're so blunt about it, is what I mean." How to explain it? Reedpaw had assumed Brightpaw realized her own ineptitude towards subtlety, but she was staring at him as if he had two heads.

"Of course I'm being blunt about it. Why spend five moons teaching a cat how to catch a fish when they could learn in under one?"

"It's hard to explain," he admitted sheepishly.

Brightpaw blinked at him one last time, then slowly turned away. "Okay, then. I'll- I'll give you the time you need to figure out how to say what you want to say." She flicked her tail. "Come'on. We'd better get moving if we want to be back before half-moon."

* * *

The two apprentices came upon the Twolegplace by dusk. It was relatively small, as far as Twolegplaces were concerned, or so Misty had told Brightpaw when she'd asked. The blue she-cat had lived near the edges, boxed in by Thunderpaths on one side, another nest on the other, and trees around the back and side.

"It wasn't  _all_  bad," she'd murmured as she collapsed onto the nest Charlie had built her, Blaster and Lefty eagerly waddling over to take their places against her belly. "I was full all the time, and those trees led me to Charlie." Misty had lifted her head, eyes glinting as she took in what little of the camp she could from the entrance of the nursery. "Still, I think I'll like this place a lot more than livin' with housefolk."

"Look!" Reedpaw excitedly waved his tail at an open window. "That can be our way in!"

Brightpaw nodded and gestured for him to come closer. Her voice was barely a whisper. "Okay, quick rundown of what we're doing. Misty's two kits are named Squirrel and Broccoli, and they're being held in a metal camp in the back." She frowned at him. "Be polite and  _quiet_  when we talk to them, okay? We're two strange cats that are coming into the only place they've known since birth, right after their birth mother and two of their siblings were whisked away. They're gonna be  _scared_. Any questions?"

"Just one," Reedpaw said. "What in StarClan's name is a Broccoli?"

"If I had even the slightest idea I'd tell you," she meowed, looking remarkably serious in spite of her bewilderment. "Use the pads of your paws to walk- we'll make less noise that way." Brightpaw squinted at the window frame, listening for any movement. Nothing. "I'll go first." Brightpaw cleared the window frame with a single bound, landing half in and half out of the nest. "It's clear," she said over her shoulder before slipping inside.

Reedpaw followed suit, landing with a quiet thud. The stench of Twoleg choked him as his nose buried in the soft, weirdly colored grass. Righting himself hardly helped; everything was all sharp corners and smelled metallic.  _How do kittypets live this way?_  He thought, then forced himself to consider it from their perspective.  _We probably seem like fluff-brains, letting ourselves be out in the open all the time. Fresh-kill might even taste gross to them._

"Are you coming or not?" Brightpaw hissed. She was already in the hallway, her tail just barely peeking around the corner. "I can smell them."

 _You've got a better sense of smell then me, then_ , Reedpaw thought ruefully. If there was one thing he hated more than anything, it was being boxed in.  _I left RiverClan just to get_  away  _from all of this!_

They ducked quietly past a room filled with Twoleg rumbles and further down the hall. Reedpaw knew he should be keeping his mouth open to detect scents, but he wanted as little Twoleg clinging to him as possible. Their troubles led them to a cracked door on the far right. It was pitch black inside, but he could hear mewling. Brightpaw waved her tail for him to be silent before gingerly nudging her nose inside. "Hello?" A high-pitch squeak made them jump. "No, no, don't be afraid, kits! I'm a friend of Misty's!"

The room fell silent.

"Your mother is a blue she-cat who's very short," she continued, "with a squished nose. You have a sister named Lefty and a brother named Blaster. I've got a brother too, you know? His name is Molepool, and he's a very special cat. My mom's name is Volefur."

"You have names like the big cats," a voice meowed. The other kit shushed them.

"That I do," she purred. "We're big cats ourselves. We're here to take you to live with Misty and Charlie- aren't you excited? We're gonna be living with you, too; one big happy family." A rattling sound made Reedpaw's scruff sit on edge, but Brightpaw kept herself calm and collected. "May we come in? I won't hurt you, and neither will Reedpaw."

"Okay."

 _For someone so blunt, she sure knows how to make cats feel safe_ , Reedpaw thought. Together they walked inside, finding the room to be bare except for a large boulder and a weirdly shaped boulder that had a groove a cat could sleep on. Brightpaw nudged him and nodded towards a rectangle hollow thing that reeked of metal. Two sets of eyes glowed from inside.

Brightpaw lowered her head as she approached so they were on eye level. "Now, which one of you is Broccoli, and which one of you is Squirrel?"

A stocky gray tom pushed his way to the front. He had a white spot over his eye. "I'm Squirrel!"

"You don't  _look_  much like a squirrel," Reedpaw grunted.

"Move your big tail!" A tiny voice squeaked. A white and brown tabby she-kit pushed her way forward. She only looked to be half the size of her siblings, but her ears were alert. "I'm Broccoli!"

"Hello, you two. I'm Brightpaw, and this grump behind me is Reedpaw." Brightpaw pressed her nose to the metal camp, rearing back. "Do you know how to open this?"

Squirrel nodded eagerly. "You gotta push both tabs." He pressed a gray paw onto a strange bit of twisted metal, which bent a little underneath his weight. "We tried to do it ourselves, but the bottom one is hard."

"I'll roll onto my back and get it that way," Reedpaw volunteered, trying to ignore the unease he felt about showing off his vulnerable stomach.  _They're_  kits _. Stop being such a worrywart._  "Brightpaw, you get the top."

The black and white tabby rolled onto his side, then his back, flashing the kits a silly face to reassure them. Broccoli giggled. Squirrel flipped his tail over her muzzle. Reedpaw forcefully pressed his paw on the metal tab, feeling his paw fan out at an awkward angle. He grit his teeth against the discomfort and pushed harder. It let out a terrible shriek. Brightpaw did the same, shoulders jutting out uncomfortably, until finally the entrance to the metal camp began to move back a smidge.

"We're free!" Broccoli shrieked, sprinting out of the metal camp with glee. "I call riding with Brightpaw!"

"Okay." Squirrel shrugged. "I don't mind Reedpaw."

Reedpaw bent down and grabbed the gray and white kit by the scruff of his neck, watching out of the corner of his eye as Brightpaw did the same with Broccoli. The kits were still too young to be uncomfortably heavy, but they certainly weren't as light as a feather. Brightpaw flashed him a glance and trotted toward the door, tail high.

The bout of confidence didn't last, however, as the door was shoved open with a yelp. Guarding the way was a tall Twoleg, hairless like a baby bird, save for the tuft on his head. For a moment they all stared at each other, frozen with shock, before the Twoleg let out another yell and started to reach for Brightpaw. The white and brown she-cat dodged, sprinting out from between his legs. Reedpaw followed, the fur along his spine prickling. Broccoli and Squirrel were screeching for them to go faster.

_The window!_

This was no time for control or finesse. Reedpaw skidded into a turn that left him slamming into a wall. The clunky movements of the startled Twoleg weren't far behind him. Brightpaw was already to the window, clearing it with a great leap. Reedpaw followed suit, his back paw slipping and sliding on the smooth metal of the pane. The fresh air of the wild hit his nose and lifted his spirits.

Pain shot through his spine and up his back suddenly. Reedpaw let out a shriek of agony, Squirrel falling from his jaws and into the bushes below, and then he was falling with him. His nose hit the ground and squished painfully. Brightpaw shoved him, urging Squirrel to run with her paw. Reedpaw forced his paws to keep moving as they cleared the grassline and entered the trees, the Twoleg's confused roars in the distance.

"Is Reedpaw gonna be okay?" Squirrel asked Brightpaw as they made their way into the night. "His tail is bent funny."

Brightpaw set Broccoli down. "Let's just focus on finding some place to sleep for now.  _Then_  we'll worry about Reedpaw's tail."

* * *

Reedpaw's tail was, in fact,  _not okay._

In the Twoleg's desperation to stop them, he'd thrust the window down to try and trap him, only to get the apprentice at the very base of his spine. The window had immediately been lifted back up, but Reedpaw had sprinted off before the Twoleg could- well, put him in a metal camp, he supposed, for a trip to the cutter.

Despite this, they kept right on moving. Broccoli and Squirrel seemed more than pleased to be out of their den, and the apprentices' knew that the sooner they got them to their mother, the better.  _Not to mention the sooner we get back, the sooner I can see Molepool for some poppy seeds._

"I'm probably never gonna climb a tree again," he'd said when Broccoli bugged him once again about his injury, "but that's okay. You don't have to climb trees in WindClan if you don't want to."

Brightpaw did all of the hunting, bringing a plump sparrow for them all to share. The kits weren't quite ready to eat a full bit of prey themselves, but they'd quickly adjusted to the meatier smells of fresh-kill over kittypet slop. Reedpaw knew better than to judge a kit before it was grown, but at the moment they seemed like they could make great warriors; they were excited, curious, and ready to live amongst 'the big cats.'

"Heeey!" A voice called when they approached Clan territory. "Heeey, you over there! What're you two WindClan cats doing out here?"

Brightpaw and Reedpaw both froze as a ShadowClan patrol came to greet them. Heading it was Smallpelt, who sniffed at them with narrowed eyes but an otherwise friendly demeanor. With her was Foxfur, Skycloud, and Rockfall, all of whom were very curious at the sight of the two apprentices with the kittens.

"Hi!" Broccoli squeaked, bumping her head on Skycloud's leg. "We came from a nest! And now we're gonna go live in WindClan with our mama and papa!" She blinked up at the blue and white warrior. "Are you WindClan?"

"No, dear, I'm not WindClan. I'm ShadowClan." Skycloud gently nudged her away, voice tinted with affection. "You're gonna live across the lake from us."

"We should take them back to camp," Foxfur muttered to Smallpelt. "Wingstar will want to hear about this."

Smallpelt nodded. "Come along, please." She cast a look to Reedpaw. "My brother might be able to help you with that."

Reedpaw swallowed and followed, Brightpaw close by his side. Somehow, going into the heart of ShadowClan territory spooked him far more than sneaking into a Twoleg nest.  _A couple of moons ago I tried to pick a fight with Smallpelt. Now I'm going to see the leader. It's funny how that works._

The camp was mostly empty when they arrived. Darkflame and Brackentuft were lounging in a patch of sunlight, sleeping soundly. Reedpaw got the impression that the two were close friends. Lizardeye was munching on a frog by a mostly empty prey pile, gladly shifting over for her sister to join in.  _Blech! And they say fish sounds gross._

"You all rest here, now." Smallpelt gently pressed on Reedpaw's back, letting him lie down next to what smelled like the warriors' den. "I've got to give a report. Don't be scared, okay? You haven't done anything wrong."

Reedpaw nodded and laid his head on his paws, exhausted. His body felt like one big bruise.  _I've done more traveling these past few days than most of WindClan has done in all their seasons. I deserve a nap._

"Hi, mister!"

He jumped, eyes blinking open. A bright ginger she-kit was blinking at him, green eyes sparkling with curiousity. Her back right paw awkwardly dragged behind her, but she didn't seem to care or notice. "I'm Redkit! Are you staying with us?"

"Hiya, Redkit!" Squirrel batted at her ears. "I'm Squirrel, and this is my sister, Broccoli."

Redkit tilted her head to the side. "What's broccoli?"

"A Twoleg thing!" he exclaimed, pleased to know something the Clanborn kit didn't. "Is your leg okay?"

"Huh?" She glanced over her shoulder. "Oh, that. Yup!" Redkit shrugged. "I was born like that. Spiderberry says it happens sometimes."

Broccoli's eyes lit up. "Our sister was born with only one ear! Mama says that it happens, just like your leg!"

"Really?" Redkit perked up. "I've never seen another cat who was born different like me! Can I meet her?"

Squirrel looked at Brightpaw. " _Can_  Redkit meet her? Lefty would like her."

"You can meet at the Gathering," Brightpaw told them gently. "I'll make sure to remind her to see you."

Redkit's whiskers twitched. "Ooh, I almost forgot! You gotta meet my brother!" She twisted her head towards the nursery. "Thornkit!"

A disheveled brown tabby kit stumbled into the clearing, his eyes glazed with sleep. "Huh? What? Are we under attack?"

"Over here, slow-slug!" Redkit waved her tail. "There's other kits here!"

Thornkit shook the clinging burr of sleep and cautiously padded over, nose twitching. "They don't smell like ShadowClan."

"We're not!" Broccoli interjected. "We're gonna be WindClan cats!"

"And  _I'm_  going to be your helper for today," Spiderberry added, slipping out of his den. He took a sniff at Reedpaw's tail. "That's an infection waiting to happen."

"I figured," Reedpaw growled. "What do I do?"

"That depends. How fond are you of your tail?"

"Not very. It's been more trouble than it's worth these past few days."

Spiderberry nodded. "Hold still."

Reedpaw felt a sharp, wriggling pain and let out a yelp, digging his claws into the dirt.  _I can't scream. I'll scare the little ones._  The weight of his tail suddenly disappeared.

"I'll take this," the medicine cat said, detached tail in jaw. "And bring you back a poultice."

"I hate this Clan," Reedpaw decided through clenched teeth. "And I hate you most of all."

* * *

Wingstar pushed her way out of her den and into the clearing with a yawn, stretching. The ShadowClan leader gracefully leapt down the rocks she called her own, padding over to the WindClan cats with her blue eyes glittering. She spoke to Spiderberry first. "How is he?"

"Minus a tail," the medicine cat answered. "But doing pretty well otherwise."

She nodded and looked at Reedpaw. "I'll have a patrol escort you to the border once you've eaten."

Brightpaw perked up. "We're getting a meal?"

"Of course," Wingstar said. "No cat should go hungry in Greenleaf. Especially not kits."

Broccoli's eyes were wide as she took Wingstar, her thin pelt ragged from not washing it earlier. "You're so fluffy!"

Wingstar stared at the kit, ears lowering a bit with embarrassment. "Oh. Um. Thank you."

Rocktail snickered as he slid by them, bumping the leader's shoulder in a friendly manner. He deposited a finch with a wave of his tail, warning the two kits to pluck it for feathers first. The two kits hesitantly crept over, sniffing the fresh-kill.

"Did you kill it yourself?"

"No." He shook his head. "Mousepoppy did. He's that brown tom over there." Rocktail nodded to the warrior, who was eagerly chatting with Smallpelt. "He's best friends with our deputy, so when he heard she needed an extra bit of prey for visitors he came running."

"Is it hard?" Squirrel asked. "Killing prey, I mean. I need to know- I'm going to bring mama something to eat every day."

"Warriors don't take their hearts hunting with them," Wingstar murmured, exchanging a look with the older medicine cat. "Are you sure this is where you want to be? ShadowClan won't be partially responsible for two kits being forced into a life they don't want."

"Our mama is in WindClan," Broccoli meowed firmly, while her brother got to plucking. "We're gonna go live with her and papa and Blaster and Lefty."

* * *

They ended up staying the night there, leaving early the next morning with Boltgorse, Badgerblaze, Lizardeye, and Ivyclaw. Redkit and Thornkit had exchanged a quick goodbye with Broccoli and Squirrel, promising to meet up at their first Gathering and chat again. Smallpelt nudged them away, promising their mother she'd watch over them while Badgerblaze was gone.

There wasn't any talking as they crept into ThunderClan territory, then WindClan. The WindClan cats were exhausted for their troubles; even the kits, who had been carried most of the way, were stumbling over their paws. Reedpaw's tail- though he wasn't sure if the little nub could properly be called a tail- ached, but Spiderberry's poultice had helped him sleep through the night.  _I can't believe I once kicked up such a fuss about these cats- they're just like all the other Clans._  Reedpaw ducked around a rabbit hole.  _Blueclaw died for nothing._

"Brightpaw!" Volefur's voice jolted the patrol as the black and gray she-cat gleefully came bounding over the hill. Brightpaw let out a chirp and sprinted over to greet her, pressing their heads together. "Ooh, I just  _knew_  I smelled you! I just knew it! Where have you been?"

Brightpaw waved her tail, showing off the ShadowClan cats and Reedpaw, Broccoli and Squirrel between them. "It's a long story, but look! I got Misty's other two kits!"

"You did?" Peatflower padded up next to Volefur, followed by Aircloud. Her eyes lit up. "You did! Oh, I'm so happy!"

Broccoli bounded up the heather to meet her, tripping on her small paws. "You're one of the big cats that came! Can we go see mama and the others now?"

" _Of course_  you can." She bent down and grabbed the runt by her scruff. "The ShadowClan cats should come too. Smokestar will want to give his thank you personally."

Volefur sniffed derisively but didn't complain, burying her nose in Brightpaw's fur once more. Aircloud dipped her head to the ShadowClan cats and took the lead, confidentially taking them to camp by following an old rabbit run. For the first time since they'd left Reedpaw felt safe, and he found his shoulders relaxing and his pawsteps picking up.  _I'm exhausted, I'm hurt, but I'm home!_

"Mama!" Squirrel called when they neared, shoving his head through the entrance. "Mama, we're home!"

Reedpaw heard Misty thump Charlie to wake him and hiss his name, and then she was in the clearing, her eyes shiny with excitement. "They're here! They're really here! Come here, you little fluffballs!"

Squirrel and Broccoli leapt into their mother's arms with squeaks of excitement. The tiny she-cat fell on her back, then rolled onto her side, clearing their faces with vigor. Charlie curled around them, forcing his muzzle in with trills of happiness. "Tiny wave, introduce us! You have to tell me their names, love! Ooh, I love all of them so much and I barely even know them!" Lefty and Blaster crawled over Misty's stomach to chatter with their siblings, tails wagging.

Badgerblaze was purring. "Imagine having  _four_  of them. Two is plenty enough as is."

"Zero is the perfect number for me," Lizardeye grunted.

Smokestar cleared his throat. Reedpaw hadn't even noticed the tom approaching, Yarrownose at his side, until he was dipping his head to the patrol. "Thank you for bringing my cats home."

"They were near our territory." Ivyclaw shrugged. "It was our duty."

"That's Smokestar!" Blaster told Broccoli and Squirrel, chest puffed out importantly. "He's our  _leader_."

" _Really_?" Squirrel breathed, padding up to the black tom. "Can you give us warrior names? We're WindClan; we deserve WindClan names!"

Smokestar chuckled. "You'll earn your warrior names one day. For now, I'll give you this." He touched his nose to each kits's head. "Before StarClan, WindClan, and even ShadowClan, I name you Squirrelkit, Blasterkit, Broccolikit, and Leftykit."

"Congratulations, kiddos," Boltgorse meowed awkwardly. "We should really be going."

"Oh, before you go." Misty sat up. "Smokestar, can you give me and Charlie special names too? I know we're not full-fledged warriors, but you have such neat soundin' names, and it'll make introductions easier at that Gathering thing you all do."

 _A warrior name is about more than sounding 'special'_ , Reedpaw thought, inwardly flinching at the wording. Misty may have slipped easily into WindClan, but she still had a lot to learn about Clan life. They all did.

Thankfully, Smokestar only dipped his head. "That's for the best. Besides; we have two apprentices who've earned their names as well." He glanced at the ShadowClan patrol. "Care to join us?"

"It'd be an honor," Ivyclaw said politely, though her tail twitched impatiently.

 _My warrior name!_  Reedpaw's heart quickened at the thought.  _Just wait until Berryleg and the others find out! They'll be so proud!_

WindClan streamed into the clearing, eager to welcome new members. Poppyflame and Rabbitwater sprawled out with Crowsky sitting between them, chatting quietly. Mintpelt patted a spot next to her for Peatflower to sit. Robintail curled his brownish-red tail around Brightpaw, whose neck was stretched forward with barely restrained excitement. Volefur had both her kits with her, purring. Hoptail hovered next to Reedpaw, shooting him a happy smile. Reedpaw had never felt particularly close to his makeshift mentor, but there was doubt that the warrior was worth every ounce of respect they'd gained.

Smokestar cleared his throat, blue eyes sweeping over the gathered cats. The ShadowClan patrol sat apart from the rest, but they were relaxed, watching expectantly. "It's not often we have visitors during this ceremony, but I think it's fitting. Misty and Charlie have far exceeded our expectations, in their own way. They're odd cats, with an odd history, and it would make sense that they would have an odd ceremony." He gestured to the two cats with his paw, garnering Charlie's attention. "Misty, Charlie, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend your Clan, even at the cost of your life?"

"Eeyup," Charlie meowed.

"Sure, I'd be happy to protect and defend and all that, mister," Misty cheerfully added.

He nodded in spite of them using the wrong words. "Misty, from this day forward you'll be known as Mistystream. We honor your kindness and adaptability, and welcome you as a full warrior of WindClan. Charlie-" Smokestar paused. "Charlie, would you like a name for your ears, or would you prefer something else?"

"By all means, Smokestar." Charlie shrugged. "It'll make introductions a heckuva lot easier."

"Okay, then. Charlie, from this day forward you'll be known as Brokenear. We honor your easygoing nature and understanding, and we welcome you as a full warrior of WindClan."

"Mistystream! Brokenear!" they chanted. Mistystream nudged Brokenear's shoulder so he would look over his shoulder and see it firsthand. His eyes lit up with affection.

"Our turn," Brightpaw whispered. Reedpaw nodded.

Smokestar regarded them, eyes glittering. "These two cats have gone above and beyond for their Clanmates, and for that I ask no pledge from them. Brightpaw, your heart has always been for WindClan; even now, I see the heather and sky reflected in your gaze. I name you Brightfire, in honor of your bravery and sensibility."

Brightfire lifted her chin so high Reedpaw expected her to stumble under it, accepting the lick to her shoulder with a distant look.  _She's so excited she's barely here at all._

Now all their eyes were on him. Reedpaw flattened his ears, mindful of the ugly red knob of his tail.

"Reedpaw," Smokestar meowed. "You were born in RiverClan, but you've longed for the moor all your life. It took great courage to leave your family to pursue the sky. Now that you've found it, you've lost the anger you once had. I name you Reedfern, in honor of your newfound inner peace and strength. We hope to see many seasons with you."

"Brightfire! Reedfern! Brightfire! Reedfern!"

Reedfern's pelt prickled as he took in WindClan cheering him on. Even the kits were in on it, despite not knowing what was really going on. Squirrelkit especially seemed pleased, hopping up and down.

 _Forget the tail_ , he decided, pleased.  _I won't need it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At almost five thousands words all by itself, I'm fairly sure this is the longest chapter we've had so far! Niiiicccccceeeee!
> 
> Fun Fact- the kits were originally going to get name changes too, but I felt that would be too confusing. We barely know them- keeping it straight would be a nightmare. Brokenear and Mistystream were going to have them named after the cats who made the Great Journey- Brambleclaw, Feathertail, Tawnypelt, and Crowfeather. Only, seeing how Crowsky lived there, Crowkit was going to be Squirrelkit instead, after Squirrelflight.
> 
> I wasn't entirely sure what I was gonna name Squirrelkit at first- I knew Broccoli's name, but I couldn't come up with a second one- until finally I just decided to use Squirrel, as a mild homage to the original idea.


	46. Lightstripe (Cloudpaw)

Lightstripe watched from the bank as Cloudpaw slipped into the river, her white head bobbing along the waves. She ducked under, coming up with a fish, then two, then three, then four.

"Alright, that's enough," she called, whiskers twitching with amusement. "No need to fish the whole territory dry."

Cloudpaw came out of the water soaked to the bone but happy nonetheless. Lightstripe set her yellow head on top of her's with a purr, feeling the she-cat press closer. Long gone were the days when she was just a kit, but she seemed determined to be the short one of her litter, only coming up to her chin. "Congratulations."

"Thank you," she whispered.

Lightstripe pulled away, awkwardly clearing her throat. "We should get these back to camp."

They each carried a single fish, though it forced them to make a second trip. The Greenleaf sun was shining, leaving dappled specks through the trees. Lightstripe took in a deep breath, appreciating the rich prey-scent. _Now that the kits can swim, they almost never leave the water. Even Skykit, and he's never been fond of it._

Lightstripe's stomach twisted. Berryleg rarely left her nest anymore; she and Rosetuft had practically been raising Skykit themselves. She didn't even sleep in the nursery.  _She's got to be there for the warrior ceremony, surely? Her first litter are becoming warriors!_

"Do you think Reedpaw will get his name soon?" Cloudpaw asked suddenly, knocking her slightly off-guard.

"He'd old enough for it."

"But he has to prove himself to WindClan first," she meowed sensibly. "He wasn't raised there like a normal kit."

 _One kit in another Clan and two dead at birth. It must eat at Berryleg. Her kits, too._  "I couldn't tell you, Cloudpaw," she admitted. "I certainly hope so, anyway."

"Me too," Cloudpaw agreed, eyes fluttering shut. She looked oddly melancholic. "I wish he was here. But I'm glad he's not."

Lightstripe stepped to the side a bit so their pelts were brushing, hoping she was even a little comforting. It had been many moons since she had been Notail's apprentice, but she still looked up to him as a warrior, bringing him prey and helping with his ticks. _I hope I was even half of that for Cloudpaw._ "Look on the bright side, cloudy-fur. You're gonna be a warrior."

"I don't know if I'm ready," she meowed earnestly, leaning on her slightly. Cloudpaw had never been one to hide how she was feeling. "It feels like I don't have any real direction as to where I'm going next, you know? I'm excited to get my name, and go on patrols, but what after that?"

"That's up to you."

Cloudpaw snorted. "It'd be nice if I knew what I wanted. That way, I wouldn't feel so lost. I could just make goals and walk toward them."

"I don't think it's that easy," Lightstripe meowed, remembering that Leaf-bare she spent outside of RiverClan. Even when she was free of all responsibility, she couldn't get settled, becoming more and more lost by the day.  _Some cats need structure. I just happen to be one of them._  "At your age, I was just trying to keep my head above water. I was angry a lot of the time, but I think that was mostly because I didn't know where I belonged."

"But you had Rosetuft," she answered, then hesitantly added: "And Blueclaw."

"I had absolutely none of that," the warrior corrected with a flick of the tail. "My brother and I always had an iffy relationship. As for Rosetuft... well, let's just say I was a cranky kit." Lightstripe pressed her nose into Cloudpaw's shoulder, ignoring the urge to sneeze. "I won't say it gets easier. But I'm here for you, and so are Briarpaw and Sunpaw. Reedpaw is too, even though he's far away."

Cloudpaw's whole body seemed to relax a bit, shoulders loosening. "That's a start, anyway."

* * *

"Skykit," Fallowfoot was calling as they entered camp. The gray-brown she-cat was sitting at the foot of the tree that overhung the nursery, kits tumbling around her paws. Lightstripe was eternally grateful for her patience, as well as how willing she'd been to help out with the kits. Rosetuft had flourished under her slowly returning freedom, Briarpaw by her side. "Skykit, come down from here. I refuse to cause a scene."

Skykit's little meow floated down. "But I can see the whole Clan from here! And it's so pretty!"

"And I appreciate that," she returned, "but I'd rather be the monster who took away the nice view over the monster who let a kit fall out of a tree and injure itself. Come down here. Now."

Lightstripe padded over to join her. "Problem?"

Fallowfoot nodded to the tree. "I think you can guess."

She bunched her legs and gave a leap, slowly pawing her way up to the first branch. She'd always been a good climber for a RiverClan cat. Skykit watched her as she joined him, eyes strangely old. "Hi."

"Hi," she greeted, tail curling. "When did you learn to climb a tree?"

He shrugged. "I just knew."

 _I can't really argue that._  "Any reason you're ignoring Fallowfoot?"

Skykit nodded towards the sun, slowly rising up towards the highest point. The blue was brighter than any river she'd ever seen. "It's pretty."

"That it is. Still. She's looking out for you, you know."

"I know," he parroted. One of his little ears flicked. "Is Berryleg coming to the ceremony?"

"I don't know."

"Okay."

Lightstripe leaned over to give him a comforting lick along his side. There wasn't much she could say. "Let's get down. The others are waiting for you."

"I don't think Berryleg loves me," he announced with a grimace. "Not like she does Cloudpaw and Sunpaw and Briarpaw."

Shock rippled down her spine.  _Don't overreact. He's just a kit._  "No cat loves each kit like the other."

Skykit stared at his paws a second, then met her gaze. "You and Rosetuft love me, right?"

" _Of course_  we do," Lightstripe meowed empathetically, nudging his shoulder. "You're basically our's as it is. And Berryleg loves you too."

Skykit purred, pressing his nose to her arm. She bundled him up by the scruff and hopped down, placing him on the ground with a little sneeze. Almost immediately after Hookkit pounced, drawing the smaller kit into a wrestling match. Murkkit watched with an odd expression. Bluekit, sitting between Fallowfoot's paws, craned her neck to see if Cloudpaw had noticed her yet. "Thanks again, Fallowfoot. I know you've been busy with Sunpaw."

Fallowfoot shook her head. "I've been wanting to spend more time with my family, and now I am. It's a win-win situation."

"There's my little guy!" Cloudpaw purred, nudging her way between the scuffle and drawing Skykit closer. She planted a kiss between her little brother's ears. "Soon I'll be able to visit you whenever I want."

"If you think for even a second that Swampwind and Applestar will let you lie around camp all day, then you don't know our leaders well."

Cloudpaw stuck her tongue out at Fallowfoot, who rolled her eyes with a small smile. Lightstripe, sensing movement out of the corner of her eye, tilted her head, watching with quiet puzzlement as Bluekit's ears flattened. The sandy brown she-cat crouched, lowering her voice. "What's the matter, kitten?"

Bluekit shrugged.

"I can't help if I don't know what's wrong," she advised her kit, feeling slightly amused in spite of herself.  _She's got my attitude in her._

The silver-gray kit pressed her head to Lightstripe's chest, mumbling into the fur. "I miss Cloudpaw."

Lightstripe tilted her ears towards her apprentice. "She's right there."

"But she's got Skykit now, and she's going to be a  _warrior_. " Bluekit's chin sunk into her shoulders. "What warrior wants to talk to little kit, anyway?"

"Fallowfoot does," she offered immediately. "And so does Cloudpaw. Look, she's talking to one right now."

Her nose wrinkled, eyes narrowing like the words had offended her. "Aunt Fallowfoot is, well, our Aunt. And Skykit is Cloudpaw's brother. That's different."

Lightstripe turned to the clearing. "Hey, Brookstream? You're the closest to me right now."

"We're practically sharing air," Brookstream agreed, looking mighty confused. A carp hung in his jaws.

"You'd chat with a kit, wouldn't you? Even if it wasn't your's?"

"I mean, isn't that what I'm doing right now?"

"Ouch. You wound me."

"Is the little one feeling insecure?" She nodded. Brookstream set the fresh-kill aside and leaned in closer, ears twitching deviously. "Fun fact for you, Bluekit- warriors are just big kittens who wanna look cool.  _That's_  why we try to act all aloof around the smaller kittens. We've got nothing against them personally, not counting the ones who actually  _do_  have something against them. We just wanna impress ya'll."

Heavy paws landed squarely on Lightstripe's shoulders, sending the warrior sprawling. Rosetuft sat quite triumphantly on her spine, smiling ear to ear. "The reign of Rosestar is unbeaten by all! Not even love can tear RiverClan from her fluffy red grip!"

Brookstream shared an amused look with Bluekit. "Y'see?"

Lightstripe let out a wheeze. She can just barely feel Hookkit trying to climb on with her mother. "I surrender."

* * *

There was a twinge in her spine as Lightstripe sat down, glancing over her shoulder. Fallowfoot and Rosetuft sat to the left of her, Sunpaw and Briarpaw sitting as still as they could manage. Cloudpaw wriggled in her own spot. She spotted Berryleg almost immediately, sitting next to Notail. Her pelt was bedraggled, eyes shadowed with bags. It was clear she hadn't been sleeping well. Relief welled up inside her.  _She came. Thank StarClan._

The kits were sitting politely in front of the nursery, eyes wide, necks craning. Fishtooth seated himself as far away from them as he could, Huskwater by his side. They hadn't said much, but Lightstripe was fairly sure they were careening into mate territory. That didn't really bother her, per say; they'd hardly even spoken before. There was no attachment there. Darkstream didn't seem to notice, sitting silently next to Brookstream. Silverear looked rather lonely by herself, but she made no move to join anyone.

Applestar took her place once more, her brown and white pelt shiny and clean. Her tail curled pleasantly around her paws. "We've had an odd season, haven't we?" she asked, gaining agreeing meows in response. "RiverClan prays for Reedpaw, and that he is at home in WindClan, and we pray for the kits who watch over us in StarClan. But today is a happy day, and we turn our eyes to the cats who sit in front of us, not before or above." She nodded to herself, watching how the Clan reacted to her words. "Warriors, are your apprentices ready to join you in the den?"

"I believe so, Applestar," Fallowfoot meowed formally.

"Yup." Rosetuft was smiling.

Lightstripe dipped her head. "She's worked very hard."

"I, Applestar, leader of RiverClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on these apprentices. They've trained hard to understand the ways of your noble code, and I commend them to you as in turn." Applestar's ears were bright and alert. Lightstripe wondered if she had mixed feelings about emptying out the apprentice den.  _It's just until our litter are old enough._  "Apprentices, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend your Clan, even at the cost of your life?"

"I do!" Cloudpaw yelped, bouncing on her paws.

"I do," Sunpaw meowed.

"I do," Briarpaw said, then hesitantly added: "And I'd like to keep the promise I made at the Gathering, if that's alright."

For a moment, Applestar seemed stunned, but she quickly recovered. "Then by the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior names. Sunpaw, from this moment you will be known as Sunsong. StarClan honors your kindness and quiet nature, and we welcome you as a full warrior of RiverClan."

The torbie tom hopped to his paws, bowing his head as Applestar approached. He gingerly licked her shoulder before stepping back, bumping into Fallowfoot on the way.  _He's definitely Notail's son._

"Briarpaw," Applestar greeted as she approached. "From this moment you will be known as Briarclaw, in honor of Blueclaw. StarClan honors you for honoring their own, as well as your ingenuity, and we welcome you as a full warrior of RiverClan."

Briarclaw accepted her name, then tip-toed over to Sunsong. Lightstripe felt something wrench in her chest, but she ignored it, focusing on her own apprentice. She looked just as alone and just as spooked as she did the day she got her 'paw name, the last one of many.

"Cloudpaw, from this moment you will be known as Cloudleap. StarClan honors your honesty and your creativity, and we welcome you as a full warrior of RiverClan."

 _Cloudleap?_  She thought, watching the white she-cat lick Applestar's shoulder.  _That's a perfect name._

"Sunsong! Briarclaw! Cloudleap!"

Rosetuft laughed as she padded over to her, pressing her head to her shoulder. "Our own young are going to go through this one day. Isn't that wild?"

"I can't even imagine it!" she blurted out, returning the nuzzling with a lick to her red cheek. "They're so little right now, I could carry them all on my back."

Her whiskers twitched, green eyes glittering. "Don't let them hear you say that!"

Lightstripe swallowed, a wave of affection crashing over her.  _She's beautiful._  If anyone had told her she'd have half of what she had now as an apprentice, she most likely would've pushed them into the river.  _It's amazing how things change._

"I'm going to go on vigil with you!" Bluekit announced, pushing through the crowd to stand at Cloudleap's paws. "I wanna help keep RiverClan safe!"

Cloudleap, unable to speak, glanced at Lightstripe, who shrugged. "I guess I'm going on a vigil with my daughter and ex-apprentice."

"I'm not coming, mama," Hookkit meowed, backing away. "I wanna sleep!"

"Me too," Murkkit added, looking bashful. "Sorry, mama."

She shook her head, winding her tail around Bluekit. "A little one-on-one time is important."

"You see this, kits?" Rosetuft asked, reaching out to raised her muzzle with her nose. "This is your soft-heart of a mama."

"You made up a story about you being a leader and me being your forbidden ThunderClan lover," Lightstripe pointed out sensibly.

"I'm the  _silly_  mom," she sniffed. " _You're_  the softy."

"I suppose I am," she agreed, then departed to join the new warriors for their vigil, Bluekit by her side.  _I never did finish my own vigil, did I? I ran away._  She sat down next to Cloudleap, sending a smile the new warrior returned.  _Well, here's to finding out where we go from here._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for the newbies! They've been apprentices for a while now, haven't they? Sixteen chapters now, not counting the updated allegiances. (Lightstripe and Sandpetal were apprentices for 12-13 chapters, for comparison)


	47. Sandpetal (Nutstar)

The nursery in Greenleaf was stuffy but no less pleasant. Sandpetal had long grown used to sleeping on his own between litters, moving his nest towards the center during the warm moons and the back corner during the cold ones. The latter had been taken up Tallclaw and Skyfur, the couple not quite willing to go back to the elders' den, and it wasn't like there was any rush. Yelloweye and Milkpelt had their own company to partake in.

It's only quiet for so long, however, before some warrior comes in, asking for help or seeing how they're doing. Today it's in the form of Fernpaw, tugging quite insistently on one of Sandpetal's ears. "Come on, 'petal! It's time for dawn patrol!"

Sandpetal rolled onto his back with a yawn, stretching his legs out in the air until his claws were jutting out. "Avoiding the dawn patrol is one of the many perks to being a nursery warrior. Take note, Fernpaw."

The gray tom headbutted his shoulder, pouting. "You promised!"

"I know, I know," he mollified, sitting up. "Just messing with you. Let's go get some prey."

"Be good, Fernpaw," Tallclaw called from her nest, only half-awake. "Be polite."

"I will."

"I love you."

"Love you too, mom."

Sandpetal swallowed a bit of anxiety as he followed Fernpaw into the clearing. The mentors had gathered in the circle to eat their fresh-kill before heading out, apprentices peppered around them, and even now he still felt awkward about joining them.  _I'm not built for this sort of thing at all. I've helped raise almost all of them, for StarClan's sake! Who thought this would be a good idea?_ Thankfully, Cryowl waved his tail for Sandpetal to take the spot next to him, which he gladly did, sparing his mate a quick lick to the shoulder as thanks.

Fernpaw didn't sit down. "Aren't we going on dawn patrol?"

"Just left," Sheepfang grunted, gnawing on a bone. "We're gonna go practice our fighting skills."

"Not that  _they_  need much practice anymore," Silverblaze purred, flicking her tail to her sons, Blackpaw and Brownpaw. It was true enough, he thought, glancing at their sleek, well-muscled forms. Brownpaw puffed out his chest at the praise. Blackpaw hardly seemed to notice. He was staring off into space, a half-eaten mouse at his paws.

"It left?" Fernpaw echoed. His entire form seemed to sink in on itself. He flopped down beside Sandpetal with an irritated sigh. "I _never_  get to go on dawn patrol. Sandpetal sleeps in too late."

Pinepaw rolled onto her back. "You make that sound like a  _bad_  thing."

Sandpetal felt a twinge of guilt. He'd always been more of an evening patrol warrior, and sleeping in the nursery gave him the ability to ignore Rowantooth's morning call.  _But Fernpaw wants to be a full-time warrior like his siblings. He_  wants  _to get up early and hunt all day. StarClan only knows why, but he does._  "I'll have Skyfur wake me up extra early tomorrow," he promised the distraught apprentice. "I'll get us on a dawn patrol if it kills me."

Fernpaw shrugged. "Sure. Fine."

 _He doesn't believe me._  Sandpetal sunk his teeth into the shrew Cryowl pushed over, deeply troubled.  _I can't be a good mentor if my apprentice doesn't trust me. And for that, I have to give him a_  reason  _to trust me._  "You're going out for battle training, then? I'll come along."

"You?" Rowantooth asked. "You've never been a fighter."

 _He's right. I'm as soft as a kittypet, and I'm not ashamed of that._  "I've never been a mentor before, either."

"I've always wanted to tussle with Sandpetal," Brownpaw admitted sheepishly, then hastened to add: "Not because I don't like you or anything, but because of that berry juice stuff. I wanna learn to work around it."

Sandpetal looked his purple streaked pelt over. "Well, here's your chance."

* * *

ThunderClan is the second hottest of all the Clans, or so Sandpetal has heard, having never visited any other territory. The thick trees trap the sun between them. The bushes tuck their leaves into it like hooks, holding on with a voracity that made them a bit like soft claws. It's this reason, amongst others, that so many ThunderClan cats have thinner coats. Cryowl, Silverblaze, her sons, and now all of Tallclaw's kits carried themselves with well-groomed, sleek pelts as they hauled themselves up and down the terrain. Rowantooth and Sandpetal didn't have such luxury, panting and exchanging glances of mutual misery.

 _What I wouldn't give for a walk through ShadowClan_ , Sandpetal thought,  _or maybe RiverClan_. WindClan was completely unprotected right now, and the idea of being so exposed didn't appeal to the nursery warrior one bit. RiverClan had the river to keep its warriors cool, and ShadowClan was known for the breeze that seemed to perpetually haunt its treeline (though it also  _did_  give ammunition for elders' tales. How wind could somehow chill the hearts of an entire Clan, he didn't know). He didn't quite comprehend what about all of this excited his apprentice so. Even when he was younger, training under Rocknose, the heat had bothered him.  _Maybe I'm softer than I first thought. Or maybe I'm just getting old._ He glanced at Sheepfang, chatting amiably with Brackenpaw, and recalled the days she and her sister had fit in a single nest. _Definitely old._

"Come on, 'petal!" Fernpaw called as he broke into a sprint.

Sandpetal shook his head. "The sandy hollow isn't going anywhere."

Fernpaw opened his mouth- probably to urge him again- but Pinepaw pushed past him before he could. "Race ya'!"

The sandy hollow wasn't a part of the territory Sandpetal frequented often, though it looked no different than it did any other time when they reached it. He knew it was bad of him to avoid battle training like he did- as nursery warrior, he was the first line of defense should something attack the kits and queens, and that was no small responsibility- but it had always been easier to just stay out of the way and let the other warriors and apprentices use it.  _That's no real excuse, is it?_   _And now is a perfect time to re-learn, with the nursery barren._

Pinepaw, Brackenpaw, and Fernpaw all sat in a row at the very edge of the clearing. Brownpaw and Blackpaw went to the very center, their mother padding between them. Rowantooth and Sheepfang seemed to lead the group, father and daughter discussing what to practice that day. Cryowl loyally stayed by Sandpetal's side, the both of them feeling a bit left out.

"We're going to do something simple for today, what with the younglings and all," Rowantooth meowed, turning to the group. "Tripping up your opponents is a skill every warrior needs to know. Depending on the type of battle you're in, it could even save your life. Pinepaw," the brown she-cat perked up. "How would you knock me off my paws?"

Pinepaw wrinkled her nose. "I wouldn't, preferably. You're deputy. But, if I  _had_  to, I guess I'd go for where your joints bend."

He nodded. "Not a half-bad strategy, but every warrior would be expecting it. Sometimes going for the tail or flat-out leaping on my back is a good idea. It's all about the place and the warrior. Blackpaw, would you care to demonstrate?"

Blackpaw startled, blinking at him with surprise. "I'm sorry, I wasn't listening."

"I know you weren't," Rowantooth said grimly. "That's why I picked you. A warrior can't be distracted in the middle of a fight."

The apprentice flinched, padding out to the center of the hollow with a downcast expression. Sandpetal couldn't help but feel a little bad for him.  _He's always been a bit of a dreamer, but that doesn't negate that he's a loyal apprentice who wants to protect his Clan one day. I sure hope Rowantooth realizes that._

"Sandpetal, you seem to be chomping at the bit today," Sheepfang prompted with a teasing smile. "Would you like to help with the demonstration?"

"Oh!" He got to his paws. "Of course."

Blackpaw seemed much more focused now, crouching as he approached. His tail curved upwards in a sign of aggression, but the fur along his spine was lax; it was all for show. Sandpetal, larger than the almost full-grown apprentice, lowered his head slightly and hoped that was enough. If it wasn't, no one bothered to correct him.

They collided solidly against each other, tussling, testing the waters with a few quick jabs. Sandpetal struggled to keep up as they circled each other, the breath knocked out of his lungs.  _Think of badgers_ , he told himself firmly, desperate to give himself that little stoke of fire he needed.  _Think of foxes._  Foxes always drudged up the memory of Brownstep, that snowy night, and that ought to be more than enough.

Going on a whim, Sandpetal tried to use his brute force to overpower the apprentice, draping his larger body across his back and lightly nipping his spine. Blackpaw stumbled, then flattened, then rolled, tossing him off. He was at Sandpetal's side before he even had the chance to think, headbutting him.

 _Think of the fox!_  He reminded himself, feeling a bit silly. A nursery warrior couldn't afford to keep their claws dull. Sandpetal bit down  _hard_  on Blackpaw's arm, knocking him off balance. The warrior refused to let go, following close behind as he stumbled around the sandy hollow with a cry. A paw thudded hard on Sandpetal's head, and then it was all over. Sandpetal flopped onto his side almost comically, one leg sticking up,

"You did great, Sandpetal," Rowantooth encouraged as he sat up, shaking the dust from his pelt. "Especially considering how long it's been. Blackpaw, you followed your instincts to the very end. Well done."

Blackpaw dipped his head, eyes shining.

"He  _lost_!" Fernpaw hissed to his siblings. Sandpetal flinched. "He lost to an apprentice!"

Brackenpaw shrugged. "I mean, I don't think any of us could beat Blackpaw."

"But he's a  _warrior,_ " the gray tom insisted. "He shouldn't lose to an apprentice."

"That's enough," a voice cut in coldly, and they all jumped, having been more focused on the bout then their surroundings. Nutstar padded up with a nod to her deputy, her chin jutting out proudly. "Fernpaw, you're a ThunderClan apprentice, not a rogue. I suggest you act like it."

Fernpaw's ears swiveled back. He ducked his head in shame, suddenly finding his paws to be very interesting. "Yes, Nutstar."

"Don't be too hard on him, Nutstar," Sandpetal pleaded, coming around Fernpaw's side. "He's not wrong. I  _have_  been disregarding my battle training, and that's not proper."

Nutstar stared at him a moment, then Fernpaw. "His complaint was justified," she said finally, in a low tone. "But his attitude was not."

Rowantooth trotted over, clearing his throat. "Come to watch the apprentices train?"

She shook her head, a bit of a smile coming upon her lips. "No, I just came sniffing around for my nursery warrior." Nutstar blinked at Sandpetal warmly. "I missed you this morning, buddy."

"Oh," Sandpetal said, feeling awkward. He and Nutstar hadn't been close since Brownstep had been taken from them, in spite of a few attempts on his part to talk to her about it.  _Is she... trying to rekindle that connection?_  "Sorry about that. I already missed the dawn patrol, so I jumped on the next best thing."

Nutstar moved a bit closer to her deputy, lowering her voice. "Would you mind if I borrowed Sandpetal for a bit?"

Rowantooth shook his head. "Four warriors are more than enough here."

She nodded with satisfaction, touching the tip of her tail to his shoulder as she passed, beckoning him into the foliage. Sandpetal followed with one last look over his shoulder. Fernpaw refused to lift his head as they left, and the others only seemed mildly interested in what their leader wanted from their nursery warrior.

"Am I in trouble?" Sandpetal blurted, once they were safely out of earshot.

"No?" Nutstar glanced at him over her shoulder, surprised. "Unless you've done something that'll get you in trouble. Have you?"

"No. I don't think so, anyway."

"Then you're not in trouble," the brown she-cat reassured him, then let out a sigh of relief as they pushed through some foliage and came out near a stream. "Thank StarClan. I was getting thirsty."

Sandpetal lapped at the water, trying to collect his thoughts. He could make out Nutstar's pelt out of the corner of his eye.  _This is so weird. Today's been weird, really. I just got out of a fight with an apprentice by Nutstar, who I haven't had a real conversation with since Sheepfang and Graystep were apprentices._

As if sensing his thoughts, Nutstar straightened and shook the water from her muzzle. "I tried to talk to you sooner. I really did. But I've been so busy lately- ironing out the boundaries with Rowantooth, fixing that rip in the brambles, planning Blackpaw and Brownpaw's final assessment, trying to find the time to grieve for Barkstar, and so on." She glanced away. "It's a lot of work, being leader."

"They really are ready," he offered. "Brownpaw and Blackpaw, I mean. I'm kinda surprised Silverblaze hasn't talked to you about it."

"She has. So has Rowantooth. Twice with him, actually, but he swears Cryowl sent him." Nutstar shrugged, as if she doubted her deputy's claim, but didn't have any interest in disputing it. "I wanted to talk to you in private. About my leader ceremony."

Sandpetal flinched away. "That's against the warrior code."

"So is a good majority of your friendship with Lightstripe, seeing how it extends outside of the Gathering, but no one's exiled you for teaching a RiverClan cat to climb." She wrinkled her nose. "I'm in good company. I know you won't tell anyone." Nutstar paused, then added: "You don't have to hear about it if you don't want to, of course. I'm just saying I'm not worried about the code."

With that in mind, the warrior didn't hesitate. "If you trust me, I'm okay with it."

Nutstar scooched a bit closer, the tip of her ear brushing Sandpetal's pelt. "Well, to start with, I saw Whitesong."

Sandpetal swallowed.  _That's just to start with?_  "Oh."

"She looked happy. And healthy." Nutstar nudged him with her nose before continuing. "Daisykit was there too. He was... he was  _peaceful_."

"He was?"

"Yes. I thought you might feel a little better, knowing that."

"It's... sinking in. I'm not sure how I feel about it right now."

The final admission was practically a whisper. "And I saw Brownstep."

"I figured you might," Sandpetal meowed, giving her a quick lick to the scruff. Nutstar was staring at the water now, at her own brown pelt. "I knew if anybody was there in StarClan to see you, it would be her."

"She gave me a life for enjoying the little things," she explained, though Sandpetal had no idea what that meant. "And I realized... well, I realized we haven't talked in ages, and I missed having you by my side. I've missed playing in mud puddles and letting myself feel tired. I've missed  _being_."

"You haven't stopped being," he pointed out.

Nutstar snorted. "I've _been_  an uptight pain in the rear, mostly. And I'm bored of that."

Sandpetal blinked at the hunched form of the ThunderClan leader, the babbling of the stream filling his ears. It hurt, in a way, for Nutstar to suddenly make a heel-turn and expect him to go along with it. But, judging by the respectful silence she was giving him, she fully recognized that, and was giving him every chance to turn away.

"You... wanna go for a walk?" he asked. "We might find one of those mud puddles you're suddenly so interested in."

She chuckled, turning to him. She had a soft smile on her face. "I'd love to."

* * *

" _There_  you are!" exclaimed Fernpaw as he sprinted up, ears slightly back. Nutstar immediately veered away from the apprentice, as if sensing this wasn't the best time. Her pelt was tinged green with grass stains. "I've been looking all over for you. I wanted to apologize, 'petal."

Sandpetal headbutted his shoulder, purring. "Are you saying this of your free will, or did you have a chat with your folks first?"

" _Well_..." He looked mildly embarrassed. "Both."

"I appreciate the honesty," Sandpetal said, nudging Fernpaw to walk with him. "But it's okay, really. I know we're not exactly the best match as mentor and apprentice, and I'm a bit outdated when it comes to fighting. It was only natural we butt heads."

"That doesn't excuse it," Fernpaw sniffed, looking down. "It's just... I dunno. It feels like everyone in ThunderClan is expecting me to  _be_  something. I'm either Skyfur's son or Daisykit's brother- dutiful or grieving. And, well, I'm just  _not_." His tail thrashed. "I don't remember Daisykit. And I'm not gunning for deputy. I just wanna be a warrior."

He touched his nose to the apprentice's shoulder.  _This is a good sign, right? He's opening up to me._  "I'm sorry we've all made you feel that way, Fernpaw. It's not fair."

The gray tom shrugged self-consciously. "Yeah, well, nothing to be done about it now."

 _I can start fixing it now_ , he thought, remembering Rocknose's never-ending acceptance when he was just a 'paw. He wanted to give his own apprentice a similar experiance. "I'll ask your father to wake me up extra early," he promised again, this time with more gusto. "We're getting on that dawn patrol."

Fernpaw shot him a grateful look. "Thanks, Sandpetal."

"T'ain't nothing." Sandpetal pushed his shoulder. "Now, get going. I'm sure Yelloweye and Milkpelt are getting hungry by now."

 _This isn't so bad_ , the nursery warrior realized, watching with a warm feeling in his chest as Fernpaw skipped off towards the elders' den.  _Not bad at all, really._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today, on Berry Paint: middle-aged tom tries to impress a youngster, has a day out with his sib instead.


	48. Smallpelt (Blackpaw)

Smallpelt pressed her belly to the floor of the camp, ears twitching. "Do you hear the enemy?" she whispered.

Thornkit's tiny claws slithered out his paws. His brown tabby fur was bushed out with excitement. "I hear him!" he whispered back, eyes twinkling. "He's just over the hill."

Redkit's nose poked into her spine. "Should we charge?"

The very tip of Mousepoppy's tail flicked over the leaves, then back down, taunting them. Smallpelt stifled a chuckle at the warrior's antics. "Sometimes, the best thing to do is wait," she advised, mindful of the kit's dragging leg, which would make noise and startle their target. "Let the enemy come to us."

"Oh." Redkit fell back on her haunches, tail curling. "Okay."

Thornkit glanced at his sister, then Smallpelt. "Can I go around and spook the enemy?"

She nodded. "Go carefully, little warrior."

The kit beamed at the compliment, crouching down without preamble. He slowly began to circle the tiny hill, putting each paw in front of the other with a shocking amount of care. If anything, it was very clear he hadn't taken after his mother, Badgerblaze, for whom hunting had never come easy. Smallpelt had the occasional question of who their father was peck at her, but she knew the young warrior didn't want to talk about it, keeping her mouth zipped shut. Redkit and Thornkit looked full-blooded ShadowClan, so there were few awkward questions after Smallpelt had claimed them as her's.  _We all know they aren't, but who's going to fight me on it?_

"Ahhhh!" Mousepoppy cried, clumsily sprinting around the tiny hill, Thornkit in hot pursuit. "The enemy wasn't prepared for the might of the Clan's tiniest warriors!"

Smallpelt started to laugh, but was cut off when a solid weight slammed into her back, knocking her onto her belly with an 'oof!' Foxfur gathered Redkit in his paws, rolling onto his back with a triumphant cackle. "I'll help you, bigger warrior!" he bellowed, then rubbed noses with his niece. "This fellow-furred fighter is no match for my charms!"

"Uncle Foxfur has the breath of a fox," Redkit complained.

Foxfur smiled at her. "Now you know how I got my name."

Badgerblaze's scent wreathed around Smallpelt before she saw the she-cat pad up with a frog in her jaws, setting it down with a shake of her head. "Put her down, Foxfur."

He stuck his tongue out at her. "You're no fun."

"How was the patrol?" Smallpelt asked politely.

The black and white she-cat stretched with a smile, pleased with her progress. "It was nice. I've felt so cramped in camp, you know?"

 _You've barely_  been  _here_ , Smallpelt thought, but didn't say. Badgerblaze was always restless and on the move. It was just in her nature.  _It's not fair to Redkit and Thornkit. But that's why I'm here._ So she said nothing, the kittens tumbling around her paws.

Badgerblaze straightened up and looked at her, blinking affectionately. "Shouldn't you be getting ready for the Gathering?"

She shifted, awkwardly staring at the sun, which was disappearing quickly.  _My fur must be a mess._  "I don't know if I should go..."

"Nonsense," she sniffed. "The other Clans will want to see the new deputy in action."

Smallpelt felt a smile come upon her, unbidden.  _Deputy_. The word still made her pelt fizzle. She was sorry that Darkflame had retired, despite him being almost as old as Brackentuft, but the responsibility had come to suit her. "You're probably right. It wouldn't look good on Wingstar if I missed it."

"Exactly." Badgerblaze nudged her with her nose. "Now, go get some food in you. I can watch the kits for the night."

* * *

It hadn't occurred to Smallpelt before to question Watercry's choice of naming her brother, but, padding alongside him, she suddenly realized that he did seem rather spindly. At least, in comparison to her, with her short legs. Thankfully, Wingstar was only a smidge bit bigger than her, and kept a pace that she could easily jog with. Spiderberry looked to be briskly walking, Rocktail on his left. Show-off.

Smallpelt's eyes wandered across the crowded clearing, searching for Sheepfang. Her promise to Brownstep- to keep her kits from being lonely- had proven to be much easier than expected. She got along quite nicely with the ThunderClan warrior, chatting about the weather and the way the stream was flowing. She wished she could speak more often to Graystep, but medicine cats sat in their own little group, and going up to her felt like intruding.

Finally, she spotted the calico, talking amicably with that ex-loner from WindClan. Smallpelt remembered coming across him one day, gifting him instructions to bring prey to Smokestar. She hoped he was settling in alright. Smallpelt slipped into the bushes, not quite willing to butt into their conversation. There was no point in finding her seat before Applestar appeared.

"Smallpelt," someone meowed, and she jumped, whirling around. A lithe, black tom padded up to her with a nod. "May I walk with you?"

She squinted at him. "You're Blackpaw, aren't you? From ThunderClan?"

He nodded sheepishly. "I'm Blackspots now, actually."

"Congratulations!" she purred, nodding to herself. "I was about to get a drink from the stream. You can join me, if you'd like."

Blackspots came to walk beside her, chin tucked between his shoulder blades. Smallpelt thought he walked like someone had recently given him a bap on the nose. "So, uh," he meowed, as she bent down to lap at the warm stream water. "I heard you became a father. Congratulations yourself."

Smallpelt's tail lashed, but she swallowed a retort. Only ShadowClan knew she was a molly, and it wouldn't do her any good to blurt it out to some random ThunderClan warrior. "Thornkit and Redkit," she said finally. "They're both beautiful. I love them very much."

He took a step forward. "Badgerblaze was  _your_  apprentice, wasn't she?" he asked. "Isn't it a bit... weird? To be taking care of her kits?"

She lifted her head to blink at him, mildly surprised by the ferocity in his tone. "I hardly see how that's any of your business."

Blackspots' ears whipped back. He stared at his paws. "You're right. It's not. I'm sorry."

Smallpelt studied him suspiciously. He was a young warrior, and probably headstrong. She knew his mother to be a kind, sensible she-cat. His father wasn't knowledge she was privy to, nor was it anything that interested her. That was all the info she had on him, other than his apparent loyalty to ThunderClan. It was hard to properly judge his motivations. "Are you a friend of Badgerblaze's?"

He shrugged awkwardly. "Sort of? We talk, sometimes. At Gatherings."

"Ah," she meowed, with sudden understanding. "Thornkit looks a lot like your brother, believe it or not. Different pelt, but same body type."

Blackspots' head snapped up, eyes wide. "Excuse me?"

"I'm not a frog-brain, you know," Smallpelt said. "You're around her age, you met at the Gathering, and you're the only cat from any other Clan that's showed any interest."

"That's not proof of anything," he argued.

"Maybe not, but you seem to know they're not my kits."

Blackspots stared at her a long moment, then let out a deep sigh. "Alright, alright, you caught me. What now?"

"What do you mean?"

"Aren't you going to tell Wingstar?"

She shrugged. "That's Badgerblaze's decision. Not mine. As far as I'm concerned, they're my kittens. I don't care that they're half-Clan. All they know is ShadowClan, and all they know is me and Badgerblaze and Foxfur. You clearly aren't interested in getting involved."

"I never said that."

"Wingstar announced her kitting moons ago. If you really wanted to help, you would have."

Blackspots' tail flicked uneasily. "What do you expect me to do?" he asked, not unkindly. "My whole life is in ThunderClan. My family. I already promised mom I would take care of her when she retired. I can't do that in ShadowClan."

"I don't expect you to do anything," she answered honestly. "Maybe, one day, you'll get to meet them at a Gathering. For now, they're not your problem."

The young warrior opened his mouth to respond, but before he could a commotion announced the arrival of RiverClan. Smallpelt dipped her head to Blackspots, then took off in a jog. She didn't want the Gathering to be delayed because of her.  _There are enough rumors about me as is. I don't need nosy cats getting in ShadowClan business. And that's what Thornkit and Redkit are._  A warm feeling blossomed in her chest.

* * *

Badgerblaze cracked open an eye as Smallpelt curled up in her nest. Thornkit and Redkit snored against her side. "How did it go?"

"It was great," she lied, setting her head on her paws. The Gathering had gone off without a hitch. Wingstar had announced Smallpelt as her new deputy, and everyone had cheered for her, and she knew she should feel honored. But her mind was drawn elsewhere. She'd watched Blackspots as he chatted with Silverblaze and his brother- who Nutstar had named Brownfur- wondering what it must be like for him. Wondering if he regretted having kits with a ShadowClan cat. It didn't really matter. At the end of the day, Thornkit and Redkit were here, and she loved them enough for three warriors. "How were the kids?"

"They were fine." She spared them a fond look. "Truth be told, I think they like you more."

Smallpelt didn't respond. Deep down, she was a little jealous of Badgerblaze. She always had energy to move and run and patrol. She wished she could keep up with her. "Blackspots came to me at the Gathering."

Badgerblaze opened both her eyes, frowning. "Did he? I'll have to congratulate him on the name next time."

She nodded. "He didn't say much, but I figured I should let you know."

"Why?"

"He wasn't very subtle."

"Ah. That figures."

Smallpelt cocked her head to the side. "Do you wish he was here?"

"I don't know," she confessed, tail jumping ever-so-slightly. "I'm not sure I even know him. No one is ever _really_  themselves at a Gathering. We all play nice to avoid tussles."

"Not everyone."

"True, but things have been so peaceful lately..."

Smallpelt nodded. There hadn't been an actual battle in over a season, when RiverClan and ShadowClan had engaged one another and Blueclaw died from a rogue tree limb. No one seemed willing to prod the quiet since then.

Badgerblaze sighed, reaching her neck out for a friendly nose bump. "Thank you. For everything. I know I've not been the best mother."

"You're doing fine," she reassured her. "You're just young, is all. I spent most of my apprenticeship helping out around the nursery. You didn't."

"You spent most of your apprenticeship  _sick_."

"Well, yes, that too. But I've always made friends with kits. Just ask Lizardeye and Rockfall."

The black and white she-cat was purring. "You're friendly and easy to talk to. It's no wonder."

"Thank you."

"Do  _you_  wish he was here?" she asked quietly. "If Blackspots was here, you wouldn't have to take care of them."

"I don't have to take care of anyone," Smallpelt admonished. "Well, the elders, but you know what I mean. I love Redkit and Thornkit. I do. I see them as mine."

Badgerblaze stared at the two slumbering bundles of fur a moment. She sighed. "I just... don't know. Should I tell them? Should I keep it between us?"

"That's all up to you."

"You just said you saw them as your's."

"Your forbidden romance with a ThunderClan warrior  _isn't_  mine. It's up to you what you feel comfortable telling them."

"I dunno if it was a  _romance_ , really," Badgerblaze mumbled, frowning. "I need to think."

Smallpelt set her head on her paws. She didn't know what she would do.  _If_  I  _had half-Clan kits, when would I tell them? That's a big bomb to drop._  She was fairly certain Redkit and Thornkit assumed their father to be a passing rogue.  _If only they knew he was only a border away._  "You've got your whole life ahead of you. There's no need to make a decision tonight."

Badgerblaze rolled over. Smallpelt did the same. She slept badly that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised the dad would get revealed, and here he is! I tried to remain unbiased in this- Blackspots' refusal- but Smallpelt loves her kids, man. Also, Foxfur sounded a lot like Darkwing Duck to me for a second there. I guess that's what I get for listening to the show while writing.


	49. Hoptail (Smokestar)

_Hoptail sat back on their haunches with a little sigh, tail swishing aimlessly. "Hello, Smoketail."_

_Smoketail immediately leaned on them. "Goldenstar's not getting any better, is he?"_

_They shook their head slightly, thinking of the defeated look that had been hounding Longfeather's features. "He's had a good run."_

_"I'm going to miss him," the young warrior whispered into their fur. Smoketail lifted his head to look at them. "Will you?"_

_Hoptail nodded. Goldenstar had been many things in their life. A mate to Whitefire. The father to their half-kin. An excellent leader. There wasn't a single warrior in WindClan who wasn't mourning his loss, despite not having passed on yet. "We all get old, Smoketail."_

_The deputy flinched at the reminder. "I just dunno if I can take his place."_

_"Don't talk like that," they urged. "You're doing great with Robinpaw, aren't you?"_

_"But he's my_ first _!" Smoketail insisted._   _"_ You _were supposed to mentor him anyway. Goldenstar wanted you to be his deputy."_

_"I don't want to be a mentor," Hoptail meowed bluntly. "And Goldenstar wouldn't have picked you if he didn't want you."_

_The black tom shrunk down, chin pressed to his chest. "But that's just because I'm his son."_

_"The same could be said of Volefur," they reminded him._   _"_ You're  _the one standing by his side, and that's not for no reason."_

_"You really think so?" Smoketail asked, a hopeful look in his eye._

_Hoptail licked his cheek. "Know so."_

* * *

The warriors' den was empty as Hoptail opened their eyes, cold and stiff. They shifted and sat up, feeling lonelier than they had in years. It wasn't like Mintpelt to not wake them up for patrols.

 _She barely looked at me yesterday_ , they thought somberly. When Hoptail had taken the plunge and finally told their secret to their long-time mate, they certainly hadn't expected silence as her reply.

Sliding out of the den, they took a seat in the warn sunlight, licking a paw and drawing it over their ear. Yarrownose and Molepool were chatting by the fresh-kill pile, smiling like old friends. Aircloud and Crowsky came padding into camp with a rabbit each, tails raised high in triumph. Robintail and Peatflower were sharing tongues by the entrance. Mistystream and Brokenear both were asleep in the nursery while Volefur was keeping their kits company. Rabbitwater and Poppyflame called a greeting as they slipped out of the camp, going for a walk. It was a comforting scene.

 _It's time_ , they thought. Hoptail stood with renewed purpose, finding and tracking Mintpelt's scent. They passed Brightfire and Reedfern on the way, the duo heading off to meet up with a border patrol. They'd noticed them becoming good friends as of late.

The trail led them to a small stream that wove through WindClan like a snake, babbling gently over pebbles. It wasn't uncommon for it to overflow a bit during Greenleaf, making the terrain muddy in some spots, but here it was dry as bone. Mintpelt sat with her paws within drenching distance of it, head bent low to the water, like she was trying to discern how to fish. She didn't argue when Hoptail perched next to her, taking a quick drink from the lapping waves. It was still ice-cold from Leaf-bare.

Hoptail licked their lips to rid themself of any lingering water droplets. "The kits are getting close to apprentice age, aren't they?"

That made her sit up blink at him. "Brokenear and Mistystream's? Not quite."

"Naw, I meant Reedfern and Brightfire. Won't be long before Smokestar starts assigning them 'paws."

Mintpelt's whiskers quivered, despite the conflicted look in her eyes. "Proud, are we?"

"Very," they agreed. "Between you and me, I overheard them planning to have a litter as friends." Hoptail let out a low sigh, eyes fluttering shut. "This isn't really our Clan anymore, is it?"

"I don't think any single warrior owns a Clan."

"I'm going to ask Smokestar if I can become an elder," Hoptail blurted out. Hearing it said aloud made their stomach sink, but they'd made up their mind. "I've missed sharing a den with Rabbitwater and Poppyflame; we've been together since we were kits, and it's weird to be separate now." Hoptail shot her a hopeful look. "I'd hoped you might join me."

"Okay," she meowed, surprising him. "But you're the one telling Smokestar. He's your half-brother, after all."

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"You're not mad?"

"Oh, Hoptail." Mintpelt let out an awkward chuckle, shaking her head. "I'm not mad at you. I'm angry with myself."

Hoptail intertwined their tails. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"You didn't feel like you could trust me with yourself, even after all these seasons together." Her head bumped their chin. "Some mate I've been."

"You didn't tell me why you didn't want kits," they reminded her gently. "We've both kept secrets from each other." Hoptail laved a lick to her ear. "Mates don't have to share everything."

"I know." Mintpelt's white tail twitched.

Hoptail nudged her. "When you think about it, everyone's always tried to push this idea about us being the perfect couple. Raised together, trained together, always together. Maybe we wanted to live up to that."

"Maybe," she echoed. "Are we... good?"

"We were never bad," Hoptail promised. "Let's head back and eat."

* * *

They went to Smokestar after Sunhigh, finding him sunning himself and discussing StarClan-knows-what with Yarrownose. The leader and deputy quieted as they approached, dipping their head. "May I intrude on you for a moment, Smokestar?"

"It's not an intrusion," he reassured, waving a paw to his deputy. Yarrownose stood and padded away, bumping Hoptail in a friendly manner as he passed. "What's the problem?"

"No problem." Hoptail settled in on the cool stone with a grunt. "I've been thinking about when Goldenstar died."

Smokestar's ears fell a bit. He looked thoughtful. "It was a hard time."

"I miss him," they admitted softly.

"Me too," Smokestar meowed.

Hoptail shoved his shoulder with a smile. "Remember when you tried to have me be your deputy?"

The black tom purred with delight, eyes half-closed with affection. "I seem to recall you agreeing."

"Only for three moons. I knew Poppyflame and Rabbitwater were going to retire, and I knew you needed time to recover. The third moon was so you could think up a replacement."

"And yet,  _you_  were the one who suggested Yarrownose."

"Are you displeased with my choice?"

"Not at all. He's a fine deputy." Smokestar suddenly grew somber. "It's a shame that WindClan didn't get to have a Hopstar. You would've been a great leader."

"I prefer things how they are now," Hoptail confessed. Just being deputy had run them into the ground. Nine lives of duty would've worn them to the bone. "Mintpelt and I have decided to retire. She wanted me to be the one to tell you."

Smokestar's ear twitched. The tom looked mildly surprised. "That doesn't sound like her."

"I think she knew we needed a moment to ourselves." They leaned onto the black tom, who leaned back with a sigh, just like on that horrible day seasons ago when they waited for Goldenstar to die. "You gonna be okay, brother?"

The leader shrugged, staring at his paws distantly. "It scares me that everyone I love is growing old. You, Mintpelt, Volefur- you're all I have left. I don't want to lose that." He glanced at him shyly. "I asked Goldenstar to name me after you, you know."

"I know. He told me."

"He did?"

"Goldenstar talked to me about you all the time. You and Volefur were his pride and joy." Hoptail flicked Smokestar's ear with his tail playfully. "We'll never really leave you. We'll always walk the stars, watching, waiting, proud of all you've accomplished."

"You promise?"

"I swear on it."

Smokestar looked soothed somewhat. He awkwardly got to his paws. "Well, we should get on with the ceremony, huh?"

"That would be nice."

Hoptail joined Mintpelt at the front while Smokestar called for everyone to gather. Poppyflame and Rabbitwater poked their heads out of the elders' den, catching sight of their old friends. Smiles broke out across their muzzles as they padded over to sit down. Brokenear was giving Leftykit a thorough washing, and hardly looked up. Mistystream blinked at them, Broccolikit perched on her back and Blasterkit between her paws. Squirrelkit climbed on Volefur's back as the black and gray she-cat settled in, watching her brother. Molepool and Yarrownose took their places as the other warriors came filing in. Smokestar waited until all had returned from their various duties to begin.

He waved his tail for silence. "Hoptail and Mintpelt have been staples in WindClan for longer than I've been alive, and there isn't a single cat here who can deny that they've earned their place in the elders' den- though, I'm sure just as many will miss them on patrols, or out hunting with the others."

"They're old as sin!" Rabbitwater called from the back, cackling. "I'd say it's about time!"

"Darling," Poppyflame interjected, loud enough to be heard over the laughter. "You  _do_  remember that we're older than them by a few moons, right?"

"'Course I do! We're all as old as sin! All four of us!"

Hoptail shook their head good-naturedly, turning to the crowd. "It was an honor to hunt and fight alongside all of you. But, I have to admit, I've missed my friends, even if they're crotchety elders that can't keep their jaws shut." They sighed a little. "I just wish Longfeather were here to retire with me. It's my only regret."

"Well, I _was_  just going to go quietly, but  _somebody_  decided we're supposed to be giving big speeches, so..." Mintpelt meowed, shooting them an amused look. "I'd just like to thank- well, everything, I guess. The skies, the stars, the fresh-kill I've taken down, and especially the cats I've known and loved." She dipped her head. "I know WindClan is in good paws."

"Mintpelt, Hoptail," Smokestar started. The duo turned forward once again. "I _s_ it your wish to give up the name of a warrior and go to join the elders?"

"It is, Smokestar," Mintpelt meowed.

"I'm ready," Hoptail answered, though they weren't sure if they were. It just sounded like the right thing to say.

Smokestar nodded. His eyes flashed sadly as his head bobbed. "Your Clan honors you and all the service you have given to us. I call upon StarClan to give you many moons of rest."

Hoptail felt a nostalgic tug in their chest as the Clan chanted their names, reminding them of their long-ago warrior ceremony. They smiled at Mintpelt. She smiled back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout-out to Rabbitwater for giving no darns and interrupting the ceremony.
> 
> Well, ya'll, it's finally here. The last four chapters. They're each gonna be an individual goodbye to our main characters, and in the order they first appeared; Sandpetal, Lightstripe, Hoptail, and finally Smallpelt. At the end of each chapter, I'll put a little blurb of things that I've changed plot and character-wise, plus what I see happening in the future, etc etc. (Hence why I put this extra chapter up today, rather than my usual four a day)


	50. Sandpetal (So Long)

Every single hair on Applekit's ginger pelt prickled with fear as the sound of barking in the distance reached his ears. He pressed closer to his brother, Huskkit, whose ash gray pelt practically melted into his. Huskkit was shaking really bad. Applekit prayed their parents would be okay- he knew that Pinefoot and Brownfur were strong ThunderClan warriors, but he'd never heard of them facing a dog before.

"Shh, shh, shh." A familiar bushy yellow tail wound around them comfortingly, but Applekit noticed Sandpetal didn't dare take his eyes off the entrance of the camp. "It'll be okay, little ones. Nutstar and Rowantooth will keep us safe."

Applekit caught a flash of a black and white pelt, then of a gray one- Brackentail and Fernheart- as they sprinted out of the camp to join the battle. He swallowed, trying not to think too hard about the fact there were no warriors in camp now. Just kits and elders. 

The trio of ThunderClan cats listened in heavy silence as the shrieks and yowls of fighting reverberated off the trees, filled with yapping. Sandpetal, ears pricked, told the kits that he thought there might be two dogs. Applekit saw the elders- Clawpelt, Smokewhisker, Rocknose, and Milkpelt- shifting about in their den, peering out restlessly. Graystep murmured a few comforting words, but she was too far away to be heard.

"We're gonna die," Huskkit wailed, overwhelmed.

"You're not gonna die," Sandpetal chided. "Your parents are counting on me to keep you safe, and that's what I'm gonna do."

Applekit gave his brother a few licks to calm him down, trying to steady his own rapid heartbeat.

There was a sickening  _crunch!_  sound, followed by a brief, solitary moment where they all sat still, holding their breath, and then the bramble barrier was crumbling to pieces, and a smaller dog was rolling right into the middle of camp, yipping in agony. Sandpetal's claws slid out.

"Applekit, Huskkit," he whispered. "Stay in the den."

"Don't go!" Applekit pleaded.  _Who'll protect us if you're gone?_

The nursery warrior didn't reply. Sandpetal's pelt fluffed out as he stalked into the clearing, lips drawn back in a snarl. The dog rolled onto its paws and growled at him, eyes flashing with pain. It was covered in bramble thorns.

"Go back to your Twolegs!" he hissed, digging his claws into the dirt. "You're outnumbered, flea-breath!"

The dog barked, not understanding what the warrior was saying, then lunged at him with a snarl. Sandpetal ducked out of the way and dug his teeth into the creature's scruff, clawing at its eyes. The dog threw him off with ease, slamming a paw down on the warrior's back. He visibly flattened, air knocked out of his lungs. Applekit watched with horror as sharp teeth sunk into his spine. _No!_

Rocknose let out a battle cry, flinging herself onto the dog's back. Clawpelt and Smokewhisker were close behind, clawing at its flanks and paws. The dog twisted and turned, trying to get at them, but the elders were faster, spurned on by adrenaline. Sandpetal struggled to his paws, bleeding profusely, and latched onto the creature's throat, hanging like a dead weight. He clung even when the elders didn't, the dog flopping onto its back and rolling in an attempt to shake him off. It was impossible to tell if the blood sticking to their pelts was the cat's or the dog's.

Finally, with a yipe, he shook Sandpetal off, sprinting back from whence he came. The yellow tom landed on his side with a hollow thud. Huskkit winced and half-stood, wanting to go to him, then remembered he wasn't supposed to leave the nest and hunkered down. Applekit's eyes were glazed over with fear.

The elders swarmed Sandpetal, who slowly got to his paws, legs shaky. He bared his teeth in a grimace as he shoved through them, toddling back to the nursery without even bothering to clean himself. Blood oozed from his back and belly, and brambles stuck out of his pelt in every direction. Indeed, even Sandpetal himself seemed surprised by his mobility, however lacking it was, as he slumped into Pinefoot's nest for a breather.

"That was amazing!" Huskkit cried, crawling onto his side. "Sandpetal, you  _gotta_  teach me those moves!"

Sandpetal winced. "Don't talk so loud," he pleaded in a whisper, pulling the gray tom closer. "Here, let me clean you. You're all bloody."

Huskkit wriggled in his grip. "It's not me. You've got blood in your eyes."

"Oh," he meowed, and let go. Sandpetal turned his head away from them, setting it down with a haphazard thunk. It sounded like he was having trouble breathing as he went on, taking in big gulps of air. "Go... find your folks... kits..."

"Sandpetal?" Applekit asked.

The thudding of pawsteps drew the kits attention away from the wounded warrior. Rowantooth lead the charge into the camp, followed close behind by Grayscreech, Fernheart, Pinefoot, and Blackspots. The brown and black tom scanned the clearing with a pained look across his muzzle. "Is everyone okay?"

"We'd be better if we didn't have a dog busting in on us," Clawpelt growled, tail twitching irritably. "I thought the whole point of retiring was to get some peace before we died."

Rowantooth flinched. "I'm sorry. It got away from us."

"Mom, mom!" Applekit yelped, running to Pinefoot's side. He pressed his nose to her leg and relished in the warmth. "Is the dog gonna come back?"

"No, kiddo, it won't." She nosed his back. "Are you hurt? You're covered in blood."

"Oh, that's not mine," he meowed. "It's Sandpetal's. He got bit."

Pinefoot stiffened. The brown she-cat bent down and picked Applekit up, warily padding over to the nursery.

They found Huskkit nudging Sandpetal over and over again, shaking his side. The nursery warrior shifted with the movements but didn't lift his head. "Come'on, Sandpetal. You gotta show me that move. The dog is gone now, see? You and the elders chased it off."

Applekit found himself on the floor of the den. Eyes wide, Pinefoot crept over, placing a shaking paw over Sandpetal's side. She instantly recoiled. "Oh, honey, move away."

Huskkit backed off with a pout. "But he promised!"

She shook her head, voice empty. "He's dead, Huskkit."

Applekit felt his whole world shatter as he stared at the body of the warrior who'd been by their side since they were born.  _That can't be right. He promised he'd be_ _there to try my first catch, and chant my name..._  His ears fell as Pinefoot grabbed Sandpetal by the scruff, dragging him out of her nest. _Did he die... because of us?_

* * *

The clearing got quiet in a different way as Pinefoot laid Sandpetal out in the middle of it, stepping back so the older cats could bunch in close. Rocknose let out a faint, quivering cry, burying her nose in his fur. Smokewhisker and Clawpelt came and stood by her, and Applekit heard the former murmur, "You were here for me when Brownstep died. Well, now I'm here for you, so just let it out. I get it. No mentor should ever have to live long enough to see their apprentice die."

Rowantooth sat with Sheepfang on one side and Graystep on the other, eyes wet with unspoken grief. "He helped me raise my daughters."

"He helped raise me," Pinefoot meowed, tail curling around her kits. "And I thought he'd be around to help me raise my own."

Fernheart touched the top of Sandpetal's head with his nose. "He was my mentor. When Tallclaw and Skyfur died, he stayed by my side until I was okay." Brackentail mumbled a similar sentiment, nose buried in his chest.

Blackspots nudged Brownfur over to Pinefoot, the brown tom pressing his pelt to his mate's in search of comfort. The destroyed barrier hardly seemed to matter to any of them, barring the odd glance.

"Rowantooth!" Nutstar called, leading the second patrol through the hole. "What in StarClan happened here?"

"What do you think happened here?" Silverblaze asked, rolling her eyes. The scent of death seemed to hit the group like a wall, stopping them all in their tracks. "Oh, no."

The deputy straightened, nodding to Nutstar. "It's Sandpetal."

Nutstar jolted, and in the blink of an eye she was by Rowantooth's side, her misaligned jaw gaping open. "Oh, no, no, no..." she whispered, crouching down. The ThunderClan leader looked at Sandpetal's body with disbelief. "You can't leave me. I already lost Brownstep. I can't lose you too."

As is responding to her words, Applekit saw Sandpetal give a jerk, and for a brief, blindly hopeful moment thought he was alive all along, but then the yellow tom stood up from his body, covered in purple berry paint and stars. He glanced around, but no one reacted except for Graystep, who straightened, watching the newest StarClan warrior with awe.

One by one, Sandpetal padded around the circle, stopping at every warrior. He touched Rowantooth's ear with his nose; nuzzled Sheepfang and Graystep, though only the latter responded. He pressed against Nutstar a long moment, silently watching her, before moving on. Eventually, he'd gone all the way around back to Cryowl, quietly mourning next to Rowantooth.

"Don't worry," Rowantooth was meowing. He, too, knew how hard it was to lose a mate. "I'm here for you."

Sandpetal wrapped himself around the gray-ish brown tom, wrapping his tail around Cryowl's. The warrior couldn't feel or see him, but closed his eyes, as if soothed in some way. He stood there a long moment, fur brushing.

A paw touching Applekit's back startled him into looking up. Graystep had moved over to him at some point, taking note of how he'd been watching the scene as if memorized. Pinefoot glanced questioningly at the medicine cat, but she merely shook her head. When Applekit looked back, he realized Sandpetal was watching him curiously, pelt glimmering with more stars than the ginger kit thought existed in the whole world.

 _Thank you_ , he thought, hoping Sandpetal might hear. _I'm so sorry the dog got you._

Sandpetal gave Applekit a dazzling, happy smile, and then he was gone, and all that was left was a broken barrier and the body of the cat who'd saved him and his brother. Applekit turned and buried his face in Graystep's fur, filled to the tips of his ears with grief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo boy, welcome to the end times ya'll. This hurt like a son of a gun to write, lemme tell you. But this is a story about the lives of these warriors, and that includes joining StarClan.
> 
> Okay, so... stuff that changed for Sandpetal... hmm...
> 
> Well, I originally planned to make Rowantooth and Brownstep, like, the perfect couple. Never fought, never were anything but loving and happy. But I realized pretty quick that that really didn't do their characters justice. They're cats. They're not perfect. (Also, I always saw Clawpelt, Smokewhisker, and Rocknose as a lowkey poly couple, but that's up to interpretation)
> 
> I also had a brief thought to name Graystep "Grayfoot", so it would go with how Sheepfang is named after Rowantooth, but their suffixes are slightly different, but I decided nah and went with Graystep.
> 
> I always knew Nutstar was gonna be deputy, but I wasn't sure if Barkstar was gonna kick the bucket. Turns out he did.
> 
> As for After:
> 
> Applekit will become a medicine cat after a brief stint as a warrior, and Huskkit will continue to be a warrior. Nutstar and Rowantooth will help keep the peace alive for many seasons, until finally the deputy retires. After that, who knows! ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	51. Lightstripe (Farewell)

"Come'on, mama," Blueheart was urging, and Lightstripe cracked her eyes open with a groan. "Time for patrol."

Lightstripe looked up at her daughter, ear flicking. She'd grown up to be the second tallest out of her litter, only overshadowed by Hookstream.  _It seems like just yesterday she was following me around, trying to get Cloudleap's attention, and now they're mates. Makes me feel old._  "Alright, alright, I'm up."

Blueheart led her out into the clearing with a smile, tail lifted high with pride. Lightstripe was the last one out of the warriors' den, but she supposed that wasn't much of a shocker. She'd been prone to sleeping in ever since the bout of Greencough took Rosetuft from her, back when their kits were still apprentices.  _I'll never forget that vigil, that's for sure. It was the hardest night of my life._

Divvying out patrols was Sunsong, who had become deputy quite recently. By his side stood his apprentice, Skypaw, whose eyes lit up when he saw her padding up. The torbie tom wasted no time in paring her off with Fallowfoot, Huskwater, and Briarclaw, and sent them out to do patrol. Lightstripe padded behind them with no real relish, snow crunching under her paws. It felt like the days had only grown longer since Sandpetal passed.  _Of all the cats for StarClan to call on, why did it have to be him? I've already lost my mate, and now you steal my Gathering buddy from me too?_

Lightstripe blinked back her grief. She refused to admit she felt as lonely as she had as a kit.

"The lake's frozen," Fallowfoot commented, coming up on her side.

"It usually is," she replied. "It's Leaf-bare, after all."

Huskwater drew them to a stop with her tail, squinting off into the distance. "Does everyone else see that?"

For the first time since they'd left, Lightstripe looked up from the ground. The black she-cat was nodding to the lake, to the ThunderClan territory that rose up in the distance. They could just make out a few dots near the shore, and something splashing around. Briarclaw drew back a pawstep, ears flat against her head. "They're not trying to swim, are they? It's too cold!"

Lightstripe hopped up on the thin shelf of ice and took off at a sprint, calling over her shoulder. "I'll check it out!"

"Fish-brain!" Fallowfoot yelled after her. "The ice doesn't go all the way across!"

 _That doesn't matter_ , she thought, but didn't bother to stop and say.  _Any cat of ThunderClan is a kit Sandpetal has helped raise. I can't let his memory die in vain because some stupid warrior tried to go for a dip._  She plunged into the cold lake without a second thought, steadily paddling closer. The ice had only grown across a little under half the water, but Lightstripe was determined.

A wailing ball of gray fur became more apparent to her as she swam nearer, frantically clinging to a bobbing piece of wood.  _Either that's a really small warrior, or it's a wayward 'paw!_  With renewed concern, she came up to the log and nudged it, carefully trying to sink her teeth into the side.

The apprentice gave a jerk, almost knocking himself off the lumber, but she reached out a drenched paw and steadied him. "You don't wanna take a dip in this, kiddo!" she panted. Lightstripe was having more and more trouble feeling her paws. "I'm Lightstripe of RiverClan. Who're you?"

"H-Huskpaw," he whimpered. "I didn't mean to end up like this, honest!"

"I believe you, Huskpaw," she promised. "Now, you gotta work with me here, okay? I'm gonna guide you back to shore, but you have to keep balance. Okay?"

Hesitantly, he nodded.

Lightstripe latched her teeth into the wood once again and began pushing. Freezing cold lake water sloshed into her mouth, hitting a sensitive tooth that she'd almost had the pleasure of forgetting about. She churned her paws harder, praying to StarClan that she would make it back in one piece. The numbness had risen up her legs, but she wasn't going to drown here. She wasn't. They'd never be able to retrieve her body.

The first touch of land jarred Lightstripe out of her thoughts. Huskpaw let out a cry of relief, leaping off the wood and pelted toward Brackentail, whom Lightstripe assumed was his mentor. The distantly familiar scents of Rowantooth and Cryowl swamped her as they helped her up and over to dry ground. Lightstripe fell back onto her dripping wet haunches and panted.

"That was the most dramatic rescue I've seen in all my seasons," Rowantooth commented, coming around her front to nod respectfully. "Thank you for bringing our apprentice home."

"Not that we needed help or anything," Brackentail added quickly, seeing the worried look on Huskpaw's face. "We- we were about to get him ourselves."

Too tired to argue, Lightstripe nodded.

Cryowl nosed her shoulder. The warrior hardly looked in any better shape than her, despite being dry and well-fed.  _He lost Sandpetal too, didn't he? A mate and a friend... I can relate._  "We should take you back to camp with us. You're gonna get hypothermia."

The warrior stumbled backwards, shaking her head. It make her feel dizzy. "No, no, I can't," she slurred. "Gotta- gotta get back to my family. My babies."

_It's not ThunderClan without Sandpetal._

* * *

She'd barely made back it to the edge of the ice before collapsing, too tired and cold. Lightstripe didn't remember the walk to the medicine den (she suspected Fallowfoot had carried her), but she did recall Brightwater grimly draping a blanket of moss over her back. The days flickered in and out as she tried to regain her former warmth, but it kept alluding her.

"You should've stayed, mama," Murkwing mumbled into her fur. "You wouldn't be so sick now if you'd stayed."

Lightstripe lifted her head with great care, half-afraid to make herself vomit again. Her vision was swimming, making it impossible to make anything out clearly. Even as a full warrior, Murkwing was still attached to her hip, and she knew seeing her so weak tore him up inside. "Nonsense. I needed to get back to you kids," she rasped, her throat full of mucus and other, less tasteful things.

Murkwing looked up when Brightwater entered the den, but she simply nodded at him before vanishing again. "It's time for the Gathering," he explained.

"You should go," she said firmly. Had Lightstripe been in better spirits, she would've booped his nose. "Applestar asked you to go along."

"But-"

"No buts. I won't leave this nest and you know it. Go. Have fun."

It took some badgering, but eventually Murkwing slipped out of the den with one final parting glance. Lightstripe shivered at the loss of his warm pelt. She curled up in a tight ball, tail over her nose.  _I'm so tired..._ Feeling oddly weighted down, she let her eyes slip closed. She eventually fell into a deep sleep.

"Psst, Light," someone whispered, shaking her shoulders. "Come on, darling. It's time."

Lightstripe jolted awake, feeling stronger and more aware than she had in moons.  _I don't know what Brightwater slipped into my fish when I wasn't looking, but it sure did its job!_  Her eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness around her, and an achingly familiar ginger pelt became more and more clear to her. Disbelieving, she opened her mouth, and was swamped with her scent.

Rosetuft stuck her tongue out at her. "Howdy, sleepy-fur."

"'Tuft!" she cried, leaping on her. Lightstripe found herself on her side, muzzle buried deep in Rosetuft's fur, while the vice versa happened to her. "Oooh, it's so good to see you. I've been so lost without you and Sandpetal."

Another weight settled onto her side. "Missed you too, buddy."

"Sandpetal!" She bumped their heads together. "Wait, does this mean-"

Rosetuft pointed at her nest, and Lightstripe turned to see her own body, stiff and unmoving. She glanced down and found her pelt, still as messy and ratty as ever, speckled with stars. _I must've died in my sleep._ "Well, that's okay," she decided, touching noses with Rosetuft. "I'm where I'm supposed to be."

"Thank you for saving Huskpaw." Sandpetal drew a lick across her side. "He got his warrior name, by the way. He asked to be named Husklight- after you."

Lightstripe stared at him, flattered. "I- I don't know what to say."

Rosetuft's whiskers tickled her cheek as she giggled. "And Applepaw became Applepetal, after you. Stars know you've been gushing about it."

The happy moment was broken by an anguished cry, followed by Murkwing pressing his nose to her cold pelt with a broken little wail. Hookstream and Blueheart sprinted in after him, wanting to know what was the matter, and quietly joined their brother by her deathbed.

"We should've been here," Hookstream growled, hanging her head.

But Blueheart shook her head. "It's what mama wanted."

Lightstripe buried her muzzle in Rosetuft's scruff, feeling ashamed for being happy when she had left her kits alone.  _And what about Skypaw? He's not even a warrior yet!_

Murkwing set a paw on Lightstripe's still flank, seeming to come to a decision. "I'm going to be a medicine cat."

Everyone, dead and living, stared at him, surprised.

"You sure?" Hookstream meowed, raising herself to her full height. "Being a medicine cat is a big deal."

Murkwing met her eye. "I can't leave another cat to die alone like this. I want to take care of them." His voice turned pleading. "I know I won't be able to save everybody, but I can be with them. Doesn't that make it worth it?"

Blueheart and Hookstream exchanged a look. The silvery-blue she-cat nodded. "If that's what you want, we'll support you."

"Come'on." Hookstream had her teeth in Lightstripe's scruff. "We need to prepare for the vigil- and give Brightwater the news."

The newest StarClan cat met her mate's eye. In that moment, they knew what the other was thinking.  _I'm so proud of our kits._  Sandpetal touched her shoulder with his nose, and the trio dissolved into stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here's a more happy-ending style end to Lightstripe, aye? It seemed fitting that she go out knowing she's loved. I do feel bad about killing Rosetuft off-screen, but I'm happy it led to them chilling together in StarClan.
> 
> Believe it or not, the most major change for Lightstripe's story was how she and Rosetuft got close. In the original idea, Lightstripe kept blocking her out, until finally Rosetuft followed her as she left the Clans, and they had a huge argument. Then they talked it out. I'm pretty sure I was gonna keep their relationship more ambiguous, too, but I prefer what came out instead.
> 
> As for After:
> 
> Hookstream is gonna be a well-respected warrior as she grows older, while I think Blueheart will become deputy after Sunsong, and Murkwing will be a pretty dang good medicine cat. Skypaw's future is up to you!


	52. Hoptail (Auf Wiedersehen)

"The white and gray one is Wrenkit," Brightfire explained, gesturing to a small gray she-cat with a white face, paws, and belly with her tail. She then nosed a speckled white and brown tom. "And this one is Mothkit."

Mintpelt forced herself to purr. It wasn't that she wasn't happy for the young warrior- she was, and she wished many good moons on them both- but it was getting harder and harder to focus on kits and apprentices with Hoptail getting worse and worse. "They're lovely, dear."

"They're alright," she agreed, staring at them a long moment. "Once they're weaned, Reedfern is going to take care of them. He'll probably do a better job than I will."

"Don't worry about that now, young'un." Mintpelt touched her nose to the new queen's forehead. "You've got all of WindClan to help you. RiverClan, too."

Brightfire nodded contemplatively. "Mothkit does look a lot like Berryleg, huh?"

"He really does."

She turned her deceptively clear eyes on the elder. "You don't have to pretend for me, Mintpelt."

Mintpelt jolted, then sighed, seeming to deflate. "I'm sorry, Brightfire. It's just- it's Hoptail."

Brightfire nudged her supportively. "I've never had what you and Hoptail had- Reedfern is just a friend to me, honest- but I can only imagine the pain you're going through." She wrapped her brown and white tail around her new offspring. "You don't have to be here if you don't want to be."

"I want to be!" she reassured her, lowering her voice. "It's...  _hard_  being in the elders' den."

The queen nodded, and they left it at that.

* * *

It started as a small slip. A flicker of the mind. And now, after a season, they could barely remember their own name. Mintpelt knew that Hoptail wasn't really dead. Everyone did. Their body still moved about camp, and they still ate prey and slept in their nest. But the warrior she knew was long gone. In a way, that was even harder for her than having him be dead.

Until that one night. That one strange, strange night, when they nudged her awake, eyes burning, and meowed. "I need to go to the secret-place."

"'The secret-place?'" she mumbled, rubbing at an eye. "Hoptail, it's not even dawn yet."

In reply, they tugged on her ear. "I gotta go to the secret-place," they insisted with a whine. "The place Whitefire used to take us."

Mintpelt stopped rubbing and stared at them. "Whitefire? Hoptail, you remember who Whitefire is?"

They nodded.

A horrible prickling sensation traveled across Mintpelt's body. She'd heard- and seen- ill warriors regain their senses to say farewell before. Could Hoptail be going through the same thing? If so, they had to hurry. She sat up. "Okay. I'll take you to the secret-place."

Hoptail didn't seem able to move properly, leaning so heavily on Mintpelt she feared they weren't able to walk at all. Their tail was limp to the touch, but it curled just a little around her's, and they were off, taking the surprisingly long walk to the small hill Whitefire had taken her kits, and Hoptail had taken her, so many moons ago. The she-cat carried them up herself, carefully setting the elder down on the flat ledge. She tucked their paws under them, to make it look like they were sleeping. Hoptail never once opened their eyes.

"Do you remember?" they asked quietly. "This is where I asked you to be with me until the stars came calling."

"I remember," she replied, sinking down next to them. Mintpelt's joints weren't what they used to be, and the humid Greenleaf air made them ache. "And I never once regretted it."

"Even now?"

"Even now."

A glimmer in the air made Mintpelt look up, and there was Longfeather, colored with stars and smelling of herbs, younger and fitter than she had been when she passed. Next to her stood Whitefire, who was next to Goldenstar, who was brushing pelts with Dogsplash. "It really is such a nice secret-place," the medicine cat whispered warmly, smiling ear to ear.

Hoptail shifted, trying to get comfortable, before finally (ever-so-slowly) falling still. Their starry form all but leapt from Hoptail's remains, circling around the gathered StarClan cats with a yip of joy. They came around the bend, laughing, then caught sight of her. They seemed to shrink under her watery eyes.

They padded forward, bumping noses. "We'll meet again soon."

"Sooner than you might think," she agreed, nuzzling them, and then they were all gone, and the smile fell from her face. Mintpelt pulled in on herself, feeling a heavy stone settle in her belly, another taking up her chest. Somehow, knowing she was growing older and frailer only made losing them hurt more.

A paw nudged her side, making her jump, as Rabbitwater settled in beside her, tail whisking. "Nice view, isn't it?"

Mintpelt blinked at her, torn between shock and grief. "How long have you been here?"

"Not long," Poppyflame promised, hopping over them both to curl up between the white she-cat and her mate's body. "Rabbitwater wasn't sleeping."

"You know how I get," she echoed, bags under her eyes.

"We wanted to give you two time," the yellow and brown she-cat finished, reaching out to lick her scruff. "Goodbyes suck, but they suck more when nosy old ladies like us get involved."

She found it in her to laugh, turning to look out at the sprawling moor. In the distance, rabbits hopped out of their burrows, peeking around before settling in for breakfast. Mintpelt was too old to catch them, but perhaps a younger, stronger cat would. Either way; even the most skittish bit of prey knew how to enjoy the moment when the sun began to rise, and the dew drops started to sparkle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just like how Sandpetal's death was narrated by Applekit, Hoptail's was narrated by Mintpelt.
> 
> Out of the all my character arcs, I feel the most disappointed in Hoptail. Not because of the character, but my lackluster portrayal. I wasn't very informed about how to write nonbinary characters (or cats, in this case), and though I like to think I got better later on, the first few chapters are kind of odd. Admittedly, though, Hoptail's story was the one who changed the least as time went on. All I can really think of is that I didn't originally plan to make Smokestar and Volefur siblings. And Reedpaw wasn't originally gonna be a thing, but that happened.
> 
> (I was also gonna write a scene where we learned that Brightfire did 'happy wriggles' in the grass when she got excited, as her form of stimming- since I always saw her as Autistic- and I'm still really sad I never managed to get that part in anywhere.)
> 
> As for After:
> 
> Brightfire is gonna take Smokestar's place as WindClan's leader when he passes, and Reedfern will be her best friend, mate, and deputy all at once. That's been her ambition since she was young- hence why she had kits as soon as possible, so she could spend more of her time focusing on apprenticing and stuff. She still loves her kids, but that's the meat of it.


	53. Smallpelt (Goodnight)

"Are you _sure_  the other warriors will like me?" Redpaw fussed as she walked with Smallpelt at the edge of the Gathering patrol. Normally, it was expected of her to walk with Wingstar and the two medicine cats, but today was different. Just in front of them was Badgerblaze and Foxfur, with an excited Thornpaw between them.

"They better," she rumbled, adding a fake growl for good measure. "Or I'll tear their ears off."

Redpaw laughed a little, but didn't look anymore convinced, glancing at her dead leg. "What if they make fun of me?"

It was Thornpaw who answered, tail fluffing up protectively. "Then I'll rip  _their_  leg off and see how  _they_  like it."

"We can make it a family event," Badgerblaze added. "We'll all go and give them an earful together. That's something families do, right?"

 _It's something_ our _family does_ , Smallpelt thought, watching her kits fondly. All the scorn in the world would be worth taking these pawsteps with them.

Wingstar confidentially led them onto the island, where they were greeted by WindClan's newest apprentices; Blasterpaw, Squirrelpaw, Broccolipaw, and Leftypaw. Squirrelpaw and Broccolipaw both recalled them from their journey to WindClan, and were eager to introduce Thornpaw and Redpaw to their siblings. Redpaw and Leftypaw took in each other's disabilities with something akin to awe, sniffing and poking, before breaking off into laughter, earnestly chatting. Smiling to herself, Smallpelt slipped away to sit with the other Clan deputies.

The Gathering went off without a hitch, though Smallpelt was hardly paying any attention. She waited until Nutstar had hopped down from her branch to gingerly step into her path, not wanting to make it seem like she was trying to block her in. "May I borrow some of your time?"

The ThunderClan leader stopped and squinted at her, naturally suspicious of the ShadowClan cat's request. "What for?"

"If you don't mind my saying so, Nutstar," she meowed, dipping her head. "I think I know someone who needs a role model like you right now."

Confused, Nutstar reluctantly nodded. Smallpelt led her through the crowd, dodging and weaving between warriors as she tried to seek out Redpaw's scent, finally finding her near some shrubs. The ginger she-cat perked up as Smallpelt popped up. Her eyes grew very wide as Nutstar followed after her.

"Nutstar, this is my daughter, Redpaw." Smallpelt waved her paw at the apprentice. "Redpaw, this is Nutstar. She's the leader of ThunderClan."

"Wow!" Redpaw squeaked, lowering her head respectfully. "What happened to your jaw?"

"Smashed it on some rocks as a kit," Nutstar answered, reaching a paw up to brush the oddly shaped maw. "I forget about it, most of the time." She nodded to her leg. "What happened to you?"

Redpaw flinched, burying her nose in her ginger fur. "I was born this way."

"Well," she said awkwardly, "I suppose it's better than falling down a gorge, right?"

Her tail wrapped around her side in an attempt to hide it. "Some cats keep saying I can't be a warrior." Redpaw blinked at her, eyes dark. "Is it true?"

"Of  _course_  not!" Smallpelt blurted out.

Nutstar waved her tail for the deputy to be quiet and took a step forward so they were nose to nose. "Redpaw, there isn't a warrior alive that doesn't have their own shortcomings. I know for a fact that Smallpelt has a terrible immune system, and Badgerblaze is too hot-headed." She closed the tiny gap to nudge the apprentice. "Just because you wear your shortcomings on the outside  _doesn't_  mean you're less of a warrior."

Redpaw's whole body seemed to relax as she breathed out, smiling up at the brown striped she-cat. "Thank you, Nutstar."

"Of course," Nutstar meowed, turning and dipping her head to Smallpelt. "Now, I need to get back to my Clan."

Smallpelt nodded, relieved she had helped brighten the apprentice's spirits. "Thank you for giving us your time, Nutstar. May StarClan light your path."

"And your's," she answered reflexively, and then she was gone.

* * *

Smallpelt's breathing started to stutter as the patrol was halfway back to camp, and only grew worse as time went on. The deputy ignored it- she had always caught illness quickly, and it wouldn't surprise her if some random Leaf-fall bug had wormed its way into her pelt from the many warriors at the Gathering. By the time they got back she was exhausted, limbs trembling with effort.

"Are you okay?" Mousepoppy meowed as the group spread out, concerned. "Your gums look weird."

"Just fine," she wheezed, heading for the den. "I'm... going to sleep. Not hungry."

Smallpelt got halfway into her nest before collapsing, fruitlessly crawling the rest of the way in. She pulled herself into as tight a ball she could manage and swallowed as a wave of dizziness hit her. It felt like someone had set rocks on her chest.  _I can't breathe!_

Panicking, she shot her stubby legs out, but she couldn't quite reach anyone. She writhed quietly in her bed of moss.  _Help me! Please!_  Darkness closed in around her, clutching at her pelt, and as it swamped her she recalled those horrible days in the medicine den, and the tendrils that had tried to hold her down. But these were much,  _much_  stronger, and no amount of slashing could break her free of it. Smallpelt let out one last choking wheeze.

The next thing she knew, the smell of ThunderClan and milk was all around her. A rough tongue rasped across her scruff. "Rise up, Smallpelt," Brownstep urged. "It's all done now. You're okay."

Her head popped up off the ground. Smallpelt felt achy all over; like she'd just run a super long race. "What happened?"

"Your heart gave in, dear," the queen murmured soothingly, helping her to her paws. The warrior's body was sprawled out at an awkward angle below them. Smallpelt could make out her own head, jerked permanently to the side, a single glassy brown eye studying them. "It's not a big surprise. All that early sickness messed with it."

"Why're you here?" she asked, dazed.

Brownstep cocked her head to the side. "I promised I would be. Don't you remember?"

 _"I will come for you when you die, no matter how long that takes. I promise."_  Smallpelt swallowed. "Oh. Right." Her fur began to stand on end. "Ooh, but I can't die now! Redpaw and Thornpaw just became 'paws! I'm Redpaw's mentor, for stars' sake!"

"StarClan calls when it calls," Brownstep meowed firmly, frowning. "No one wants to die, Smallpelt. But that's just how it is."

 _But who will be deputy?_  She felt numb from the inside out. Smallpelt had known for a long time now that she wouldn't live to see elders' age, the Greencough chomping at her seasons, but she'd never thought she'd die so young.  _There's so many things I haven't done yet. It's not fair!_

Sensing the conflicted feelings bubbling just below the surface, Brownstep stepped aside. "You can go say goodbye, if you want."

Smallpelt didn't recall padding out into the clearing, but one second she was next to her body and the next she was in the apprentices' den, so she supposed she must've at some point. She pressed a paw to Redpaw's shoulder, but it passed right through. She crouched down instead, pushing her nose into her pelt, then moving to touch Thornpaw's ear in silent farewell. _I hope you two will be okay without me. I know you'll be great at whatever you decide to be._

She sat up, looking at the entrance of the den, where Brownstep was. "D'ya think Spiderberry can see me? He's a medicine cat, after all."

She shrugged. "It wouldn't hurt to check."

Smallpelt forced her pawsteps to remain even as she slipped into the medicine den. The smell of fresh herbs made her belly flip-flop, reminded of those days she spent barely able to get out of her nest, but she refused to turn back now.

"Spiderberry," she called, shaking his shoulder. "Wake up. It's me."

"Wahuh?" Spiderberry snorted elegantly, cracking his eyes open. "Smallpelt?"

"You can see me?" Smallpelt whispered, overjoyed, before sinking her nose into his fur. "Thank StarClan."

"See you? What do you-?" He caught sight of Brownstep. Spiderberry's voice came out as a squeak. "Your pelt- it's full of stars."

"That doesn't matter now." The deputy (ex-deputy?) pulled back to meet his gaze. "You have to promise to take care of Redpaw and Thornpaw. Badgerblaze, too. They- they need  _someone_."

His ears fell. "Don't say that!" Spiderberry cried. "You can't just  _leave_!"

"You think I want to?" she snapped. Smallpelt let out a sigh, shaking her head somberly. "I can't control fate."

Spiderberry let out a wail and wrapped himself around her. Smallpelt recalled the night he stumbled into her den to seek comfort in the wake of Berrystripe's death. It was so long ago now. "How can I go on?" he whimpered. "I already lost Watercry. I can't lose you too. I'll be all alone."

"We haven't exactly spoken much lately," she pointed out gently. "You've lived without me for longer than you might realize, Spiderberry."

He didn't respond.

"Just promise me, okay?" Smallpelt insisted. "Promise you'll take care of them."

"I promise," he rasped, sounding for all the world as if he'd screamed.

Smallpelt pressed their heads together, relieved. "Thank you."

"May you find good hunting, swift running, and shelter when you sleep," Spiderberry whispered, his voice so hauntingly low it sent chills down her spine. "And may StarClan light your path, sister."

* * *

The soothing mutter of Rocktail (who had woken up and noticed the white and black tom's distress) and the strained mew of Spiderberry echoed behind the duo as they padded into the clearing. Smallpelt expected Brownstep to lead her to StarClan, but instead she jerked her head in a vague direction. "Let's go for a run."

The first thing Smallpelt noticed was that her stamina felt endless. Smallpelt sprinted across ShadowClan without a problem, going into ThunderClan without even a twinge of fear of being caught. Her paws dipped into a stream, then some long grass, fireflies buzzing through the sky. There was something oddly freeing in knowing that not even a trace of her scent would be left behind.

Smallpelt stopped at the bramble opening, still under re-construction, but Brownstep kept right on going, padding inside with her tail swishing. Smallpelt began to follow one careful pawstep after another. The territory was one thing- but another Clan's  _camp_? It just felt wrong.

Together, Brownstep and Smallpelt poked their heads into the warriors' den. Smallpelt's eyes were drawn to Sheepfang, who she had befriended and cared for for seasons now. Leaving her hurt almost as much as leaving Redpaw and Thornpaw. Brownstep went to the medicine den next, peering in on Graystep and her newest apprentice, Applepetal, snoring quietly in their nests.

"I guess we're a lot alike, huh?" Smallpelt whispered. "We both had to leave our families."

Brownstep shook her head. "We never left our families, Smallpelt. We live on in their heads and hearts, and that's almost as good as the real deal." The brown queen blinked at Smallpelt. "You don't have to climb the highest mountain to be remembered the most, you know."

"I know." Smallpelt touched her nose to the queen's chest. "Let's go, before I start freaking out again."

* * *

StarClan is as warm and soft to the eyes as Smallpelt recalled it being, and when she lifted her nose to the air she smelled prey and water and fresh greenery. She also smelled Watercry, about two seconds before her mother was cleaning her face and ears.

"I've missed you," she purred. "I wanted to come get you myself, but Brownstep insisted."

Smallpelt nodded her thanks to the queen. "She  _did_  promise."

Watercry wrapped her tail around her kit's side. "That's what she said."

They pushed through some thick shrubbery, coming out by a river laden with fish. Smallpelt opened her mouth, letting the scents wash over her tongue. A black and white cat padded up to them with a smile.

"Howdy," they said.

Smallpelt squinted. "Do I know you?"

They laughed. "Can't recognize me without all the wrinkles, huh?" The warrior teased. "Hoptail of WindClan."

"Smallpelt!" Sandpetal called, wagging his tail. The tom was sunning, golden pelt sprawling on its side, while Rosetuft of RiverClan rested her head on his belly like a pillow, purring loudly. Lightstripe napped on his other side. Hoptail stretched and languidly went over to them, settling in on another stone. "Come join us! We were just swapping stories."

Smallpelt glanced at Watercry, afraid of hurting her feelings by cutting their meeting off short, but her eyes glowed with understanding. She licked her cheek and padded away in search of fresh-kill. Something hopeful and comforting filled her chest as she looked at them all- all the warriors and elders and queens she'd seen around the island over her seasons, few as they were.

"I'm coming!" she yelled, then sprinted towards them with a laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hooollllllyyy moooolllleeeey ya'll. We're actually at the end of this. It took two years, but it's done! I'm posting this on the two-year anniversary (Feb 22nd)- because, well, I got lucky on the timing and knew it was too good to pass up. =) Cripes, am I getting emotional over this. (I had a specific song for each death- I listened to that Swiftpaw death storyboard on YouTube for Sandpetal, "I Knew You Once" by Dodie Clark for Lightstripe, "Mother Earth and Father Time" was for Mintpelt and Hoptail, and "Blame" by Air Traffic Controller was for Smallpelt)
> 
> Smallpelt's story changed the most, I think. Originally, Mousepoppy and Smallpelt were gonna become mates as apprentices- when Smallpelt was so sick. Mousepoppy was gonna ask her to be his mate, like it would somehow give her an extra reason not to give in to the sickness or whatever, and just kinda never break up. They were gonna get into an argument about the lack of trust between them when Smallpelt comes out, etc etc. I just found it unfitting for the characters I'd crafted, and kinda-sorta cliched. I also considered, for a short time, making Skycloud her mate, but then I checked the allegiances again and I realized he was way too old for that.
> 
> I knew Smallpelt was gonna have an apprentice with an iffy paw, but Redpaw and Thornpaw's actual backstory and concepts weren't made until later.
> 
> As for After:
> 
> Mousepoppy will be the next deputy. It was between him and Foxfur (who's Thornpaw's mentor) but Mousepoppy was more well-known and respected, as well as sociable to other Clan cats, so Wingstar chose him. He was honored, though he hated the circumstances for his recommendation. I don't have any set names for Thornpaw or Redpaw- though I do think Thornstripe sounds pretty cool- so I'll leave that up to you. =)

**Author's Note:**

> I've been a bit lazy on transferring Berry Paint onto AO3, I must admit. It's a very popular 'fic of mine, finished after two years of hard work (though that does mean it suffers from some of the quirks of my older writing, though I am planning on editing as I go) but I figured today- the day after adopting a new kitty, and sore from sitting on the hard floor with him for a good hour while he slept on my leg- is as good a day as ever!


End file.
